Missy78 Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 I have been married to my husband for 9 yrs this June. We have 3 beautiful children. Over the years, we have been through a lot. He cheated on me twice before we were married and I let bigons be bigons forgave him, moved on, started over. We got married and all was fine until I was pregnant with our second child. He attempted to cheat on me with my sister, she says he was persueing and he of course says it was him. Since my sister got around at the time and they were both drunk, I didn't know who to believe we are talking about two people who both broke my trust prior to the situation. I swore three strikes your out but I didn't blame anyone and put it out of my mind, I was pregnant and moved on. Over the years he has been caught up in phone sex, I always catch him, I always threaten to leave, but I don't. I am sitting here crying as I write, he always promises me he will never do it again, and he always does, I know its because I let him get away with it. I have always let him look at nudey sights on the web, it doesn't bother me. Recently I was signing onto his laptop and stumbled across a website to meet people, and his profile he set up shocked me so bad I was shaking. He put on there that he was looking for no strings attached sex, always looking to improve on what he has! Then the big shocker he put on his search that he was bi-curious and looking for woman and tv/tg/ts to contact him. I don't know what to do, is he bi-sexual. I haven't confronted him on this yet there have been things in the past that made me wonder. He gets turned on when I play with his ass which is normal. But lately he gets off if I talk dirty about ****ing him in the ass. I dont' know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 His being bi isn't the problem. His chronic cheating is. Cheating is cheating, regardless of gender. You'll have to be firm, and I mean really firm. Tell him that its marriage counseling or divorce. Period. Then you can bring up the issues you have in counseling. If he isn't helping you to work toward fixing these problems in the relationship that have brought to this, then he is helping to destroy it. He isn't going to just altruistically stop cheating. He's going to have to be faced with a brutal choice before he will stop: stop the cheating, work on the issues - or he loses you. You have to be able to follow through though. You may need some individual counseling first to gather the strength you need to force this ultimatum. It won't be easy. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting to heal Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 Worry and doubt will tear you up. His habits with porn, his fishing for sex, and his past should be too much. If you are a faithful, loving person you certainly do not deserve this. About the bi thing. Does he pressure you for anal sex? Lots of guys like to have their butthole played with during the act, but they do not want to hear about them taking it in the butt. This is the age of AIDS. Do you want to risk that? More importantly, why do you feel that you have to live with someone that puts their dick ahead of your heart. I am dealing with my wife's one night stand. See my post about "Wife in mid life crisis, was it a one night stand". I feel like a hypocrite, I have not left. I took a long walk tonight. I am working up the courage to leave. I do not think that I can deal with it anymore. My advice would be-- Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missy78 Posted May 1, 2005 Author Share Posted May 1, 2005 I know that I should be strong and just leave. It's so very hard with three little kids. I am probably making excuses. I am a beautiful, loving, devoted wife and mother, your right I don't deserve this. I have no idea why I punish myself by staying with this man. I appreciate everyones thoughts and support. My heart is becoming so cold for him and he feels it. Adventually someone will come along and sweep me off my feet I'M HOPING!! ... Seriously I have already contacted a counselor I have a lot of work to be done on myself before I could just pick up and be able to mentally make it with the kids. I know nothing is going to happen over night. I'm so sorry about your wife. Did you get up enough strength to leave last night? Have you consulted a marriage counselor? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 I think him declaring himself as bi-curious means pretty clearly that he would like to be sexual with guys. He intends to cheat on you and it's going to be a first-degree cheating. Will you let him get away with it this time? If you're considering divorcing him, save all evidence in case you end up at court. You might start thinking in terms of finances pretty soon. You have three children. Save the page with his profile and if you can get his password, try to have a list of his contacts. Those women might be witnesses if they met in person. With three children and a chetear, I'd say you have pretty good chances to rip him off! Don't think that he will ever change. However, I am not suggesting that you SHOULD divorce. It has to be your own decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missy78 Posted May 1, 2005 Author Share Posted May 1, 2005 Thats so funny because as soon as I saw the sign on and password I printed it out .... I printed out everything he had written on the sight. I have made copies of the recent phone sex trasactions. I also am keeping a journal. ... which I plan to make copies of and when I am strong enough and have enough evidence behind me I will leave him copies of it all. I have somewhere to stay until I can get my feet on the ground. I plan to take him for everything he's got trust me. Thank you for your feedback! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 Make sure you have backup of everything some place where he can't find it, out of the house. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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