Leaving - UPDATE

[RecordProducer]

It's the apartment he rents for their randez-vous', not the one where she lives, as much as I understood. I think he doesn't help her financially. She said she had more cash than him.

Okay, let's ask Marie about this. When she shows up, she'll tell us.

[DepressedWaiting]

It's not Marie's MM who is involved in a business lawsuit... it's my MM. Someone here has me confused with her.

 

However that in NO way shape or form has anything to do with a man's intelligence whatsoever. Whoever made the comment earlier stating "if he were so intelligent why is he in a messy business lawsuit" is absolutely ridiculous and just plain LAUGHABLE. That is absurd to say someone must not be "intelligent" based on the fact that an employ he had wokring for him turned out to be... let's just say not a very decent individual. Therefore he is taking the appropriate and necessary actions any business man would take in effort to see the deed does not go unpunished and he is reimbursed for the losses. Yes, situations such as this lawsuit do occur in the business world (many times unavoidable and yes VERY stressful) for those who live in reality. Hmmm.... I didn't realize this happended to him because he must not be as "intelligent"!

 

Stupid comments like that just really get under my skin. Give me a break.

[forms]

Originally posted by Marie1973

He alwayed cashed his paycheck & kept 1/2 in his pocket his whole life. THey won't be able to track the cash.

 

I stopped reading at this.

 

Yes, they will be able to. They can trace his paycheck easily. What he does with the money after he cashes it isn't important. It's the amount. He's going to have to account for the dissipation of marital assets--which is what his paycheck is. It isn't rocket science. He makes, just for example, $100,000 a year. That's easily proven by subpoening company and tax records. Even a novice attorney knows that. It's not hard to trace that $30,000 a year goes to expenses leaving $70,000 unaccounted for. Whether he gives it to you, or gambles it away or buries it in the backyard, it is still a marital asset--even if no one knows exactly what happened to it. His wife's alimony will be based on the $100,000 he makes, not whatever he has in his pocket at the time of the divorce. The split is assets will be on what exists (investments, house, bank accounts, etc...) and what should exist. Where is the $70,000, will be investigated. It won't matter where it went, only that it didn't go to joint expenses. Chances are VERY high he will have to return half the money. Or his wife will say, there's $70,000 missing, we can't account for the whereabouts of half his paycheck for the last several months--and the court will compensate her by giving her $35,000 extra equity. There's no logic to what he's doing. And besides, all his wife has to do is hire a PI and you will be uncovered quickly and there will be an examination on how much of the marital assets have been spent on you.

 

I'm sorry to say this, Marie, but there is something underhanded going on here. This is not logical divorce strategy. Logical strategy is to file for divorce now before the marital assets increase further, and freeze status. I'm a divorce attorney and have run a national divorce group for 9 years. Hiding away money in SOMEONE ELSE'S account would never be a smart strategy very advised by any attorney. So he's having you hold money for him, in your name alone? What's to stop you in June from just keeping the money yourself? I know--you are trustworthy and love him and would never doublecross him, and he knows it. But NO attorney would trust you. He's not getting this advice from an attorney. This is his own idea.

 

Something else is going on, Marie. I don't know if he has illegal income, or is skimming money out of the company and wants you to launder it. Or if he has IRS trouble. Or if he's got LOTS of debt and teetering on bankruptcy and is desperately trying to stash away untouchable funds. Or if he is just very naive about divorce law and procedures and using you to help him fraudulently dissipate marital funds.

 

Is he going to really divorce her? I think so, if he's just mistakenly thinking this will reduce what she's going to get in the long run. But if there's a million dollar house to protect, and cars, and investments, and all the regular trappings of high-flying upper class people--what difference will $20,000 make? If he is innocently thinking this is going to make a difference in the divorce finances, maybe he will divorce her. More likely he wants to time the divorce with the bankruptcy--and leave his ex holding the bag of debts (it won't work, btw, but not a bad strategy). However, it's more common with mid income people. They know they are going to get a divorce, so they stop paying the mortgage/bills and hide the money, maybe even by giving it to a GF. Then just as the house goes into foreclosure and the utilities are cut off, they announce to the wife they want a divorce and go off to live with the GF on the hidden money.

