the ONE thing from her past I wish I could forget...

[deadelvis]

So throughout my relationship with my girlfriend we've shared a lot about out past sexual experiences. Some of the things she told me were a bit difficult to process, but over time I've totally gotten over her past. There have been other things I struggled with, such as her current friendships with former lovers, but as our relationship grew stronger and we developed trust, those issues have faded away. However there is one specific story about her past which I can't seem to get over. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I never bring it up because we've already talked about it a few times and she knows it disgusts me. I respect her a lot for sharing everything with me. She said she's only told one other person about that specific sexual experience. I am glad she told me but I just wish I could forget about it. I thought I had come to terms with it, just like I accepted the other details about her past, but this one story keeps coming back and haunting me. I am wondering if I will ever be able to get this story out of my mind. It's really just disgusting and gross. And it makes me wonder what kind of a person she was that she would even do something like that. We've both been promiscuous in the past. But this one thing she did is just really hard for me to let go of. I love her so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I wish I could just erase this one story from my mind.

 

And yes... It really is that bad...

 

Anyone have any tips on forgetting something you never want to think about again?

 

I have accepted and learned to love everything about her... but there was one thing she did that I can't seem to get over.

 

Five years before we met, over the course of 15 minutes she did something which I'm not sure I will ever be able to get over.

Edited June 29, 2015 by deadelvis

[lolablue17]

What could it be?

Anal sex? Double penetration? Sex for money? A gang bang? These are all physical acts.

 

I think you should see a therapist on that matter. Admit that you can't overcome everything by yourself.

[deadelvis]

It was an act of prostitution. Which is bad enough, but the nature of it and her enjoyment of the act is I think what really disgusts me. It was more than just "I needed the money"...

[deadelvis]

When she was 25 she arranged with a man in his 70's to pay her $1000 for sex. That's bad enough. But the part that really gets me, is she almost never reaches orgasm. Pretty much never. And when she does climax it's after hours of dedicated hard work. She's only reached orgasm with a few people, and only when she's feeling really comfortable with them, and even then it's about once a year. She's pretty much non-orgasmic. I've been lucky enough to make her cum about 5 times so far. Which is more that any other man has achieved, and we've been together for about 4 months. But I worked harder for those 5 orgasms than I've ever worked before, but even then her orgasms are weak and unsatisfying. When she prostituted herself to the old guy, she said he lasted less than ten minutes and she came harder than she's ever cum in her life.

 

Needless to say that's a mental picture I wish I could erase completely. Why would she do something like that? She says she needed the money, but a 70+ year old man? Really? And what does it say about her that all the attractive men she's dated who gave 100% of their best effort to make her climax couldn't even get her close, even after hours of hard work, (oral, all night sessions, etc) Yet ten minutes with a really old man makes her blast off like a rocket ship. Just gross and confusing. WTF?

 

I seriously just wish I could forget about that story and erase it from my mind completely. We love each other so much, but that story haunts me in the worst way.

Edited June 29, 2015 by deadelvis

[autumnnight]

Please...PLEASE...just set this poor girl free already

[Mrin]

Hey dude. When we last spoke about your GF you were really struggling with some of her past sexual encounters and it sounds like you've made progress if you're down to just this one.

 

I have some good news for you on this one - it is really easy to explain. Your GF either has a taboo fetish or a submission fetish. I tend to think it is taboo. So the reason she got all hot and bothered and had a huge orgasm with this particular experience is the taboo nature of prostitition. Particularly with an old guy who is paying here a lot of money. That pressed her buttons in a big way. Remember, most of women's sensuality is in their brains. So think of this just as an ultimate role play.

 

Now - you might be able to use this to your mutual advantage. I know in the past you've been hung up with the relative vanilla sex of your relationship vs the freaky sex of her prior lovers. And she says she doesn't want to go there with you. So suggestion - how about instead doing some role play? It might really intoxicating for her.

[deadelvis]

... So the reason she got all hot and bothered and had a huge orgasm with this particular experience is the taboo nature of prostitition. Particularly with an old guy who is paying here a lot of money. That pressed her buttons in a big way. Remember, most of women's sensuality is in their brains. So think of this just as an ultimate role play...

 

Yes. This is exactly it. She explained that it was a combination of having an unfulfilled fetish/taboo for older men, and the excitement of the situation. She said it really did something inexplicable to her that got her really excited. She said the sex itself was pathetic, but the psychological aspects of the scenario was a huge rush and that's why she came so hard.

