Learning not to hate myself

[RileyPayne]

I find that the days are becoming easier, however, I still have the urge to check in on her and I still find myself lonely and sad at certain points just wishing she could send me a text, or a sign that she wants to get back together with me. I'm still not over her, but I'm getting there and now she has started her Summer Holidays, I hope she'll begin to notice how lonely times can get when you're not constantly surrounded by friends and education.

 

Yesterday was a good day for me, and I did enjoy it. I had a couple of moments in the morning where I felt like crawling into a corner and dying because I was going to be lonely forever and the girl I love, will never love me again. But I got up and told myself to do something with my morning instead of dwelling, and thus, I spent the next hour cleaning my car, the hour after that at the gym, then Nandos, a sun bed, 1 movie, FIFA with friends, another movie and then I fell to sleep happy.

 

I too, woke up feeling quite alright. A touch of anxiety still lurks but it's power is decreasing. Today, I weighed in and I've made some steady weight gain which is uplifting. I'm not quite back to where I was 2 months ago but I'm getting there and this is the best I've been given the circumstances. I said to myself, that I'll care about certain things for now: Gym, friends, games, food, family and me. If I can live by that, I can be a smiley, happy guy for a good while yet.

 

Though I am still scared, I've accepted that G has left me, that she has moved on but I am still coming to terms with the fact she's not coming back. She'll be off on holiday on the 9th, and that's going to have her out of the country for 3 weeks. She'll probably post all the pictures of her looking fantastic in a bikini, her being happy and all of that. I hope by then I'll have come on enough not to care but it still hurts knowing she's very much happy without me in her life. You can't help but feel worthless. But work from the facts, she's not there yet, everything I said there is based on chance and why should I decrease my happiness based on something someone else could or could not do? In that phrasing, it sounds ludicrous!

 

Anyhow, today I'll probably be off to the gym judging on how my hand heals. Then I'll be off to a BBQ tonight with some friends and I hope that will be nice!

 

Today, I'd like to:

 

- See my sister at some point. TICK

- Wash my car inside + outside. TICK

- Depending on my monetary situation, drive down to a supermarket to ready some things for a friend's BBQ tomorrow evening. Doing that 2day

- Play the fixed computer game! TICK

- Walk the dog Dad got to her before me!

- Possible one: Depending on how the body feels physically, head to the gym. TICK

 

This week has gone mighty quick.

[XianErick]

It hurts the most because she said to me on the 21st June

 

"[my name], I'm not saying this just because it's what you want to hear. I'm saying this because it's the truth, I don't want a relationship with anyone right now and I'm not speaking to any boys like that"

 

She lied to my face while I had tears down my cheek

 

One girl told me the same thing while leading me on. She insisted we stay friends and was already planning her birthday with her new guy and friends.

 

You can't give people an inch these days. It really shows their true colors.

I don't have the stomach to do what they do. But it's hard to still see you wanting her after seeing the aftermath.

 

We've all been through something similar but we must look at the facts. I was ready to serious up, make a girl my fiancé, and was already building a future. Her? She rather snort drugs with her new friends and go to rock shows.

 

Even bragging about weight loss and her new job, with what purpose? Idk but I told her I didn't want to be friends and she pushed her texts on me every night, knowing it messed with me to stay in contacts.

 

I see the new trend on this forum is no contact, and there is a very strong reason why. Can't get over someone while keeping contact.

[RileyPayne]

Yes, NC is unfortunately, the best way. Which will bring me nicely onto how Friday went. Friday, after a few good days, was my first difficult full day since Sunday. I felt down, depressed, sad and lonely. I missed her and I ended up checking in on her twitter. What do I find? She's happy and I'm not. That did absolutely nothing for me except put me back to Day 1. I then got angry at myself for breaking NC, but that is the last straw in breaking strict NC. I'm not going to bother with social media anymore, it's a disease as far as I'm concerned.

 

Today for me could be difficult, I know this because before we broke up this was the day where there is a Fun Day near her restaurant and she did invite me to come, but I declined, it would be too difficult to see her and act like we're normal and friends when inside I'm still emotionally recovering. I hope she has fun, but it's none of my business. I wanted to text her just to hope that she enjoys her day and has fun, but at the end of the day, it won't achieve anything, so I'm not going to bother.

 

This morning I find myself at a crossroads of where do I go from here? I feel lost amongst a sea of happiness and despite the front of smiles and laughter I've put on this week, inside I'm still sad and lonely, with a wish that my ex would return, but an acceptance that it will not happen.

