Getting over yourself & low self-esteem & always focusing on negative

[2011]

Hi

 

I think if I was to look back on my life so far I've done a lot of good things I'm proud of, learned a lot and made so many mistakes. However even though I learn from those mistakes and try my best to move forward I still seem to be constantly in this state of anxiety/negativeness and can't be bothered with anything and anyone.

 

I consistently compare myself to others and always focus on what they have that I don't. I see people complain about their GF/wife/Kids and other stuff and it seems like they don't know how lucky they have it.

 

It seems a lot of people seem to just fall forward from one lucky break to another without trying yet I'm fighting my corner and getting nowhere. I think well how would they feel if they had no GF/Wife and had just a boring miserable life?

 

If I'm to take stock of my life now it is that I am single, bored, sick of day to day mundane crap, watching people get on, while I seem to be sitting still going nowhere. I mean it's not like I try, I go out socialise keep fit etc. but it seems like i can't find a purpose or meaning to what I am doing or where I am going.

 

Everything just seems to suck, nothing is really bad it's just everything suck, job, dating life, friends, everyone just out for themselves etc.

 

I'm piss bored with the lot and want to change everything, I want to make an amazing life but try to get out there and it's just the same, nothing seems to change even though I try to change it - seem to default back to being bored and sick of mostly everything. Tried therapy, getting more fit etc. eat better and not made a jot of difference.

 

Sorry just a rant really not asking anything specific but any comments appreciated.

 

 

2011

[TaraMaiden2]

Never compare your life to that of others.

What you 'see' is all-too-often far from the truth. You have no idea what may be going on in their lives.

 

I meet hundreds of people a day in my line of work. And every single one of them has s story to tell, and it may not always be pleasant or pretty.

 

You don't get it.

You don't get that your happiness, contentment, peace of mind and wellbeing are ALL your responsibility.

It's up to you to create them.

Life won't hand them to you on a plate.

 

The problem is, you have been doing stuff in order to gain some kind of satisfaction.

You are seeking an ultimate result.

You do things and then wait for a wonderful explosion of fireworks, whistles, bells, ticker-tape, fanfares and a big brass band complete with Majorettes baton-twirling, to herald your success, your achievement and the fact you've made it big-time.

 

You're totally missing the point.

 

Doing all those things - IS the point.

You're not aiming to achieve something, you ARE achieving something.

You do things for the sake of doing them, doing them well and enjoying them for what they are.

Character-building activities that make you a better person.

 

I have one suggestion for you:

 

Give.

Give your time, give your ear, give your support.

 

Got to a hospice and serve tea to all the people there, who won't be coming out alive. Sit with them, be a companion, and listen to them.

 

Go and serve soup to hungry destitutes who don't know how come they wake up in the morning. They have nowhere to go, no-one to turn to, and the only comfort they have in life is the bowl of food you give them.

 

Volunteer at a social group for physically-challenged or handicapped children.

 

The very best and most rewarding way to truly live life to the full, is to give of yourself to others, who can't do for themselves.

 

I promise you, there is no greater reward than to bring a smile to a person's face, because you have shown them kindness.

[carhill]

What you 'see' is all-too-often far from the truth. You have no idea what may be going on in their lives.

 

Yes, and a good reason, OP, to focus less on others as a barometer and more on your own milieu. One, it's efficient, as time is a quantifiable and finite aspect of living. Once it runs out, we're done. Make the most of it, and that's not analyzing the milieu of others as a measure of one's own worth or success. Sure, gain ideas, wisdom and inspiration from others and keep it in-house, in one's own life. Don't leak it out. You're important too, just as important as anyone else.

 

If you find your current mix of work, play, friendships, etc, boring or unfulfilling, try something else. Part of life is experimenting and failing to find success.

[Satu]

You are where you are in life because you put yourself there.

 

Your life as it is, is the product of all the choices and decisions you've made.

 

In my experience, people who feel as you do, live life in a passive way, wanting life to get better, whilst they stay the same.

 

It doesn't work that way.

 

If you want life to get better, you have to change first.

 

There is absolutely no way around that.

 

If you don't much like being who you are, change yourself.

 

If you don't much like your life, as it is, change it.

 

Change is the key, the price of admission, the magic word.

 

 

Take care.

Edited June 29, 2015 by Satu

[loveweary11]

 

 

I'm piss bored with the lot and want to change everything, I want to make an amazing life but try to get out there and it's just the same, nothing seems to change even though I try to change it - seem to default back to being bored and sick of mostly everything. Tried therapy, getting more fit etc. eat better and not made a jot of difference.

 

Sorry just a rant really not asking anything specific but any comments appreciated.

 

 

2011

 

You've already answered your own questions.

 

Regular life is boring as hell. I strongly agree.

 

You should go and do crazy things that put you outside your comfort zone. Take risks, move somewhere else, go live in a different country for a while, do some activities you've always wanted to do or that you find exciting.

[2011]

Many thanks for all the replies, they all gave me something to think about. Yes I suppose I have answered my own questions. I really do need a big change and it's having the guts to get out there and do it. I am feeling more inspired recently to start taking steps to get new experiences in life. I think it is because I done nothing in my teens, 20s or most of my 30s but just kicked the can down the street, never got anywhere, and now getting so agitated to cram so much in.

 

In the last sort of 4 months I have managed to get out to a new social events thing and been out a lot of the weekends, plus doing more exercise and losing weight too. Giving me more confidence and social skills.

 

 

2011

[Justanaverageguy]

I consistently compare myself to others and always focus on what they have that I don't. I see people complain about their GF/wife/Kids and other stuff and it seems like they don't know how lucky they have it.

