the ONE thing from her past I wish I could forget...

[Lois_Griffin]

And what does it say about her that all the attractive men she's dated who gave 100% of their best effort to make her climax couldn't even get her close, even after hours of hard work, (oral, all night sessions, etc) Yet ten minutes with a really old man makes her blast off like a rocket ship. Just gross and confusing. WTF?

The old man more than likely knows a lot more about a woman's body than a youngin' does - no matter how marvelous the youngin' may think he is in bed.

 

He may have been old, but knowledge is priceless.

[deadelvis]

Do you think having a calm adult conversation about this with her is a good or bad idea? Part of me thinks it would be good to let her know that I'm struggling to come to terms with this incident. And maybe by discussing it I will be able to find some peace. When we talked about the other things in her past it seemed to really put my mind at ease. My imagination was far worse than the actual events. However I've avoided this topic because I don't really see how hearing her explanation will make me feel any better. In fact I have a feeling it will probably make me feel worse.

 

I think a big part of my issue with this is the feeling that I can't make her cum that hard. And since I can't ever create a situation like that, it's unlikely I will ever be able to get her off like that. She has orgasms occasionally, but without the thrill of the taboo, it's just not the same for her. And I understand that. When I was single and I first had sex with a new partner, there was a similar rush of adrenaline that made the sex really intense, like a clenching feeling in your chest of excitement. Being a guy, I can have a hard orgasm with anyone, so it doesn't really make sex with a partner any less fulfilling. But for someone who needs that fetish/taboo act to reach that higher level of stimulation, I'm starting to realize that no matter how much role playing or spanking we introduce to out love life, the "same old thing" is never going to be enough to really push her buttons.

[deadelvis]

The old man more than likely knows a lot more about a woman's body than a youngin' does - no matter how marvelous the youngin' may think he is in bed.

 

He may have been old, but knowledge is priceless.

 

Nah, I asked her about it. She said it was quick and unmemorable physically. She said many others were much better, it was all just the taboo.

[Lois_Griffin]

I've mentioned to a few close friends

"So my girlfriend once prostituted herself to a 70 year old man and she told me it was really exciting and she came harder than she's ever been able to cum with anyone else, myself included"

So far "hot" wasn't the response. I would tend to think anyone (who isn't a 70 year old man) would find this disgusting.

WTF is wrong with you?

 

Seriously. What is so wrong with you that you feel you have a RIGHT to tell this woman's intensely personal and private business that she CHOSE to share with you to your mouth breathing buddies?

 

Bad enough I lost my damned lunch reading about your anal adventures with her over on the sex board a month ago, but Jesus, you're just acting obsessed with her and her sexuality. It's freakin' creepy.

[deadelvis]

WTF is wrong with you?

 

Seriously. What is so wrong with you that you feel you have a RIGHT to tell this woman's intensely personal and private business that she CHOSE to share with you to your mouth breathing buddies?

 

Bad enough I lost my damned lunch reading about your anal adventures with her over on the sex board a month ago, but Jesus, you're just acting obsessed with her and her sexuality. It's freakin' creepy.

 

You make a lot of assumptions when I say "close friends". My friends are very close and trusted. We share all the details of our lives with each other. Assuming that because I'm a male my friends are a bunch of mouth breathing neanderthals is a bit insulting. Some of my best friends are in fact women, and we're all highly educated and trustworthy. She knows I share things like that with my closest friends. She does the same.

[Satu]

You make a lot of assumptions when I say "close friends". My friends are very close and trusted. We share all the details of our lives with each other. Assuming that because I'm a male my friends are a bunch of mouth breathing neanderthals is a bit insulting. Some of my best friends are in fact women, and we're all highly educated and trustworthy. She knows I share things like that with my closest friends. She does the same.

 

You share too much.

 

Thats how you got painted into that corner.

 

Seriously. Think about it.

[deadelvis]

You share too much.

 

Thats how you got painted into that corner.

 

Seriously. Think about it.

 

Seriously? It's an anonymous forum...

 

I need all the help I can get. I have very few friends I can trust with this kind of conversation, and it's not the same as getting advice from a large pool of anonymous strangers.

Edited June 29, 2015 by deadelvis

[Satu]

Seriously? It's an anonymous forum...

 

I don't mean us here.

 

I'm going to make a final comment and leave this thread.:

 

By raking over your girlfriends past in graphic detail, you made her past a problem for you.

 

I hope her past isn't a problem for her, and it doesn't seem that it is.

 

So your problem is only with yourself.

Edited June 29, 2015 by Satu

[TaraMaiden2]

And no.