 

I'm going to try and have a positive day.

[RileyPayne]

Setback!

 

I was doing really well. Strict NC, and still ongoing since last Friday. I was getting better and the thoughts about her were becoming less to the extent where I generally wasn't caring a great deal anymore, of course, I had my moments, we all do at some point, but they weren't emotionally soul-crushing.

 

Until my best friend decided to tell me something that hit me, and I told him, next time to keep it to himself because I don't want to know.

 

In a nut shell, the guy she was seeing, that apparently wasn't true, well it basically was and she's a liar. She was saying to him "why didn't we get together at prom" < 2014 prom, when we were together. It hurt a lot hearing that and pissed me off, I wanted to find out more and I wanted to get on the phone to her and go mental with insults.

 

But I didn't. I told my friend that despite my body wanting more information, my mind doesn't. It won't help me knowing if they've gone further, if they're still speaking and all of that utter bollocks. I narrowly avoided calling her in anger, and I'm glad I didn't. It won't achieve anything, she'll realise her mistake at some point.

 

I was saying to myself yesterday: " I can't wait for that text to come through from her " - In 2 ways, it is right.

 

1. I can't wait for it, because if that text does come through, I will be in the driving seat.

 

2. However, I can't wait for the text to come through. It may never come through and for all I know, June 11th was the last time we will have ever spoken in my time on planet Earth. So I need to live my life and not wait for something that is unlikely to come.

 

In a nutshell, **** her.

[RileyPayne]

So it's Friday evening. It's been 1 week of strict NC, it has been 12, going on 13 days since we last had direct contact and 3 days since one of my friends told me something I didn't want to hear about my ex, which set me back and well, I'm now recovering from that, as well as the previous month.

 

I'm beginning to feel better again, I spent yesterday in Oxford and enjoyed it thoroughly. I had bits where I'd think about my ex, and feel sad, but then again I had my highs. I'd have to say I feel quite blergh about everything right now. I don't really know what to do and where to go with my life. I've got 2 months until I go to University, but the time in between is what is killing me. I don't want to strike things up with another girl because A. I'm still recovering B. I don't want to hurt someone or get hurt if I get into something then it tarnishes itself when I go to university.

 

I'm seeing a lot of my friends, which is good. Pre-Tuesday, my thoughts about my ex were deteriorating and I'd say they are again declining. I spoke to my friend about it and I told him not to tell me anything, even if it is serious. I said I won't be angry if he doesn't tell me something because I don't care about her life anymore. Which in my eyes is fair, what he told me hurt me, why do I want to know things that will only wound me and set my recovery back? I don't, I'd rather know less because even if I stick to the facts, I still find a level of pain I'd rather not have, then it leads to speculation within my mind and thoughts I dislike.

 

It is still difficult for me but I'm confident in what I am doing now. I enjoy going to the gym, so I go every day. I enjoy seeing my friends, so I see them every other day. I'm enjoying not seeing anything relating to my ex-girlfriend because it means I don't know what she is doing, and thus, the only enemy I'll have is my mind thinking she is doing something when she could be doing something far different. Though I do still harbour feelings of anger. The fact that she has lied to me about the potential rebound/rebound (I have no idea if they have done anything, but I know they were talking about it) leaves me bitter.

 

Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to August 9th. The day my ex leaves for Italy for 2/3 weeks. Not having her where I live will be great and she is expecting a text from me wishing her a safe journey and all that sort. That text will never come, I have learnt from my previous mistake in texting her and breaking NC when I should not have. Other than that, I'm trying to make my body my temple!

 

Weirdly structured post here because I haven't posted properly in nearly a week and I needed to get all of what was in my head down and out.

Edited July 24, 2015 by RileyPayne

[RileyPayne]

It seems to me as soon as I think I'm getting better, my body tries to tell me otherwise. Saturday was a good day for me considering the fact Saturdays have always been difficult for me because it is when we saw each other the most. But upon falling to sleep and enduring what was 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, all I did was dream about my ex girlfriend. Then once that happened, I woke up feeling lonely, anxious and sad because she wasn't by my side when in my dream, she was. I don't want this pain, it is self-inflicted but I'm sleeping so I can't even begin to stop it.

