women are attracted to men whose feelings are unclear

[grokcahsevol]

I'm currently reading a book and saw this as well

 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110207142623.htm

 

I can't help but think this is untrue.. I asked this question on a few places and many women said not true..

 

What does LS think about this?

[No Limit]

I'd be on my merry way if someone tried games or stringing me along or stuff like that.

[alphamale]

of course women are going to say not true

[elaine567]

I would guess the same is true for males, I see the study only chose women as subjects...

 

Everyone makes up stories in their head about people we meet, if there is a romantic interest and little information, I guess we will fill in the blanks with stuff we want to be there, hence our level of interest increases.

 

The man or woman of mystery has always been an attractive figure.

[casey.lives]

im attracted to someone who grows to love me.. someone who had a secret reveal ... who found ME out, so to speak. NOT A CONFUSED VAGUE MAN!!!!

[No Limit]

of course women are going to say not true

 

I already left 2 guys in the dust who tried to pull "getting her on the hook" off. Is that enough proof or do I have to do a party marathon next weekend?

[endlessabyss]

of course women are going to say not true

 

I was just going to post the same thing.

[PrettyEmily77]

Entirely true.

 

 

Nothing more appealing to any woman (give or take a dozen exceptions at the most) than a guy who doesn't know what he wants and gets you hooked knowing full well his heart isn't in it.

 

 

We (and this is true for all women, obviously) aren't only attracted to them - we go out of our way to seek them out, because we see any half-ass*d guy as ideal partner material.

[Popsicle]

I'm all or nothing, baby.

 

If he doesn't make his feelings clear, I lose mine.

[Phoe]

People who aren't crystal clear with me usually are off my radar... subtleties are often lost on me. If someone is unclear, I will take it as pure disinterest and move along like nothing happened.

 

A man being very straightforward about his intentions with me is very attractive.

[Gloria25]

I don't think this issue/topic is gender specific....

 

No one likes someone who comes on to them too easily/quickly/strong.

 

At the same time if you're too aloof, you may also turn off someone.

 

Gotta strike a balance between the two extremes.

[autumnnight]

I'll fess up.

 

There was a time when that was me. The push-pull or hot-cold or whatever you call it drew me in. However, all it took was one really big humiliating sting, and I realized how crappy that was. Now I'm more of a plain English kind of person. And I don't chase. So the guy who calls/texts like gangbusters and then falls of the face of the earth...he might get a text or two after he goes dark until I "catch on," but after that I'm done too. And if he comes back to go "hot" again, it's too late.

[loverboy69]

People who aren't crystal clear with me usually are off my radar... subtleties are often lost on me. If someone is unclear, I will take it as pure disinterest and move along like nothing happened.

 

A man being very straightforward about his intentions with me is very attractive.

 

That's only because they aren't doing it right.

 

And this age old technique isn't anything new. Men have done this for centuries to some degree and it tends to work only when:

 

a) there is at least some interest on her part (in other words he can't be a total stranger)

b) there are no other men on her radar at the moment

[loverboy69]

I don't think this issue/topic is gender specific....

 

No one likes someone who comes on to them too easily/quickly/strong.

 

At the same time if you're too aloof, you may also turn off someone.

 

Gotta strike a balance between the two extremes.

 

This is the truth. The whole hot/cold thing to me isn't really a game it's just what happens when there is attraction and one or both parties are not willing or able to close the deal.

[regine_phalange]

Mystery is nice... But it gets its value when a man speaks truths when he opens his mouth. Incoherent communication isn't very sexy, screams out either insecurity or asociality. This when the relationship progresses. In the beginning I think it's natural to be more reserved and have some uncertainty, for both sides.

[GemmaUK]

I agree with Regine and with the article.

A bit of mystery and uncertainty makes dating fun.

It's not much fun for me if I don't get a bit of a chance to chase him too.

I also prefer if a guy is not always too available - I get no chance to miss a guy if he is always there from date #1.

On top of all that men are meant to be the logical ones, to me it's not logical to be head over heels when you don't know someone. It takes time to get to know someone.

[loveflower]

I agree with Regine and with the article.

A bit of mystery and uncertainty makes dating fun.

It's not much fun for me if I don't get a bit of a chance to chase him too.

I also prefer if a guy is not always too available - I get no chance to miss a guy if he is always there from date #1.

On top of all that men are meant to be the logical ones, to me it's not logical to be head over heels when you don't know someone. It takes time to get to know someone.

 

Is love itself logical?

[Timshel]

I'm currently reading a book and saw this as well

 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110207142623.htm

 

I can't help but think this is untrue.. I asked this question on a few places and many women said not true..

 

What does LS think about this?

 

This is true for women and men. If a person likes you, you're done.

 

However, some people simply do not care. Others know better than to waste time.

[RedRobin]

They interviewed University aged women. If they interviewed university aged men, they would probably get the same response.

 

Most young people do not have well developed social skills and are famous for being indecisive. I'd hardly call this article a revelation for that age group, and certainly wouldn't generalize it to just women.

 

I believe I was about 21 or 22 when I stopped chasing or obsessing about wishy washy men. I guess I was ahead of my time that, and I was working and putting myself through school. I started associating that dynamic with time wasters.

[neowulf]

What about situations where the actions / words aren't lining up?

 

For example;

 

The guy never talks about how his feelings for the woman. Never says he loves her. Never talks about a future with her. He gives compliments, but doesn't talk about how *he* feels. Though he assures her that they are exclusive and he's not interested in seeing anyone else.