Don't talk to her.

Any type of discussion, no matter how level-headed, adult and 'sensible' you believe you'd like to make it, would still be finger-pointing and projecting.

And you'd transfer your prejudices to her and create a situation where she would henceforth be self-conscious about talking to you about anything.

 

This is YOUR problem.

YOU - need to deal with it, without complicating her mind-set.

[drifter777]

This is easy - just get yourself a 70 year-old man mask and give her a hundred bucks the next time you hit the sack with her.

[deadelvis]

I don't mean us here.

 

I'm going to make a final comment and leave this thread.:

 

By raking over your girlfriends past in graphic detail, you made her past a problem for you.

 

I hope her past isn't a problem for her, and it doesn't seem that it is.

 

So your problem is only with yourself.

 

Fair enough. She seems so confident and (proud?) of things which most people would be ashamed of. I can't help wondering if it's just her way of "owning" the things she's done. When financial hardship forced her to prostitute herself, she claims to have enjoyed in thoroughly. If she just convinced herself she enjoyed it as a way to cope then I understand that and I don't judge her for those things. If she really enjoyed doing those things... then I have to wonder what type of a person I've found myself involved with.

[deadelvis]

This is easy - just get yourself a 70 year-old man mask and give her a hundred bucks the next time you hit the sack with her.

 

If I keep drinking to deal with my jealousy, soon I won't need the mask.

[ascendotum]

I've mentioned to a few close friends

"So my girlfriend once prostituted herself to a 70 year old man and she told me it was really exciting and she came harder than she's ever been able to cum with anyone else, myself included"

So far "hot" wasn't the response. I would tend to think anyone (who isn't a 70 year old man) would find this disgusting.

Not all 70 yr old men are decrepit. Sylvester Stallone is just about near that. I know its weird, but for me I would be more perturbed if she used to only cum when banging hot hunky bad boy types or when she was being given rough hard degrading sex that she used to like. Its definitely a taboo like thing as she said, and I would be more upset that she has a hard time cuming than the fact that she did that one time she did it for the money. I'm not sure how you are going to leverage off this to arouse her more in your relationship since she seems to have a bit of a been there done that attitude with sex now.

 

She seems so confident and (proud?) of things which most people would be ashamed of.

For me I would prefer that (well maybe not proud but at least owning her actions) with a gf more so than her being a major slut in the past but now saying she regrets all those yrs or was drunk & high for most of the guys that took advantage of her, and now has subsequently gone all conservative.

[TaraMaiden2]

Fair enough. She seems so confident and (proud?) of things which most people would be ashamed of. I can't help wondering if it's just her way of "owning" the things she's done. When financial hardship forced her to prostitute herself, she claims to have enjoyed in thoroughly. If she just convinced herself she enjoyed it as a way to cope then I understand that and I don't judge her for those things. If she really enjoyed doing those things... then I have to wonder what type of a person I've found myself involved with.

 

You've found yourself involved with a girl who, instead of carrying the burden of guilt, and the baggage of low-self esteem, self-hatred and loathing and shame for her previous actions, is actually fortunate enough to not have been damaged by her past, but rather found fulfilment, enjoyment, liberation and fun.

 

Why would you hold it against her, that she's a girl with a past she's proud of, rather than a screwed-up, insecure, needy self-hating bag of inhibitions?

[deadelvis]

Not all 70 yr old men are decrepit. Sylvester Stallone is just about near that.

 

People always use celebrities who have had major cosmetic surgery as examples to prove how attractive old men are. I have plenty of aging family members who are in their 70's. I know what 70 looks like. Lets not kid ourselves... and before anyone says it... George Clooney is a freak of nature. Most men his age look like a skeleton wrapped in chicken skin.

 

I know its weird, but for me I would be more perturbed if she used to only cum when banging hot hunky bad boy types

 

Well, I'm the hot hunky bad boy type so...

 

or when she was being given rough hard degrading sex that she used to like.

 

Would you be surprised to hear that's her favorite? And she uses past examples of what she want's done to her in bed. This used to really bother me. Now I just go with it...

 

Its definitely a taboo like thing as she said, and I would be more upset that she has a hard time cuming than the fact that she did that one time she did it for the money.

 

Right. But it's the combination of the two. Since she (almost) never came in the past, I felt like I was doing pretty good. She's had more orgasms with me in 4 months than all her ex boyfriends combined. But since her only really great orgasm happened during a paid encounter with an old man, it makes me think it's not a physical thing as much as a mental thing, and I won't ever be able to get her to that level of arousal. That feeling sucks.

 

I'm not sure how you are going to leverage off this to arouse her more in your relationship since she seems to have a bit of a been there done that attitude with sex now.

 

Exactly. I'm gradually trying to introduce more kink into the bedroom, hoping maybe I can create a higher level of excitement, but honestly I'm not holding my breath. I've had women (who I was bored with sexually) try to "spice things up" and it was laughable. A french maid costume doesn't really do much compared to f***ing someone new.

She seems so confident and (proud?) of things which most people would be ashamed of.

For me I would prefer that (well maybe not proud but at least owning her actions) with a gf more so than her being a major slut in the past but now saying she regrets all those yrs or was drunk & high for most of the guys that took advantage of her, and now has subsequently gone all conservative.

 

Agreed. However, now she is much more conservative than she was in the past. She's "grown up" now. So sexually she is much more reserved than she was before. I realize people change, but for "owning her past" she sure has changed her tune.

 

Anyway. Thanks for your feedback. I always appreciate your opinion a lot.

[autumnnight]

Fair enough. She seems so confident and (proud?) of things which most people would be ashamed of. I can't help wondering if it's just her way of "owning" the things she's done. When financial hardship forced her to prostitute herself, she claims to have enjoyed in thoroughly. If she just convinced herself she enjoyed it as a way to cope then I understand that and I don't judge her for those things. If she really enjoyed doing those things... then I have to wonder what type of a person I've found myself involved with.

 

Then. Break. Up. With. Her.

Edited June 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content retained

[deadelvis]

You've found yourself involved with a girl who, instead of carrying the burden of guilt, and the baggage of low-self esteem, self-hatred and loathing and shame for her previous actions, is actually fortunate enough to not have been damaged by her past, but rather found fulfilment, enjoyment, liberation and fun.

 

Why would you hold it against her, that she's a girl with a past she's proud of, rather than a screwed-up, insecure, needy self-hating bag of inhibitions?

 

Right, but when your greatest sexual encounter was also the most depraved thing you ever did, where does that leave your current partner? Most women on these forums say "the best sex is with someone you love" I personally also believe that to be true. When someone you love says "the best sex was when I sold myself to a man old enough to be my grandfather" it doesn't exactly make you smile.

 

The "best sex is with someone you love" is great, because that leaves room for your current partner to be that person.

 

The "best sex was in 1987" is just a cold world to wake up in.

[deadelvis]

Then. Break. Up. With. Her.

 

Yeah I think you may have mentioned that. It might end up happening, but I would much rather make peace with the situation and stay with her. We are madly in love with each other. Again... your feedback is rarely useful.

[ascendotum]

The "best sex is with someone you love" is great, because that leaves room for your current partner to be that person.

 

The "best sex was in 1987" is just a cold world to wake up in.

 

 

It sucks when you find an awesome person but there is a bunch of issues involved that complicates things so its not a case of them being your ideal partner anymore. This gf of yours comes with a lot and seems you have got over most of them, so maybe given more time you met get over this one too. For me the 'I used to be a wild kinky freak with other guys' issue would kill (and has) the relationship for me, more than the sex for $ issue.

 

Given the following :

* the relationship has got you turning to booze & xanax

* if you really think you can never match her past for arousal (tho you seem to have done better than most of her exes..supposedly)

* that you can do quite well when it comes to women, so could still easily find another gf that would match what you desire.

 

I think maybe you should do yourself a favor and quit the relationship at some point soon, but without making her feel bad about herself and for being so open. She could have easily made it easy for herself by just being vague about her past sex life like many women do, so it would be good if she cannot regret that. If she just left the sex for $ bit out eh...which I don't see why she couldn't have since it was just a one off - I guess because it was a sexual highlight. Then I don't know if I would have believed her if she went to wealthy guy's sex parties and nothing went down given her nature, so would have had to left those experiences out.

[deadelvis]

It sucks when you find an awesome person but there is a bunch of issues involved that complicates things so its not a case of them being your ideal partner anymore. This gf of yours comes with a lot and seems you have got over most of them, so maybe given more time you met get over this one too. For me the 'I used to be a wild kinky freak with other guys' issue would kill (and has) the relationship for me, more than the sex for $ issue.

 

Given the following :

* the relationship has got you turning to booze & xanax

* if you really think you can never match her past for arousal (tho you seem to have done better than most of her exes..supposedly)

* that you can do quite well when it comes to women, so could still easily find another gf that would match what you desire.

 

I think maybe you should do yourself a favor and quit the relationship at some point soon, but without making her feel bad about herself and for being so open. She could have easily made it easy for herself by just being vague about her past sex life like many women do, so it would be good if she cannot regret that. If she just left the sex for $ bit out eh...which I don't see why she couldn't have since it was just a one off - I guess because it was a sexual highlight. Then I don't know if I would have believed her if she went to wealthy guy's sex parties and nothing went down given her nature, so would have had to left those experiences out.

 

I figure she wouldn't have brought up any story she had to censor, so I figure she's probably been honest about everything she's told me. I'm sure she's got a few heavy bombs locked away that she'll never drop. And at this point I'd rather not know. But I do think she's been honest about the sex parties and prostitution. She could have just left out those details pretty easily.

 

The "used to be a freak" thing is annoying, but she's been loosening up a bit lately. I used to be pretty wild too, but I think a big part of us being more reserved sexually has been due to our intense feelings of love. We usually just end up being really romantic and loving when we're in bed. I'm sure things will get crazy eventually, (once a freak...) but it just feels so much more natural to be romantic.

 

As for matching her past... she say's she wouldn't want to revisit any of those types of situations, which is good. And I really do believe I'm the best lover she's ever had. She's said that a lot. I believe it too. Our sex is crazy good. But I just wish I could make her cum hard like she did when she was prostituting herself to the old guy, but I realize that was just a one time thing. It just sucks to think about that. And it makes me feel bad. I wish I could either make her achieve that level of arousal or just erase that story from my mind

Edited June 29, 2015 by deadelvis

[lolablue17]

The first and most important stage in solving your problem is to define it accurately and to admit it.

 

getting money for sex while enjoying it, is not prostitution - It's a kinky act. She liked it because it was special and kinky. There is no moral problem here.

 

The only problem i see (and you mentioned it yourself) is you insecurity, that someone else in the past made her enjoying sex more than you can do. You can't accept that, and you're trying to find other reasons like moral reasons (Which do not exist) or the fact that he was old.

 

You which to be No 1 for her in all aspects. (We all want that ). Part of your growing process is to know that you can't be always No 1 in all aspects comparing to the past. You can't! It's like you would want to live for ever. You can't.

 

I have an advice - She clearly likes kinky stuff. Maybe you can spice your sex life with kunky situations (Sex outside, someone to watch you, Anything). That's how you will create and conquer new fields with her and the act from the past will be put in it's proportional place - very minor.

[deadelvis]

and overall there's just a certain defeat that comes from not being able to fulfill your partners fantasies. Like I had an ex who said her fantasy was to be with a black man. That always bothered me because I'm not black... If her fantasy was anything I could possibly fulfill that wouldn't bother me.

 

You like muscles? I'll hit the gym.

You like bald guys? I'll shave my head

You like rich guys? I'll get a better job

 

 

But if you like (something I can never be...) then how the f*** am I supposed to feel about that?

 

My current situation is similar. If the thing that really gets her off is the taboo of selling herself to an old man, how the f*** can I ever fulfill that? I can't.

Edited June 29, 2015 by deadelvis

[deadelvis]

The first and most important stage in solving your problem is to define it accurately and to admit it.

 

getting money for sex while enjoying it, is not prostitution - It's a kinky act. She liked it because it was special and kinky. There is no moral problem here.

 

The only problem i see (and you mentioned it yourself) is you insecurity, that someone else in the past made her enjoying sex more than you can do. You can't accept that, and you're trying to find other reasons like moral reasons (Which do not exist) or the fact that he was old.

 

You which to be No 1 for her in all aspects. (We all want that ). Part of your growing process is to know that you can't be always No 1 in all aspects comparing to the past. You can't! It's like you would want to live for ever. You can't.

 

I have an advice - She clearly likes kinky stuff. Maybe you can spice your sex life with kunky situations (Sex outside, someone to watch you, Anything). That's how you will create and conquer new fields with her and the act from the past will be put in it's proportional place - very minor.

 

Well, it was prostitution. She was working as an escort for a really short period of time, and he was the only customer she arranged to have sex with.

 

And it's not like he did/was anything special. It was 100% the situation. A situation I can never create for her. I've been pushing for the other kinky things you've mentioned. We got pretty hot and heavy in public a few days ago and I could tell it was really getting her worked up. But the old man/prostitution thing is her big fetish. That's her favorite type of porn to watch also. Hence the powerful orgasm. It's the psychological aspect of it. But I'm not a paying customer or an old man so...

[lolablue17]

It's the psychological aspect of it. But I'm not a paying customer or an old man so...

 

So pay her! I'm not kidding. I know a couple who plays those games.

[deadelvis]

I do sometimes. It's just not the same as meeting a stranger in a hotel room