What comes first , Affair or end of marriage ?

[casey.lives]

the end of the marriage comes first. if you loved your wife .. cheating and causing her pain would hurt you just for thinking it .. let alone doing it.

[Arieswoman]

OP,

My cheating ex said to me after DD " I told myself it was OK to cheat because we were going to split up anyway".

 

So ( if you can believe any of his muddled thinking) in his mind he was already making an arbitrary decision about the marriage. This was pure selfishness on his part.

 

Have a look at your own motivations here - and then make the right choice.

[Phoenician]

I don't agree. Haven't you seen all the marriages that remain intact during and after an affair?

 

And for the record, a marriage is ONLY over once you are officially divorced. A couple can stay married for years, decades, or even a lifetime not feeling like they love each other anymore, but that is still a marriage. A dead marriage is still a marriage, as long as you are in it.

 

u r right a dead marriage is still a marriage , but what to do ?

call me coward if u want but I am not a able to leave my kids , I tried , I stayed months in a separate apartment , now I I am back to them, yet I cant even stay in same room with her .

[HappyAgain2014]

u r right a dead marriage is still a marriage , but what to do ?

call me coward if u want but I am not a able to leave my kids , I tried , I stayed months in a separate apartment , now I I am back to them, yet I cant even stay in same room with her .

 

Consider what you're modeling for your children. Do you really want them to believe this is what marriage is all about? Instead of divorcing and letting them see two happy parents, you're staying together when you can't tolerate the presence of their mother.

 

That's not for the kids. It's for you.