the ONE thing from her past I wish I could forget...

[deadelvis]

Dude, you really don't understand sex for a woman do you?

 

 

Was she wild and uninhibited with dudes that she had no emotional connection with! And she told you she enjoyed it. True, she probably did when it was happening. Did you ever ask her how she truly felt afterwards? Not while it was happening. But, afterwards. It probably made her feel ashamed, or used. That she was treated like a whore. She might have felt more lonely after that than she did before.

 

Not really. She's pretty liberated. She doesn't really feel any remorse or guilt for anything she's done. But I get the idea here.

 

 

Now don't get me wrong, a girl likes it wild and rough from time to time. And she did try some kink with you. But, she also had vanilla sex with you. And even though YOU consider it vanilla, to her it might be a time where she felt safe and secure and loved. Where she not only connects with you on a physical level, but also on an emotional one. And she cherishes that more than anything kinky. For a lot of girls, it's not about how good a guy is, or how big he is, or how big of an orgasm she has. It's about the connection. To feel loved and desired by the person she loves the most. To feel his or her tenderness and affection. Maybe she wants to be your girl and not your whore.

 

Absolutely. This is exactly how we connect. But why does it have to be one or the other? It's like my friend who ****s other women in crazy ways but only ****s his wife in the missionary position with the lights off. Maybe if he ****ed his wife in crazy ways he wouldn't feel the need to cheat on her...

Now, I'm not a girl but I speculate that I'm not far off the mark. Girls, tell me if I'm wrong here.

 

But thank you for this thoughtful reply. I appreciate it.

[TaraMaiden2]

three things.

Love,

So much more than you deserve...

 

herpes

Is this a fact, or an injured comment?

 

and major psychological issues about my own self worth.

Completely, totally, entirely and singularly -

 

Self-inflicted.

[elaine567]

I agree.

This is not about love and deep meaningful sex, this for Deadselvis is about the "promise" of wild and crazy sex, that has not been fulfilled for him.

This is about a woman with a past who has moved on, who has relinquished her old life in favour of love and basic vanilla type sex.

She is now being who she really is.

 

BUT Deadelvis is not interested in that love, he is peeved that the person he thought she was, is not the person she is now.

He moans about her "dreadful" past, but is upset really because she is not delivering what he thought he had signed up for.

 

This is like a guy moving in with a whore and thinking he is going to get hot sex, but finding out that once she is at home, she likes to curl up on the sofa in her dressing gown and slippers with a mug of cocoa and her favourite TV program, rather than spend her life parading around the apartment bare breasted, slugging gin, wearing bondage gear, 6" heels, and carrying a whip...

[deadelvis]

Because - then - she didn't - realise - how - deeply - she - would - feel - about - you.....

 

questions, questions, questions... all diversions from the fact that you are judgemental and condemnatory, and that this problem is YOURS - NOT - HERS.

 

Right. I wanted to explore amazing freaky sex with you, but then I fell in love with you, so now I just want to have sex missionary with the lights off. That's the same logic my friend who cheats on his wife uses to explain being a ****ty husband.

[TaraMaiden2]

Absolutely. This is exactly how we connect. But why does it have to be one or the other?

 

Why does it have to be both? Because you happen to want it that way?

 

 

It's like my friend who ****s other women in crazy ways but only ****s his wife in the missionary position with the lights off. Maybe if he ****ed his wife in crazy ways he wouldn't feel the need to cheat on her...

 

 

Good God alive listen to yourself - look at what you just wrote...

How warped is that??

[deadelvis]

Why does it have to be both? Because you happen to want it that way?

 

Good God alive listen to yourself - look at what you just wrote...

How warped is that??

 

Because when you love someone, it's not a partial thing. I'm going to repost what I said earlier because I feel like it got lost in the fray

 

I have a male friend who said

 

"well there's certain things I just wouldn't do with my wife. Sure I'd do them with another woman, but my wife? no way. That would change the way I look at her. I mean jesus, she's the mother of my child, I wouldn't want to look at her that way"

 

When he told me that I realized he is a coward and a piece of ****. I can't even be his friend after hearing that. I could never be in a relationship with someone who feels that way. Never. No way. His poor wife.

[Satu]

Meditate on this, OP:

 

 

 

I am doing it

 

the it I am doing is

 

the I that is doing it

 

the I that is doing it is

 

the it I am doing

 

it is doing the I that am doing it

 

I am being done by the it I am doing

 

it is doing it

 

 

 

One is afraid of

 

the self that is afraid of

 

the self that is afraid of

 

the self that is afraid

 

One may perhaps speak of reflections

 

- RD Laing, Knots.

[TaraMaiden2]

Right. I wanted to explore amazing freaky sex with you, but then I fell in love with you, so now I just want to have sex missionary with the lights off. That's the same logic my friend who cheats on his wife uses to explain being a ****ty husband.

