infamoussplash Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I am a woman and my ex is too. We split up in 2011. She married someone else in 2014. She approached me in person in June 2014 (three months after getting married) to tell me she still loves me. I told her I loved her too and we agreed we were the love of each others lives. We chose to leave it at that, I thought. Two months later she called me and we talked for two hours. It was good to discuss our relationship mistakes and ask for forgiveness. We again agreed we loved each other but she is married and that's that (she did not want to leave her marriage). I called her in October 2014 to tell her I was moving on and just wanted to let her know. She was not happy but still was staying in her marriage. She approached me in person this month and again tells me she still loves me and I am the love of her life. Again she is not leaving her marriage. I am respecting her marriage and have gone NC since October of last year. What I need help with is why does she keep contacting me to tell me she loves me? If she just wants me to know this... message received, please move on. Is she trying to eat her wedding cake and have me as a backup? What would you do in my situation? Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 who cares. NEXT! Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Its very inappropriate for her to do this, no matter what her reason might be. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Do you mean... who cares why she is contacting me? And by NEXT, do you mean on to the NEXT person to date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Satu, she actually approaches me. What should I say to her the next time she approaches me? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 What do you want? How do you feel about your own life? Thats a worthy topic for consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Satu, she actually approaches me. What should I say to her the next time she approaches me? I would ask her straight out: "What are your intentions towards me?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 I want to live my values and respect her marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 I would ask her straight out: "What are your intentions towards me?" That's actually a great response. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 That's actually a great response. Thanks You're welcome. When I asked: What do you want? How do you feel about your own life? I didn't mean in reference to this situation - I meant it generally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 You're welcome. When I asked: What do you want? How do you feel about your own life? I didn't mean in reference to this situation - I meant it generally. Understood. And good food for thought. I will chew on that a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Understood. And good food for thought. I will chew on that a bit. Welcome to Loveshack 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Welcome to Loveshack Thanks for the welcome. I must compliment you on your grammar, punctuation and spelling... quite refreshing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Why did your ex marry another girl, if you are the love of her life? Link to post Share on other sites
Naturebox Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Why did your ex marry another girl, if you are the love of her life? Bingo. She doesn't love you enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Bingo. She doesn't love you enough. Some people end up in circumstantial marriage. Hell, I bet the majority of people aren't married to the person they loved the most. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Quit telling her that she's the love of your life, this is what keeps her coming back. It's good for her ego to know you're her safety net when things go wrong. Go NC for eternity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Why did your ex marry another girl, if you are the love of her life? As is frequently said here in these posts, it's complicated. To put it very simply, both of us did not realize how much we loved each other until later. By then she was already married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Bingo. She doesn't love you enough. Agreed. Actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Some people end up in circumstantial marriage. Hell, I bet the majority of people aren't married to the person they loved the most. In this situation, the marriage was impulsive, kind of a rebound. But my ex says she loves her wife and her actions say she is staying married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Quit telling her that she's the love of your life, this is what keeps her coming back. It's good for her ego to know you're her safety net when things go wrong. Go NC for eternity. I came to this realization over night. You are totally right. I just want to be prepared for the next time she tracks me down and approaches me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author infamoussplash Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Agreed. Actions speak louder than words. Here is where my head is at now. I want to respect my ex's marriage and live by my values which means NC period. I am prepared to do this. I have done this since October of last year. This last contact (June 2015) was her finding me and approaching me. I want to be prepared to turn her away if this happens again. I am planning to tell her to leave me alone and not contact me. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 She is very confused to say the least. It is obvious that she wants to keep you around in case she decides to get out of her current marriage. BUt what is in it for you???? Waiting around or being "on call?" If you want her when she contacts you again, give her a clear cut choice. Get divorced and be with you or forget she ever knew you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts