the ONE thing from her past I wish I could forget...

[lolablue17]

I do sometimes. It's just not the same as meeting a stranger in a hotel room

 

I can tell you for a solid 100% fact - A woman cannot be excited by her 20 years husband as she can be by a stranger. I'm not saying everybody cheat, because many of us can control ourselves.

 

But theoretically - You cannot thrill your longtime spouse as if it's new and fresh.

[deadelvis]

very true, but this early in the relationship it should still be exciting and passionate, which I guess it is... but when even the most amazing "normal" sex isn't enough to rock someones world, it makes me worry that they have some issues regarding sexuality and let's be honest... if a person only really gets off from selling themself to old men, or being tied up and **** on, or whatever... most people would agree that something is "wrong" with that person.

[Kellyrose]

The reason why she came with him so hard and fast is insecurity. With this older men she felt young, pretty and desired, she did not have to worry about sucking in her belly or the sound she is making. She could let herself go and enjoy the moment.

Dont take it personal. It just means she did not care about him at all while she cares about you and in her subconciousness this might have been a pretty erotic phantasy...

[deadelvis]

then what's up with the "old man, young girl" porn she watches?

[deadelvis]

that's her big thing, old men and young girls. that and rape porn. like that would be her biggest turn on, watching a bunch of old men force themselves on a young woman. that makes me sick just typing it.

[deadelvis]

and how can you have a normal sex life with someone who's turned on by that? If I was into watching a group of old men forcing themselves on a young woman, i would want someone to check me into a mental health facility

[LoveMachine67]

This is easy - just get yourself a 70 year-old man mask and give her a hundred bucks the next time you hit the sack with her.

 

OP, this is your answer^^^^

 

Back in the mid 90s' porn star Ron Jeremy did a whole series of geriatric fetish movies where he's dressed as a 90 year old man, banging hot young women. Why not take this dark image of your GF's past, and turn it into something kinky and pleasurable for the both of you?

[Chi townD]

Sounds like she has Daddy issues.

[No Limit]

Good sex comes from the head. Obviously she should have kept this one little detail from you because the only way you are going to fit this attraction of hers 100% will be to wait for 50 years.

 

I also think you're interpreting it wrong. "Old men forcing themselves on young women" - the women want it as much as the guy. Mutual consent.

[TaraMaiden2]

The big clue is in the word you used to describe it.

 

"Depraved".

 

It's. Not. Depraved.

 

It's a kink.

It's her kink.

There's nothing depraved about it other than in your narrow-minded head.

And yes, you are narrow-minded.

You are deliberately restricting your love and compassion for this girl by deliberately using highly negative terms to describe what she loves as a fantasy.

 

Not my cup of tea at all, I admit.

Not something I would find arousing or stimulating.

 

But if you had been party to some of the discussions I was witness to, while working in counselling - honey, trust me.

This is tame.

 

You only have to ask CarrieT about some of the things she's done, to know that this is actually average.

 

But 'depraved'?

 

Only in your restricted field.

 

You are poisoning your own mind against her.

You make it sound like you have a RIGHT to condemn her.

 

You haven't.

 

Get over yourself.

Edited June 30, 2015 by TaraMaiden2

[sandylee1]

I didn't say I think she is disgusting. She is amazing. I think what she did is disgusting, and it troubles me that she enjoyed it so much. It makes me question her sexual appetites.

 

I do however find you rude and consider your feedback worse than useless, I find it insulting.

 

It's not good to discuss her private sexual history with your friends . If you really can't get over it, and you are entiltled not to, the relationship is just wasting time on both sides. That's breaching her confidence and now you'll have others judging her as well.

 

TBH when you said something so disgusting , I imagined worse than this.

 

As for her orgasms. ........try a vibrator on her .

 

Discussing past sexual encounters often ends badly.

[lgspot]

Not good!

You are letting a very small portion of her life compromise your entire relationship.

Her sexual past is her's and private. It's not your place to punish her for it.

I would suggest you lay back and enjoy the rewards of that past. Sounds to me she's been adventurous with a bit of kink potentially adding some spice to her talents.

Her knowledge and past could enhance your sexuality if you would back off and openly communicate.