 

If he's doing some version of this, then I think he will divorce his wife. I am puzzled by the relatively small amount of money he's hiding considering what he say he owns. OTOH, he may have so mismanaged his finances that that is all he has to work with. Not completely unheard of even among high powered executives, particularly those who like to live large. Michael Jackson a couple months ago only had $35,000 cash and a negative net worth a couple months ago.

 

If this is what he is really doing, Marie, I think he will leave his. However, there's a small possibility that he's doing something else, something more sinister. If he is using you to launder money from illegal income, tax fraud, kickbacks, funny accounting, or something from work, you could be in a world of trouble. Try to be a little more discerning here. He is NOT being honest with you, and he is being underhanded. If he's willing to cheat his wife, believe me, he's willing to cheat you.

[HoldOn]

What difference does it make if he is involved in a business law suit or not?

 

He's still being ridiculous with the trying to hide his marital assetts. It's a stupid idea, it won't work and he could get his OW in legal trouble too.

[phillygirl63]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

But she won't be able to dump him cuz she's so incurably in love with him so she will keep seeing him for a while with the thought "I know he will never be fully mine, but he loves me and I love him."

 

 

Honestly, what is there to love about this guy? He sounds like a major weasel. I don't believe he is telling Marie the truth, but even if he is, who loves a creep like that? Someone that would hide money from his family. It's plain icky.

 

But RP, no doubt you are correct about Marie's future. I too think he'll be the one to eventually dump her and she'll end up someday with someone else. Hopefully, it won't be too late for her to have a family of her own if that's what she wants.

[Marie1973]

Hello guys

 

Yes i'm here i showed up. First yes Billy, you got me confused with DepressedWaiting. My MM is not in a lawsuit with his company, her's is.

 

Circles - I see him almost everyday at work, we spend 1 night at least once a week & hang out at the apartment, where neither of us live as of yet, on the weekends. When the holidays come, we have our own holiday together. We have been to Vegas for 4 days alone, Florida, 3 different times for 5 days each alone , Atlantic City for a few days, alone & are planning a vacation in the near future. And if we aren't together, we are on the phone.

 

Also circles, my MM's both mother & father passed away 5 years ago, 6 months apart to the day & he has no siblings, he was the only child.

 

 

RecordProducer, you are correct, I don't need nor want my man for his money. I do not make anywhere near what he makes but i have more liquid cash than he does. A few $100,000 isn't so bad for a 32 year old?? His cash is all in realestate. I don't make even 1/4 of what he makes. They take out more than what i make in a full year, in tax each year from his paycheck. I've lived home with my parents & just saved, saved, saved. And no Record producer, if he doesn't leave July I am not staying with him, its over.

 

My MM pays for the apartment, utilities, etc. because he won't ever take a penny from me & if kinda aggrivates me. I am the type that feels that it just shouldn't be 1 way. I want to pay for things too, but he won't let me. We argue about this at least once a week.

 

I see where u said i could get into trouble for taking his money, but how will they know where i got it from. They have no proof. My parents borrowed $35,000 from me a few years ago (their money was tied up) & they pay me back in cash & i put that away in an account, how do they know the difference??

 

Or maybe I could put the cash into a safe deposit box so that there is no trace of it what - so - ever, NOT A BAD IDEA!!

[HoldOn]

Or maybe I could put the cash into a safe deposit box so that there is no trace of it what - so - ever, NOT A BAD IDEA!!

 

Are you kidding.

