What comes first , Affair or end of marriage ?

[autumnnight]

If your wife has contributed to the breakdown of your marriage, then she is responsible for that. She is not now nor will she ever be responsibly for YOUR choice to cheat. That will be on you. Or are you so weak that you are incapable of keeping your own values if others do not keep theirs?

 

Not everyone who cheats has a bad marriage. Some people are just plain old selfish.

 

You basically believe that since you have a sad marriage, you are entitled to break your vows and be deceitful and unfaithful.

 

You aren't.

[RightThere]

this thread was open just as a self assessment to an idea : if a person thinks about cheating , I believe marriage have very serious problem , it means that the partner is not anymore suitable for such a sacred commitment .

 

If you needed to actually ask that question out loud because you weren't sure about the answer.......I don't know what to tell you.

[Phoenician]

automn ,

 

sometimes it is a straight forward formula :get divorce .

 

if i divorce her now , she will get custody on 2 out of three kids ;she is abusive to kids to an extent that one of the girls has serious issues and going to IC .

 

Also there is a real issue with financial splitting , and if i divorce her and marry another women i will loose full schooling and college benefits for 3 kids , which is a fortune .

 

for the sake of my kids i will not officially divorce , yet , i am out of this marriage .

 

she sucked happiness from my heart to an extent that i don't beleieve in vows, religion nor contracts anymore .

 

 

for me now vows are not one way direction , they are sacred ;when we committed to each other , and then after marriage she no respect me , and let me begg for sex and respect in front of kids ; this is abreaking point by itself.

 

i don't care about religion nor legal status, A marriage is not just a piece of contract !

[Phoenician]

If you needed to actually ask that question out loud because you weren't sure about the answer.......I don't know what to tell you.

 

the main idea was :

 

once cheating finds a place in the mind of a partner ; this is an indication that marriage is in deep **** ; reconciliation is a fake process.

 

those who cheat despite having a good partner are sick .

 

I am raising this issue after I red a thread that a man cheated on his wife because she was pregnanent , another one because he was on duty for 2 weeks per month .

 

this is BS , NORMAL ppl won't cheat just because of silly issues ; they cheat cause of serious issues in their marriage , not defending cheaters though .

[autumnnight]

I have great sympathy for your sexless marriage. I have been there, and it is soul-crushing.

 

However, I do not have any sympathy for cheating. I just don't.

[Phoenician]

now , Am i seeking another women , of course .

 

will it be considered cheating , I don't know .

[Zenstudent]

You are right about one thing at least. Once one partner betray the other, there are serious troubles in the marriage.

[beach]

now , Am i seeking another women , of course .

 

will it be considered cheating , I don't know .

 

Just wait until the D is finalized.

 

You've waited this long...you can be a decent person and wait until you are single.

[Rejected Rosebud]

if i divorce her now , she will get custody on 2 out of three kids ;she is abusive to kids to an extent that one of the girls has serious issues and going to IC .

 

Well that can't be true, if the child is a victim of serious abuse and there is documentation of that (counseling for example) the best she will probably get is supervised visitation. So that is no reason not to get a divorce in fact it is a good reason to get a divorce. I am still confused about your marriage and your wife though I have read all your threads and it seems like you are talking about more than one person??? because you keep changing your stories about her. Anyway now you are making her out to be a complete evil villainess so just divorce and start living your life for yourself and your kids already sheesh!!

[Popsicle]

this is BS , NORMAL ppl won't cheat just because of silly issues ; they cheat cause of serious issues in their marriage , not defending cheaters though .

 

Now that I agree with altough some issues are more obvious than others.

[Phoenician]

Just wait until the D is finalized.

 

You've waited this long...you can be a decent person and wait until you are single.

 

thats 4 to five years away , boy is 7 , i can't get him before he is 12.

[Phoenician]

Well that can't be true, if the child is a victim of serious abuse and there is documentation of that (counseling for example) the best she will probably get is supervised visitation. So that is no reason not to get a divorce in fact it is a good reason to get a divorce. I am still confused about your marriage and your wife though I have read all your threads and it seems like you are talking about more than one person??? because you keep changing your stories about her. Anyway now you are making her out to be a complete evil villainess so just divorce and start living your life for yourself and your kids already sheesh!!

 

In US maybe , in Middleast this will not be easy!!!

 

so u want me to expose my child to further damage by putting her discussions with Therapist public ?

 

changing stories ? where give examples , she is a BPD , Lazy , selfish wife , were did i state anything else ?

 

I said , if I divorce her I loose a package of school and university benefit worth more than what i can get in 15 years ; is my dignity more important ?

 

wtf let everybody call me cheater , i am not gonna loose that .

[Phoenician]

Now that I agree with altough some issues are more obvious than others.