 

It set the tone for the rest of my morning, currently I'm feeling quite **** because I miss her a lot and my curiosity is killing me. I've come very close to checking in on both her and the guy I suspect she may still be seeing, but I didn't. I know only pain resides there but I still get the urge to see, I don't understand why. I know that pain lives there, but some part of me believes that pain won't answer the door and there will be a sign that she wants me back. Except the last time I took her up on one of her signs, the tweet from July 9th, I ended up regretting breaking NC. I'll see where I am in 5 days time, after the 5 days I will recalibrate and reevaluate, I am not going to break NC or make any decisions now.

 

14 days NC, though I have been slipping on breadcrumbs this morning, which I should not be doing. I didn't check in on any of her social media profiles and for that, I am proud.

[RileyPayne]

It feels like throughout the day it is getting easier, but in the mornings it is only getting harder. I know she is not coming back to me, I know our relationship is over and the worst part, I know she is happy. I just can't help but miss her and the companionship she provided to me. I wake up each and every morning feeling like utter ****, feeling lonely, feeling sad, just trying to convince myself that if I keep going I'll somehow wake up one morning and not care whatsoever about what she is doing, if she still cares and all that sort. But I'm struggling and I'm hurting still. It's been over a month since all of this occurred, I'm 15 days NC and I'm slipping on breadcrumbs.

 

I feel like I can't open up to anyone anymore either because it feels as if I'm becoming a burden, so I've not spoke about the situation a lot, I keep it to myself and/or put my words down here. I think the most hurtful part is knowing she will never contact me first, and thus, we aren't likely to speak again unless it is I who tries. But if it is me who tries, her heart hasn't changed and it will be pointless. If she wants to get back with me, she'll contact me, she hasn't been the one to contact me since May.

 

I just can't comprehend how someone who you've been so close to for 2 1/2 years can just resort to wanting to be friends a mere 3 months post-BU, and then proceed to lie to the very person whose sole aim in life was to make them happy. It sounds stupid, but I just want someone so I feel loved and I know that isn't a sustainable way of living but I spent so long having that person to fall back on that not having someone there feels risky, scary and lonely. I mean I am a better person now I'm not in a relationship, I work out every day, I see a lot more of my friends and I'm trying to look the best I've ever looked but I still just can't shunt that emotional rejection, the lying, the hurt and the pain. It lingers there in the air. I honestly think the worst part of this is that I'm in limbo, I'm in a job that is low-skilled and doesn't challenge me and I'm waiting until Sept. 27th to go to University, from which I will be living in a new town with thousands of new people.

 

Another thing that is getting to me. I keep torturing myself over my decision to break up with her, it's becoming less, but it's becoming more in certain specific aspects such as the fact I've seen a lot of people survive university in a relationship and given how close me and my ex were, we could have, but at that point I didn't think we could. I was about to write about what I should and could have done but I realised it is pointless, because it is torturing myself. I made the decision for a reason and I need to learn to live with it, and my regrets, no matter how hard that is.

 

Feels like I'm not progressing, I need some support guys.

[RileyPayne]

found out she's ****ing the new guy, what joyful news...

[RileyPayne]

I knew today would be hard. When I was again, informed about my ex girlfriend, it was said that today was the day she is going to meet up with her new guy to have sex because she has a free house. She said all sorts, that she wants him so bad, that she wants to buy new underwear for him, everything I never wanted to find out, I found out.

 

I'd been doing well, and I'd say I am still recovering quite well but I knew today would be viciously hard. I can't help but think while I'm writing this her and the guy are going at it, which does me no favours.

 

I'm really hurt, but I feel if it had been this news a month ago I would have been far worse. The pain, while there, is more numbing than outrageous. I do truly believe that she isn't my problem anymore, it is her life and her choices. If she wants to be in a friends with benefits relationship than that is up to her. I believe I am better off without her and physically, I've never been bigger or fitter. It still hurts to know that she is doing it though and that she lied to me about it going on four times. I'd say that unless she contacts me in the next couple of months, we will probably never speak again because I have nothing to say to her other than **** you, you lying bitch and when it does fall apart like a broken jigsaw, because the guy is notoriously player-esque, I will not be there to pick up the pieces.

 

She broke me physically and mentally. I stopped eating, I stopped working out, I was a mess. She broke my heart and to better it, spent the next month lying to me. She tried to pull the "let's be friends" card and I said no. I've not spoken to her in 19 days and I do not intend on doing so. As attractive as she is, there is far more to a relationship than physical attraction. Anyone who hurt me that badly and lied to me that much, does not deserve anything from me.

