Leaving - UPDATE

[HoldOn]

Well... looks like I won my million-dollar bet that he wouldn't leave by May 1st. Anyone want to go double or nothing for the July leave date?

[erika2610]

Originally posted by HoldOn

Well... looks like I won my million-dollar bet that he wouldn't leave by May 1st. Anyone want to go double or nothing for the July leave date?

 

I'll bet that he won't leave by July, AND she won't leave him..

 

Sad..

[Debster]

You know what! Post: 24 | Quote:

 

I am tired of all these Betrayed Spouses coming in here and bashing the OW's. If you don't like it then don't read it and defnitely don't bash it. I don't think I read that the forum here was called BETRAYED SPOUSES FORUM. Jesus. Thats like asking for water and getting wine. Why do you think I don't post often on here.

 

I've met a few nice people on here for sure. Like Tudor, Mom4, and HoldOn. WhichWayIsUp has been even civil, but most of the women that post here are bitter Betrayed Spouses and take out their frustrations on the OW. I understand how hurt you all are but you need to stop. Seriously. *fedup*

 

Excuse me sweet serenity, but I don't really give a flying fu7k if you are tired of reading people who have an opinion different than you.

 

As for your water and wine comment, give me a break. I ask you - why should you expect compassion and respect when, as an OW, you don't give any compassion and respect to the wife? Hmmm... It's a two-way street. Marie said she doesn't know the wife so she doesn't care about how her actions might affect her. How self-absorbed and selfish is that?! I'm sorry, but you know what - I could take the same approach - I don't know you sweet serenity, and I don't know Marie, so why should I care about how my words affect you? Think about it. You can't go crying 'unfair treatment' and then turn around and do the same. There aren't two sets of rules.

 

Sometimes people need to realize that they are not playing with pawns, they are playing with people's lives. If a little bit of tough love is going to get someone to realize that their actions are devastating, than I am all for tough love.

 

And by the way, I am not a betrayed spouse. I am happily married.

[jade_nc]

marie -

just something to think about. i know he said he wants more time to get the money together. but once he leaves, and the paperwork starts - W is going to know about the apartment, his income level, and everything else. she'll be entitled to part of any and all monies that were spent on your new place. have you already checked the laws in your state?

 

some states would also allow her to sue you for damages as well.....especially if he walks out of his home and into cohabitation with you.

 

financially - he would be better off to talk to a lawyer now and move out now then trying to stash money away.

 

i know you want to keep waiting - but you're worth more than that....even if he does eventually get the balls to leave.

[SoleMate]

Hey, sounds like your MM doesn't know much about divorce law if he seriously believes that his plan has a hope in h*ll of working. IF he files for divorce...which will almost certainly NEVER happen, but let's play along here...his wife's attorney will demand disclosure of his financial records - bank acct, checkbook, savings, cash withdrawals, credit card, etc. They'll be gone over with a finetooth comb and all those cash payments to your benefit will be charged to his portion of any settlement. The law is QUITE specific about that. Also, this kind of "pre-divorce financial planning" can tend to prejudice a judge against your MM, since it shows that he is a dishonest cheat who is stealing from his wife.

 

Don't worry about his W "getting all the money" when the two divorce...law everywhere in the US requires that community assets be divided equitably. It wouldn't be equitable for her to "get all the money". His arguments are pretty sleazy.

 

You are being so compromised and so jerked around by this sleazy liar it's just sickening. I pray that you will have your eyes opened at some point...right now you're like a newborn kitten.

[HoldOn]

Wow, SoleMate, I am sure you are right. I was reading the MM's excuses and I couldn't believe they were true.

 

Marie, why don't you make an appointment with a divorce atty in your state. Tell them you just want to talk for an hour and pay the fee. Ask all your questions and see if the MM is really doing the right thing. I think this is the best idea, and you alternative to living in the dark about divorce law.

[Mz. Pixie]

Solemate is correct. I just went though a divorce recently and if you fight it at all they expect full financial disclosure.

 

For the record, I was a OW at one time, though I didn't divorce for my OM.

I'm not sitting here judging or talking bad about someone.

 

My OM lost his job and his social standing because of our A. You know what he said? I deserve this- every bit of it.