 

I read where you were wanting her to loosen up and go all sexual on you.

Why ever would she if you judge and find fault?

 

You're even counting her orgasms.

From your words, she has a hard trigger.

Been my experience with many women, orgasm can initiate in her brain.

My feeling is. You keep F**KING with her head, her orgasms are gonna get rarer.

I suspicion if you relax and allow her to relax, your whole sexual world could be rocked.

 

A judged woman is a woman not having many orgasms with the judge... :sick:

 

Are you going to allow a long gone 70 year old man with a $1000 to F**k UP your F**KING???

[CarrieT]

The big clue is in the word you used to describe it.

 

"Depraved".

 

It's. Not. Depraved.

 

It's a kink.

It's her kink.

There's nothing depraved about it other than in your narrow-minded head.

And yes, you are narrow-minded.

 

I am going to reiterate this because - yes - I have been there and, no, it is far from depraved. Although it seems to be so in the OP's mind. I have had men north of 70 who were far more impassioned, proficient, and exciting than men half their age (and, yes, when I was in my 20s).

 

Not all 70-year olds are decrepit. Some men in their 30s and 40s and downright icky.

 

And to answer another question the OP asked earlier on, "the best sex" is not always with someone you love. Sometimes the mere thrill of the kink or the oddity of the situation provides an enhancement to the scenario that makes the sex more exciting for one reason or another. That's just the way our minds work and no extensive analysis on a chat sight will ever be able to figure out why.

 

It just is.

[deadelvis]

We had a long talk about this yesterday over text message. These are some excerpts from what she said.

 

"To be totally honest, I've tried a lot of sexual situations, always searching for what is going to satisfy me. Searching for what it is that "I'm missing out on" searching for what feels the most fulfilling to me. And it's just not there. I've learned what my deal is, and what the distinction is: I'm curious and interested in (almost) all things sexual. I love hearing about it, I love reading about it, I love learning about all different kinks and what other people are into. Through my exploration, and your challenging questions, I've been able to gather my words and know my truth. I'm kind of Plain Jane. I like one on one, with someone I trust, who turns me on mentally and makes me feel safe. What I really like is actually very simple, it's pleasing the person I love. I'm intimidated by things outside of "normal sex." While I like to watch documentaries on kink, and hear crazy stories, out of all things different and strange, my kink is voyeurism. I like to go to the lifestyle parties and see crazy things in action, but I'd never participate. I'm not into it. It's not fulfilling and I have too much anxiety and worry to be promiscuous. While I enjoy sex itself, I enjoy one in one energy. I have to feel safe. And even when I dated *****, I thought he was lovely and would probably make an amazing life partner for someone, but I ended it because I was afraid of his kink. I'm not interested in it, and it actually scares me. I knew I wasn't into it, without even trying. All it did was scare me. I knew I wouldn't be able to satisfy his sexual tastes, because I'm simply not into it. One of the craziest things I would actually do, is just to go to a sex party with you, absorb the experience, then go home to you, and satisfy only you, with what most people would refer to as vanilla sex. Your questions made me think a lot about my role, feelings, wants, desires, ect. At the end of the day, the thing I'm most comfortable with, and what really turns me on, is making my partner happy.

 

There are things that you could come up with that I wouldn't want to try, and wouldn't turn me on, but I might do them to keep you satisfied.

I've done more than enough exploring to know where I stand.

I'm really quite simple. I just want to please you. And just the thought of threesomes even, doesn't turn me on. All the experimentation I've done, I've forced myself to do. On top of that, I had to use copious amounts of booze to be able to do it, and to get through it.

I'm into listening to other people's stories, peering into their sex lives, and watching documentaries on it. It's curious to me and some of it is shocking, and interesting, but in real life, it's not for me. Having to use booze as a crutch, litteraly needing to be drunk to experiment, says a lot. I'd never be able do any of the things I've tried while sober, and that says a LOT.

 

I'm old enough, I've experimented enough, I've seen enough to know what I'm into. I'm into one on one, the connection that comes with that, the saftey and mental ease that comes with being monogamous with a partner I love --is my thing. Thays my thing. I'm willing to explore a little bit with you, and only you, I can't even stand the thought of a threesome. I don't know what our sexual future holds, years from now, but all I want, and all I'm willing to do, is one on one with you."

