Maybe I'm Bitter

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

Just had a call from my mom and it put me in a real downer.

 

She called for her monthly check in to see how I'm doing. She then told me all about how successful my sisters are. One of them just moved into some luxury house in a really private area, the other is travelling the world.

 

Maybe it shouldn't have pissed me off, but I hate hearing how successful they are. I'm 27 and a complete f*cking failure. I work in a call centre selling car insurance for minimum wage and I struggle to make a living. I just feel embarrassed. I've done nothing with my life.

 

There's another side to it though. My sisters, both over 10 years older than me, never wanted much to do with me when I was a kid. They don't want much to do with me now. I mean Christ, I haven't seen them in nearly a year.

My girlfriend told me if her sister were as successful as mine, she would be taken care of; given a helping hand. My sister once promised to use her contacts to get me a job as a copywriter. She told me it paid well and offered holidays and everything. Then she just didn't get back to me.

 

Look, I'm not saying they owe me anything, of course they don't, but I guess I thought family were always supposed to be there for you, and I've been in a bad place for the last 4 or 5 years now so I would've really appreciated it.

 

I dunno. Maybe I'm just bitter. I don't even know why it upset me so much. we've got bad blood going back to when I was young so maybe...I don't know. I really don't.

[WhatYouWantToHear]

I'm pretty sure, I know the answer to this, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and ask anyway: So are you just one of those people who want to complain but do nothing to make things better? If so, disregard the rest of my post.

 

If not--then do something about your failure of a life. For starters stop being so mad at everyone. In your post you railed against your mom, your sisters and even yourself. I'm not one of those positive-thinking-will-make-things-better losers, but seriously a slightly better attitude would go a long way. AFter that, choose a goal and go for it.

 

Make your life better one day at a time.

[SerCay]

5 things I want to say to you.

 

1: unconditional love and support comes only from parents. Never expect it from others. Especially not siblings.

 

2: Nobody is responsible for you except you. Once you realize that, you will start being more successful.

 

3: Forgive yourself for being angry at your sisters, then forgive your sisters for not caring about you too much. Then think about point 1 again.

 

4: Never ever compare your own family to other people's. Every family is different, some closer than others, but all with their own problems.

 

5: Do not expect to be close to your sisters. These things have to come from both sides. Sometimes it happens, but more often than not, siblings grow apart once they are adults. There's no rule that says siblings should be close. I speak from experience, I tried to force myself onto my brother since we were best friends when we were younger and he totally bailed on me once he got married. After years I accepted the harsh reality. I should've done so much earlier. Please OP, only live for yourself.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

I'm pretty sure, I know the answer to this, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and ask anyway: So are you just one of those people who want to complain but do nothing to make things better? If so, disregard the rest of my post.

 

If not--then do something about your failure of a life. For starters stop being so mad at everyone. In your post you railed against your mom, your sisters and even yourself. I'm not one of those positive-thinking-will-make-things-better losers, but seriously a slightly better attitude would go a long way. AFter that, choose a goal and go for it.

 

Make your life better one day at a time.

 

You got the answer wrong.

 

If that was advice, let me thank you for taking the time to dispense it, but your own attitude was entirely dismissive. My thoughts might not have been coherent enough to take the form of a question, and so I can understand your impression that I just want to moan, but I would encourage you to look further.

 

The title of my post is 'Maybe I'm Bitter' so I already know I have a bad outlook. Knowing it doesn't change it. It's intrinsic - a product of my childhood, probably, and the people I grew up with; none of whom had a very bright outlook on life.

 

But disregarding all of that, I want to ask a serious question: how do I change my outlook on life? How I become more positive? I tried going to the gym, I'm on anti-depressants, I try and socialise when I can afford it. What am

I missing?

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

5 things I want to say to you.

 

1: unconditional love and support comes only from parents. Never expect it from others. Especially not siblings.

 

2: Nobody is responsible for you except you. Once you realize that, you will start being more successful.

 

3: Forgive yourself for being angry at your sisters, then forgive your sisters for not caring about you too much. Then think about point 1 again.

