Needs tips for working out my psychology

[trombean]

Alright so I know how to work out, I know what excercises to do and how much to do them, but I just have the hardest time committing. I never really liked working out, but something happened to me several years ago that's made it extremely hard for me to find the motivation to improve myself.

 

Back a few summers ago, I was involved in an activity called drum corps international. It is like a league in which several professional level marching bands tour the nation for a summer and compete with one another. Its a very physically demanding activity and being in shape is an absolute MUST. So therefor, there is A LOT of working out during tour. To give you some perspective, I lost a good 40 pounds within the first two weeks of tour. I dont think thats healthy, but I did it. I ate fine, in fact I probably found myself over eating at times. The work was just intense.

 

But anyways, it wasnt just the work that was intense, but the people as well. Both my teachers and peers were very aggressive in trying to motivate everyone to catch up. In fact maybe a little too aggressive.

 

I was furthest behind as far as physical fitness. I was always trying to keep up during runs or work outs and as a result, I got taunted, laughed at and yelled at quite a bit. Everyday, I'd get tons of ugly remarks from both my peers and my teachers.

 

I was improving though and it was frustrating my that no one noticed. So one day during a morning run, I made it my goal to finish first even if it killed me. Just to show everyone I'm not as weak or useless as they saw me. So I did. I gave it my absolute best and finished before everyone else. But instead of my teacher being happy for me, he yelled at the entire corps for allowing me to finish first and ordered everyone to "run until they puked" as punishment. The entire corps was so mad at me that day and it felt awful. I think that was the day I just kind of gave up.

 

So now here I am 6 years later and I'm still screwed up. I can never work out without hearing that voice in my head say "what are you doing? You cant do this. You're pathetic". I've tried several times going to a gym and had to be escorted out because I had panic attacks. Everytime I hear someone laugh, I'm just SURE they're laughing at me.

 

I'm overweight and I feel horrible. I want to lose weight so bad but I cant bring myself to try. I know its stupid and its an excuse but I've tried pushing past it and it just doesnt work. I'm so frustrated with myself and I know how stupid I must sound, but I dont want to be this way. Does anyone have any tips for me to get over this?

[Bubberfly]

Ah, it sounds like the competition is what did it for you...

 

I wonder, are you motivated to exercise by yourself? This is something I've found helpful, as I have a tendency to become aggressively competitive to the point of hurting myself.

After a VERY painful life experience, I found myself 90 pounds overweight. I had no self-esteem, I had panic attacks every time I left the house, thinking that everyone was laughing at my fat belly.

 

I personally, work out at home by myself. I take baby steps. I consider ALL exercise to be an accomplishment and I work very hard on focusing on what I did BETTER rather than something I sucked at. (Yah! One more push-up than yesterday!)

 

I have lost 70+ pounds. And no, this wasn't an overnight thing. It look me a year and a half. But I was working on my mind too. JUST now am I comfortable enough to think about working out in a gym. I've started running in my neighborhood. Think of it this way, once you get out of school (I'm assuming this experience happened to you in school), NO ONE really cares about your body anymore. You're doing this for you.

 

I really do wish you luck in this. There's a lot of supportive people here

[Ninjainpajamas]

You need a more resilient mind, stronger determination/passion (heart) and self-respect/esteem.

 

The way you do this unfortunately, is not easy and has to be earned.

 

I've always had difficult situations in my life very similar to yours, with very little support and very little reason to be motivated. The difference between you and I is I didn't let that stop me from accomplishing my goals, I believed in myself and I didn't let other people's opinions or influence ultimately stop me and none of it was good or positive.

 

Yes, it's disheartening when people are not supportive or comforting your needs, but that's for me always been apart of being a strong man and a strong person, you also need to understand that respect needs to be earned first, and that's the environment of a competitive sport, it's not as personal as you make it out to be (as weird as that sounds)...everyone feels that pressure, as much as you may feel it was focused around you. I've seen other guys get it, I've seen other guys get treated really badly as well.

 

When I was young, I played highschool football at several schools as my parents divorced and I lived with different family and such. It was very hard going to a new school where i knew nobody, it was also very hard joining the football team and dealing with the cockiest guys in the school who all thought they were the next greatest athlete (which they never were, even if they were good).

