Calidude6 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 If I want a second chance with my ex who I've dated for 2 years, why is NC the best answer? I don't really talk to my ex at all but there are days I wanna talk to her or let her know I still love her but I don't, I just keep to the NC but all it does is makes me miss her a lot. Idk what to do that's best for me and best of what I want in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 You can't force her to change her mind buddy. I don't really know your story so some more info would help, but in most peoples cases NC works because it is the best of both worlds. It gives you the chance to really speed up your healing, move on and eventually settle your emotions towards your ex (feel indifferent) and also allows her to see what life is like without you, and giving you the chance to have control over the situation IF she does decide to approach you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Calidude6 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 You can't force her to change her mind buddy. I don't really know your story so some more info would help, but in most peoples cases NC works because it is the best of both worlds. It gives you the chance to really speed up your healing, move on and eventually settle your emotions towards your ex (feel indifferent) and also allows her to see what life is like without you, and giving you the chance to have control over the situation IF she does decide to approach you. I'm not trying to force her cause I don't want to force anything. I just want her to know my feelings haven't gone away. We dated for 2 years and it's been 4 months since we broke and I seem to be still in love but I guess not for her. She must enjoy life more without me if she didn't want to give us a second chance. That hurts to think she's happier without me. Oh well life goes on but I just wanted to tell her how I feel but I won't 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 If she broke up with you knowing that you did not want this to happen, ofcourse she knows how you feel. Talking to her about it won't change how she feels for you, it will either make her feel guilty and put up a defence and possibly hurt you more, or will stroke her ego and make her feel better that you are still pining over her. We have no idea what will happen in the future, for now it's about YOU and your healing. Surely she will be feeling better than you are as you're the dumpee, but that does NOT mean she is 'happy', we tend to think our ex's who dumped us are having the time of their lives when they are just human and probably going through the same $hit that people go through daily. Strict NC bro, you can do it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Calidude6 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 If she broke up with you knowing that you did not want this to happen, ofcourse she knows how you feel. Talking to her about it won't change how she feels for you, it will either make her feel guilty and put up a defence and possibly hurt you more, or will stroke her ego and make her feel better that you are still pining over her. We have no idea what will happen in the future, for now it's about YOU and your healing. Surely she will be feeling better than you are as you're the dumpee, but that does NOT mean she is 'happy', we tend to think our ex's who dumped us are having the time of their lives when they are just human and probably going through the same $hit that people go through daily. Strict NC bro, you can do it. Thanks man, I appreciate it. Stopping me from doing stupid cause I almost wanted to tell her sister instead but that wouldn't be a good idea at all. I'll stick with NC and see what the future holds 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I feel you bro, don't do it. You're still in early stages of hence why you feel that way. Haha, I remember the first couple weeks after she broke up with me I felt like messaging her sister, her mother, her brother asking WHAT THE F**K was going on (as they were pretty close to me), but it only looks pathetic and they will not give you any answers you're looking for. Chin up buddy, have a good day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Yumm nailed it! It's very hard to stay NC. I was able to by reminding myself that she kicked me to the curb and said "I don't want you in my life anymore".. My pride was WAY more important to me than to contact her again, looking pathetic, needy and clingy. In your case, it's been 4 months now. Do you feel like you can date again? If so, go find someone new who won't end it with you. There are so many single women out there. Think of it this way, right now your next great love is out there living her life. How exciting for you to meet up with her. People have the right to end relationships. We've all done it. As the dumped, we have to accept it, pick ourselves back up and move onto someone that we are more compatible with. Right now, there's ZERO reason to ever contact her again. She ended it. You having any contact with her will only push her away further. Do you want to stroke her ego and her then to contact all her friends and tell them how pathetic you are? The only time a dumper ever contacts the dumped again is if the dumped vanish from their lives. The dumper will date, maybe have a rebound relationship again. If things don't work out and the dumped have shown strong self esteem and pride in themselves, the dumped sometimes reappears for the security of the previous relationship. The sad truth is the reconciliations rarely work or last which is why you need to find someone new. My last ex dumped me. I VANISHED from her life. A few months later I started dating cause sitting home alone, thinking about someone who didn't want me in their life wasn't helping me move forward. I met my now almost 2 year GF who lives w/me a few months after the ex ended us. Guess what, 5.5 months later, the ex did start contacting me, apologizing, begging for another chance. It was too late. I was w/my new GF and was happy. BTW, the ex did exactly what I described above. She dated, had a short relationship that was a disaster and a week after that ended, she came back trying to get me back w/her. You'll be fine. Stay NC and keeping moving forward. Date when you're up to it. Nothing will improve your mood and confidence than to spend time with the opposite sex again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Has she communicated to you that she is not interested and never will be again? Sometimes we look back at our relationships with rose covered glasses thinking things were better than they really were. Are you sure you are in love with her or are you simply struggling with loneliness? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 My advice... If you miss talking to her and attempt contact,she will not have the chance to miss you. I'm not saying she's coming back,but "How can you miss something if it won't go away?" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Calidude6 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Has she communicated to you that she is not interested and never will be again? Sometimes we look back at our relationships with rose covered glasses thinking things were better than they really were. Are you sure you are in love with her or are you simply struggling with loneliness? The last thing she said to me was happy birthday and hope I have an amazing day. She might be in a rebound relationship right now but I'm not sure. Idk why but we never know the real reasons why people dump us but we know some what of the reasons. For me, it was really unexpected as I didn't see it coming. We talked about marriage so i want to know the real reason for it but I'll never ask it. I believe I'm still in love with her and care for her. I miss her in my life because after we broke up I eventually talked to other girls, went on dates and they just doesn't satisfied me because my heart is with my ex. I do feel the loneliness though at times. It has gotten better but I still feel it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Calidude6 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 My advice... If you miss talking to her and attempt contact,she will not have the chance to miss you. I'm not saying she's coming back,but "How can you miss something if it won't go away?" True and I stopped talking to her. I talked like a once a month with her for the first 3 months, I didn't smother her but let her know how I felt and needed closure. At the end of the day, I tried to save the relationship and she didn't so when I look back, I'll be happy that I tried and she might think of what if. Who knows but I won't contact her Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 NC isn't a strategy for making someone want you. It's a tool for healing, that can be helpful, because it prevents distraction and further hurt. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 True and I stopped talking to her. I talked like a once a month with her for the first 3 months, I didn't smother her but let her know how I felt and needed closure. At the end of the day, I tried to save the relationship and she didn't so when I look back, I'll be happy that I tried and she might think of what if. Who knows but I won't contact her I got that quote from a beer koozie, I bought after my divorce. It was nice drinking,on my new boat,after I ditched that wacko! It get's better and life goes on, my man! Just focus 100% on yourself,friends,family and whatever passions you have in life.. She doesen't and has never defined you..That's on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I understand what you are saying, and I also agree with Satu very much. NC is a tool that you use for your own long-term healing. Some people think that you just pull NC out and use it as the "cure-all" for any relationship issue. If she is in a relationship with another guy think long and hard before reaching out. You don't want to do to another person what you wouldn't want them to do to you (encourage cheating). There are many avenues available, however, in today's social media world to reach out with an innocent "hello...just checking in" kind of message. That puts the ball in her court and gives her an excuse to respond. These things are never as "cut and dry" as some people want to make them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Calidude6 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 I understand what you are saying, and I also agree with Satu very much. NC is a tool that you use for your own long-term healing. Some people think that you just pull NC out and use it as the "cure-all" for any relationship issue. If she is in a relationship with another guy think long and hard before reaching out. You don't want to do to another person what you wouldn't want them to do to you (encourage cheating). There are many avenues available, however, in today's social media world to reach out with an innocent "hello...just checking in" kind of message. That puts the ball in her court and gives her an excuse to respond. These things are never as "cut and dry" as some people want to make them. One reason why I want to contact her is because I just want to talk to talk to her as I miss that. In the relationship, she became my best friend who I trusted with anything I told her. However, I don't want to push her any further than she might be and I don't want to cause another heart ache by only getting so little of a response. So I guess it is best for NC for myself since every one says NC is best. I can't force anyone to do anything nor do I want to, rather have it be natural. I just feel I'm the main reason for this break up and that sucks feeling I had the chance to make sure this doesn't happen and that hurts. But that's life and we learn. If it's meant to be, I guess we'll find each other again. Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 You MAY find eachother again, but you must not hope for that, as it won't let you move on. You move on thinking that you will NOT be together, and whatever happens in the future will happen, and you'll hopefully be in control of your emotions by then. Link to post Share on other sites
MrWhite Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 After time, you will figure out why NC is\was the best route. It is not clear and you do not understand it now. In the future, you will. Do not be another "I broke contact, going back to NC" poster.... Link to post Share on other sites
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