 

I have a real problem with men who want to play but don't want to play. If wants to get away from her so bad- he could give it all up. That's what I did to get out of my marriage.

 

Since she has never worked- she doesn't have any real chance of getting a good job at this point. They will take all the work she did in the household into consideration. He may even have to pay her separate maintenance.

 

Marie- you may not care about her now- but what if the situation were reversed?

I know you didn't expect to fall in love with this guy- and I'm not bashing you for doing it. He just sounds like the typical older married guy who wants to keep a mistress. I bet he's done this before too!

 

She could very well get separate maintenance for the rest of her life- I know someone who did. She also ended up getting alientation of affection money from the OW.

 

You may not care about the money and that's okay. That brings me to the question of why he cares about it more than he cares about being with you? He obviously knew he was risking losing you by not doing it, but still chose the money.

[Marie1973]

HI

 

Sweetserentinty, i don't let the angry people here bother me 1 bit. So don't worry about that.

I let it go in 1 ear & out the other. The only wrong thing I did here was fall in love with a married man.

Besides that i am doinng nothing wrong, so don't feel 1 ounce of guilt. I am not the one lying & cheating

he is & he has to face her everyday, not me.

 

My MM is giving me cash so nothing could be traced. He alwayed cashed his paycheck & kept 1/2 in his pocket his whole life. THey won't be able to track the cash. The apartment, yes but he doesn't care about that.

 

If the angry people don't like what u read here, do not go into The Other Woman/Man forum.

 

No I won't let this go on passed July, so u guys could make all the bets u want! :-)

I honestly could take so much

 

& Solemate, my man is not sleazy, he's just in a bad marriage. He is the most wonderful man that i ever met.

You should be so lucky.

 

Debster, relax with your language. People are giving their opinions here. if u don't like it, don't read it.

[amy1975]

you just called your man a liar and a cheater in your last post. That's not very nice.

[Debster]

If the angry people don't like what u read here, do not go into The Other Woman/Man forum.

Why oh why do OW believe that only they have the right to read this forum?

I mean, clearly boundaries are something that OW feel don't apply to them - as they are with a married man.

Why then, should boundaries apply to other people? Once again, it is two sets of rules. Sorry, I don't play that game. I'll read and post when and where I want. You may chose not to read my posts, and that is fine.

However, if it smells, walks and talks like BS, then I will call BS.

 

Debster, relax with your language. People are giving their opinions here. if u don't like it, don't read it.

I'm not trying to bash OW. I am, however, trying to poke holes in the story. And I have no problem with conflicting opinions. I'm all for it.

 

The only wrong thing I did here was fall in love with a married man. Besides that i am doinng nothing wrong, so don't feel 1 ounce of guilt.

Take the blinders off. You're failing to realize that not only are you in love with a married man, you're sleeping with him and encouraging and helping to take money away from his wife and family. Be honest with yourself.

 

My MM is giving me cash so nothing could be traced. He alwayed cashed his paycheck & kept 1/2 in his pocket his whole life. THey won't be able to track the cash. The apartment, yes but he doesn't care about that.

See a lawyer. A divorce lawyer will find out his salary and then once the wife founds out her husband has been garnishing his own wages, she will scream bloody murder and look for the $. I don't think you have any idea of what you are getting yourself into.

 

I feel badly for you if this is the best man you've ever met.

Trust me, there are WAY better men out there.

I hope you and the other OW find one.

[jade_nc]

marie -

 

it doesn't matter if it's cash or not. the pay rate is what will be the determining factor, and his pay stubs can and will be subpenoed by his W's atty. division of property will be based on that amount......in most states for the last year. once the atty looks at bank statements and see's that the money was not deposited it will become an issue....and if he's already spent the cash, he'll have to find a way to come up with it.

 

and once the rental on the apartment is found out, that will go toward infedility and can lead to additional alimony.

 

in my state - if you haven't been separated for a year, the defending spouse can sue both parties for damages.....they can also have them arrested. yes, it is still illegal in my state to live with someone you aren't married to.

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by Marie1973

1.I am not the one lying & cheating he is & he has to face her everyday.

 

2. My MM is giving me cash.

 

3.You should be so lucky.

