The one who doesn't want to take the next step

[krystal7227]

This is the situation: I met a wonderful guy 4 years ago while I was in an interchange program here in USA; when I met him I thought he was single but instead he was married but separated and I found out when I was already in love with him, he told me and I kept in touch with him because their were separated and a friend in common that we have told me that their relationship was painful and with a lot of issues for so long; I backed up but I neither rejected him when he wanted to see me.

 

We were like that for months until he told me that he made the decisión of get back again with his ex-wife, I was devastated off course because everything was so good between us that I thought that they wouldn't go back, I told him I didn't want to see him ever again.

 

I was so depressed and sad for like 3 months until he contacted me to tell me that he missed me so much and he wanted to see me so bad and bla bla bla, that almost anything changed in his marriage. I didn't know what to do so I had a chat with our friend in common and I have to accept he didn't give me the best advice but I ended doing what he recommend me that was just taking the things easy and enjoy the moment, because I only had a few months before going back to my country.

 

We had such a great time, we shared so many good moments together. And the day for come back to my country arrived, it was so sad, it was so hard but I did it. After I left he told me that he felt so lonely, I missed him and he missed me so bad. We kept in touch very often and actually he went to visit me in my home country several times; every travel we had a blast, it was so real to have him in my country, in my life.

 

He never talked about his marriage again and I didn't ask him either, we were so far away, I wasn't expecting to be in touch that much after I left US. We enjoyed that time a year after I left US until one day we had a fight and he just disappeared.

 

The situation in his marriage got worse and they divorced, I found out from somebody else.

 

I enjoyed so much the city where I lived in US, I love everything about it and US is a great country to live, I always had in mind that it would be great to live there, so just for trying I applied to the Green Card Lottery. For my surprise I won it, so I quitted my job, I left everything behind and I moved, so happy.

 

Once I got back I really missed him, because I was back but not with him, I didn't know anything about him for almost a year; I was still in love with him, I didn't feel like dating anyone else, I just focused in other things.

 

A few months after I arrived he sent me an email apologising about he disappearing and his attitude, that he had been through a lot of hard moments and that he missed me all the time. I forgave him and we got back together again.

 

It's going to be 5 months since we got back and I really enjoy our time together, but I just don't feel completely happy, I feel like anything changed, everything is the same. We just see eachother once in a while, I don't know any of his friends except for the one we have in common, he sometimes don't answer my messages; he still is very sweet,very lovely, I feel that he loves me but he just doesn't want to move to the next step with me. We talked about it because I felt very frustrated and he told me that he doesn't feel ready to start another relationship, that he needs time and that doesn't mean I have to wait for him but that is the way he feels. It was awful for me so I told him that we should quit because is not fair to me to have my heart broken every time and he just act like it is what I have to do.

 

Happen that we didn't quit, just the idea of don't see him again hurts me so bad, and he doesn't let me go either, he is always after me.

 

Now is going to be exactly 23 days since I don't know anything about him, and is always like that, he disappear for days and then just treat me like anything happen. He doesn't answer my messages and anything, I know he is ok it's just like he doesn't care.

 

I don't know what to do, I've tried to quit with him so many times, but I really love him and I feel he loves me, we just can't do it, or is he or is me or something happen. I would like to know your opions and advise.

 

Thanks for all the reading

Edited June 29, 2015 by krystal7227

[pidgeon1010]

This is the situation: I met a wonderful guy 4 years ago while I was in an interchange program here in USA; when I met him I thought he was single but instead he was married but separated and I found out when I was already in love with him, he told me and I kept in touch with him because their were separated and a friend in common that we have told me that their relationship was painful and with a lot of issues for so long; I backed up but I neither rejected him when he wanted to see me.

 

We were like that for months until he told me that he made the decisión of get back again with his ex-wife, I was devastated off course because everything was so good between us that I thought that they wouldn't go back, I told him I didn't want to see him ever again.

 

I was so depressed and sad for like 3 months until he contacted me to tell me that he missed me so much and he wanted to see me so bad and bla bla bla, that almost anything changed in his marriage. I didn't know what to do so I had a chat with our friend in common and I have to accept he didn't give me the best advice but I ended doing what he recommend me that was just taking the things easy and enjoy the moment, because I only had a few months before going back to my country.

 

We had such a great time, we shared so many good moments together. And the day for come back to my country arrived, it was so sad, it was so hard but I did it. After I left he told me that he felt so lonely, I missed him and he missed me so bad. We kept in touch very often and actually he went to visit me in my home country several times; every travel we had a blast, it was so real to have him in my country, in my life.

 

He never talked about his marriage again and I didn't ask him either, we were so far away, I wasn't expecting to be in touch that much after I left US. We enjoyed that time a year after I left US until one day we had a fight and he just disappeared.

 

The situation in his marriage got worse and they divorced, I found out from somebody else.

 

I enjoyed so much the city where I lived in US, I love everything about it and US is a great country to live, I always had in mind that it would be great to live there, so just for trying I applied to the Green Card Lottery. For my surprise I won it, so I quitted my job, I left everything behind and I moved, so happy.

 

Once I got back I really missed him, because I was back but not with him, I didn't know anything about him for almost a year; I was still in love with him, I didn't feel like dating anyone else, I just focused in other things.

 

A few months after I arrived he sent me an email apologising about he disappearing and his attitude, that he had been through a lot of hard moments and that he missed me all the time. I forgave him and we got back together again.

 

It's going to be 5 months since we got back and I really enjoy our time together, but I just don't feel completely happy, I feel like anything changed, everything is the same. We just see eachother once in a while, I don't know any of his friends except for the one we have in common, he sometimes don't answer my messages; he still is very sweet,very lovely, I feel that he loves me but he just doesn't want to move to the next step with me. We talked about it because I felt very frustrated and he told me that he doesn't feel ready to start another relationship, that he needs time and that doesn't mean I have to wait for him but that is the way he feels. It was awful for me so I told him that we should quit because is not fair to me to have my heart broken every time and he just act like it is what I have to do.

 

Happen that we didn't quit, just the idea of don't see him again hurts me so bad, and he doesn't let me go either, he is always after me.

 

Now is going to be exactly 23 days since I don't know anything about him, and is always like that, he disappear for days and then just treat me like anything happen. He doesn't answer my messages and anything, I know he is ok it's just like he doesn't care.

 

I don't know what to do, I've tried to quit with him so many times, but I really love him and I feel he loves me, we just can't do it, or is he or is me or something happen. I would like to know your opions and advise.

 

Thanks for all the reading

 

You should listen to what he is saying: he is not ready for a relationship. He is obviously keeping you at bay because of this but at least he isn't lying to you. Don't expect relationship treatment (i.e. constant/regular contact) if you two are not in a relationship. It is clear that you want more and he is not ready to give it to you so you must decide whether you are okay with continuing on with the casual relationship where he appears and disappears whenever he wants or you want something more substantive and will work on yourself and move on.

 

By accepting his excuses every time he comes back, you're telling him he can treat you poorly and you always overlook it and welcome him with open arms. Don't waste your time on a man who only sees you as an option.