 

I think that's exactly what disturbs me about this story. Of course the moral question of prostitution is unsettling to say the least, but I think the bigger issue for me is her enjoyment of the experience. She doesn't seem regretful at all. She almost seems proud of this experience. And it makes me uncomfortable being in a relationship with someone who has this type of fetish. Not to mention that our relationship (a loving emotionally connected long term partner of the same age) is the extreme opposite of prostituting yourself to an extremely old man. All the role playing in the world won't really change that.

 

And yes she does have a submissive fetish as well, which is easy enough to stimulate, but the taboo/immoral fetish and old man fetish are things I am not ever going to be able to provide her. Nor would I want to. I wish I could just erase this one story from my mind, and moreover I wish she wasn't so aroused by that type of situation. It makes me question her sexual appetites and also makes me wonder if she's actually satisfied by our sex. If I had a fetish for 75 year old woman with beards, I wouldn't expect her to feel comfortable with it either, or secure in our sexuality.

 

She's stated that she is very happy with our sex and even if she was single she would not have any interest in being with an older man or engaging in any deviant or promiscuous sexual behavior, and that seems valid, considering all her "questionable" experiences were from a period of time when she was experimenting with her sexuality, and in the past several years she has been dating "normal" guys around her own age and not doing anything "taboo". So it really seems to be just in my head. I can't shake the feeling that my amazing angelic girlfriend would do something like that, and the fact that she enjoyed it so much really twists the knife.

 

I know it has no bearing on our relationship and I need to just let it go. But I can't seem to stop thinking about it. Getting it out of my head has been really difficult. I seriously wish I could "eternal sunshine" that one story out of my mind forever.

 

I know it's not a good idea to bring it up with her. We've talked about it before. She felt really uncomfortable discussing it with me, as she felt that I was judging her, which admittedly I was. Part of me thinks discussing it with her might allow me to understand it better from her perspective, but at the same time, I'm not sure I want to understand it any more than I already do. I have a pretty clear picture already and it's not a very good feeling. I just wish I could erase it from my mind.

Edited June 29, 2015 by deadelvis

[smackie9]

Some guys out there would find this hot.....maybe she is more suitable to be with one of those guys...

[deadelvis]

Some guys out there would find this hot.....maybe she is more suitable to be with one of those guys...

 

I've mentioned to a few close friends

"So my girlfriend once prostituted herself to a 70 year old man and she told me it was really exciting and she came harder than she's ever been able to cum with anyone else, myself included"

So far "hot" wasn't the response. I would tend to think anyone (who isn't a 70 year old man) would find this disgusting.

[autumnnight]

Since you think she is disgusting, set her free from your disdain. She can find someone who doesn't judge her by her past, and you can find someone who is just naughty enough but not TOO naughty...

[deadelvis]

Since you think she is disgusting, set her free from your disdain. She can find someone who doesn't judge her by her past, and you can find someone who is just naughty enough but not TOO naughty...

 

I didn't say I think she is disgusting. She is amazing. I think what she did is disgusting, and it troubles me that she enjoyed it so much. It makes me question her sexual appetites.

 

I do however find you rude and consider your feedback worse than useless, I find it insulting.

[CarrieT]

You won't ever be able to forget it or accept it. In that regard, you will never be able to fully accept her...

[OMC]

What is more digusting... what she did or you broadcasting her personal business to your buds?

[Satu]

Do you really think you've done the best thing in raking through each others past?

 

Better to live in the present.

 

Better not to let the past spoil the present.

[deadelvis]

You won't ever be able to forget it or accept it. In that regard, you will never be able to fully accept her...

 

This is what I'm afraid of. Some other things from her past bothered me at first, but after talking about it and taking some time to process it, none of those things bother me anymore. I was hoping this story would eventually stop bothering me, but it just won't fade like the others. It's also a lot worse than the other things she's done.

[Satu]

This is what I'm afraid of. Some other things from her past bothered me at first, but after talking about it and taking some time to process it, none of those things bother me anymore. I was hoping this story would eventually stop bothering me, but it just won't fade like the others. It's also a lot worse than the other things she's done.

 

What you are doing: ruminating on her past, is spoiling the present.

 

Be aware that spoiling the present spoils the future.

[CarrieT]

It's also a lot worse than the other things she's done.

Here is the point. You are judging her. She did what she did and it is not your job to decide what is better or worse in her past.

