He called me FAT and I ended things

[guest569]

 

It's inevitable. There was a poll somewhere I think cosmo. Something like 75% of women feel it's ok to snoop but only 30% of guys do. That's just coming from memory so it's not authoritative.

 

Answer is to lock down your phone really good and have good passwords.

 

Hahaha, thanks for that. You sort of maybe recall some stats from COSMO magazine.maybe, or somewhere like that.thats hard evidence there that "chicks" are more horribler than boys. So ner ner.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

My BlackBerry doesn't lie. When I pick it up and it says "Attempt 4/10" and it's been on the table in the kitchen all night it's obvious what's up.

 

When my friends ask why I was on Facebook at 2am and didn't answer their chat back I know what's up when I log in.

 

When my girlfriend asks me about an email that was a deleted draft that wasn't even sent I know someone has been snooping.

 

It's inevitable. There was a poll somewhere I think cosmo. Something like 75% of women feel it's ok to snoop but only 30% of guys do. That's just coming from memory so it's not authoritative.

 

Answer is to lock down your phone really good and have good passwords.

 

For the sake of discussion, lets assume you recall correctly and 75% of women feel snooping is ok. That's 1 in every 4 women that you've been with that deserved your trust (also assuming strict statistics across the board). From those numbers it's a very pessimistic line of thinking to say ALL women snoop, even if 99% think snooping is fine.

 

As I said previously "curiosity leads to investigation." I suspect those percentages would increase depending on how that poll was worded. Like Janey, not accessing personal space/device with the intention to snoop until baited by possible evidence of inappropriate behaviour. I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers increased to 100% for both guys and girls.

 

Maybe you're right in your assessment and I'm just too optimistic/trusting. I agree with your phone/password tactic. But I think a strong password better protects you from the guy stealing your phone or trying to break into your account... not the significant other in your life.

[ktya]

For the sake of discussion, lets assume you recall correctly and 75% of women feel snooping is ok. That's 1 in every 4 women that you've been with that deserved your trust (also assuming strict statistics across the board). From those numbers it's a very pessimistic line of thinking to say ALL women snoop, even if 99% think snooping is fine.

 

As I said previously "curiosity leads to investigation." I suspect those percentages would increase depending on how that poll was worded. Like Janey, not accessing personal space/device with the intention to snoop until baited by possible evidence of inappropriate behaviour. I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers increased to 100% for both guys and girls.

 

Maybe you're right in your assessment and I'm just too optimistic/trusting. I agree with your phone/password tactic. But I think a strong password better protects you from the guy stealing your phone or trying to break into your account... not the significant other in your life.

 

 

While I do not argue my stats because it's a fuzzy memory I can't source, you are inferring bias, suggesting that if my experiences are showing consistent snooping, that there must be a reason that they are snooping, due to some instinct or gut feeling.

 

Yet you defend this woman OP who obviously had no real concrete reasons to snoop and despite what she says she saw "just when the phone was opened " she not only did it without asking and while he was not around to watch, and also obviously started scrolling up.

 

So sorry, inherent selection bias is not relevant on this topic, if it was OP would have presented reasons for snooping other than an accidental viewing. It takes a lot of steps to review over a weeks worth of texts

[JaneyJ1991]

While I do not argue my stats because it's a fuzzy memory I can't source, you are inferring bias, suggesting that if my experiences are showing consistent snooping, that there must be a reason that they are snooping, due to some instinct or gut feeling.

 

Yet you defend this woman OP who obviously had no real concrete reasons to snoop and despite what she says she saw "just when the phone was opened " she not only did it without asking and while he was not around to watch, and also obviously started scrolling up.

 

So sorry, inherent selection bias is not relevant on this topic, if it was OP would have presented reasons for snooping other than an accidental viewing. It takes a lot of steps to review over a weeks worth of texts

 

 

OP here. I don't know where you're getting a week's worth of texts from--What I saw was 1-2 days worth of text. It was a friday afternoon. The fat text? Had been sent on Friday afternoon. The comments about my appearance and needing to step it up and making fun of me running were all 24 or so hours before. I didn't go into some hardcore exploration looking for problems. But I guarantee If you read on the opening screen you were FAT, you'd scroll up, ratio.

 

Additionally, while I never should have ever opened the phone, and that one is on me--we'd been dating for over 3 months. You know how many times Id ever opened his phone before? Ever? Not once. And I'd been presented with dozens of opportunities. And yet I'd never even attempted to look over his shoulder while texting.