 

15 years , 15 years of disrespect , of laziness , of sex deprivation .

yet I didn't cheat .

 

Now i am seperated , i will chase a real women who knows everything about me and accept it ,and will tell my ex in the face , f off there is a real lady with me .

[elaine567]

In US maybe , in Middleast this will not be easy!!!

 

so u want me to expose my child to further damage by putting her discussions with Therapist public ?

 

changing stories ? where give examples , she is a BPD , Lazy , selfish wife , were did i state anything else ?

 

I said , if I divorce her I loose a package of school and university benefit worth more than what i can get in 15 years ; is my dignity more important ?

 

wtf let everybody call me cheater , i am not gonna loose that .

Is it possible for her to divorce you if you are a cheater?

[autumnnight]

If you are going to cheat, you are going to cheat.

 

Just own it. Own YOUR choice. Don't try to blame your choice on your wife.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I believe once someone just think about an affair even thinking , he/she must have a bad marriage .

 

Not always. Lot of times, people in perfectly good marriages end up at a Sales conference or girls night out, or bachelor party or whatever, and just start having a good time, and sort of "forget" that they have a life back at home.

 

Charming stranger shows some interest....oh whats a little harmless banter? Oh...what's a harmless cocktail with a stranger, after this I'll go home. Oh.. this guy is a great listener....what's one more cocktail?

 

Boom. One nighter turns into several nighter, and sometimes several years.

 

Out of nowhere.

 

Happens all the time.

Edited June 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[Phoenician]

Is it possible for her to divorce you if you are a cheater?

 

if she does , I can marry the second woman without divorcing her ,who doesnt exists yet ,this is legal in my place ; cheating will no longer be the case.

 

If she pushes all buttons I will go for this option , i.e having 2 wives !

I am still avoiding it because it will not be fair to the new women , nor the old .

[Phoenician]

Not always. Lot of times, people in perfectly good marriages end up at a Sales conference or girls night out, or bachelor party or whatever, and just start having a good time, and sort of "forget" that they have a life back at home.

 

Charming stranger shows some interest....oh whats a little harmless banter? Oh...what's a harmless cocktail with a stranger, after this I'll go home. Oh.. this guy is a great listener....what's one more cocktail?

 

Boom. One nighter turns into several nighter, and sometimes several years.

 

Out of nowhere.

 

Happens all the time.

 

 

Why I didn't do it 10 years back when I had gorgeous ladies knocking my room , nor when I travelled with female collegues who got drunk in a business trip ?

while now I am vulnerable so much ?

[elaine567]

if she does , I can marry the second woman without divorcing her ,who doesnt exists yet ,this is legal in my place ; cheating will no longer be the case.

 

If she pushes all buttons I will go for this option , i.e having 2 wives !

I am still avoiding it because it will not be fair to the new women , nor the old .

 

I am confused.

If she divorces you, then why would she care if you have a second woman, you would no longer be married to her then surely?

[Popsicle]

15 years , 15 years of disrespect , of laziness , of sex deprivation .

yet I didn't cheat .

 

Now i am seperated , i will chase a real women who knows everything about me and accept it ,and will tell my ex in the face , f off there is a real lady with me .

 

Get a divorce then.

[spanz1]

it is not that unusual to plan to cheat with someone, and then when it comes time to actually meet up, you get cold feet and run the other way. that is your body telling you that you are not that sort of person.

 

 

That said, if you are separated already, and you both agree to divorce, I do not see anything wrong with starting to date again. who knows how long the divorce process might take.

[SoleMate]

And stay away from the "virgin teen"s, they don't deserve something so low.

[Phoenician]

it is not that unusual to plan to cheat with someone, and then when it comes time to actually meet up, you get cold feet and run the other way. that is your body telling you that you are not that sort of person.

 

 

That said, if you are separated already, and you both agree to divorce, I do not see anything wrong with starting to date again. who knows how long the divorce process might take.

 

 

We agreed that we can't live together anymore , that we need to seperate and get a divorce , we can't legally divorce now due to genuine financial issues mainly school and university benefits.

 

I told her that I will be seeking another woman , and told her she can seek someone else.

 

I haven't slept with her since six month .

[flowergirl14]

There are plenty of people in unhappy marriages or marriages seperated by war or deployment. Ie. No sex for 1-2 years that do not cheat. My husband drug me through hell while he was cheating. Mind you I had no idea he was cheating but believe me I was sad, alone and unhappy. I therefore could have cheated for those same reasons. It never crossed my mind even when my husband rejected me sexually and emotionally because he was banging the b**tch. My morals, and character would not have let it. I would never have gone there. There are problems in all relationships. Some spouses just add to them by cheating.

[Phoenician]

I have been unhappy, in an almost sexless marriage for 17 years, never cheated. yesterday I came back to stay some time with kids ,I love my kids so much .