This is what he does, this is what I let him do

[bambiwboone]

He outdid himself this time. I moved on I was doing better. Despite his active effort to pull me back. Showing up to my daughters games and following me when I jog. I blocked him and was doing good. For the first time!! So I went to my friends bday party at a bar. He was there. I never made eye contact not once. Then the bartender brought my friend and I drinks said someone bought them for us. I look up he is smiling. I make no expression just looking down. We drank them. he sent like 5 more still no reaction out of me. I started to get pretty drunk. Then he walked by me fingered for me to follow him. Then he told me he missed me. He loved me. ( he told me he loved me several times and took it back) I started crying told him he had NO RIGHT to ever say those words to me ever again. He started crying and kissed me. I was so dumb kissed him back. We left to talk. He told me he didn't want to go home asked if I would just stay with him in a hotel. I agreed. He told me all kinds of things...and we talked and talked. He was scared. I held him while he cried. He apologized over and over. He held me and we fell asleep. The next day we talked more. He cried more. Told me he did really love me.We said our goodbyes as I had to work. He messaged all morning at work. Stressing on what to do. Asking if I could leave. He told me he did love me again. Then he stopped replying..or he would be short. I knew he was gone again:( I got fed up and told her where he really was. And he blocked me then deleted his facebook. Now he is gone again. So I guess he didn't really love me after all. I'm the worlds dumbest girl. Or grown women I should say. I feel like he has me brainwashed. It's a pattern. An emotionally abusive pattern. I read this once upon a time...does this sound like him you think?

 

• Obsession (is not love)
  
• Over-protection (is not respect)
  
• Passive Aggression (is a tool for the cycle of abuse)
  
• Victim Mentality Part I: Everybody owes him (is damaged behaviour)
  
• Victim Mentality Part II: You are the only one who understands him (is manipulation)
  
• Superiority Complex / Narcissism (equals control)
  
• Periods of Emotional Rewards (does not equal peace of mind)
  

[Grumpybutfun]

You are addicted to the drama. This isn't healthy. It doesn't matter what you label him. He is unhealthy for you so you need NC and to move on. You can't find a healthy relationship while still mired in an unhealthy one.

[bambiwboone]

You are addicted to the drama. This isn't healthy. It doesn't matter what you label him. He is unhealthy for you so you need NC and to move on. You can't find a healthy relationship while still mired in an unhealthy one.

 

Thank you, I guess I never really looked at it that way. I get so anxious most of the time that I never felt like I was someone who looked for drama. But Maybe I am addicted to the highs and lows. I feel like I just love him. And it wont go away. I don't want to love him. I just do.

[elaine567]

I'm the worlds dumbest girl. Or grown women I should say. I feel like he has me brainwashed. It's a pattern. An emotionally abusive pattern. I read this once upon a time...does this sound like him you think?

 

He gets horny, he contacts you.

You feel a bit defensive, so he rolls out the "I love you" + a bit of playing the victim + crying.

You get mushy and melt.

You say "I love you" and mean it.

You have sex.

He feels guilty.

He gets distant.

He denies you even exist.

YOU get massively upset.

 

He gets horny, he contacts you.

You feel a bit defensive, so he rolls out the "I love you" + a bit of playing the victim + crying.

You get mushy and melt.

You say "I love you" and mean it.

You have sex.

He feels guilty.

He gets distant.

He denies you even exist.

YOU get massively upset.

 

He gets horny, he contacts you.

You feel a bit defensive, so he rolls out the "I love you" + a bit of playing the victim + crying.

You get mushy and melt.

You say "I love you" and mean it.

You have sex.

He feels guilty.

He gets distant.

He denies you even exist.

YOU get massively upset.

 

...ad infinitum.

 

Is this really what you want your life to look like?

[anika99]

Agree with Elaine. You have been telling the same story here for two years now.

 

 

He come's crying. You give him what he wants. He ditches you. You tell his wife on him.

 

 

Nothing changes until you change it.

[bambiwboone]

He gets horny, he contacts you.

You feel a bit defensive, so he rolls out the "I love you" + a bit of playing the victim + crying.

You get mushy and melt.

You say "I love you" and mean it.

You have sex.

He feels guilty.

He gets distant.

He denies you even exist.

YOU get massively upset.

 

He gets horny, he contacts you.

You feel a bit defensive, so he rolls out the "I love you" + a bit of playing the victim + crying.

You get mushy and melt.

You say "I love you" and mean it.

You have sex.

He feels guilty.

He gets distant.

He denies you even exist.

YOU get massively upset.

 

He gets horny, he contacts you.

You feel a bit defensive, so he rolls out the "I love you" + a bit of playing the victim + crying.

You get mushy and melt.

You say "I love you" and mean it.

You have sex.

He feels guilty.

He gets distant.

He denies you even exist.

YOU get massively upset.

 

...ad infinitum.

 

Is this really what you want your life to look like?

 

 

Did you read the rest of my posts at all. We have NEVER had sex. So you will have to rethink your opinion on that one.

[elaine567]

Did you read the rest of my posts at all. We have NEVER had sex. So you will have to rethink your opinion on that one.

I apologise, I just assumed since you spent the night together.

WHY do you never have sex?

[gettingstronger]

No sex or any type or just not intercourse?

[still_an_Angel]

Your heart can only take so much beatings, you need to decide when you've had enough and walk away. Its going nowhere, you are not happy and you're wasting everything that you give to this R.

 

 

Hope you find your way out soon Bambi.

[bambiwboone]

No sex or any type or just not intercourse?