Edited July 31, 2015 by RileyPayne

[RileyPayne]

I'm feeling a bit vulnerable these past two days. I knew they would be difficult because of certain things I unfortunately found out, and they were. Despite trying to be strong, I did have a breakdown on Friday. I punched a wall in anger at the fact I was no longer the man she wanted, or she was physically attracted to. I tore myself apart, telling myself my teeth weren't white enough, my face wasn't attractive enough and that I wasn't big enough to physically attract anyone. Saying it like that now, it sounds petty, but after emotional rejection, your self-esteem hits all kinds of lows and considering the fact I don't have any girls speaking to me, you feel quite lonely and unattractive when I know for a fact that my ex girlfriend has plenty of boys speaking to her and one now obviously with her.

 

I'm still ingraining the phrases into my head, "It's her life, her choices, her problems, I shouldn't care about what she does anymore" + "I don't know it's happening, so I shouldn't care about it." - But it is difficult but I have to remind myself of certain aspects of break up and post break up. Our relationship wasn't healthy, nor was it developing. I don't understand why I miss her after the hurt and the lying. I did wrong, I admitted I did wrong and I tried to rectify my mistakes by coming back and trying to woo her again. She didn't want it, I truly hope that it hits her at some point how much she is losing because when I love, I truly love with all of my heart and mind. I put that person at the forefront of my life and strive to make them happy, because it makes me happy. She'll figure out eventually that the "bad boys" she is attracted to don't satisfy emotional cravings, just temporary physical urges.

 

20 days NC. The longest period of time we've gone without speaking since we first met. Milestone, I won't be breaking NC, she has my number if she wants to say something.

[Qboro90]

Ok I'm going to start this reply with saying that I absolutely feel for you and understand how gut wrenching breaking up with your first love can be, especially when you still care/love her, trust me I've been there.

 

But dude, seriously, you need to Stop this. You have basically made your ex gf a constant thought and goal not to contact every single day of your life. While you might be going NC (poorly I might add as you check her social media and/or get updates from your friends an family on her every now and then) you are not going No Contact in the aspect of severing her from your daily life. Stop making "do not contact ex" "don't think about ex" etc your "list of daily goals". That is absolutely absurd. You're doing the exact opposite and essentially forcing yourself to wake up and go about your day with the single purpose of getting over/coping with your ex and the breakup. You're literally torturing yourself on purpose.

 

Again if this is brutally honest I'm sorry but I wish someone would've told me this stuff when I was 18. I know you're thinking that this girl was the greatest thing ever to happen to you and she was perfect and you screwed up by letting her get away, and you wish you could go back and change things etc etc but you are 18 years old. She was NOT going to be the girl you marry. Despite how amazing you might think you two were... Eventually you both would have broken up because either 1. You're going to college and will move on from her high school puppy love and the drama along with it. 2. You'll see another girl that sparks your interest and would've wanted to explore dating other people.

 

The only reason this is hitting you so hard is because it didn't end on YOUR terms. You were fine leaving her to have sex with the "friends with benefits girl". So you already know you're capable of leaving her and being ok on your own. Just go back to that mentality.

 

I think your bigger issue here is how much emphasis and time you put into a girl. Frankly it is unhealthy and I worry about how you will cope with other hurdles you're faced with in life if a first break up is debilitating your life to this point.

 

Anyone who lets their happiness, health, and overall well being get dictated by a girl/another person is never going to be truly happy. You might want to look into counseling/therapy to find ways to deal with this. You control your happiness, not some 17yo girl. Cmon dude, you have to realize that at least. What are you going to college to study? I'm sure you have ideas or goals of what you want to do for a career so start focusing on how to achieve that and put your work and time progressing YOURSELF.

[RileyPayne]

Ok I'm going to start this reply with saying that I absolutely feel for you and understand how gut wrenching breaking up with your first love can be, especially when you still care/love her, trust me I've been there.

 

But dude, seriously, you need to Stop this. You have basically made your ex gf a constant thought and goal not to contact every single day of your life. While you might be going NC (poorly I might add as you check her social media and/or get updates from your friends an family on her every now and then) you are not going No Contact in the aspect of severing her from your daily life. Stop making "do not contact ex" "don't think about ex" etc your "list of daily goals". That is absolutely absurd. You're doing the exact opposite and essentially forcing yourself to wake up and go about your day with the single purpose of getting over/coping with your ex and the breakup. You're literally torturing yourself on purpose.

