Hell broke loose when I cheater w/ my Ex whom I thought would be a fling.

[teebee]

I went to New Jersey after work on Friday I meet up with my Ex for dinner because he was leaving for China for work. I had a round trip ticket and will be going home right after to be with my boy friend. We kept talking and catching up about our old friends and I ended up staying over his place after the bar. We went shopping and I brought my boyfriend a "Peter Gabriel's Video DVD" just for him, so he would be happy. My boyfriend was calling me and I had missed his calls several times because it was on vibrate. When I called him back he had called me out on where I had been. I told him "Yes" that I indeed was "bad". He then told me that he'll call me back, I think he was trying to take it in. He then called me back to meet me and that I should have to give him $100 back that I owed him from vacation. I didn't know we were keeping track on money, but who cares I met him and handed him the money. Instead of fixing things then and there I ended up running away right after crying a river.

It has been 1 week now that this incidents has happened.

 

He did call me on Monday to ask how I was doing and that he was watching "24, Jack" a show we use to watch together all the time. I love him so much I don't know what to do. On Thursday I had gone out to his friends party to grab a quick drink and to meet my girl friends somewhere else.

 

Friday I decided to order flowers to his job sign "I love you". He called me back to say that If I want to get back together that I have to give him space and not attend his friends parties and getting wasted. I told him "Sure np, very fair and understanding". We talked a little more but he is still mixed and confused so I won't want to push it. I asked myself "Why did I go to NJ to see my EX" over & over again. It feels like I was sincere enough to tell my bf the truth because he had told me that if I tell him the truth there might be a chance of reconcile. I always been true to him until this act. We cook dinner together, we do laundry and fun normal couple things, now that's all out the window.

 

Although it's been 1 week only I really want to see him in person so we can just look at each and I can tell him that I will change. Being that he is a DJ I had adjusted my lifestyle for him, dealing with the 10-4am parties etc. I'm 28 and he's 25 and occasionally he does drugs at these parties. Drugs are not my style and it frightens me because I don't do that stuff. His MySpace.com website which he posted our photos are now all taking down and new ones of his friends and girls are replaced. He had changed his status to single.

 

My dad has lung Cancer and my relationship with my dad is not well too. We are not close because he is mean to me. Works been extremely busy and I'm falling behind recently on my work. I don't want to give up because I care about him, I will give him space and be here waiting for him when he is ready. Hopefully he will not give up on me if we both really love each other. Please let me know if there is anything I missed so I can mend this diaster.

I'm opened to as many suggestions.

Thank you

Teebee

[HoldOn]

I'm sorry, I don't quite understand what you did with the ex. Did you sleep with him?

[teebee]

I did but there was no kissing, holding or anything real. Honestly just a quick fix like getting high. It meant nothing to me, now I'm just broken and torn inside because I miss my boyfriend so much.

[HoldOn]

Welllll,

 

I know that a lot of people would not take a person back after cheating, but some do.

 

Obviously you have to prove that you won't do it again, but how can you do that? I'm not sure. What made you do it this time. And what will stop you next time?

 

This is why some people just can't be friends with their Ex. You put yourself in this position and you cheated.

 

Maybe someone else who has been through this will have some advice....

 

Sorry I can't help more.

[teebee]

Hmmm I spent 1/2 hour at the book store trying to gather books on how I can gain his trust again. People started looking at me and they were getting ready to close the store. So I just browse quickly. A lot of them do say to follow your heart and choose wisely. There was one chapter about revenge and that one pissed me off big time. Then there was one about forgiveness and how people will live in a happier environment if they can forgive and just be friends. This goes back to jacob and Ezra in the bible how they held a grudge etc. Then later was able to have forgiveness. One book mentioned that people shouldn't wait too long and that the problem should be resolve as soon as possible.

I'm just so mixed up. I mean I have stuff still at his apartment, I really hope he doesn't throw them away. Note* I'm still going to wait and see.