[Marie1973]

Hold on

 

Why would i be joking?? A safe deposit box is a great idea. The people here are telling me that they could get into my bank records & find his money, this way if i get a safe deposit box, there will be no trace of it.. :-)

 

I actually think its a great idea. I have to talk to my MM about it, first thing in the morning :-)

[phillygirl63]

Originally posted by Marie1973

Hold on

 

Why would i be joking?? A safe deposit box is a great idea. The people here are telling me that they could get into my bank records & find his money, this way if i get a safe deposit box, there will be no trace of it.. :-)

 

I actually think its a great idea. I have to talk to my MM about it, first thing in the morning :-)

 

Oh okay! Forget my last post! Now I understand who would love a creep like that!!!!!!

 

Does anyone think that Marie might be yanking our chain a little bit? I'm not quite buying her story. Seems like she's enjoying getting a rise out of us.

[Marie1973]

Philly girl

 

What r u talking about? I am telling you guys here the honest truth about what exactly is going on with my MM. Why would you think that i'm lying?/ That is not the case at all. Every word I told u guys is the truth.

 

What makes you say that? I would never just say something to get a rise out of people. Sorry i'm not like that.

[HoldOn]

It takes a lot to make me mad.

 

Marie, I thought I felt sorry for you because you were being taken advantage of by a MM.... Now, well, I'd probably be deleted by the moderators if I put what I felt.

 

Why don't you just go over to the MM's house and steal his wife's jewelry and china while you're at it. then maybe you can give her a paper cut and pour lemon juice in it.

 

Also, Even if it's in a safety deposit box they can still find it.

 

Why won't you get legal advice to find out if your MM is doing the right thing or not? Are you afraid you'll find out the truth.

[HoldOn]

Does anyone think that Marie might be yanking our chain a little bit? I'm not quite buying her story. Seems like she's enjoying getting a rise out of us.

 

No, I think she's getting angry because every one's giving her good reasons to dump her MM, and she doesn't want to. So, now her arguments are spiraling into the ridculous.

[shellys-trying]

A ridiculously written soap opera!

 

can't you all hear the dramatic organ music in the background? ROTFL

 

Meet us next time when Marie says to her MM.... "@##$%^&*())*&^&^%$%&*()_)"

 

OMG, I'm sorry, I'm gonna go to bed before I say something to get the moderator's hackles raised.

I'm new and really like it here. I wanna stay, so I'm playing nice and wishing Marie all the best of luck with her mm and her safe deposit boxes and whatnots...

 

G'night y'all!

 

(SIDE NOTE:)Can't you hear Gilbert Godfried somewhere in the world reading all this going, "WHAT THE

F#$% !"

[HoldOn]

Voice over: On the next episode of In-Fidelity, Marie gets pregnant! (DundunDUN).

 

Marie: "I didn't think I needed birth control because I trust my MM."

 

Voice over: The happy couple heads over to the safety deposit box so they can buy a crib.... and years of counselling... for the new baby.

[whichwayisup]

Hey hey hey...Let's all remember that Marie came here looking for help/answers thoughts...Not a roast. She still has feelings and it's not cool taking these potshots at her.

 

Things are a mess, I'm sure she knows that. It's her life, her choice in the end of how she wants to live her life.

 

Advice and thoughts - Great, but it's gettin' abit nasty here. She doesn't deserve to be s*** on every 2 posts... Even if most don't agree or like what she's posting about and what her MM is doing to her.

 

Marie, I still think you need to talk to a therapist - Just so you can talk to someone very objective and could help you incase this doesn't work out. Self confidence, how you feel about you, stuff like that.

[curly]

Someone finally said something nice!

 

Marie - I am on your side. But I truly think your MM is playing you. Don't you feel that? You have to have some gut instincts here.