 

Again if this is brutally honest I'm sorry but I wish someone would've told me this stuff when I was 18. I know you're thinking that this girl was the greatest thing ever to happen to you and she was perfect and you screwed up by letting her get away, and you wish you could go back and change things etc etc but you are 18 years old. She was NOT going to be the girl you marry. Despite how amazing you might think you two were... Eventually you both would have broken up because either 1. You're going to college and will move on from her high school puppy love and the drama along with it. 2. You'll see another girl that sparks your interest and would've wanted to explore dating other people.

 

The only reason this is hitting you so hard is because it didn't end on YOUR terms. You were fine leaving her to have sex with the "friends with benefits girl". So you already know you're capable of leaving her and being ok on your own. Just go back to that mentality.

 

I think your bigger issue here is how much emphasis and time you put into a girl. Frankly it is unhealthy and I worry about how you will cope with other hurdles you're faced with in life if a first break up is debilitating your life to this point.

 

Anyone who lets their happiness, health, and overall well being get dictated by a girl/another person is never going to be truly happy. You might want to look into counseling/therapy to find ways to deal with this. You control your happiness, not some 17yo girl. Cmon dude, you have to realize that at least. What are you going to college to study? I'm sure you have ideas or goals of what you want to do for a career so start focusing on how to achieve that and put your work and time progressing YOURSELF.

 

It's true. I'd rather you say it bluntly than clouded with idioms and that. I need to stop overthinking it and just live my life, the thing with all of this is it is so much easier said than done. I genuinely want to be happy, I've done so much to try and make myself happier. I go to the gym, I see my friends, I play games, etc. I just can't help but acknowledge that the void is still there, but it is because I never took time to heal after the initial BU. I went straight in gung-ho and then when I realised I had no one else to fill the void, I fell into a period of loneliness.

 

Plus, I'm in this transitional period. Right now, I don't have anything to aspire to apart from gym which can only keep me occupied for so long. My job doesn't fulfil me and I have no education until I go to University. It's that point between now and September 27th that I just need to fill so I can get to Uni, meet thousands of new people and enjoy life away from my town, which is so small, I bump into her friends/cousins/reminders every time I go out. What has hit me more I think is the rejection because of course she has gone on to some new guy and chosen him over me, that hurts me a lot because it is physical attraction that has driven her and you begin to think you're the world's most unattractive individual.

 

How do I break the cycle?

[Qboro90]

You just have to think in your own head that the things she's doing and the guys she's seeing have nothing to do with you or are done as a comparison to you. I guarantee you that she's not dating/sleeping with these guys and doing it to spite or affect you. She's just moved on and interested in other people. Just like you were when you broke up with her the first time. Wasn't that you were choosing someone because she wasn't enough or didn't attract you, just that you wanted to try something else, someone new.

 

There's always going to be a better looking guy out there, a guy with a better job, better car etc. Comparing yourself to him and trying to measure up does nothing and will never work because you are you and you can work out all you want and get in great shape but you'll always be yourself underneath. Look forward to going to college. After a month at university your mind will be occupied by so much else you'll forget all about her.

 

Why don't you start going through Facebook and start reaching out to other people, guys, girls... That are going to be incoming freshman or are already at the university you're going to. Start trying to connect with the people you'll be around there now so that when you get there you already have a base of new connections to get to know and hang out with.

[RileyPayne]

Terrible morning. I woke up, and weighed myself expecting to see myself make some good increases and I lost weight. I looked skinnier and this really set the tone for my morning.

 

I feel bereft of confidence. My self-esteem is at rock bottom. I can't handle knowing my ex-girlfriend is with someone who is bigger than me and in most eyes, better looking than I. I tried so hard to make her happy, every day I set out to make her happy and now I'm left in limbo.

 

I'm going to set myself a goal of putting on 7 pounds by the end of this month. It's attainable, I lost a bit of weight due to the BU/anxiety. I'm going to really try and drive this goal.

 

Just hope this day will be better than the morning I've spent crying, again. While she is happy, smiling and laughing. Oh the contrast.

 

Some good news, that goal I set myself on July 9th I achieved. I gained exactly 7 pounds in 22 days.

[RileyPayne]

You just have to think in your own head that the things she's doing and the guys she's seeing have nothing to do with you or are done as a comparison to you. I guarantee you that she's not dating/sleeping with these guys and doing it to spite or affect you. She's just moved on and interested in other people. Just like you were when you broke up with her the first time. Wasn't that you were choosing someone because she wasn't enough or didn't attract you, just that you wanted to try something else, someone new.

 

There's always going to be a better looking guy out there, a guy with a better job, better car etc. Comparing yourself to him and trying to measure up does nothing and will never work because you are you and you can work out all you want and get in great shape but you'll always be yourself underneath. Look forward to going to college. After a month at university your mind will be occupied by so much else you'll forget all about her.

 

Why don't you start going through Facebook and start reaching out to other people, guys, girls... That are going to be incoming freshman or are already at the university you're going to. Start trying to connect with the people you'll be around there now so that when you get there you already have a base of new connections to get to know and hang out with.

 

Which is why I can't wait to get to University, I'm trying to keep myself occupied until the time comes and time is going quite fast. I've done what you said and I've been improving a lot. Although this morning I woke up after a nasty dream about her and the guy she's seeing which felt distinctly real and it set the tone for the day until I went to the gym, first time I've slightly cried since Saturday. During my downtime, I crumbled and checked her Twitter. I know, it's bad of me and well, news update: She's still happy! How very pointless, although she did favourite one of my tweets and she doesn't follow me so she's checking up on me, why, I don't know.

 

Good news though, I'm getting on in the gym which is nice. Making some good gains and my body is looking better than ever. I'm steadily going back to work, next week will be the first time I've gone back to my usual working hours since I was in the midst of deep depression early July. As well as this, I've partially arranged to meet up with a girl I used to work with when she comes back from California on the 10th August, seeing my friends today + tomorrow. Brought my mum home some flowers and made her smile. Going to a house party next Thursday and possibly going to a week long freshers event early September at my friends uni!

[RileyPayne]

Probably overthinking it. Out of the blue yesterday, considering the fact she doesn't follow me and I thought I had her blocked, she liked an Instagram picture of mine. It doesn't sound like much but to me I was quite shocked and I think it is because the last time we spoke, July 12th, I told her I'd message her before she went to Italy (she's now in Italy), I never messaged her and coincidentally, the day I would have she pops up to like one of my pictures.

 

I did feel like contacting her. The temptation is always there when something like this occurs but I had to put it into context and think logically. She always has boys after her and thus, she always had someone to fall back onto if it didn't go well, me. I was that guy and I feel like she wanted me to be that guy in July. So it must come as a shock to her that I'm no longer at her beck and call and that ironically, the one person who truly cared about her well-being, that being myself, she has lied to and forced out of her life. Plus, at the end of the day there is nothing stopping her from texting me, nothing but her own ego/stubbornness/feelings. So if she really wants to speak to me, she can, but in my eyes you can either be in my life entirely or out of it completely. There isn't a half-way house and I'd rather she be out of completely than to keep dragging me along while I'm recovering.

[elaine567]

Probably overthinking it. Out of the blue yesterday, considering the fact she doesn't follow me and I thought I had her blocked, she liked an Instagram picture of mine. It doesn't sound like much but to me I was quite shocked and I think it is because the last time we spoke, July 12th, I told her I'd message her before she went to Italy (she's now in Italy), I never messaged her and coincidentally, the day I would have she pops up to like one of my pictures.

 

I did feel like contacting her. The temptation is always there when something like this occurs but I had to put it into context and think logically. She always has boys after her and thus, she always had someone to fall back onto if it didn't go well, me. I was that guy and I feel like she wanted me to be that guy in July. So it must come as a shock to her that I'm no longer at her beck and call and that ironically, the one person who truly cared about her well-being, that being myself, she has lied to and forced out of her life. Plus, at the end of the day there is nothing stopping her from texting me, nothing but her own ego/stubbornness/feelings. So if she really wants to speak to me, she can, but in my eyes you can either be in my life entirely or out of it completely. There isn't a half-way house and I'd rather she be out of completely than to keep dragging me along while I'm recovering.

 

Does your ex gf know about the FWB/rebound girl you had in tow for 3 months, whilst she was grieving for you after YOU broke up with her?

[RileyPayne]

The manner in which you've phrased that is understandable. I figured it would have been counter productive to tell her, though had she asked I would have and had she told me about her rebound, I would have done so as well.

 

It's one of the biggest things I regret and it's one of the things I've learnt from this experience. It also taught me how much I did like my ex.