Nothing. He can't ....He has issues

[bambiwboone]

I apologise, I just assumed since you spent the night together.

WHY do you never have sex?

 

 

He can't....ever. Issues from drinking to much at one point I assume. I really don't want to hurt his feelings and ask.

[lgspot]

Nothing. He can't ....He has issues

IMO

Sounds like you are his mind's sex toy.

He gets off on manipulating you.....

Run fast. He has used you too long.

[Artie Lang]

if your really wanted this to end, you would've clearly told him you feel he is stalking you and you'd alert the proper authorities if he persists. if you really wanted this to end, you would've sent those drinks back and/or removed yourself from the premises. if you really wanted this to end, you wouldn't have engaged him in any form of conversation.

 

now, let me ask you... do you really want this to end?

Edited June 27, 2015 by Artie Lang

[bambiwboone]

if your really wanted this to end, you would've clearly told him you feel he is stalking you and you'd alert the proper authorities if he persists. if you really wanted this to end, you would've sent those drinks back and/or removed yourself from the premises. if you really wanted this to end, you wouldn't have engaged him in any form of conversation.

 

now, let me ask you... do you really want this to end?

I want him to stay away from me until I am over him. I don't want to get him in trouble. I care about him! I don't want to hurt him! I love him. You have this all twisted. Some things in life are black and white when their are emotions involved. This is not a very supportive site anymore.

[GypsumSatellite]

If you keep shining a light on his abusive behaviors, he will discard you and you can completely move on. As long as you are willing to accept free drinks and his company in a hotel, you enable the system to pull you back in again. This time, don't just expose him to his wife. Expose him to the authorities. Start a paper trail. Start yelling "No! Leave me alone. You are stalking me." loudly around him. Change your routine. Tell your friends that you are being harassed - the more pressure you put on him, the more you'll anger this particular breed of person into leaving you alone.

 

Love is respecting your boundaries. You have to love yourself enough not to let him anywhere near you - to leave if he arrives on the scene, to make a scene if he bothers you. He doesn't love you - he just wants his toy back. Deny him the toy.

[Artie Lang]

OP, just look at your past threads... it's more of the same. sure you love him, but it's not good for your emotional health, now is it. by being passive and accepting his behavior, you're not doing yourself any favors.

 

ever heard of the phrase "wash, rinse, repeat"... that's exactly what you are engaging in here.

 

i'm just telling it like it is. the truth hurts sometimes.

[lgspot]

I want him to stay away from me until I am over him. I don't want to get him in trouble. I care about him! I don't want to hurt him! I love him. You have this all twisted. Some things in life are black and white when their are emotions involved. This is not a very supportive site anymore.

 

Sorry. I want to be supportive.

Some times supportive is black and white.

 

Before I answered, I read a couple of your past theards. This guy does not have your best interests in mind. He is a user.

You are worth more than you've been getting.

Sorry if it sounds I'm not being supportive, but it is obvious outside looking in what he is doing.

I would hope you would not continue to let him hurt you.

Blessings

[Josmatjes]

I want him to stay away from me until I am over him. I don't want to get him in trouble. I care about him! I don't want to hurt him! I love him. You have this all twisted. Some things in life are black and white when their are emotions involved. This is not a very supportive site anymore.

 

I understand what you are saying..... Sometimes we need to let go of people that just aren't good for us...but like you said, sometimes when emotions are involved its not black or white.... You still love him and he will always hold a place in your heart....and it's hard to let go, but it's for the best right now:(

[whichwayisup]

Agree with Elaine. You have been telling the same story here for two years now.

 

 

He come's crying. You give him what he wants. He ditches you. You tell his wife on him.

 

 

Nothing changes until you change it.

 

Sadly I agree.

I feel like he has me brainwashed. It's a pattern. An emotionally abusive pattern. I read this once upon a time...does this sound like him you think?

You were in NC, doing so well avoiding him. If only you had refused that drink and ignored him that night. Instead you allowed him to buy you FIVE drinks, you got drunk and then he knew he 'had' you all over again. He used you and left you. You know he's unhealthy and how he treats you yet you keep going back. You're not a victim, you're a willing participant because you let your emotions and addiction to him take over. Sorry if my words are harsh.

 

Now that you've told his wife, you MUST make yourself accountable and STAY AWAY from him. You know who he is and what he's all about so part of this is on you, you can't put all the blame on him. He's married and messing around on his wife, he's a liar and a cheater, a manipulator and a user.

 

Seek counseling to help you break free.

[whichwayisup]

I want him to stay away from me until I am over him. I don't want to get him in trouble. I care about him! I don't want to hurt him! I love him.

 

You can't control him or what he does. You can only control yourself to stay away from him and if he comes near you, walk away and ignore him. He doesn't respect you, which is why he feels he can do as he pleases. If he genuinely cared about your feelings, he'd stay in NC and leave you alone.

 

He hurts you ALL the time, yet you don't want to hurt him by telling him off? Didn't you tell his wife? That had to hurt him.

 

What is it that you actually love about a man who abuses you? Respectfully I ask this.

[lgspot]

If only you had refused that drink and ignored him that night. Instead you allowed him to buy you FIVE drinks, you got drunk and then he knew he 'had' you all over again. He used you and left you. You know he's unhealthy and how he treats you yet you keep going back.

 

Seek counseling to help you break free.

This is a guy that drinks to such an excess he has affected his sex life, yet he is buying you five drinks?!?

Sorry, but this guy is a manipulator with some serious issues.

As much as you might want to help him, you can't.

Please help yourself...