 

Only she has told you she won't cheat, because she wants only you.

Good grief, how inconsiderate of her to want to just be with you.

Shameful behaviour.

Fancy wanting sex with someone you love to the exclusion of everyone else.

Horrendous....

[CarrieT]

Right. But why did she go on for months about all the kinky sex she wanted to have with me?

 

She wasn't attached to you at that point. Why can't you see that?

[TaraMaiden2]

Because when you love someone, it's not a partial thing. I'm going to repost what I said earlier because I feel like it got lost in the fray

 

I have a male friend who said

 

"well there's certain things I just wouldn't do with my wife. Sure I'd do them with another woman, but my wife? no way. That would change the way I look at her. I mean jesus, she's the mother of my child, I wouldn't want to look at her that way"

 

When he told me that I realized he is a coward and a piece of ****. I can't even be his friend after hearing that. I could never be in a relationship with someone who feels that way. Never. No way. His poor wife.

So:

You won't be his friend because he has kinks that he won't do with his wife and the scumbag cheats.

 

But because your loving, devoted and faithful GF wants to just have sex with you - only you want what she can't give - you are dumping her too.

 

Oh ok.

Yup, that's perfectly rational..

[VengeanceGuidesMe]

She is now being who she really is.

 

 

 

Guy starts dating a girl on a false, self-prescribed, pretense from the girl, that his sex life will be adventurous. This being important to his happiness in said relationship, as for all humans, a fulfilling sex life is important. It's of his own fault that he's not accepting?

 

 

Everyone loves dating someone who pretending to be something they're not at the beginning. I once dated a girl who pretended to be active and love to go on hikes and be outdoors. Months later she signed up for Netflix. Should I have accepted the lazy life style I do not enjoy?

[deadelvis]

Because when you love someone, it's not a partial thing. I'm going to repost what I said earlier because I feel like it got lost in the fray

 

I have a male friend who said

 

"well there's certain things I just wouldn't do with my wife. Sure I'd do them with another woman, but my wife? no way. That would change the way I look at her. I mean jesus, she's the mother of my child, I wouldn't want to look at her that way"

 

When he told me that I realized he is a coward and a piece of ****. I can't even be his friend after hearing that. I could never be in a relationship with someone who feels that way. Never. No way. His poor wife.

 

Again.... ^^^^this^^^^ ....

 

This is no different than my situation. Because my friend is male we look at him and say "what a pig!!" Although he actually said this in reference to previous women he used to sleep with and had crazy sex with (sound familiar?) but later he used this as justification to cheat. His wife was very willing to do anything for him in the bedroom, but he didn't want to, because he "loved her too much to do those things with her". Yet when it's a woman saying this line of rubbish, everyone thinks it's perfectly healthy. Bull****.

[TaraMaiden2]

Guy starts dating a girl on a false, self-prescribed, pretense from the girl, that his sex life will be adventurous.

 

Incorrect.

Guy starts dating a girl who wants to enjoy some good old no-holds-barred sex, because at that time she doesn't know just how deeply in love she is going to feel - and that kind of sex just seems 'wrong' to her mind-set....

 

This being important to his happiness in said relationship, as for all humans, a fulfilling sex life is important. It's of his own fault that he's not accepting?

Yes.

My H has put on weight, and our bedroom activities have changed drastically. Do I divorce him because of it?

No.

I accept that life changes things and people change with it....

 

Everyone loves dating someone who pretending to be something they're not at the beginning.

Nope.

If you don't know who they are, how do you know you're dating someone who's professing they're something they're not? What are we, psychic??

 

I once dated a girl who pretended to be active and love to go on hikes and be outdoors. Months later she signed up for Netflix. Should I have accepted the lazy life style I do not enjoy?

That was your choice and your decision.

She said one thing, another happened.

If you felt justified in dumping her, that was your choice.

People do not have to be who we want them to be.

[Satu]

All of this.

 

All of it.

 

Belongs to you.

 

Has been made by you.

 

And is about you.

[TaraMaiden2]

Again.... ^^^^this^^^^ ....

 

This is no different than my situation. Because my friend is male we look at him and say "what a pig!!" Although he actually said this in reference to previous women he used to sleep with and had crazy sex with (sound familiar?) but later he used this as justification to cheat. His wife was very willing to do anything for him in the bedroom, but he didn't want to, because he "loved her too much to do those things with her". Yet when it's a woman saying this line of rubbish, everyone thinks it's perfectly healthy. Bull****.

 

Don't deflect or project.

You previous friend is one person, with one mentality.

You and your GF are two different people entirely.

Don't compare circumstances like this.

 

There IS no comparison....