 

If I'd really wanted to SNOOP, while in the phone, why wouldn't I have opened tinder, to see who he'd been messaging, or gone to his text message conversation list, or even looked at his pics? I never even made it my own video, which I'll never see, because I was so enchanted with what presented itself to me literally IMMEADIATELY When I swiped the "unlock" button. It's bad form to call a girl fat when you're sitting next to her in the car, or at the lake with her, or standing in your driveway minutes before she pics you up in HER truck to drive you somewhere (this is the timeline of WHEN he called me fat to the best I can figure)

[JaneyJ1991]

OP update: He texted me tonight. And I'm not sure why, because we haven't talked.

 

"I've apologized, those comments were said in jest and there's not really anything I can do at this point, either you forgive me and we move on, or you stay bitter.

Either way, I've told you how I felt about you and how I've enjoyed our time together. If I felt otherwise then I wouldn't have wasted three months with you. Your move Janey, will you bury the hatchet or use it on me?"

 

I like how he says WASTED three months. Like somehow he is such a prize, that I should be honored he felt it worthy to spend 3 months causally dating a fatty like me. I'm not sure what he thinks I need to forgive. I don't have a hatchet to use on him. What part of the last text I ever sent him, that said "YOU ARE FINALLY FREE" did he not get?

His tindering must not be going as well as he'd planned!

Edited July 7, 2015 by JaneyJ1991

[eleve82]

OP update: He texted me tonight. And I'm not sure why, because we haven't talked.

 

"I've apologized, those comments were said in jest and there's not really anything I can do at this point, either you forgive me and we move on, or you stay bitter.

Either way, I've told you how I felt about you and how I've enjoyed our time together. If I felt otherwise then I wouldn't have wasted three months with you. Your move Janey, will you bury the hatchet or use it on me?"

 

I like how he says WASTED three months. Like somehow he is such a prize, that I should be honored he felt it worthy to spend 3 months causally dating a fatty like me. I'm not sure what he thinks I need to forgive. I don't have a hatchet to use on him. What part of the last text I ever sent him, that said "YOU ARE FINALLY FREE" did he not get?

His tindering must not be going as well as he'd planned!

 

 

This is where a video clip lf Lord Sugar pointing a finger and saying "you're fired" could be appropriately funny.

 

 

You don't need to deal with a guy who says such things 'in jest'. Silence is the best answer to this. Ugh

[guest569]

OP update: He texted me tonight. And I'm not sure why, because we haven't talked.

 

"I've apologized, those comments were said in jest and there's not really anything I can do at this point, either you forgive me and we move on, or you stay bitter.

Either way, I've told you how I felt about you and how I've enjoyed our time together. If I felt otherwise then I wouldn't have wasted three months with you. Your move Janey, will you bury the hatchet or use it on me?"

 

I like how he says WASTED three months. Like somehow he is such a prize, that I should be honored he felt it worthy to spend 3 months causally dating a fatty like me. I'm not sure what he thinks I need to forgive. I don't have a hatchet to use on him. What part of the last text I ever sent him, that said "YOU ARE FINALLY FREE" did he not get?

His tindering must not be going as well as he'd planned!

 

Oh what a nasty piece of work, he still doesn't get it!! Yes saying "I wouldn't have wasted three months" bit contradictory. Definitely you were right to end things, he cant even provide a true apology and is still putting it on you.

[JaneyJ1991]

I don't think he honestly knows HOW to apologize.

 

And if I'm being honest--He says he "did everything he could" to apologize? Nah. He could have called me. He could have mailed me a handwritten note. He could have sent me flowers. Hell, a guy who's crazy about a girl and wants a sliver of a shot at the hope of her giving him a second chance would do all three. This guy did nothing.

The fact that he somehow thinks sending me a passive aggressive text message telling me how I can "stay bitter" will make me want to come back to him is just sad.

 

I'm never responding to that text message. It doesn't need a response.

[rester]

"I've apologized, those comments were said in jest"

 

Such bullcrap. He's not apologizing, he's saying that he didn't do anything wrong because he was just joking. Please don't acknowledge that text with any kind of response. He messed up and he's not owning up to it.

 

I feel that a second chance is available to people if they own up to their mistakes, but if they make excuses or try to make you feel guilty for their bad behavior, **** them.

 

As far as snooping goes, I don't agree with it but it didn't sound like you were purposely going though his phone looking for anything. Intentions matter, and your intent wasn't to snoop, as far as I understand it.