[deadelvis]

Now, on first reading her reply it's easy to say "so what's the problem? she sounds great?" and in many way's that's true. However there's something disappointing about all this. If I wanted a "Plain Jane Vanilla Lover" I would have just found a regular girl who hadn't spent the past 10 years being a freaky sex kitten. But I found what I thought was a freaky sex kitten. So naturally I'm a bit disappointed to discover that she is now "reformed". It's like all the men in the past got to experience wild kinky sex with her, threesomes etc. but now that she's in a long term relationship with me all that stuff is "not what she's into". It's not even that I'm interested in doing a bunch of kinky stuff, but the idea that I'm missing out on stuff she let other men enjoy leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. I walked into the "flavors of the world" ice cream parlor thinking I was going to experience something exciting and discovered that it's been a busy day and all that's left is vanilla ice cream. It's not that I don't love vanilla ice cream, in fact it's my favorite, but I don't like feeling like I'm missing out on all the other flavors, especially because I arrived late and everything else ate the more exciting flavors. If I wanted vanilla ice cream I probably would have just gotten it somewhere else.

Edited June 30, 2015 by deadelvis

[CarrieT]

I have news for you, a "Plain Jane Vanilla Lover" does NOT

watch documentaries on kink, and hear crazy stories, out of all things different and strange, my kink is voyeurism. I like to go to the lifestyle parties and see crazy things in action

 

I am 50 years old have and have been involved in the kink community for 35+ years.

 

What she says she wants and turns her on is self-deception - 100% self deception.

[deadelvis]

I have news for you, a "Plain Jane Vanilla Lover" does NOT

 

 

I am 50 years old have and have been involved in the kink community for 35+ years.

 

What she says she wants and turns her on is self-deception - 100% self deception.

 

I agree 100%. Especially considering the quick powerful orgasm (only time in her life that happened) she had from fulfilling her fantasy with the old man.

[eve_k]

On some forums you are a guy with extreme tattoos and chipped teeth, on some you are well educated, although the two can go hand in hand, they usually don't.

 

I wish they did, coz I love tattoos, but they usually don't.

 

Also it has got to be two months now, since you are asking this same question on different forums.

 

That in itself sounds very unhealthy.

[66Charger]

Deadelvis, what a lot of posters are saying is right for them but not for you. What turns us on, may turn off our partner. Which one is "right" or should I say which one is close minded, narrow or painted as a jerk? You are not a jerk or any of those things. If prostitution turns you off, then it does.

I am not speaking as some random poster. Your story is mine. My GF has a history that had I known it,, I probally would have never dated her. I got past a lot of things she told me, but the last one was the light switch. I understand CarrieT is into this sort of thing, but the visual of BDSM changed how I thought about her. How can someone tell me that the visual of a woman being dominated and humiliated is degrading be wrong..for me? I am not judging her, I am judging the act. I will always think of a woman as a beautiful flower and would never get turned on by some things, however in the long run you have to look at the total package. I am ex Military and there are some things I have done that she finds revolting.

My story has other parts and perhaps one day I will write it. I Dont know but I have to make a decision and soon.

In closing, after I read your last post, my suggestion to you would be to stop posting on LS and marry this woman.

[deadelvis]

On some forums you are a guy with extreme tattoos and chipped teeth, on some you are well educated, although the two can go hand in hand, they usually don't.

 

I wish they did, coz I love tattoos, but they usually don't.

 

Also it has got to be two months now, since you are asking this same question on different forums.

 

That in itself sounds very unhealthy.

 

I am both. I'm a strange creature.

[deadelvis]

I have news for you, a "Plain Jane Vanilla Lover" does NOT

 

 

I am 50 years old have and have been involved in the kink community for 35+ years.

 

What she says she wants and turns her on is self-deception - 100% self deception.