 

I did wrong. I acknowledged I did wrong. I spent 2 months trying to rectify those mistakes. Flowers, chocolate, words, begging, bargaining, loving. Nothing worked.

[singsparkles]

It is true that the less you contact your ex, the easier it gets. You just have to break the habit. And to feel better, I suggest you accept that it's over. Just accept it, find a way to let her go, even if it hurts it's the best thing to do... I hope you feel better soon.

 

 

I know this sounds easier than done, but Emily ^ is right. The only way to get over someone and move on with your life is no contact. You have to break the habit in order to feel better. You will have strong days and weak nights but as long as you're strong and stick to the goal of NC, it WILL work out in the end and you WILL be happy and moved on and ready to date again and not thinking abt her as much.

 

Take it from someone like me..

 

I'm pretty much crazy in love with any guy I put myself around or get closed to... And I've done my fair share of calling a million times in a row, begging for them back. it NEVER works. It may work if you want a one night stand, but if you're looking to get them back, it won't.

 

You need to totallyput your foot down and exercise NC. It will help you, your soul and heart in the end. You will be much happier and this will not consume your life anymore.You just have to put the work in.

 

Buy a calendar. Cross off each day you don't speak to her.

 

I did this with an ex. With each day I crossed off, I felt more and more in control and happy in my life.

 

Hope things get better for you! Chin up!

 

xox:love:

[WomenWubber]

This is my advice:

 

• Delete this thread
   
  
• Create a new one. Title: "Starting a new life" or similar.
   
  
• Stop writing about ex.
   
  
• Stop talking about your ex.
   
  
• Ask your friends & family please not to talk about your ex in your presence.
   
  
• Change your number. Lose any contact with your ex.
   
  
• Stop checking your ex's social media.
   
  
• If you run into your ex, ignore her.
   
  
• From this moment on, you don't have an ex. She doesn't exist.
   
  
• Get your mind busy with a hobby and friends.
   
  
• Enjoy life.
  

[RileyPayne]

I know this sounds easier than done, but Emily ^ is right. The only way to get over someone and move on with your life is no contact. You have to break the habit in order to feel better. You will have strong days and weak nights but as long as you're strong and stick to the goal of NC, it WILL work out in the end and you WILL be happy and moved on and ready to date again and not thinking abt her as much.

 

Take it from someone like me..

 

I'm pretty much crazy in love with any guy I put myself around or get closed to... And I've done my fair share of calling a million times in a row, begging for them back. it NEVER works. It may work if you want a one night stand, but if you're looking to get them back, it won't.

 

You need to totallyput your foot down and exercise NC. It will help you, your soul and heart in the end. You will be much happier and this will not consume your life anymore.You just have to put the work in.

 

Buy a calendar. Cross off each day you don't speak to her.

 

I did this with an ex. With each day I crossed off, I felt more and more in control and happy in my life.

 

Hope things get better for you! Chin up!

 

xox:love:

 

Thank you for the words, I've been doing well since I last wrote on the board. I haven't looked at her social media once and contact wise, I haven't spoke to her for over a month now. Out of sight and out of mind, it works. I wake up a lot easier, I sleep a lot easier and while I do have moments where I think about her, they come far less now.

 

I actually went on my first date last night since the entire thing happened. Some may say it is too soon but I like the girl, not relationship wise, probably won't but she is a really nice person to chill with and talk to. We had a lot of fun and I enjoyed it. It helped a lot and I'm growing as a person with each day.

 

I'll try and take the rest of your advice.

[RileyPayne]

Haven't posted in a while. In a nutshell, I am better. In comparison to 2 months ago, I'm far better and in comparison to this time last month, I'm definitely in a better place. I started dating again and met a really nice and attractive girl who I've been chilling with for the past 2 weeks. The only sad thing is she goes to Uni today but we knew that and just said we'd chill and keep talking, nothing serious. I've still been going to the gym quite a lot and I'm glad of my progress, though I'd still like to make more before I shoot off to university.

 

My qualms now lie with the fact that I feel scared. Being with this new girl was a breath of fresh air but I couldn't get my head around the fact I'm scared of getting too close to someone because I know how much it hurts to get close to someone and it not work out. I'm scared of going to University and not having someone there to talk to if I feel lonely. Lately, my mornings have been spent thinking about my ex and I can't understand it. I suppose I still miss the thought of her, the thoughts are of course less. I've not spoken to her in 41 days and I've not checked her social media in ages. I just can't help but think about her sometimes and just wonder if she still thinks about me.