PinkIceCream Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I'm 28 and I met this guy online we have been talking for a year he's 40 and we finally met in person about a week ago. (He will be 41 in September). I was surprised that we got along so well when we met in person because we argued a lot via text messaging. When we did meet up we had sex more than once and afterwards he didn't leave right a way. We laid around and talked and he kept saying that he really wanted to take me out but that he had to work. The morning after he wanted to have breakfast and he asked me when would I be back to see him. We aren't in a relationship he and I live in different states so he said we could meet periodically which I do understand. I told him that I wanted to move to be closer to him. He told me I shouldn't because he travels a lot and that if I moved there he may not always be in that particular state. (He travels a lot because of his career). A few days ago he was Germany. We've texted each other a few times since then and he said that he would take me hiking when I come back to visit him. I don't mind traveling to see him and I've even been thinking about getting a second job so I'll be able to see him more often I just don't know if he really wants to see me again. Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Well the choice is yours, opinions here will vary but it depends on what you expect from this relationship and what you are okay with. Whatever anyone else believe doesn't really matter as it's your life. We can often over analyze simple situations, if you are fine with him traveling a lot and he understands that, then perhaps he wouldn't mind you moving closer. At the same time, perhaps he isn't interested or just likes space, we are all different and the same goes for our preferences. Communicate with him and if you are both sensible and honest then it shouldn't be too difficult to find out what the other part wants from the relationship. Most people aren't cut mentally to deal with a partner that is often away, but if you feel you are strong enough then by all means you should do what you find to be the best, especially if the interest is mutual. Life offers you opportunities and if you enjoy this experience then I'd highly encourage pursuing it, as long as you understand all the possibly outcomes and can accept that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkIceCream Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 I just recently got out of a 9 year relationship and I don't want to rush into another one too soon. I just want to focus on school and my career I don't mind going to see him I would rather it be that way for several reasons. The only problem I can see would be having the money to travel which is why I've been thinking about getting a second job. I did enjoy his company and I suppose I wouldn't mind going to see him every now and then. I don't know if this makes any sense or do I sound irrational? Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Well I'm a very understanding person and where others will discourage you I will typically try to make people look at things from multiple perspectives. The truth is that there really isn't any right or wrong way to go about things, it's all relative to each individual. That said though there are plenty of ways to approach things that will yield the best results for the world that we live in. I most certainly agree that taking another job will help with cost of traveling, that coupled with enjoying his company might be a good enough reason for you to do so. Some will perceive you as being irrational, but this is due to their own limits and barriers. We all put different effort into each thing we do, some more so than others. No one will be able to give you an answer that is going to be the best for you, because none of us know, especially when we don't know more about you or him, and preferences etc. As with everything, it takes time to make more qualified estimations of any given situation. You said you recently came out of a 9 year relationship, this is perhaps something to consider too. Do you feel over it and if so or not, do you believe your current choices and wishes are established from clarity or perhaps just looking to fill a void in your life. There are many questions, the main thing that matter is your well being, we all handle breakups differently. This may not of given you any precise answer you perhaps seek, but hopefully just a bit to think about. Don't be afraid to commit to ideas or others, but always protect yourself and be careful so you don't end up being hurt. I would perhaps be slightly concerned if you used to argue over texts, even if he was different in person, because communication is vital to any successful relationship. Others would tell you as well that the age gap is going to cause problems too, but that doesn't have to be the case, there are plenty of people who have wonderful relationships despite a significant age gap. Don't be afraid to give it all some good thinking, I do hope that it'll develop positively for you. Else feel free to ask/write more, should you have anything on your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I just recently got out of a 9 year relationship and I don't want to rush into another one too soon. I just want to focus on school and my career I don't mind going to see him I would rather it be that way for several reasons. The only problem I can see would be having the money to travel which is why I've been thinking about getting a second job. I did enjoy his company and I suppose I wouldn't mind going to see him every now and then. I don't know if this makes any sense or do I sound irrational? I don't really think anything about the "age gap" BUT you said I don't want to rush into another relationship so soon. Honestly, until you said that I felt like (and still do) that your behavior could read as very clingy. If you are considering moving/taking a second job, any of the above, it feels like you are too invested and acting like there is a relationship to speak of. It's only been once, why don't you see how it plays out? If he's a man of his word and what his intentions are? Right now, if i read between the lines of how you presented "his position", I don't think his level of interest sounds like it matches yours. I could be wrong and he could be giving you legitimate excuses and explanations and contact somewhat limited for good reason OR he could not be who you are making him out to be! Be cautious, don't rush. It won't matter if he's the right guy and if he's just a fling, those are not worth changing your life over. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkIceCream Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 I admit that saying I would move was a little overboard I was just feeling excited and caught up in the moment. I wouldn't actually just up and move only after meeting someone once. Link to post Share on other sites
eleve82 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I'm 28 and I met this guy online we have been talking for a year he's 40 and we finally met in person about a week ago. (He will be 41 in September). I was surprised that we got along so well when we met in person because we argued a lot via text messaging. When we did meet up we had sex more than once and afterwards he didn't leave right a way. We laid around and talked and he kept saying that he really wanted to take me out but that he had to work. The morning after he wanted to have breakfast and he asked me when would I be back to see him. We aren't in a relationship he and I live in different states so he said we could meet periodically which I do understand. I told him that I wanted to move to be closer to him. He told me I shouldn't because he travels a lot and that if I moved there he may not always be in that particular state. (He travels a lot because of his career). A few days ago he was Germany. We've texted each other a few times since then and he said that he would take me hiking when I come back to visit him. I don't mind traveling to see him and I've even been thinking about getting a second job so I'll be able to see him more often I just don't know if he really wants to see me again. You two aren't in a 'relationship', but you'll take a 2nd job so you can travel to see him. Say what?? I'm sorry I don't understand this. Why waste time and money on someone who is not in a relationship with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkIceCream Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 I actually need the second job it's not only because I want to travel to see him but that is part of the reason. You two aren't in a 'relationship', but you'll take a 2nd job so you can travel to see him. Say what?? I'm sorry I don't understand this. Why waste time and money on someone who is not in a relationship with you? Link to post Share on other sites
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