 

The guys who succeeded were the guys who stayed focused and determined, the guys who blocked out a lot of the ruckus and opinions of what others had to say, which is what most of the other guys were there doing there just for the social and team aspect of it because most weren't going to make it in the future in the sport the way they were even though they were good athletes they didn't have the right mind. I stayed focused and concentrated on my own success, but there was a lot of crap talking and attempted bullying...hazing if you will that was attempted on any new guy, it just wasn't me.

 

I ended up getting in fights, having to wrestle with other players on the field, talk a lot of smack back to the guys were talking smack to me but only with a few one liners here and there...and unfortunately my football team ran more like a prison than a sports team so this behavior was allowed. But I always let my actions speak for themselves. I was a tough guy though and wasn't going to be walked over even if I had to take a beating for it, i kept a stone face and people figured out really quick I wasn't a guy to mess with. I was just quiet and minding my own business the majority of the time, ignoring most of the comments, but one guy decided it was a good idea (whom was much bigger than I was of course) and decided to punch me and push me to the ground at the same time after i failed a drill, well I'm no pushover and bounced right from the floor and gave this guy an uppercut to his jaw and bent him over and punched him a few more times in the face.

 

Later on, there was about 50 to 75 players standing around in the locker room all chanting and cheering because apparently that meant I agreed to fight the guy in a "cage match" aka fight club scene, with coaches standing around and such. One guy who was a new friend of mine told me to just walk away as they called me towards my "match"...I told him there's no way I can walk away from this...he was like why? this guy is just going to destroy you..and I told him that's exactly why, I can't allow myself to be disrespected like this, I'll never have any respect if i walk away.

 

I ended up fighting this guy in the locker room, prepared to win or lose...with cheers and chanting, people sitting on top of tall lockers spinning around t-shirts and coaches watching with their hands folded. I don't remember the whole fight, I remember him charging me into the lockers and dazing him with another uppercut and lowering his head and kneeing him several times in the face...I remember blood running down his face, and taking a punch to the right side of the face while I connected with one of my own but sent him to the ground, he scrambled to get up and regain his balance but he couldn't...he was in a rage but beaten pretty badly, it was a long fight maybe lasting 5 or 10 minutes, but felt like an hour.

 

The guy was 230 pounds, pretty big strong guy with a cocky attitude and always pushed his weight around. I was a scrawny guy comparatively at 160 pounds, with glasses, who was more worried about being jumped by several players than just one guy.

 

I earned a lot of respect after that...as I did with many other situations by "proving myself", I have a ton of other stories where I've overcame these kinds of situations. And that to me was what was important, I didn't care if they liked me or not, or had anything good or encouraging to say, if you believe in yourself then what most other people say doesn't it matter. Do you need to be strong and resilient? yes, does it mean nobody will ever give you a hard time in life? no.

 

Those days are for the most part long gone, you become an adult and responsible for your own fate. Most people aren't immature and take the time to try an intervene with your life as they have their own problems. But without standing up to these kinds of situations, then I could never have imagined being the guy I am today if I never did take a stand, if I always waited for someone to be supportive and encouraging...because it never did really happen, in everything I've done I've done it out of the belief in myself.

 

Sure you might have a partner who's encouraging or supportive, but you cannot cling unto to them...you need to be strong within yourself. So my advice is stop seeking the positive reinforcement and encouragement of others, most people who are talking crap are just talking crap and likely aren't the greatest themselves. You should've kept beating your teammates instead of quit, you should've not cared what your coach or other teammates did or said, if you do it right and you're besting others...then you're doing it right, at least in a competitive sport. Your choice to give up on yourself and let these people win by pushing you down was your greatest failure in that process...letting these people be right about you and put you in a box that they wanted you to be in.

 

You're the only person that determines what is and isn't, you can't change or manipulate the world but you must be confident in yourself and do things for the reasons within you...nobody else can give you that or fill that void within you, you've got to be able to stand up for yourself and say look, I'm not going to allow myself to fail at this, I am going to push through any feelings of doubt and just do it...there's nothing to it other than that, it's going to get done and I'm not going to allow excuses or bad feelings to prevent me...it's going to get done no matter what, and i believe i can do it.

 

There are no guarantees in life, or a guarantee of success but if you can't have the right attitude then you're not going to accomplish it...even if you actually had the ability, you wouldn't know because you doubted yourself. And if you think people are going to come around and encourage and support you, like some kid's movie and hold you up on their shoulders like you're some great hero...it's never going to happen, because when you do succeed at something, when you do accomplish things, people will come to you for answers and support, they will be looking up to you, and they'll be asking you, how you did it. Think about that for a minute...what was the difference.

