Spouses that blow hot and cold

[Popsicle]

We've all heard of people who are dating who blow and cold, or do the push/pull, routine but is it possible that a spouse can do this to someone they are married to?

[Grumpybutfun]

Of course. People get married for a number of reasons that have little to do with love and compatibility...mostly focused around their ego, financials, or insecurities.

Best,

G

[Popsicle]

Of course. People get married for a number of reasons that have little to do with love and compatibility...mostly focused around their ego, financials, or insecurities.

Best,

G

 

Thank you for answering. I was just wondering if this ever happened to other people or if I was crazy. I think my xH blew hot and cold.

[Grumpybutfun]

Thank you for answering. I was just wondering if this ever happened to other people or if I was crazy. I think my xH blew hot and cold.

 

Therein lies the reason he is your ex. When I was in the military I noticed many couples like this. Usually there were extenuating circumstances based on their pasts or they married for financial gain. It is unfortunate, but many people do not know what they want in life so they fall into things rather easily. Here is to hoping you find someone in the future who only blows hot. My long term marriage has been pretty hot for twenty one years and I'm a very fortunate man.

Best,

Grumps

[Popsicle]

Therein lies the reason he is your ex. When I was in the military I noticed many couples like this. Usually there were extenuating circumstances based on their pasts or they married for financial gain. It is unfortunate, but many people do not know what they want in life so they fall into things rather easily. Here is to hoping you find someone in the future who only blows hot. My long term marriage has been pretty hot for twenty one years and I'm a very fortunate man.

Best,

Grumps

 

Congratulations! That is really great to hear as it gives me hope. And thank you.

[Redhead14]

We've all heard of people who are dating who blow and cold, or do the push/pull, routine but is it possible that a spouse can do this to someone they are married to?

 

They were likely doing that before marriage . . . but while in the throws of the "honeymoon" period, people tend to overlook things and dismiss them. And, sometimes they can "hide" stuff but can only do that for so long and then that breaks down and you start seeing the real them. That's why it's so important to manage emotions and expectations for a long time while dating someone. It's not unusual to marry "someone" different than you were dating. Happens all the time if people marry too soon. A couple of years of dating is best really.

 

But if a man was doing everything right all the way up to and into marriage and then starts doing that, it's time to take the "temperature" of the relationship by having an open discussion about how you are each feeling at that point and whether there are things that one or both of you feel needs to be worked on together. Sometimes couples start operating on "auto-pilot" and not communicating effectively -- basically living separate lives and so they start doing things autonomously.

[spanz1]

another reason: if your spouse is bipolar, it is a hot/cold rollercoaster ride for you

[Poppygoodwill]

I wonder how hot and how cold?

 

Narcisstic types can be really self-involved and also incredibly charming and charismatic. They go back and forth, turning on and off in a way, so you never really are secure in their affection and feelings. They refer everything back to themselves, and so it's tough to feel connected to them. Yet when they do focus on you, it's like the heat of a thousand suns. Trouble is, they shift focus back onto themselves and you're on teh dark side of the moon.

 

WAs he a narcissist? Google will tell you :-)