Gone psycho

[still_an_Angel]

I really hope you find the strength to completely walk away from all that MM WAS in your life. Put him and his family firmly in the closed chapter of your book, you don't need them in your life. I can only imagine how hard that could be as I do not walk your shoes, but this is your life, don't let them affect you this way, specially since its to your disadvantage. Stop giving them the power to make your life miserable.

 

 

Chin up Solo, you have work to do, you can be happy again, you just need to find your way back to you.

 

 

((hugs))

[almond]

I really hope you get the help you so desperately need, for not only yourself, but for your son and those that care for you.

 

Please reach out to the people that love you, and get them to help you seek out professional services that can help you. A good psychiatrist and psychologist will go a long way if you put in the effort and commit to getting better. AA or another similar program may be worth looking into also.

 

Everything that is happening now are just symptoms of deeper issues that you need to address ASAP.

 

You don't need to live like this. Get all the help that you have access to <3

[Susmay]

I'm a BW and shortly after D-day I received a message from the OW saying she was sorry for everything she'd done to my family and hers and saying she wished she were dead and that she was the one who deserved to be dead rather than her own BH who had died.

 

I was in enormous pain myself, but nevertheless replied to her telling her that she didn't deserve death for what she'd done. My WH saw the message I sent, and said it was very kind. However I have to confess (years later and only to LS) to not being entirely sincere about this, as if someone deserved to die it wasn't any of the 3 BSs involved in the mess.

 

I'm saying this because I don't believe it's in your best interests to be telling MM's family about any suicide thoughts or attempts. Likely they won't be quite as upset about the thought, as if you were someone who hadn't had an A with their husband and father. If they are nice people they will say things such as I did, or that they will pray for you. If they are not so nice they might do a lot worse...

[solostand]

Thanks for your support guys.

MM doesn't know about the suicide attempt and I have had no contact with him or his family for 10 days now.

 

My son is a different story. He is still in the anger phase of what happened. He can't understand why I would try to kill myself before he even had grandchildren for me.

 

To clarify, I was very drunk when I tried suicide but I was dead serious at the time. I thought I took enough pills (more than 100) to do the job. I was shocked when woke up (barely) the next morning. I couldn't walk or function, but I was alive. I now think that means I am meant to live.

[lgspot]

Thanks for your support guys.

MM doesn't know about the suicide attempt and I have had no contact with him or his family for 10 days now.

 

My son is a different story. He is still in the anger phase of what happened. He can't understand why I would try to kill myself before he even had grandchildren for me.

 

To clarify, I was very drunk when I tried suicide but I was dead serious at the time. I thought I took enough pills (more than 100) to do the job. I was shocked when woke up (barely) the next morning. I couldn't walk or function, but I was alive. I now think that means I am meant to live.

Yes. YOU ARE NEANT TO LIVE!!!

And live well without MM...

Enjoy those grandkids when they come.

[waterwoman]

I now think that means I am meant to live.

 

Yes, you are meant to live. At the very least to prove to yourself that there is a good life out there for you when you are passed all this mess and pain. I agree with hope, you are brave to post this. I think you can be a brave woman in general and you will get through. Cherish your son and let him cherish you. His anger might be alarming now but it shows how much he cares for you x

[Bittersweetie]

Solo,

 

I am sorry and hope you are doing a little better today. I agree with some PP who suggested inpatient treatment. Not because you are "psycho" but because you need to truly focus on yourself and your health 100%, no distractions. If not for yourself then for your son, who obviously cares about you or else he wouldn't be so angry. For your future grandchild.

 

Sending positive thoughts to you,

BSW

[ladydesigner]

(((solostand))) please get some help for yourself and truly expunge this MM from your system. Do not take any more calls from the daughter, MM, or his BS.

 

If you can I would try to see this as a death and move on from it for your sake. No one is worth a suicide attempt. Be brave and strong for your son.

 

I too wanted to die when I discovered my WH's A and many broken NC's. I too attempted suicide. What really helped me was the inpatient therapy or outpatient if you cannot do the inpatient. Their resources and help are a godsend.