 

1. For what reason on earth do you think that he is a liar and cheater for his wife, but absolutely honest and devoted to you? If he were honest and his marriage were so bad, why didn't he leave his wife, but is cheating on her for years? Can't you see he's full of it? Do you really believe that he will actually leave his wife of 25 years, children, friends, and take only 1/4 of what he has been working for for a quarter of a century just so he can be with you?

 

2. He decided to start paying for your services. Sooner or later you will start sleeping with him again and everything will be as it was before until he gets bored of you. If he didn't leave his wife while he was still infatuated with you at the beginning, he won't do it now. He doesn't even care to sleep with you so often as he did before!

The fact that he decided to give you money indicates that he thinks money is all you care about. You see, you can make love to him and you believe he is in love with you. But you want more; you want marriage, you want his money! That's what he is thinking. He doesn't think you want to wake up next to him, he thinks you are a needy person who needs to spend his money and live a comfortable life. Men don't believe in true love. At least not married men who cheat and don't intend to leave their wives.

 

3. No, YOU should be so lucky! You want to turn a wealthy man and a good father into a poor man who will provide for you instead of his children. You know the joke: "Any woman can turn a man into a millionaire... if he is a billionaire."

 

Finally, men don't admire women who sit and wait for them forever. They chase after the women who are busy living their lives and don't have the time to think of them. You're no challenge for him whatsoever. You don't have any other men who sleep with you (as he has his wife). You don't say "no" to him. You're an endlessly faithful quasi-wife #2 who provides some excitement for him.

This man is a bigamist by nature and he made sure he got all he wanted in his life. You better start living your life and seeing other men before you fall into the abyss. While your whole life is on hold, he is pulling your nose and selfishly playing with his toy - you! Of course he doesn't want to lose his toy and he'll say anything just to keep it, but if he loses it... oh well, it was just a toy.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Marie,

 

People aren't "angry"…rather frustrated at times with the level of delusion and denial that some people exhibit when in these situations. It's not about being "judged," rather it's bewilderment in other people's inability to use their own good judgment. Denial is often impenetrable, and I think anyone who has spent enough time on this forum is already aware of that. We've seen it time and time again. But it's out of genuine concern for your situation that some people will continue to try anyway…at least until they realize it's absolutely futile and just give up on you. Sometimes the only way to learn is through experience, and some folks are just so stubborn that there's nothing left to do but let them acquire their lessons the hard way. As much as we hate to see it.

 

I think if you're at a place in your life where you can't deal with honesty and truth, then it will matter little whether people sugarcoat their responses so you continue to like them, or deliver the message straight up in an attempt to jar you back into reality and get you to think. Basically, everyone here is still trying to tell you the same thing.

 

I understand that right now that your stance is to "let it go in one ear and out the other." I think that's sad, because by shutting yourself off to the voices of reason you deny yourself the opportunity to save yourself from a potentially painful experience. But it also goes far in explaining how it is you got yourself all caught up in this mess in the first place.

 

Oh well, live and learn, I suppose. But hopefully someone else in this same situation will read this thread one day and actually take something from it. I know I have! And thanks to the many people (like you and others) who share their affair horror stories, I can honestly say this is one gal who'll never take that painful road. So you see…you've actually knocked some sense into me!

 

As a matter of fact, I'm going to give my guy a great big oh-my-god-I-sure-do-appreciate-you hug today when he comes through that door. He'll never know what hit him!

[Mz. Pixie]

Enigma is right. I'm not coming here to judge- only to share my experience. I would love to prevent someone from going through the pain I went through, and living with the guilt that I have now. I didn't even want my OM to leave his wife- so I can't imagine how I would have felt had I wanted to marry him and take him away from his children.

 

There are plenty of OW's who feel bad for what they are doing or have done.

 

What your married man is doing is called Hiding Marital Assets. It's a big time no no- cash or not.

 

I dated a guy shortly after my separation who was pretty well off financially. He's paying over 50% of his income in alimony and child support. Their divorce has been going on for TWO YEARS. No relief in sight because his wife won't give up and neither will he. Are you prepared for that? He cheated as well - but they were only married 18 years vs 25.

 

I am more concerned about you Marie than him. Don't you hate selling yourself short this way?