 

Lots of good advice given here already but can I offer one piece more. This single comment above is telling and very ironic. Can't you see the irony that the comment you made about your friend with a family .... someone else is probably saying the exact same thing about you. He has this amazing life but is always complaining and unhappy. He doesn't know how good he has it. You really don't. The issue is most people work under the assumption that: If I get what I want then .... and only then ..... I will be happy. In your case you think that if I just had a wife and a family then I would be happy. If I just had xyz other thing I want then I will be happy.

 

Unfortunately that is not actually the way the universe works. It actually works in reverse. Be happy with what you have .... then you will get what ever you want. Think about it and it makes sense. Why do good things always happen to happy people. As you said yourself - why do some people seem to just fall forward from one lucky break to another without trying ? Why does nothing good happen to you right now ? Why do the rich get richer and the poor get poorer ? Because people get more when they are happy with what they already have. That is the secret to life the universe and everything. Seriously if you can understand and live that it is the most important rule you can ever learn in a life time.

 

If you want life to get better, you have to change first.

 

Satu's advice is correct - but the thing you need to change is your mind. Your outlook on life and most importantly your view of what you already have. If you continue to focus on what you lack .... you will never be happy. Because if you always tie your happiness to "more" you will always want "more" and always see yourself as lacking. The issue is not that you don't have enough .... it is simply that you "view" your life as not having enough. You need to change that view.

 

How do you do that ? By focusing on what you already have and being grateful for it. By appreciating and being thankful for the amazing things you have and take for granted (just like your friend takes his wife for granted). It will start a chain reaction. By focusing on what you have in abundance instead of what you lack .... first you get happiness .... then good things just start dropping in your lap like you see with your friends.

 

Try it out - swear it will change your life.

[2011]

Lots of good advice given here already but can I offer one piece more. This single comment above is telling and very ironic. Can't you see the irony that the comment you made about your friend with a family .... someone else is probably saying the exact same thing about you. He has this amazing life but is always complaining and unhappy. He doesn't know how good he has it. You really don't. The issue is most people work under the assumption that: If I get what I want then .... and only then ..... I will be happy. In your case you think that if I just had a wife and a family then I would be happy. If I just had xyz other thing I want then I will be happy.

 

Unfortunately that is not actually the way the universe works. It actually works in reverse. Be happy with what you have .... then you will get what ever you want. Think about it and it makes sense. Why do good things always happen to happy people. As you said yourself - why do some people seem to just fall forward from one lucky break to another without trying ? Why does nothing good happen to you right now ? Why do the rich get richer and the poor get poorer ? Because people get more when they are happy with what they already have. That is the secret to life the universe and everything. Seriously if you can understand and live that it is the most important rule you can ever learn in a life time.

 

 

 

Satu's advice is correct - but the thing you need to change is your mind. Your outlook on life and most importantly your view of what you already have. If you continue to focus on what you lack .... you will never be happy. Because if you always tie your happiness to "more" you will always want "more" and always see yourself as lacking. The issue is not that you don't have enough .... it is simply that you "view" your life as not having enough. You need to change that view.

 

How do you do that ? By focusing on what you already have and being grateful for it. By appreciating and being thankful for the amazing things you have and take for granted (just like your friend takes his wife for granted). It will start a chain reaction. By focusing on what you have in abundance instead of what you lack .... first you get happiness .... then good things just start dropping in your lap like you see with your friends.

 

Try it out - swear it will change your life.

 

I see where you're coming from average guy. I suppose it's just how you perceive things, you think well I don't have xyz and this person here does, so I'm somehow missing out, or asking why you don't have that, but you have things they don't have that they probably wish they had, so it's really equaling out, no one is really better off. Someone could be rich and lonely and another person poor but happy.

 

I am trying to forget the past, stop worrying about the future and just keep busy in the moment. I suppose that's all you can do because you can't influence the future, or change the past, by sitting thinking about it but only taking actions now to make that future.

[Justanaverageguy]

I am trying to forget the past, stop worrying about the future and just keep busy in the moment. I suppose that's all you can do because you can't influence the future, or change the past, by sitting thinking about it but only taking actions now to make that future.

 

Firstly - You can influence the future by thinking about it. Seriously! Thought is more powerful then you understand. It is the precursor to all action. It is the creative force that drives our action and builds the future.

 

The power to build a positive future begins with positive thought. You are correct however in saying you shouldn't "worry" about the future. Plan what you want, but don't fixate on it. Trust that it will turn out for the best, Live in the now and make the most of what you have every day no matter what it brings.

 

If I could recommend you a book. How life works. Read it with an open mind and try some of the things it explains. It's 8 dollars on a kindle - could be the wisest 8 dollars you spend

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00LTBD7HM?ie=UTF8&redirectFromSS=1&pc_redir=T1&noEncodingTag=1&fp=1

[2011]

Firstly - You can influence the future by thinking about it. Seriously! Thought is more powerful then you understand. It is the precursor to all action. It is the creative force that drives our action and builds the future.

 

The power to build a positive future begins with positive thought. You are correct however in saying you shouldn't "worry" about the future. Plan what you want, but don't fixate on it. Trust that it will turn out for the best, Live in the now and make the most of what you have every day no matter what it brings.

 

If I could recommend you a book. How life works. Read it with an open mind and try some of the things it explains. It's 8 dollars on a kindle - could be the wisest 8 dollars you spend

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00LTBD7HM?ie=UTF8&redirectFromSS=1&pc_redir=T1&noEncodingTag=1&fp=1

 

Thanks again average guy I will have a look at that book it looks quite interesting.

 

2011