 

Please solostand get away from this situation as it is becoming toxic to you.

[Satu]

Life should never, ever, be about just one person.

 

We all have more than one person to consider.

[solostand]

I am feeling a bit better today and I have to say your kind responses have brought tears to my eyes. I was truly afraid I was going to get slaughtered on here when I first posted, but I had to get it out. Although my ex husband and my son know about my suicide attempt, neither know that the MM was the catalyst for it. Or at least was in my drunken stupor (12 beers, 100 plus pills, probably 150 pills).

I know I should have gotten inpatient treatment. My son was going to call the police for it. But I have just started this job and don't have health benefits yet. I muddled through a terrible two weeks of personal recovery with only one person knowing - my son, and I made him promise not to tell anyone. I should have been in hospital.I was covered with bruises from falling down the next day (I don't remember much of the next day except that when I tried to walk I fell down). But I begged him not to call the police and he reluctantly didn't. I have no doubt that if he even had a sniff that I was feeling suicidal again I would be committed immediatly.

I am trying to put MM into perspective. For some reason he had become larger in my mind since I've moved. Probably because I'm in a new place and somewhat lonely.

Anyway, thanks for your support.

[Satu]

I'm very glad that you're feeling better. That's what everyone here was hoping for.

 

Keep in touch. There's always someone here.

 

Be well, and take care.

[solostand]

What made me feel terrible was I felt like I was turning into that woman from Fatal Attraction! The texts with his daughter were terrible - she accused me of being a cocaine addict (I never even saw cocaine in my life) and I told her her father said terrible things about her mother (which he did). When I talked to the BS, she asked me what terrible things he said about her. I didn't have the heart to tell her. I told her a couple of things, but not the terrible things.

I'm sure they all think I'm a crazy bitch.

[3blindmice]

The main thing you need to realize is you want to live.

 

I took a hundred pills when I was 12 and when I was woke up the next day, I was surprised to be alive. I don't remember anything from that day except sitting on the steps outside of my school. Nobody ever figured out what I did so I must have acted normal in class.

 

I hadn't learned anything from that and a few months later I tried again to kill myself. But that time I came to my senses and realized I wanted to live no matter what life throws at me. I made myself throw up and never told anybody what I did. Life has not been easy but I have never wanted to kill myself again.

 

So you need to tell yourself that you do not want to die and don't ever try to kill yourself again.

[truncated]

I am feeling a bit better today and I have to say your kind responses have brought tears to my eyes. I was truly afraid I was going to get slaughtered on here when I first posted, but I had to get it out. Although my ex husband and my son know about my suicide attempt, neither know that the MM was the catalyst for it. Or at least was in my drunken stupor (12 beers, 100 plus pills, probably 150 pills).

I know I should have gotten inpatient treatment. My son was going to call the police for it. But I have just started this job and don't have health benefits yet. I muddled through a terrible two weeks of personal recovery with only one person knowing - my son, and I made him promise not to tell anyone. I should have been in hospital.I was covered with bruises from falling down the next day (I don't remember much of the next day except that when I tried to walk I fell down). But I begged him not to call the police and he reluctantly didn't. I have no doubt that if he even had a sniff that I was feeling suicidal again I would be committed immediatly.

I am trying to put MM into perspective. For some reason he had become larger in my mind since I've moved. Probably because I'm in a new place and somewhat lonely.

Anyway, thanks for your support.

 

 

OP,

you don't need to have extended health coverage to get inpatient mental health treatment. If you have self harmed, it would be considered self harm and it would be covered by the province. No wait times.

 

You DO NOT pay for inpatient mental health treatment in Canada. If you are using that as a reason to not ask for help, don't.

[solostand]

No, its just that I have three months probation on my job, and of course they could let me go for any reason during that time.

[Satu]

No, its just that I have three months probation on my job, and of course they could let me go for any reason during that time.

 

 

This is something I put together for myself, but some of it might be useful to you.

 

 

1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres a day for a female.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep, just lie down.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

[Dutchman1]

Hi Solostand,

I did read all that you wrote, I feel sorry for the cards you have been delt.