 

My MM started the A paying for everything with a credit card. And when I pointed out that he would definitely get caught that way - he stopped. Started paying cash everywhere we went. Should have been my first clue that he wasn't leaving, but that's another post.... [big sigh]

 

I truly think that if your MM was going to leave, he would have done so already. When I first started this MM relationship, I read about cheating husbands. There's reasons all across the board for cheating. But the one I really tuned in to was the "exit affair." The exit affair is when he really wants out but is scared. If he finds a woman that he truly wants to be with, then he ends the marriage fairly quickly to be with the OW. This happens within 3-6 months. After that... he probably isn't going. He has certain needs. He's a man... Women need to be nurtured, loved, adored.... Men need to be strong, a confident figure, admired in society, etc.... A man that is your MM age (BTW my MM is 52, I'm 37) can not live with the scorn of a younger woman that he left his wife for. It just doesn't happen. Even in Hollywood, these men are scorned. He can't, and he won't, live with that.

 

He doesn't care that he pays for things with his credit card because she never sees the pills. She's a wife of a wealthy man. They either have an accountant or they keep their accounts seperate. Sure as sh*t, she has her own credit cards that he never sees. He doesn't have any intention of ever leaving. He's playing you. Or at best, he wants to leave but deep in his heart knows that he won't. So why worry about the credit cards?

 

Playing the advocate for you... At this point, he really can't leave even if his first intentions were to leave. He's completely painted himself into a corner. He's paying for the apt., giving you money, etc. He can't leave now. The money trail will lead right back to his infidelity.

 

My best adivce - take all the money he's given you and run - he was stupid enough to give it to you. Put it in an account in the Caymans 'cause when (OK if) it ends, he'll come looking for it. Make it disappear. You've earned it. The heartache you will go through is worth something, isn't it?

[RecordProducer]

Okay, now you guys have passed the border between being honest and being mean. This is not a funny situation for anyone.

Whenever you judge someone too hard, "god" puts you in their shoes and you change your mind when you see how it feels on your own skin. I know this from my own experience.

It's good to be discriminative toward evil people, but a little bit of understanding YOU SAINTS can afford to give the mortal people like Marie who got herself in a MM's trap.

 

Marie, all I told you is what I would tell my own sister or daughter, what my mother would tell me if I were in your situation. I hope you dump him in July if he doesn't leave. Just know one thing, it's hard to get over the one you're in love with, but it's not impossible. At first you feel like dying, but then the awakening phase takes place and you feel stupid for loving him and realize that he wasn't as good at he seemed to you while you were in love with him. It might take a year for you to get over him, but it's better than years of uncertainty, suffering, and humiliation you experience now.

Whenever you don't know what to do with a man BE A REAL LADY! A real lady would never sit and wait for a guy to make up his mind. A real lady walks away and lets the guy run after her; if he doesn't - she doesn't turn around. EVER!

[lindya]

In the event of any divorce, the courts will require him to account for any large chunks of cash regularly being removed from his/their bank accounts. Stuffing the cash into a safety deposit box won't stop him having to explain its magical disappearance from the household pot if this matter does reach the divorce courts.

 

If I were you I'd be surprised if he does start giving you $1,500 on a weekly basis. I'd also be quite nervous. People involved in money laundering come in all shapes and sizes, and from all sorts of backgrounds. Don't unwittingly become one of them.

[SweetSerenity]

I've just caught up and I have to say GOOD GOD HOW IMMATURE this thread has gotten. I've had my run in's with Phillygirl and I have to say she doesn't offer up any good advice in my opinion, on the other hand HoldOn I'm appauled at your reaction . Anyhow I second what WWIS said. It isn't nice to sit and roast someone over and over and over. I agree that Marie you probably should see a therapist. I know when my brother got a divorce, that was here in the state of Texas, that he got into serious trouble for hoarding cash out of the marriage and even had to pay some back to his exW. So I'd be careful if I were you.