 

Can you elaborate on this. I agree. She came across in the beginning as a crazy freak who wanted to be dominated and engage in a wild passionate kinky sex life together. Now after "soul-searching" (really falling in love for the first time in her life?) she has made a complete reversal of her previous attitudes (this was only a few months ago she was saying she wants to be slapped around and have me spit in her mouth etc.)

 

What is going on with her? Why the denial of her true sexual nature? I really don't think she's just saying these things to please me. In fact the opposite. She knows I want more than just "vanilla sex" but now she has zero interest in anything beyond "Plain Jane" sex. What's going on here?

[deadelvis]

Deadelvis, what a lot of posters are saying is right for them but not for you. What turns us on, may turn off our partner. Which one is "right" or should I say which one is close minded, narrow or painted as a jerk? You are not a jerk or any of those things. If prostitution turns you off, then it does.

I am not speaking as some random poster. Your story is mine. My GF has a history that had I known it,, I probally would have never dated her. I got past a lot of things she told me, but the last one was the light switch. I understand CarrieT is into this sort of thing, but the visual of BDSM changed how I thought about her. How can someone tell me that the visual of a woman being dominated and humiliated is degrading be wrong..for me? I am not judging her, I am judging the act. I will always think of a woman as a beautiful flower and would never get turned on by some things, however in the long run you have to look at the total package. I am ex Military and there are some things I have done that she finds revolting.

My story has other parts and perhaps one day I will write it. I Dont know but I have to make a decision and soon.

In closing, after I read your last post, my suggestion to you would be to stop posting on LS and marry this woman.

 

Thank you for that heart felt reply. I appreciate your perspective. I agree completely. And I really do want to marry her. But I'm also still confused by the seemingly dual nature of her sexuality. I hope some of the loveshack users can help me figure out what is going on with this woman and her bipolar sexual tendencies.

[eve_k]

Deadelvis, what a lot of posters are saying is right for them but not for you. What turns us on, may turn off our partner. Which one is "right" or should I say which one is close minded, narrow or painted as a jerk? You are not a jerk or any of those things. If prostitution turns you off, then it does.

I am not speaking as some random poster. Your story is mine. My GF has a history that had I known it,, I probally would have never dated her. I got past a lot of things she told me, but the last one was the light switch. I understand CarrieT is into this sort of thing, but the visual of BDSM changed how I thought about her. How can someone tell me that the visual of a woman being dominated and humiliated is degrading be wrong..for me? I am not judging her, I am judging the act. I will always think of a woman as a beautiful flower and would never get turned on by some things, however in the long run you have to look at the total package. I am ex Military and there are some things I have done that she finds revolting.

My story has other parts and perhaps one day I will write it. I Dont know but I have to make a decision and soon.

In closing, after I read your last post, my suggestion to you would be to stop posting on LS and marry this woman.

 

First of all, nobody is saying anything like you have no right to take your partner's BDSM inclinations as a deal breaker.

 

We are all judging others after a certain point.

 

The thing here is, first of all his gf is not part of kink community, she is a person with history of abuse, sexual abuse, and bad relationships. As well as very sexual edge experimentation, she keeps going back and forth on.

 

This guy keeps talking about their intimate stuff to people he knows and people he doesn't know, in a way that clearly shows it's a deal breaker for him.

 

He is not, however, breaking up with her coz she likes rape role play, and he has no moral hangups about re-enacting all sorts of rape scenes with her and writing about it in graphic detail on forums, but the fact she likes old men and taboo of prostitution shockes him.

 

To say the least he is a hypocrite, since if spitting in your gf mouth and calling her a good little slut does not shock you, neither should prostitution.

 

I have loads of respect for BDSM community, but I also would never agree to dominate my partner, so I understand what you are trying to say.

 

I do, however, feel sorry for his gf, only coz she picks men like him, coz this man sounds like he has more issues than any BDSM sub ever.

 

He has no moral qualms about engaging in BDSM without a safe world and degrading her in dangerous ways, but he will go on and on about some aspects of her issues that he takes particular issue with.

 

What he does with her does not sound sane, or safe and therefore does not even qualify as BDSM, as he is not a proper sane dom.

 

What is good about BDSM doms is they are usually sane and healthy people and will provide subs an oportunity to repeat their trauma in a safe way.