 

I am like your GF. My past is just as checkered but I found a partner who understands that all those things I went through are threads in the fabric that made up who I am; and that is who he loves.

 

You are trying to pull out one single thread of her fabric that bothers you and you can't do that. She is who she is because of what she went through. Since you can't accept that, you should let her go.

[Phoenician]

the question is , are u able to push her buttons too , or u are trying to compete with the luck 70yrs old man ?

[deadelvis]

Here is the point. You are judging her. She did what she did and it is not your job to decide what is better or worse in her past.

 

I am like your GF. My past is just as checkered but I found a partner who understands that all those things I went through are threads in the fabric that made up who I am; and that is who he loves.

 

You are trying to pull out one single thread of her fabric that bothers you and you can't do that. She is who she is because of what she went through. Since you can't accept that, you should let her go.

 

You are very correct. Everyone has moral boundaries. Everyone agrees on certain things being immoral (rape, incest, pedophilia) however there are certain things which are considered by some people to be immoral (prostitution, 50 year age gaps, etc.) but not considered immoral by others. If I am discussing something with my partner and they have a different a different moral code than myself, I wouldn't consider it grounds for splitting up, depending on the context. If one partner thinks prostitution is acceptable and the other disagrees, that's hardly a reason to break up. However if one person believes prostitution is immoral, and the other person used to frequent prostitutes, that's a more significant divide in values. I thought it wasn't a big deal that she made a mistake when she was younger. But when it became clear that she doesn't consider it a mistake, I found it bothered me much more. Similarly, if a woman discovered that her husband had slept with prostitutes in the past, but he felt ashamed of it, I imagine it would be much easier to accept than if he was proud it.

[deadelvis]

the question is , are u able to push her buttons too , or u are trying to compete with the luck 70yrs old man ?

 

That's also a part of my concern. We are in a healthy monogamous relationship. We have great sex. But I'll never be an old man paying her for sex, and I worry that there are some buttons a loving partner can never push.

[TaraMaiden2]

You are very correct. Everyone has moral boundaries. Everyone agrees on certain things being immoral (rape, incest, pedophilia) however there are certain things which are considered by some people to be immoral (prostitution, 50 year age gaps, etc.) but not considered immoral by others. If I am discussing something with my partner and they have a different a different moral code than myself, I wouldn't consider it grounds for splitting up, depending on the context. If one partner thinks prostitution is acceptable and the other disagrees, that's hardly a reason to break up. However if one person believes prostitution is immoral, and the other person used to frequent prostitutes, that's a more significant divide in values. I thought it wasn't a big deal that she made a mistake when she was younger. But when it became clear that she doesn't consider it a mistake, I found it bothered me much more. Similarly, if a woman discovered that her husband had slept with prostitutes in the past, but he felt ashamed of it, I imagine it would be much easier to accept than if he was proud it.

 

My H slept with three prostitutes. He said one experience absolutely blew his mind. He's not ashamed of any of them, and I don't see why he should be.

I frankly don't give a damn what he did in the past.

The Past is a foreign country, and there's no going there to do anything about it.

 

Basically, it comes down to this:

 

You either come to terms with it, and quit being so superior and judgemental, or you let her go, because every time you're with her, this vision of this 70-year-old guy is going to come to the fore of your mind, and your imagination is going to run wild.

And there will come a point where you have cultivated, nurtured and perpetuated so much loathing for her, that some day, you'll want to sleep in separate rooms.

Which is totally unfair to her.

 

Patrick Stewart

Harrison Ford

Al Pacino

Dustin Hoffman

Morgan Freeman

Warren Beatty

 

All over 75.

 

Hot guys.

 

You really need to re-think this....

[CarrieT]

But I'll never be an old man paying her for sex

Never say never.

 

You have no idea what your life will be like in your 70s...

[deadelvis]

Never say never.

 

You have no idea what your life will be like in your 70s...

 

I can tell you with absolute certainty where I will be when I'm in my 70's. Laying peacefully in my coffin.

 

But that's beside the point.

[TaraMaiden2]

So are you going to waste that precious interim time looking down on her and holding on to this nonsense?

[Satu]

I can tell you with absolute certainty where I will be when I'm in my 70's. Laying peacefully in my coffin.

 

 

Thats a shame.

 

There's a guy who flies out of the same airfield as me who's 93, and has a great life.

 

(Full disclosure: He has to have another pilot in the cockpit, in case anything untoward happens, but pilot 2 never touches the controls.)

 

I know another who's 90.