 

I hope that as much time as you have sank into this MM, thinking about him and longing for him and taking up for him that he does what you need him to do. However, having said that, I do believe that most MM's will not leave their wives. Thats why when you get involved with an MM it is better to not wear your heart on your sleeve. I think you need a thick skin because you're only going to get hurt in 99.9% of the cases. I didn't even fal in love with my exMM and still I'm reaping some major heartache (he won't leave me alone and still insists that I'm in love with him when I've told him otherwise, top it off with he called me at 1:30 A.M. on my cell phone while my H and I were asleep because he was at the ER with his pregnant wife that couldn't breathe). s*** happens and well you know A's are not uncomplicated by any stretch of the imagination. I couldn't in all actuality recommend anyone getting involved with MW's or MM's. Too much work and too much strife.

[Marie1973]

Ok guys

 

Now i agree with whichwayis up. Things are getting way out of control

here. Hold ON you obviously have some issues here. Say whatever you want, obviousely a man must have hurt you sometime in your life. You are being

so immature here in this forum. How freakin' old are you?? Come on now, act your age. All the others, curly, whichway, recordP. thanks for trying to understand where i'm coming from & thats for the advice, which is why i came here in the first place.

 

Come July, I am not staying with my MM. That will be the last straw.

After him not leaving by May 1st, I kinda got a gutt feeling that he wasn't going to leave at all. So i am giving him the benefit of the doubt for this 1 last time.

 

So guys could we relax with the immaturity in these posts. & keep the advice coming, i mean thats why i came here.

 

Thanks to those who are being human!! & to those others that are totally out of line, you could kiss my )(

[shellys-trying]

Well, I for one (as the wife) don't feel so bad and sorry for myself anymore. My H's A was tame compared to some I've been reading about.

Some of these OW on this forum are as gullible with their MM as I was with my H and what he was doing which didn't include credit cards and gifts and such. I think my H bought his OW a Ski to drink. I could deal with an 89 cent pop, but he had the foresight to not put much into the relationship...well, except his...you know.

 

As for Marie, I think she should get some therapy. A therapist might help her see what the ppl on here are trying to help her see.

Someone (was it RP?)mentioned "God" in a post reprimanding all the joking and going on earlier...

I agree, I don't think that God appreciates any of His ppl putting down or making fun of other ppl, Do unto others...

 

BUT, I do believe He created the Commandment that says, Thou shalt not commit adultry, so I don't think that "God" should be used to deter anyone from "poking fun", especially in an adultry discussion.

 

OK< isn't there a rule that states to not use religion on these forums?

 

So, I'm moving on and just hoping Marie will hear something on here that will give her the push she needs to send her in the direction more beneficial to her and her future happiness.

[phillygirl63]

I don't think I was "bashing" by questioning the validity of a post. I read it from the beggining and the story keeps getting worse and worse. Perhaps, I don't want to believe that there are truly people out there that would go along with hiding cash from their married lover's family. It's depressing that there really are people like that out there.

 

Furthermore, SweetSerenity, I don't recall having a run-in with you ever on here. You got upset with me because I gave my opinion (which is what forums are all about) that I thought it was wrong to have sex with your mm in his wife's bed. Sorry, if that isn't the response you wanted but that's my opinion and you're not going to silence me with your "bully in the school yard" tactics. And, lets talk about maturity and bashing. You had the audacity to say that Debster was bashing earlier in this post and then proceeded to attack her.

 

It seems to me that all of the OW want support and guidance on here, yet when given a frank opinion that might call them on a few things, they cry "bashing"

[HoldOn]

I apologize for making fun of Marie.

 

However I was appalled by Marie thinking of new and wonderful ways to steal money, not only because it is wrong, but because they WILL get caught. I suppose you just have to make your own mistakes to learn from them.

[whichwayisup]

Hey, he gets caught, he get caught. He suffers the huge consquences of his actions of trying to hide $$. He did this for himself so HE could have $$ put aside. He's not handing it over to Marie and saying here spend it.

 

Whatever happens, will play out on it's own. Hopefully his wife will wake up and realize what a bastard her husband is. Hopefully Marie will see that too. If not, well, life goes on doesn't it.

