Reallyconfusedheart Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I been living with my long time BF now for 1yr and half after dating for 4 yrs on and off (1yr off due to restraining order). I knew him having a bad mouth(most of the time disrespectful) and usually short tempered but I accepted him as it is. However, lately, I find myself the number1 thing that's bothering me is HIS SWEARING (idiot,stupid,****u,etc) and that is getting into my nerves now. I love him but I don't know if I still can continue putting up with his bad mouth. He is honestly brutal, good looking, helped me when I got hospitalized, he's always there when I need him most and doesn't cheat. He is single, no kids and has enough money. He even subtly mentioning about marriage lately (tho' not pr0posing yet) I know nobody is perfect but where do I draw the line? How do I know if I can really put up with him when it is bothering me lately? I am turning 39 soon and I'm afraid would not be able to find someone again. Please anyone help me decide. It would be appreciated. Tnx in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I been living with my long time BF now for 1yr and half after dating for 4 yrs on and off (1yr off due to restraining order). Wait. What? You had a restraining order on this guy for a whole year and you're still with him and considering a future with him? You think it was some kind of superhuman feat he performed just because he 'helped' you when you were in the hospital? I don't think you even realize how LOW you've allowed your expectations to get in order to be with this miscreant. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Better get used to it. It's part of who he is. Link to post Share on other sites
berniev Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 "Restraining order." Enough said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Welcome to LS. What's different now from when the restraining order was in place? Since you're 39, if he's anywhere close in age, his temperament and communication style is completely formed and, absent any life-altering events, it is likely to remain so throughout his natural life. If he swears a lot now, he'll be swearing a lot as a grandpa if that ever happens to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I knew him having a bad mouth(most of the time disrespectful) and usually short tempered but I accepted him as it is. However, lately, I find myself the number1 thing that's bothering me is HIS SWEARING (idiot,stupid,****u,etc) and that is getting into my nerves now. I love him but I don't know if I still can continue putting up with his bad mouth. Brings to mind the old saying that men marry women hoping they'll never change. Women marry men... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reallyconfusedheart Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Welcome to LS. What's different now from when the restraining order was in place? Since you're 39, if he's anywhere close in age, his temperament and communication style is completely formed and, absent any life-altering events, it is likely to remain so throughout his natural life. If he swears a lot now, he'll be swearing a lot as a grandpa if that ever happens to him. He has grown a lot after that. He is better as a person except the swearing. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 He has grown a lot after that. He is better as a person except the swearing. Thanks. I swear all the f*cking time, except when I'm with the wife and/or kids, and even then I slip periodically. "Sorry son, I shouldn't have said that in front of you and I apologize." "I'm telling mom." But I never swear at them, or really at anybody except maybe in traffic. Swearing at people I love would clearly be abuse in my book. So are we talking about swearing in general, or swearing that's directed at you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Gorilla Theater beat me to it, there's a difference between swearing and then swearing AT you. I have a terrible mouth, and to this day my mother still yells at me. The difference is, I never swear at people. If he is calling you swear words and disrespectful names, that's verbal and emotional abuse. I suggest you carefully consider marriage proposals because abuse usually doesn't go down, it goes up. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Icould handle it every blue moon but both are a total turn off for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Actually, I'm gonna disagree with others who say accept it. I curse like a drunken sailor, but my wife finally got on my case about it around a year ago, and I'm trying to change. It was really upsetting her, as she's from a culture that doesn't encourage the use of foul language. At first I was somewhat defensive about it: "What? It's just lettin' off steam." But when you dig deeper, the letting off steam part is actually symptomatic of anger control issues. I'm not saying that people who swear are abusers or prone to violence or anything like that. But when you think about it, swearing is a form of aggression. It's aggressive behavior through speech, which people often dismiss because it's not physical, but it's still aggression. I didn't want to accept that about myself, but it was probably true on some level, and my wife gets credit for helping me see this in myself. I have tried to cut back on the swearing - at least the swearing that I do in front of her. And surprisingly, I think it's made me somewhat less aggressive in other ways. I think this is an especially significant point considering the OP mentioned something about a restraining order. I think she should just be honest and tell her guy that swearing makes her feel uncomfortable, and why. "I really wish you wouldn't swear. I think it's aggressive and it makes me uncomfortable. Can you try to modify that behavior a little?" That's probably all that needs to be said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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