 

In the mean time, he's calling regularly, organising dates. Being supportive and respectful. Showing the lady a good time. Generally acting like a "boyfriend" should.

 

---

 

I think the above behaviour can be very confusing for a woman and perhaps increase her interest in seeing where things go.

[Timshel]

What about situations where the actions / words aren't lining up?

 

For example;

 

The guy never talks about how his feelings for the woman. Never says he loves her. Never talks about a future with her. He gives compliments, but doesn't talk about how *he* feels. Though he assures her that they are exclusive and he's not interested in seeing anyone else.

 

In the mean time, he's calling regularly, organising dates. Being supportive and respectful. Showing the lady a good time. Generally acting like a "boyfriend" should.

 

---

I think the above behaviour can be very confusing for a woman and perhaps increase her interest in seeing where things go.

 

Well, that would be later down the road after a relationship has been established. This is initial 'contact' if I am not mistaken. More first impressions.

 

Still, with your scenario Neowulf, I would be turned off but can see how some would play along for awhile.

[neowulf]

Well, that would be later down the road after a relationship has been established. This is initial 'contact' if I am not mistaken. More first impressions.

 

Still, with your scenario Neowulf, I would be turned off but can see how some would play along for awhile.

 

Well, I'd have thought that with an initial contact, gushing all over a woman you barely know *would* put her off.

 

Nothing puts me off more than someone dropping a bunch of empty compliments on you, when they barely know you, so in that regard, I could agree with the study.

 

But yes, I guess with the scenario I mentioned, it'd depend how much value the woman in question places on "words" vs "actions". She is was more inclined to value the way a man treated her, over what he said, then perhaps it would encourage her to wait out the situation longer.

 

It's difficult to say really. Sometimes I think we're all looking for some kind of rule book for a game that doesn't have any.

[Timshel]

Well, I'd have thought that with an initial contact, gushing all over a woman you barely know *would* put her off.

 

Nothing puts me off more than someone dropping a bunch of empty compliments on you, when they barely know you, so in that regard, I could agree with the study.

 

But yes, I guess with the scenario I mentioned, it'd depend how much value the woman in question places on "words" vs "actions". She is was more inclined to value the way a man treated her, over what he said, then perhaps it would encourage her to wait out the situation longer.

 

It's difficult to say really. Sometimes I think we're all looking for some kind of rule book for a game that doesn't have any.

 

Maybe I misunderstood the study. I read it, albeit quickly, as Facebook profiles set up as a dating site. That the participants do not know each other but are asked to rate initial interest. That the men who piqued the women's interest most were the one's that rated them as average and showed only moderate interest.

 

In this scenario, the results make sense to me. The men are 'mysterious' to the women which prompts them to find out more about them.

 

In the situation you mentioned, the couples have already been dating for a time.

 

Either way, gushing isn't my thing either.

[Phoe]

I've never been into a guy who was wishy washy about me.

 

Come to think of it, when I look back on the men I've dated and the men who've shown interest in me, they didn't act wishy washy in the first place. They were clear about the fact that they liked me, and I always appreciated that fact. I've never had to guess about them, I've never had to sit back and wonder if they liked me or not.

 

The findings in the study seem totally bizarre to me. It's very odd that the women would be most interested in the men that only rated them as average or with moderate interest. I mean... hell, if a guy thinks I'm mediocre and only shows half interest in me, why in god's name am I gonna waste a minute of my time trying to figure him out? Forget that! If he thinks that, I'm sure as heck not gonna try to convince him otherwise. He can go kick rocks, lol.

 

I'd be much more interested in the men who'd showed higher interest in me. If he saw something in me, then that's pretty cool, and it would logically be much more likely to produce good results if I were to only focus on men who had high interest in me, and find a good match there, than to waste time trying to make something work and pull teeth with a guy who is wishy washy. What's the fun in that? Sounds like torture and we'd both be miserable.

[neowulf]

I've never been into a guy who was wishy washy about me.

 

Come to think of it, when I look back on the men I've dated and the men who've shown interest in me, they didn't act wishy washy in the first place. They were clear about the fact that they liked me, and I always appreciated that fact. I've never had to guess about them, I've never had to sit back and wonder if they liked me or not.

 

The findings in the study seem totally bizarre to me. It's very odd that the women would be most interested in the men that only rated them as average or with moderate interest. I mean... hell, if a guy thinks I'm mediocre and only shows half interest in me, why in god's name am I gonna waste a minute of my time trying to figure him out? Forget that! If he thinks that, I'm sure as heck not gonna try to convince him otherwise. He can go kick rocks, lol.

 

I think the study is a great example of the fact that when it comes to relationships, people often act in completely irrational ways.

 

What you've said makes perfect sense rationally. If a guy isn't clear about his interest, WHY would anyone bother to spend more energy on them?

 

Consider this though. Human beings are hardwired from birth to fear rejection. Social and personal rejection = death for a newborn. So we're all very sensitive to it.

 

I wonder if by showing a "low" interest in someone, it triggers a low grade rejection response in some people. This in turn triggers approval seeking behaviour.

 

So it's a bit like "Wait, I'm attractive, I'm desireable! What gives.. WHY ISN'T HE FALLING ALL OVER ME!". That forms the roots of the initial hook that gets a woman to start paying more attention.

 

Just thinking out loud, but still, very interesting :-D