Is this setting me back or not?

[Yummm]

Hi all

 

I have a quick question for you guys, some advice would be appreciated.

 

For those who don't know, here's my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated

 

TL;DR - I'm 7 weeks post BU of my 'first love' that lasted just over 3 months. I was blind-sided, thought things were genuinely great and was lead to believe so. The breakup came as such a shock with many unanswered questions. I have been given a few breadcrumbs but have been sticking to strict NC for the past few weeks.

 

My question is:

 

Is bumping into my ex regularly setting me back and breaking NC?

 

My ex works 2 minutes from me, and since the breakup, we have been bumping into eachother alot, on the street, driving past etc. Brief eye contact is always made and that's all, no speaking no interaction.

 

A few weeks ago, my ex was driving past my house waving, driving past my workplace and it was very painful, so i purposely left to work earlier, leave to lunch later to heal but I STILL manage to bump into her. Everytime I do, my heart drops a little bit, although it seems less and less each time I do.

 

Before we met, we both went to some young professional networking event that took place every week, it was fantastic, helped with my career and networking... but I stopped going once she broke up with me because it would be too fresh and painful to be there.

 

I really want to head back there, as I know alot of friends who go there and meet new girls.

 

I will be going on a lovely holiday in a couple weeks for 3.5 weeks which I can't wait for and will hopefully be feeling alot better when I get back. I plan to start going back to this event when I return (mid august).

 

Is this a good idea? Is bumping into her regularly setting me back and breaking NC? Or is it actually preparing me for going back to this event without feeling $hitty that she is there? I can't hide forever, I enjoyed this event and there is only one like this where I live, it's very local to me and will be beneficial for my career and networking.

 

EDIT: Just to add, when I do bump into her, I don't get overwhelmed with sadness and self pity wishing I was with her like I used to when she first broke up with me, I just get a little heartsink, perhaps feel a little ****ty for a couple of minutes and then it passes.

 

Thank you!

Edited June 26, 2015 by Yummm
More thought

[na49]

That's a tough spot.. I don't think that seeing her "helps you", but it's really up to you whether it sets you back or not. If the pain is still too fresh, then it's a good idea to avoid.

 

If seeing your ex is the hurdle you need to jump over to better yourself, maybe it's worth it to go. I think you were smart for not going right after the breakup, but your life has to go on at some point. Once you're in a place where you can see her as "a girl I used to date" and not "the love of my life" I think it's a big step.

 

Also just accept that you'll feel sh*tty for a little while when you see her. I don't know if that ever goes away honestly. You'll always remember her for who she was to you, and that'll always bring up feelings.

[Yummm]

Thanks for your help buddy!

 

Like I said, I don't feel miserable whenever I see her, it's just a small heart sink and awkwardness, then it goes away. I don't see her as 'the love of my life' anymore, I care for her, but I don't want to be with her, when I see her it's just like an awkward 'ah well' instead of 'aww i want to be with her'.

 

I'm not too sure if it's setting me back, but I don't know if it's putting a burden on my healing, just pretty confused :/

 

I guess I'm just scared of what i'll feel when I go back to this event. I know life goes on and I can't hide forever, but I haven't yet been in a room with her since the breakup, and I know we'll have to eventually make SOME sort of contact when I do see her weekly at this event and I really don't want this to set me back after I come back from a wicked holiday feeling positive.

 

I guess I just have to go for it and see how I feel when I go there.

[RedButton]

I'm in a similar situation. My ex moved into an apartment on the corner of the street I live on after 6 months of no contact. First few times I saw her was like a kick in the gut, but then I decided to just confront it and talk to her.

 

It wasn't as bad as I thought, and now while I still try not to bump into her often, I feel much more confident that if I did I would feel okay about it.

 

It's a bizarre feeling, but I would say just try to live your life as if she wasn't around. Don't change your routine any further that what you are comfortable with, and when you do see her try to be cordial about it as best you can.

 

I think the more you 'get used to it' the easier it will get. It's always going to be tough at first.

[Yummm]

That definitely settles my nerves, thanks for that reply.

 

Anybody else who has experience with this type of situation have any advice?