Odd relationship with a girl not sure what is going on!

[Versacehottie]

Thanks again for your input on the situation, I can't thank you enough because your advice/feedback has REALLY helped me out with this whole situation!

 

I completely agree with the alpha male/insecure line of thought and for that reason I decided not to actually bring it up directly.

 

We actually ended up spending most of the day together yesterday and things went fine just as they had in the past. I did playfully bring up the fact I rescheduled plans with a friends this afternoon to hang with you because you are the hardest person I know to schedule with. She laughed it off and said she wishes she could have seen her "crush" earlier in the week. She also mentioned she had to put more time in at work with a project coming to an end and with her sister in town it was hectic because she rarely sees her.

 

I feel if this is true, its understandable. The first cold streak is the more bizarre one but I am going to just let that one go. I also feel maybe I need to let go of the "is she telling the truth" thinking and just give her the benefit of the doubt until she gives me reason not too like another cold streak etc.

 

Everything about yesterday leads me to believe she is super into me. It was probably the best time together we have spent since I met her. She also caught me off guard by giving me a starbucks gift card because she knows I go there every morning. Her exact words when she gave it to me were "I love my crush and my crush loves starbucks tea so here you go!" I am optimist at this point the waters have calmed, I guess time will only tell.

 

Glad to hear it went so well!! I forgot what the first cold streak was about. I will have to go back and re-read it, but I agree if the waters have calmed, enjoy it. I think she has been truthful and that's not what to be concerned with. Just make sure she is not calling all the shots. I have learned this lesson in my own life the hard way.

 

For example, ok you told her you rescheduled with friends to hang out with her. Ok it's done. Especially if it was this once after a long period of not seeing one another--that could let her know she was special to you and a priority. But be careful of doing it too much. Think one for one. IMO, it would have been better to say, kinda what you said but with one change: I'm so glad that this saturday our schedules finally aligned--you are really are hard to schedule with (teasingly). My wording sucks but then it means your time is just as important as hers and you don't blow off important people in your life (long time trusted friends) to see someone who has yet to prove that she is that to you. In fact, she's been a little bit of a challenge time-wise/flakey-ness so she hasn't earned a spot like this in your life yet. I don't think it's the worst or even harmful at this point but don't overprioritize her. She will pick up on it and not value spending time with you enough.

 

Let's stick with the positive though. Once in a while, this can mean you are spontaneous and caught up in the moment with her and bending to her demands (when she asked if you could make time for her saturday)--so that part is good. Just make sure she sees it like that. And the trick for that is: Not doing it all the time and making sure it matches her level of effort. One for one. She makes an effort, you give one back. If scheduling has been a difficulty, well then her next effort should come in that zone, get it?

 

The key is not to get to see her. The key is to set patterns where if you guys keep dating you will get the relationship you want with someone who interests you and you are attracted to. That's why you need to be diligent about setting up these patterns in the beginning. Sometimes you have to take a step back, not seeing her for just when she is free so you can get what you need and want for the future going forward--someone who respects your time enough to communicate normally with you about it, makes you an reciprocal priority in her life. Ok, don't overthink any of this. All is good. Just be aware and have fun. I'll keep looking for your updates and happy to help ps the starbucks card is cute, means she was thinking of you. love it.

[AJ27k]

Glad to hear it went so well!! I forgot what the first cold streak was about. I will have to go back and re-read it, but I agree if the waters have calmed, enjoy it. I think she has been truthful and that's not what to be concerned with. Just make sure she is not calling all the shots. I have learned this lesson in my own life the hard way.

 

For example, ok you told her you rescheduled with friends to hang out with her. Ok it's done. Especially if it was this once after a long period of not seeing one another--that could let her know she was special to you and a priority. But be careful of doing it too much. Think one for one. IMO, it would have been better to say, kinda what you said but with one change: I'm so glad that this saturday our schedules finally aligned--you are really are hard to schedule with (teasingly). My wording sucks but then it means your time is just as important as hers and you don't blow off important people in your life (long time trusted friends) to see someone who has yet to prove that she is that to you. In fact, she's been a little bit of a challenge time-wise/flakey-ness so she hasn't earned a spot like this in your life yet. I don't think it's the worst or even harmful at this point but don't overprioritize her. She will pick up on it and not value spending time with you enough.

 

Let's stick with the positive though. Once in a while, this can mean you are spontaneous and caught up in the moment with her and bending to her demands (when she asked if you could make time for her saturday)--so that part is good. Just make sure she sees it like that. And the trick for that is: Not doing it all the time and making sure it matches her level of effort. One for one. She makes an effort, you give one back. If scheduling has been a difficulty, well then her next effort should come in that zone, get it?