 

Also you said his wife is hateful etc. You only know what he's told you. There are three sides to every story- his side, her side, and the truth. No one knows what goes on in a marriage besides the two people in it.

[Marie1973]

RecordProducer

 

Ok first let me start by saying, i DO NOT want my MM for his money

That is the last thing i want & he knew that from day #1.

 

I am a 32 year old FINANCIALLY secure woman. I don't need anyone's money. I have PLENTY of my own.

 

SO please do not say:

 

"The fact that he decided to give you money indicates that he thinks money is all you care about. You see, you can make love to him and you believe he is in love with you. But you want more; you want marriage, you want his money! That's what he is thinking. He doesn't think you want to wake up next to him, he thinks you are a needy person who needs to spend his money and live a comfortable life. Men don't believe in true love. At least not married men who cheat and don't intend to leave their wives."

 

He is giving me his cash so that i could hold it for him, nothing more.

 

 

Money is the last thing that I want or need from him, thank you very much. All i want to do is

wake up next to him every morning, why do u think i'm still waiting??? We are truly in love

thats why we just can't let go.

 

I never spend his money, nor do i plan to, I even told him that if he wants me to sign a prenup, i'll be feine witht that . I am NOT a needy person at all. I just fell in love. He wants to live an upper class life, not me, i'm fine with medium class.

 

And RecordProducer for your information, I have more liquid cash than my MM does. I don't know

anyone at my age that has even close to what I have.

 

So please don't turn this into a money thing.

 

THANK YOU

[ww]

HAS HE MOVED INTO YOUR APARTMENT YET??????????????????????????

[SweetSerenity]

You make me laugh. IF you want to bash people and their opinions then maybe you should go straight to the infidelity forum and not come on here and try to bash the OW's. I don't think thats what they had in mind when they put this forum up. Get over it! As for your words, they don't mean much, since we don't know you either.

 

 

NUFF SAID!

[Marie1973]

Thank you SweetSerentity

 

You tell her! I came to this forum to talk to other people in my positition not to get

bashed by angry old women.(Debster)

 

If you don't like what you read, don't read it!

Other people than the OW could read whatever they want.

But be a mature adult & use adult language.

 

What you said below to SS was totally uncalled for:

"Excuse me sweet serenity, but I don't really give a flying fu7k if you are tired of reading people who have an opinion different than you"

 

Be careful miss we could probably just as easy be the OW to your husband!!

I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem at all!! ;-)

 

P.S. If i knew there were people on this forum like Debster, i would have never have posted.

[SweetSerenity]

Exactly. I don't get why BS's come here and bash the hell out of OW's. I'm not on the infidelity forum talking about how stupid W's are or anything like that. Not that I think that way, but still. It's totally immature and stupid. Don't dignify yourself with the thread if you don't like it then don't read it and defnitely don't bash.

 

She's got issues and they clearly come out through her writing and her use of sandbox language. I don't care because those types of women are the ones that lose their H's to Ow's in the first place. Then they wanna whine about it. Please. I am not happy that I was an OW but it just turned out that way. I didn't seek out an affair and think "wow I am bored today so I guess I'll go take someone elses man'. Hhahahah just the nerve of her. She needs a clue. Heres your sign.

[MySugaree]

Please see the mods' official position on LoveShack's never ending infidelity wars:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54546/

 

It's certainly more fun to have an affair than argue endlessly about them.

[Marie1973]

Thank u my Sugar

 

I refuse to argue about this anymore!!

Debster please see Sugar's link.

[FolderWife]

Debster isn't bashing other women!!! She's simply advising you to find a man that isn't already taken. That's not bad advice...

 

#1, You won't be stuck waiting for him to chose you over his family

#2, You won't be asking him to chose you over his family

#3, He will be aaaaaaall yours

#4, You won't always come second

#5, You won't be labeled "bad"

 

There are so so so so many reasons why chosing a SINGLE man is a so much better choice! Don't get angry when someone advises you to leave a married man alone.

[Debster]

Think what you want and say what you want about me. I don't care.

We'll see what happens in July.

[SweetSerenity]

You're ridiculous! lol.

[Debster]

And Marie1973, I think Sugaree posted that in response to YOUR post.

My post wasn't insulting you or bashing.

The posts you and Sweet Serenity posted were bashing me.