 

4: Never ever compare your own family to other people's. Every family is different, some closer than others, but all with their own problems.

 

5: Do not expect to be close to your sisters. These things have to come from both sides. Sometimes it happens, but more often than not, siblings grow apart once they are adults. There's no rule that says siblings should be close. I speak from experience, I tried to force myself onto my brother since we were best friends when we were younger and he totally bailed on me once he got married. After years I accepted the harsh reality. I should've done so much earlier. Please OP, only live for yourself.

 

You're right, I know. I see a lot of people (my girlfriend included) who are really close to their siblings and I wish I had that. When everything gets really overwhelming all I want is to have family to lean on and help me out. It would take a lot I pressure off, I think.

[SerCay]

When everything gets really overwhelming all I want is to have family to lean on and help me out.

 

This rarely ever comes from siblings. At least not in families where siblings aren't close after adulthood. Parents are there to help you out usually.

 

What you need to do, is let go of everything you can't have at this moment, such as money, or close relations with siblings, and start focusing on the blessings you DO have in life.

 

For example put things into perspective...you complain about a dead end job....be thankful you have a job. etc etc.

 

Also, go out in the sun...take a drink, take a read, enjoy the sunlight on your face. Take a pet dog for a walk, hug your dog, or hug dogs at a shelter.

 

Slowly you will acquire a more positive outcome once you start doing things that make serotonine flow through your body.

 

Also get checked up on vitamin and hormone deficiencies. These will cause depressions as well.

 

You have 1 life OP, set goals, and grab it by the balls.

 

Best of luck.

[mrs rubble]

You got the answer wrong.

 

If that was advice, let me thank you for taking the time to dispense it, but your own attitude was entirely dismissive. My thoughts might not have been coherent enough to take the form of a question, and so I can understand your impression that I just want to moan, but I would encourage you to look further.

 

The title of my post is 'Maybe I'm Bitter' so I already know I have a bad outlook. Knowing it doesn't change it. It's intrinsic - a product of my childhood, probably, and the people I grew up with; none of whom had a very bright outlook on life.

 

But disregarding all of that, I want to ask a serious question: how do I change my outlook on life? How I become more positive? I tried going to the gym, I'm on anti-depressants, I try and socialise when I can afford it. What am

I missing?

You adopt an "attitude of gratitude", celebrate the positives in your life.

Are you healthy??? There's not much point in having a fabulous life if your health is shot. I'm sure there are several things you have to be greatful for.

I used to compare myself to a friend, and feel bitter/low. She appear's to have a wonderful life, rich husband, flash holiday's, nice house....whereas I've struggled as a solo mum, live in a basic house, go on camping holiday's......once I started celebrating the fact that I'd raised my boy's well, earned my own way, and bought my house all on my own. I started to feel damned proud that I didn't need a rich husband to help me out.

[Tayla]

You adopt an "attitude of gratitude", celebrate the positives in your life.

Are you healthy??? There's not much point in having a fabulous life if your health is shot. I'm sure there are several things you have to be greatful for.

I used to compare myself to a friend, and feel bitter/low. She appear's to have a wonderful life, rich husband, flash holiday's, nice house....whereas I've struggled as a solo mum, live in a basic house, go on camping holiday's......once I started celebrating the fact that I'd raised my boy's well, earned my own way, and bought my house all on my own. I started to feel damned proud that I didn't need a rich husband to help me out.

well said mrs. rubble. !

 

A change in self perception expands outwards. Found that self inflicting statements of "im a failure", deters growth. state five good things about yourself, you can read!, you can think, you can walk.... things so easily taken for granted need to be acknowledged . You are a sum of your thoughts and deeds, make them good ones!! Even in my drabby of days... all i need to do is take a walk, and find something good to ease the blues. Once you practice your good vibes, things will turn in a favoring way! I think you are very successful! you , each day have influenced others and made a living. Give yourself credit

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Be proud of yourself because you're living on your own, without support of family or a partner. Life is much tougher now then when your mom was your age. Not everyone is lucky. That's sad that your flesh & blood don't try to help you improve your job situation. Some families are just messed up.