 

This guy is not a dom, just some messed up, misogynistic douche that is dissecting his gf for two months now at two forums.

 

This ius going on for at least two months, as far as I keep bumping into his tasteless rants.

 

I bet is she knew this she'd leave him.

 

So you are allowed to have deal breakers, but a mature person is honest and breaks up, and moves on...

 

He is fascinated with this opportunity to feats on his gf in a very disloyal way, without any intention of breaking up.

 

Apologies to BDSM lady, have no beef with BDSM even if it's so not my cup of tea.

 

Yes, we do have a right to our informed opinion, but no we do not have any right to dysect any person's sexuality, in a judgmental way, for two months, while we keep on dating them.

Edited June 30, 2015 by eve_k

[deadelvis]

First of all, nobody is saying anything like you have no right to take your partner's BDSM inclinations as a deal breaker.

 

We are all judging others after a certain point.

 

The thing here is, first of all his gf is not part of kink community, she is a person with history of abuse, sexual abuse, and bad relationships. As well as very sexual edge experimentation, she keeps going back and forth on.

 

This guy keeps talking about their intimate stuff to people he knows and people he doesn't know, in a way that clearly shows it's a deal breaker for him.

 

He is not, however, breaking up with her coz she likes rape role play, and he has no moral hangups about re-enacting all sorts of rape scenes with her and writing about it in graphic detail on forums, but the fact she likes old men and taboo of prostitution shockes him.

 

To say the least he is a hypocrite, since if spitting in your gf mouth and calling her a good little slut does not shock you, neither should prostitution.

 

I have loads of respect for BDSM community, but I also would never agree to dominate my partner, so I understand what you are trying to say.

 

I do, however, feel sorry for his gf, only coz she picks men like him, coz this man sounds like he has more issues than any BDSM sub ever.

 

He has no moral qualms about engaging in BDSM without a safe world and degrading her in dangerous ways, but he will go on and on about some aspects of her issues that he takes particular issue with.

 

What he does with her does not sound sane, or safe and therefore does not even qualify as BDSM, as he is not a proper sane dom.

 

What is good about BDSM doms is they are usually sane and healthy people and will provide subs an oportunity to repeat their trauma in a safe way.

 

This guy is not a dom, just some messed up, misogynistic douche that is dissecting his gf for two months now at two forums.

 

This ius going on for at least two months, as far as I keep bumping into his tasteless rants.

 

I bet is she knew this she'd leave him.

 

So you are allowed to have deal breakers, but a mature person is honest and breaks up, and moves on...

 

He is fascinated with this opportunity to feats on his gf in a very disloyal way, without any intention of breaking up.

 

Apologies to BDSM lady, have no beef with BDSM even if it's so not my cup of tea.

 

Yes, we do have a right to our informed opinion, but no we do not have any right to dysect any person's sexuality, in a judgmental way, for two months, while we keep on dating them.

 

Wow. Thanks for your opinion, but umm... I'm not even going to reply to that.

 

One thing I will say... spitting in your partners mouth and calling her a good little slut is not even in the same ballpark as selling your body to a stranger.

 

Enjoy your view from that self created position of moral superiority.

 

oh god. you're eve_ashley from the other forum eh?

 

Pay no attention to anything this woman say's. she's been repeatedly called out on other forums as a blatant troll and never say's anything helpful. she's been hating me from day one.

 

I actually left the other forum to get away from you

 

Get a life. Please stay out of mine

Edited June 30, 2015 by deadelvis

[CarrieT]

Can you elaborate on this. I agree.as zero interest in anything beyond "Plain Jane" sex. What's going on here?

No, actually - I don't think I can...

 

What is going on with her? Why the denial of her true sexual nature? I really don't think she's just saying these things to please me. In fact the opposite. She knows I want more than just "vanilla sex" but now she has zero interest in anything beyond "Plain Jane" sex. What's going on here?

I don't think you two have a good relationship that allows for an open and honest discussion of sex without there being judgment.

 

You have these ideas of what is acceptable and what is depraved. I believe she is trying to re-write her sexual history and interests in a way that will be acceptable to you and that is not possible.