Is it possible to be obsessed with someone without having feelings??

[Confusedchica]

I'm posting this because I'm VERY confused and I REALLY want some insight and outside opinions....

 

A very close guy friend of mine was seeing this girl for 2 years. He's very adamant that they were never together officially and that she is crazy and obsessed with him. I was always very skeptical about how "crazy" she is because he kept her around for 2 years so if she was THAT bad why even bother for so long??

 

A month ago they had a VERY bad argument and they currently don't speak to eachother. He tells everyone that we know that she's crazy and needs help. He makes her out to be a stalker basically. Ppl believe it and a handful of ppl don't want to associate with her anymore. I myself (up until now) believed it 100%. I mean I do know for a fact that she's head over heels in love with him.

 

That all changed when I noticed some disturbing things. First thing, he's never actually blocked her on ANYTHING. Not her phone number or ANY social media site. Now I have seen where she texts him back to back but he responds to her and doesnt make an attempt to block her or anything. The second thing that really bothered me is that HE obssesively looks at pics of her on her social media . At one point he did it so much that it was all day. I would notice him doing it if I was around him and I was always so confused!! She's a very very beautiful girl so I figured maybe he just likes to look at her. (Trust me I've always tried to give him ANY excuse). Then I noticed that SHE blocked HIM on everything. Her family contacted him telling him to leave her alone and he said he doesn't need anyone telling him how to run his life. He kind of slipped up and said that she blocked him on her social media and his phone number. I still didn't get what was going on here at all.

 

So we were all at a night club a few weeks ago and she was there. EVERYTIME she would engage in any conversation with someone (even just her female friends) he would stare at her. To the point where it was obvious!! Some how they got into an argument and she texted him to leave her alone she said "I don't want to be with you and I never will!!" And he threatened to get a restraining order on her ( which makes no sense). I was in the car with him when they were on the phone. He kept saying to her "I'm asking you to leave me alone" prob only because I was there. But I was confused if she's saying she doesn't want to be with you why is your response that ur getting a restraining order?? So about 2 days ago we were all at a bar and of course she was there with her buddies. He was making snide remarks to her and I'm SURE she heard him but she didn't say anything I saw him a few times go stand near where she was or purposely try to cross paths with her. A little later in the night we were all trying to squeeze through a crowd of ppl. She's VERY tiny so she was having a hard time. I SAW him say to her "just try to squeeze through or you'll never make it" and she didn't say anything but she did what he said and then he went and got her purse and everything for her but she didn't say one word and it's probably because she was confused as well!!

 

I'm so thrown off by his actions it's like he says she's bothering him but I don't see her doing anything. And why would you go out of your way to talk to someone who you want a restraining order against!! And why on earth would you look at pics of that person everyday if u don't want them to even talk to u!! He saves everything she has sent him to use as "evidence" for a restraining order. One picture he saved were messages from her but in the background you can see a pic of her face like he already was browsing through her pics when she was messaging him and the messages she sent only said leave her alone. I feel like my best friend is lying to me or maybe he doesn't want to admit that he cares for her because he trashed her name to everyone. Or maybe HE actually is the one obsessed and doesn't want to admit it idk but I just feel bad for the girl because he's trying to ruin her life and I just don't understand it. I wanna confront him but I know he'll get defensive and maybe not talk to me anymore but I just want to help him if he wants to be with her I feel he should be honest. Or maybe realize that he himself has some obsession with her without having feelings idk I just feel so weird about my friend right now. I feel like he is sick or something idk like maybe in deep denial.

[smackie9]

Yup he is obsessed, and obsessed people can be aggressive towards the object of their desire in a negative way just to get some of their attention. If they don't get the attention they want, they can get evil and say bad things about them for being rejected.

 

Is it a sickness? yes it can be. He's a guy, he never wants to show weakness, that's why he puts up this front that he hates her, and adds more bs to back up his story. He is trying to hide the fact he is obsessing over her.

 

I'm not sure what your dynamic is with him, but if you want to help him, he could use an intervention. You and maybe another close friend need to confront him about this before it turns into a police matter with him being charged for stalking and harassment.

 

Just tell him what you know, and there is no point in lying about it.....be firm, be hard.

[Confusedchica]

Yup he is obsessed, and obsessed people can be aggressive towards the object of their desire in a negative way just to get some of their attention. If they don't get the attention they want, they can get evil and say bad things about them for being rejected.

 

Is it a sickness? yes it can be. He's a guy, he never wants to show weakness, that's why he puts up this front that he hates her, and adds more bs to back up his story. He is trying to hide the fact he is obsessing over her.

 

I'm not sure what your dynamic is with him, but if you want to help him, he could use an intervention. You and maybe another close friend need to confront him about this before it turns into a police matter with him being charged for stalking and harassment.

 

Just tell him what you know, and there is no point in lying about it.....be firm, be hard.

 

We are close friends. Im gonna have to just be firm with him I guess. I'm thinking the same thing you're saying but the only thing that doesn't add up is that he had a chance to be with her. She is in love with him and I know at one point she really wanted to be with him so why not just be with her?? That's what's making me concerned about what he's doing

[smackie9]

Maybe he is very insecure.....