First love broke up with me and I want to fight for our relationship?

[e.grace]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible as I know no one likes to read lengthy paragraphs. I'd appreciate it so much if someone even just skimmed all of this and replied because I really need some advice! (After writing this i see how long it came out to be so feel free to skim! I'm a very wordy writer naturally so that's probably why so I'm sorry!! The second and last paragraphs are the most important )

 

My boyfriend and I are both 16 and we had been dating almost four months long distance (2 hours) and he'd been a part of my life every single day since the beginning of Feburary. It just so turned out that he lives very close to family I have in his state, making it possible for us to see eachother. I saw him once in March and once about two weeks ago, and now that we're out of school I would be able to see him so much more. We would talk for hours on the phone/Facetime and text as much as possible. He's the first guy I've met who really gets me.

 

I'm normally anxious about intimacy but I felt so comfortable physically with him, he was my first kiss/make out/french kiss and I was his also. He's also the first guy I've ever been with that I've genuinely loved, and he said it was the same for him, that i was the first girl that he's cared about and loved this much. He would always bring up how that no matter what, he always wants to stay in contact with me and that he'd be the "luckiest guy alive" if he married me (his exact words).

 

Anyways, things started to get tense about two weeks ago when he was busy with finals during the week and "too busy" with friends over the weekend to talk that much. I had finals too so I tried my best to be patient but when they ended he was still acting distant. He sent me this message about a week ago when I tried to talk to him about it: "Im sorry most times my friends come over im not gonna text because were doing stuff and when its the summer theyll prob be over a lot and i dont want you to feel hurt and i understand that ive been distant and i dont really know how to make it up to you seeing as im still with my friends I just want you to be happy and if I'm not doing that then it's your choice".

 

I was being a bit cold towards him as I wasn't really understanding it and I so regret it now. Things continued to be tense for about a week and on Thursday morning I texted him asking if anything was up and got this response: "Nothings up idk why your saying this ive been texting you lately please dont think that. i love you so so much". A little bit after that I asked him to call me and he did. He started out the call by saying that he doesn't feel like he's making me happy and that I deserve someone who lives closer to me who can make me happier than he can and I told him I only wanted him. He told me that he loved me and we talked a little bit more and he suddenly said that he thought we needed to break up. I didn't really say much and he said he had to go because his friends were coming over.

 

I cried for quite a while and texted him later in the day asking him if he could 100% honestly tell me why he broke up with me and he responded really quickly and said "Can we still be friends? If not I understand" and then he sent another text, "The distance was slowly eating away at me and i honestly didnt think i was going to have time to text and i didnt want you to waste your summer on me". I asked him how long he felt like that and he said a week and a half. We then texted normally for a bit and then he told me he was going to bed so I didn't reply anymore. In the morning I texted him and asked him to give me a call when he got the chance so we could talk about some things and he read it and didn't respond, and I don't know if it was purposely or if he's just being his normal drifty self because he's never been that good with responding to texts.

 

After re-reading our texts I'm worried that I pushed him away by not being so understanding about his inability to talk that much. I don't think he lost interest (although he may have) because he never really stopped showing affection until the moment he broke up with me. Also, when I saw him about two weeks ago, everything was amazing and he even bought me a gorgeous necklace so I don't know if he even had the thought of breaking up in his mind then..

 

I'm not going to lie that I've virtually been miserable these past few days and it's like I can almost physically feel the pain. I knew that I couldn't stay home and just wallow in my own misery so I've been keeping myself extremely busy with friends and family, leaving the house around 11am and not returning until 10pm. Tonight I've felt a little better for some reason. But I've decided that I do want him in my life. I still love him and I've been taught to always fight for what I love, so for my own sake, that's what I'm going to do. What I need right now is to have a conversation about our relationship and how he's feeling because a 10 minute phone call and a few texts haven't really answered the majority of my questions.

 

I've spent some time reading relationship blogs about break ups and have become familiar with the "no contact rule", but I don't find it applicable to my situation. What I am worried about though is how I'll contact him again because I definitely don't want to come off as clingy, needy, or desperate, because I've gotten past the point of desperation. I don't want to beg for him back, I want an honest conversation about whether or not we can save our relationship and if he feels we can't, I want to know how we can continue from here (whether or not he needs some time/how we're going to still be friends).

 

If he doesn't want me back, then it wasn't meant to be and I've come to terms with that, but I think it's worth a try as he made me so happy and he was an amazing support system and I've honestly never felt so close with anyone. I feel like the relationship is really worth saving as I'll be able to see him so much this summer. So, if anyone is still reading this, I could really use some advice.

 

 

I really want to text him and tell him how important I feel it is for us to talk, but what do I say to him without sounding like I'm desperate? I don't want to bombard him if he's needing space, but since we haven't really talked, I have absolutely no idea how he's feeling. I definitely don't want to be "that crazy ex girlfriend" that everyone hears horror stories about, and I don't want to make him change his mind about any friendship or relationship that he may be considering.

 

I would appreciate brutal honesty (even if you think it may hurt me) as I'm trying to be as honest and realistic about this as possible. Thank you SO much to anyone who replies

Edited June 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[hoping2heal]

Hi e.grace,

 

If your boyfriend was able to decide on dumping you after only 10 days of being "unhappy" it's pretty clear that how you feel about him is not how he feels about you.

 

I don't want to be overly dismissive of your feelings but young love is often intense and then burns out quickly for one or both parties. You can want him back, you can view your relationship as worth saving, but it is a moot point when it is not mutual. By all accounts, it does not feel mutual.

 

He said things he might have even believed he meant at the time, but time moves on and forward and so did this guy. I know you care a lot about him and he is special to you but he doesn't see things the same way you do and the more you try to "fight for it" the more you are probably going to cause him to want to be far, far, away from you.

 

Part of loving a person is having respect for who they are as a person and not trying to fling yourself onto them simply because of the comfort they provide for you.

[dumbass2]

"I want to fight for our relationship"

 

One thing you will learn as you go is that you "fight" for the relationship while you are still in it. That gives you the best chance. That part usually comes after the honeymoon stage with issues start popping up and you start to hit the speed bumps. How you handle and deal with the post honeymoon speed bumps will determine how much further the relationship will go. If you have problems getting over those speed bumps, then you hit the proverbial wall and it ends.

 

Communication and only experience help you recognize when there are issues. Experience will come in to play and be very helpful when the other person is not able to communicate effectively, but you are able to pick up on the signs. When there is open and clear communication from the get go from both sides, you have a much better chance of at least being able to try and fix issues that arise without having to try and read someones mind.

[casey.lives]

Make sure to try and heal and move on. You broke up for a reason. being friends is something that needs to be a genuine thing and not a part of a ploy to keep your ex under your radar. You are broken up and you need to get on with your life and make space in your heart to find someone who can love you back the way you wish to be loved and committed to. Friendship is no substitute for love.

[emi]

2 months isnt that much time and he already lost interest and seriously 2 hours away commuting doesnt sound like a LDR to me.

sometime how you feel about someone can be so intense but they dont have to feel the same way back to you. So sweetie, block him and go NC. All breakups are the same, only disconectivity helps you heal.