 

The key is not to get to see her. The key is to set patterns where if you guys keep dating you will get the relationship you want with someone who interests you and you are attracted to. That's why you need to be diligent about setting up these patterns in the beginning. Sometimes you have to take a step back, not seeing her for just when she is free so you can get what you need and want for the future going forward--someone who respects your time enough to communicate normally with you about it, makes you an reciprocal priority in her life. Ok, don't overthink any of this. All is good. Just be aware and have fun. I'll keep looking for your updates and happy to help ps the starbucks card is cute, means she was thinking of you. love it.

 

Thanks again and honestly I wasn't thinking about over prioritize affect of what I said but actually this makes perfect sense. I want to get away from her thinking that as it could lead to harmful behavior on her part in the future. Respect on priority in life needs to be two way, I agree its switched more in her court now. Its something to be aware of overtime. Again you really have helped with this situation, providing insight that I have just been too blinded by emotions to see! I never expected this time of quality advice when I posted out of frustration about my situation on here!

 

Yesterday went extremely well, we had plans for the evening and night. I crashed at her apartment and things just feel like they are on cloud 9 again. She gave a baseball hat of my favorite hockey team, it feels a little awkward she is giving me gifts this often but as you mentioned, shows she really is thinking of me when we aren't together. I plan on reciprocating next time we meet up which will be Tuesday! She also wants me to meet her two best friends this week which I feel is a good sign as well.

 

Maybe this is the end to the hot/cold nature of the relationship? I guess time will tell but at least right now, I feel things are stronger than they every have been in the past. The joining her band thing hasn't come up yet, but I think if it does, I will tell her I can't just leave my friends to join hers. Glad I am thinking much more rational on this front. As many suggested, it wouldn't be a wise move.

[AJ27k]

One last update for those who have helped and followed this.

 

We are officially together in a relationship and things have been going excellent. We have been spending good quality time together and we both mutually love each other alot. She is always buying me small gifts, sending me cute love messages and we just enjoy being with each other.

 

I have been trying not to overdo it but seems like we see each other almost everyday and we are constantly planning things to do. Her schedule has toned down and her having the much more free time has really allowed us to come together.

 

I couldn't be more happy that I weathered the strange storm and things have worked out so well. The more we have spent time with each other the more we have realized we have a lot of hobbies and interests in common. This really helps since it seems so easy to plan things to do.

[preraph]

I am busy this weekend so I can't hang out again until monday, I texted her this morning and said we definitely should hang out next week. She texted back saying "definitely but got to see what is going on first"

 

Don't go by what her friend said. If she was into you, she wouldn't have immediately set up an excuse to not see you this week. After all, it is a whole week she has to fit you in and she's giving herself an out already.

 

She probably is into someone else that this friend doesn't know about. Or else she's not into you romantically.

[Versacehottie]

One last update for those who have helped and followed this.

 

We are officially together in a relationship and things have been going excellent. We have been spending good quality time together and we both mutually love each other alot. She is always buying me small gifts, sending me cute love messages and we just enjoy being with each other.

 

I have been trying not to overdo it but seems like we see each other almost everyday and we are constantly planning things to do. Her schedule has toned down and her having the much more free time has really allowed us to come together.

 

I couldn't be more happy that I weathered the strange storm and things have worked out so well. The more we have spent time with each other the more we have realized we have a lot of hobbies and interests in common. This really helps since it seems so easy to plan things to do.

 

Glad to hear it has turned out so well. I spend a lot of my time on here trying to tell people just to balance things more. A lot of people are very cynical and bitter and just say to throw in towel and call the person you love a bad person, etc. Advising to constantly jump to the next as if there exists a perfect person around the corner. Some of the things we deal with are our own patterns and those will follow us around everywhere, to the next person and the next person. If you are "too good" like you, meaning sweet and into the other person before they are quite there yet, that can cause problems. All you have to do (provided the other person really is good) is weather the storm. You learn a lot about yourself in the process which you can take to the next one if you should so need to. Sounds like it's all good here. Really, really glad to hear it.

[damien201]

I am considering telling her this weekend I am 100% on board with replacing there guitar player which means leaving my band just to try and continue this. Is that crazy? Because when I take a step back I think it is but I really feel like I will go through with it and its not a smart decision.

 

Man, don't ever leave a band for a girl.

[nouedis]

I'm in the same predicament as you, my friend

I'm with a girl who's 19 & I 21

She texts me whenever she can because she works over 70+hours a week

Also she has friends she wants to hang with

And she wants to be alone, too since her work gets stressful

So I understand her not wanting to see me, I get that

What I don't get is why you say you want to hang but don't come through

Or I get on snapchat and see you hanging out with other people and you not inform me of the change of plans, you know?

 

Anyway, I deal with it because I like her a lot and we have good chemistry and the love is slowly growing between us. We do long distance (like half an hour).