It's good that you're still here, and you have been blessed with your son, and your exH.

Hope you recover, I had my fair share of ache, but being a granddad of 5 grandkids it's one of the most amazing things I have experienced.

 

 

Top 4 is 1. found my wife and very much in love after 37 years.

2. being a husband of my wife.

3. being a dad to two boys.

4. Being a granddad, and see them grow up.

 

 

Solostand, keep it together, Beers don't change reality, they only make you fat. Trust the people who care for you, and that is not MM, but your family and yourself, do what is on the label of pill bottles: do not open and keep stored away safely.

 

 

Huggs

 

 

Dutchman 1

[still_an_Angel]

Please block his daughter Solo, she has done nothing but push your buttons and this is to your disadvantage. She is not important in your life so stop giving her that power to affect you.

[solostand]

She's blocked in every way.

[whichwayisup]

She's blocked in every way.

 

Good. No point in reading anything she has to say. Or his wife, or even him! If need be, change your cell number too. Create a new facebook account, use your middle name, make your friends list so only you can see it and don't use a photo of yourself as a profile picture.

 

Look into finding a therapist you can trust and open up to. Time to be completely honest with someone who can help get you back to a place where you can be happy, healthy and at peace.

[beach]

Solo - I hope you are doing ok today.

 

Are you participating in your sobriety? Going to meetings? Seeing a counselor to sift through the wreckage of why you drink?

 

I am praying to you today.

[solostand]

This may sound like an excuse, but where I live there are only AA meetings once a week at 8 p.m. I currently live out of town and usually am in bed by 7. However, I am moving into town next week and will be just feet from AA meetings so I plan to start attending again.

If I wasn't drunk I wouldn't have a. engaged with MMs daughter in such a terrible way; b. phoned his wife; c. tried to kill myself. Although I was dead serious when I did it, I did it very much under the influence.

I'm still feeling pretty down. Life seems kind of overwhelming right now. I have to move and I'm all by myself and have no one to help me. My son is not currently speaking to me because I tried to kill myself. He also lives in another province. I know I sound like a pity party but at least I don't have any urges to contact MM or his family.

Today I am having disturbing pains in the area of my liver. This could be due to the fact that I may have damaged it from taking 100 tylenol with codeine. I really should have seen a doctor but I was afraid I would be committed.

[lollipopspot]

Today I am having disturbing pains in the area of my liver. This could be due to the fact that I may have damaged it from taking 100 tylenol with codeine. I really should have seen a doctor but I was afraid I would be committed.

 

How in the world did you survive that? Did you vomit?

 

Look, I don't think you would be committed at this point, since the immediate danger to yourself has passed. I think you might best see a doctor now and get checked out. I'm concerned for you.

[solostand]

I did not vomit. I also took 60 tranquilizers. I have no idea how I survived.

[Mount]

I can't believe you even had not gone to doctor yet, I never saw anyone dislike/hate herself that much before.

 

 

You don't even love yourself, how can you expect your exMM, or anyone would have a drop of love for you.

 

 

You need to start to learn how to love yourself first. That is essential. The consequence of the pill you took would leads to deadly impact in your body, for sure. But that is the self-destruction path you are looking for, I guess you have it now.

 

 

 

 

This may sound like an excuse, but where I live there are only AA meetings once a week at 8 p.m. I currently live out of town and usually am in bed by 7. However, I am moving into town next week and will be just feet from AA meetings so I plan to start attending again.

If I wasn't drunk I wouldn't have a. engaged with MMs daughter in such a terrible way; b. phoned his wife; c. tried to kill myself. Although I was dead serious when I did it, I did it very much under the influence.

I'm still feeling pretty down. Life seems kind of overwhelming right now. I have to move and I'm all by myself and have no one to help me. My son is not currently speaking to me because I tried to kill myself. He also lives in another province. I know I sound like a pity party but at least I don't have any urges to contact MM or his family.

Today I am having disturbing pains in the area of my liver. This could be due to the fact that I may have damaged it from taking 100 tylenol with codeine. I really should have seen a doctor but I was afraid I would be committed.