[robaday]

I'm sorry that brutal experience happened to you, reminds me of my school days being forced to play rugby when I was the tiny kid on the team and just got belted around!! football however I loved and no one could drag me from the pitch.

 

Guess what I've learnt with exercise is that you have to find something you enjoy doing and try and do it to the best of YOUR ability not thinking about competing with other people. I never stuck with a running or weights program because I dont find it exciting personally but millions do and that's fine full power to them!! But I think its incredibly difficult to motivate yourself to do exercise if you are a) comparing yourself to other people because there will always be someone better than you - you could be an Olympian but at the end of the day Usain Bolt will still smash you out of the field!! so do it for you and only you and only set targets for yourself not to compare yourself with others. b) if you dont enjoy it. Lets face it unless you enjoy it then youll never stick with it!! but when we find something we love we want to do it all the time and end up getting good just because we enjoy it!!

 

The latter one means a bit of experimentation. Are there sports you've always wanted to try? are there athletes you have always admired? Meetup is great for social exercise often for free. Or personal training in a unique sport for a few sessions before joining a gym/team would build your confidence and actually improve you more than the bulk of people. For instance I've always loved swimming but whenever I swam with other people I was left behind - my technique was terrible. So I paid for ten stroke correction classes and I now glide through the water and swim kms with ease. Most exercise is technique, once you have that down its much easier.

 

I do boxing now. I was a wuss in school. The few friends I have told have laughed at me. The first few times I went to the gym (Id never set foot in the gym until 31) I kept tripping on the skipping rope, I couldn't do a press up and a squat was completely unatainable, I nearly fell over when I through a punch - I felt so self conscious and had panic attacks each time I went there. But I went back because I loved the way it made me feel and love the sport and watch it all the time. You know what though? All participants in there were adults and all of them had been through exactly the same thing. Rather than at school where i was mocked people stopped what they were doing and helped me out and gave me advice. I suddenly realised at a late age that even people who appear awesome at things were beginners once, that it didnt come naturally to them that they had to work hard for it and be humiliated a little by making repeated mistakes over and over and over again until they got it right. Its just they stuck with it.

 

I got my ass kicked the other day in sparring by the trainer. I couldnt breathe and shots were coming in left right and centre. I felt like quitting. When I got out of the ring I felt like walking out of there and never coming back. But another trainer saw what had happened pulled me aside and worked on my defence with me. FOR A WHOLE HOUR. Instead of being mocked they took my weakness and turned it into a strength........so just like ive done a million times now, the next day bruised and aching I overcame that fear, that panic, that anxiety and went back in. And the trainers respect me more for having had such a tough experience and going back then if Id performed well and not gone in the next day - thats where respect is earned - through hard work and being willing to put your pride aside. Find the right people to mix with, who have your best interests at heart. And im not trying to paint myself as a tough guy here at all - I have fear everytime I go to that gym, a part of me is absolutely terrified. And everytime i leave it I have another tiny accomplishment in the back of my mind, another victory over demons from the past.

 

So please, its absolutely normal to be worried, nervous or embarrassed, it happens to everyone. My biggest fear now is getting old and regretting allowing my fears to prevent me living the life I want. Imagine that? that is a million times worse than going in and feeling a bit embarrased

[eye of the storm]

I am competitive by nature. Not by desire. And yes sometimes it makes for a weird fight. I took some cross-fit classes. (each box has a different vibe, my experience is with this one box) The coach caught me over doing some of the exercises because I was trying to keep up. He pulled me aside and reminded me that the only person I needed to compete with was me. I needed to do my pace with my weights and my size boxes.

 

You need to get in shape for you and in a way that is healthy for you mentally and physically.

 

A lady at my gym was incredibly obese. She would come in every afternoon and walk at 0% incline very very very slowly. I wanted to offer her some tips. But my very in shape son reminded me that she was working it out for her. She has lost a lot of weight her pace has increased and last week she started at a 1% incline. She is more confident now and talks to people at the gym. No matter that she is still the biggest person that comes. She comes.

 

Do not work out for others. Do not work out so others notice. Work out so you are healthier.