 

It's a sad thing, I feel most of all horrible for those kids. Innocient kids who don't know what's going on around them.

[forms]

I find it hard to believe that a man as wealthy as Marie claims this one is (high paid executive, million dollar homes, expensive vacations, high living standard) needs to steal away a thousand dollars or so a week for the next two months. Since half the money he's stashing away is half his wife, all he's doing is saving himself about $10,000 in a divorce--if he's successful (and as a divorce attorney, I tell you, this is amateur stuff).

 

He's up to something else. My guess? If it isn't some sort of money laundering (tax fraud, illegal income, kick backs, funny accounting from work), then he's likely got debt problems. All that high livin' costs a lot. I've got to wonder if he isn't over extended and hiding money not from his wife, but from creditors.

 

No matter. If he gets divorced, he's got one heck of a long, bitter divorce ahead of him. This is a two year divorce at least, and a good attorney for the opposition (his wife) can drag it out three or four. Of all his wealth is in real estate and his salary, he's got NO chance of hiding anything.

 

Marie, do you understand what is involved in a high-income, bitter, contentious divorce? And it WILL be a bitter divorce. Hiding money and having an affair ALWAYS produces a bitter, contentious divorce. Why? Because there's a lot of money to pay lawyers, and the more lawyer involvement the uglier the divorce. Because there's a lot of assets (and probably debt) at stake. And because on the one side (your MM's) there is an inflated sense of entitlement and on the other side (his wife's) there's a driving sense of fear, hurt and betrayal and a great need (that won't be met by the court) for 'justice'. He had an affair AND he stole money AND he's lying AND she's financially dependent on him and desperate not to lose everything, and so she HAS to fight back hard. And she will because she can afford a lawyer who will fight like a bulldog.

 

Men don't lose everything in a divorce simply because they divorce. Most states have divorce law that split assets more or less 50/50. That's not losing everything, that's losing half. However, when you add in lawyers, everything because of legal fees ends up being in a best case scenario about a third to each party (after all debts are paid off). It's the fight that causes the losses--not the divorce.

 

You have to ask yourself what is wrong with your MM that he can't be happy trading in a million dollar house for two half million dollars houses--one for him (and you) and one for his ex. Ask yourself why it is so important that he deny his companion of 25 years and the mother of his children her half of their marital estate. Oh wait--you already said, she is mean to him and doesn't 'deserve' it. Well, he's cheating on her and trying to defraud the marital assets, so maybe he's being mean to her. Maybe he's being even meaner to her than to she is to him, so maybe he deserves their marital property even less than she. Believe me, that's how it will be portrayed before a judge. And it's possible that a judge will agree.

 

Divorces are hell. Bitter, contentious, high asset divorces are worse than hell. They change people for the worse. If he is devious and greedy and arrogant now, he's only going to become more so after two years in and out of court. They cost a lot. Greedy people who fear losing anything (even ten thousand among millions) fair the worst. The chances of him marrying you when he's done, aren't good. He will say, Never again will I let a woman have access to my money. He will require a strict prenupt. He will become misogynistic (women are only after a man's money); even really nice guys go through a phase like that (women do too, all men are cheating lying jerks). And once he's done and the dust has settled, chances are he will want to play the field. He's been married for 25 years, now he's free--and it cost him a lot to be free, and you are familiar and maybe a bit boring to him.

 

Sometimes people have affairs, fall in love, assess their lives, and do divorce and do marry the ones they love and the new marriages do work happily. But the assessment and divorce comes relatively soon after the falling in love. If your MM actually did fall in love with you, sometime soon after he assessed his life and decided where his happiness lay: and since he didn't divorce then, he decided it lay with status quo.

 

I don't know what's he's doing giving you money; but it's bad business, and even if he does leave his wife, you do not have smooth sailing ahead for the two of you. Please reconsider what you are doing.