When You Don't Want the Alpha Male

[SycamoreCircle]

That guy that approached you originally started out well and good. But his lack of true confidence and backing off is what did him in. For example. If I was that guy that originally approached and I knew you were digging me all night long, I would have said "Sorry man she's with me", then leaned in to kiss you softly on the lips. After that, I'd lead you away from the douchebag by the hand, and say "There's no way I was letting him get in the way of the two of us going out sometime. What's your number?" Since you liked him and he'd built rapport all night, something tells me you would have enjoyed that. Am I right?

No, I don't think you are. We're all reading the story of what happened to OP in the past tense. Everything is being laid out clearly and without loud music, without the din of human voices, without intoxicants, without mood lighting, without this bra pinching me, without this rash on my side, etc. We can judge things without distraction, and with mediation. Real life is very different. The narrative is being created. The douchebag who swoops into dominate the conversation may very well be her cousin, her ex whose she's still enamored with, and so on. The scenario you described, and sorry if this is too crass a comparison, is out of The Karate Kid.

[Timshel]

Ladies, you ever been in a situation where you were liking a particular guy at a party and an annoying alpha male gets in between it? This happened to me twice this weekend. Like yesterday, I don't know if this guy liked me, but I was totally into him. He did the approaching, he bought me a drink, he talked mostly to me at the party, etc. Then here comes the alpha male...

 

Naturally the other guy backed away like a beta male. He totally allowed the alpha male to steal my attention even though I didn't want him. I was desperately hoping the beta male would ask me out, but he just allowed the other guy to swoop in and ask me out. The beta did ask me for my phone number, but I doubt he will ever call now. Any similar stories?

 

Alpha/Beta?? Who do you like?

 

Honestly OP, have confidence in who you choose and the man you are attracted to.

 

Both "alpha/beta" *eye roll* will respond.

[jay1983]

I think the term "alpha male" gets a bad wrap. Some people like the OP tend to think in extremes labeling the overly aggressive attention seeking douchebag an "alpha". However, true confidence and leadership often comes with a sense of calm. Guys that try to act "alpha" are often over compensating.

 

That guy that approached you originally started out well and good. But his lack of true confidence and backing off is what did him in. For example. If I was that guy that originally approached and I knew you were digging me all night long, I would have said "Sorry man she's with me", then leaned in to kiss you softly on the lips. After that, I'd lead you away from the douchebag by the hand, and say "There's no way I was letting him get in the way of the two of us going out sometime. What's your number?" Since you liked him and he'd built rapport all night, something tells me you would have enjoyed that. Am I right?

You would've told him she was with you and leaned in to kiss her after just meeting her? Not even knowing for sure if she's into you, him, or neither one of you.

[Justanaverageguy]

That guy that approached you originally started out well and good. But his lack of true confidence and backing off is what did him in. For example. If I was that guy that originally approached and I knew you were digging me all night long, I would have said "Sorry man she's with me", then leaned in to kiss you softly on the lips. After that, I'd lead you away from the douchebag by the hand, and say "There's no way I was letting him get in the way of the two of us going out sometime. What's your number?" Since you liked him and he'd built rapport all night, something tells me you would have enjoyed that. Am I right?

 

What is "true" confidence though. Is it about direct confrontation, fighting over a female and "marking your territory" as soon as another man approaches ..... Is that "true" confidence ?

 

What about just acting like a normal human being. Staying in the conversation, even welcoming the new guy into it. Confident, comfortable and relaxed that you and the girl have established a great connection. You already have her number and she will choose you anyway

 

Which one shows more confidence ?

Edited July 1, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[loveweary11]

What is "true" confidence though. Is it about direct confrontation, fighting over a female and "marking your territory" as soon as another man approaches ..... Is that "true" confidence ?

 

What about just acting like a normal human being. Staying in the conversation, even welcoming the new guy into it. Confident, comfortable and relaxed that you and the girl have established a great connection. You already have her number and she will choose you anyway

 

Which one shows more confidence ?

 

Exactly.

 

When I've been in similar situations, I do exactly what the "beta" guy did, except I announce my leaving and let the girl know I'm bored of talking to her and an annoying guy. I tell her where I'll be.

 

Moments later, the girl comes to find me, without the guy around.

 

Seems to work every time for me.

[guest569]

You would've told him she was with you and leaned in to kiss her after just meeting her? Not even knowing for sure if she's into you, him, or neither one of you.

 

Yeah this wouldn't go down too well with me! I know how you feel about early intimacy fitness fan but I would run if this happened to me

[PrettyEmily77]

You would've told him she was with you and leaned in to kiss her after just meeting her? Not even knowing for sure if she's into you, him, or neither one of you.

 

 

Agreed.

 

 

The guy didn't want to presume he owned her after a 5 minute conversation, which was smart of him IMO. It's a bar, not the jungle.

Edited July 1, 2015 by PrettyEmily77

[Justanaverageguy]

Exactly.

 

When I've been in similar situations, I do exactly what the "beta" guy did, except I announce my leaving and let the girl know I'm bored of talking to her and an annoying guy. I tell her where I'll be.

 

Moments later, the girl comes to find me, without the guy around.

 

Seems to work every time for me.

 

But that's not really what I meant. It is the opposite extreme of what fitnessguy said to do but the purpose is basically the same - Which is reacting in a way to try to "force" the girl to choose you.

 

What I'm saying is why do you have to react at all to "force" the situation ? I find simply acting like a human being normally would in a group setting works best. Actually introduce yourself to the guy in a relaxed, friendly manner and ask him how he is doing and how his night has been. If you already have a connection with the girl don't be so defensive. Just be in the moment and have some fun. Let it happen instead of forcing it to happen. Most guys feel they have to "react" as soon as another guy shows up ..... so let him be the one to do the reacting and try the crazy alpha antics of grabbing her kissing her after 5mins or telling her he is going to leave and go to another part of the bar. See how that works out for him.

Edited July 1, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[okc85]

People on this website are so obsessed with the alpha male/beta male thing, lol.

[lino]

People on this website are so obsessed with the alpha male/beta male thing, lol.

 

True.

 

Sadly peoples minds are polluted of this garbage.

I'd say 'self help' books, dating 'gurus' and women's trashy magazines are responsible for it and a lot of rubbish 'expert bloggers' people listen to like it's gospel nowadays.

 

What the f#ck happened to just learning about life by... Living it?

 

I'd never heard these alpha/beta male labels used outside of fiction books or animal documentaries until I found this site.

 

Also, why aren't such labels ever used on females?

[ascendotum]

Most guys feel they have to "react" as soon as another guy shows up ..... so let him be the one to do the reacting and try the crazy alpha antics of grabbing her kissing her after 5mins or telling her he is going to leave and go to another part of the bar. See how that works out for him.

 

If this was a situation where this 'alpha' guy just strolled up and was being friendly and introduced himself and started chatting casually to both of them in relations to the topic they were already discussing, then you could easily not react.

In the scenario though were the guy sees the couple chatting and doesn't introduce himself or ask about the conversation but just barges in between the two of them and starts chatting up the girl, its an obvious dick move. If the shy guy was not to react he would probably just be standing there looking at the 'alpha' guy's back while he takes over the attention of the woman. He is forced to deal with the change in the dynamic. It depends how it went down, but I would say its likely closer to the later than the former.

 

* using alpha term simply to stay in context of the original post.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

OP, you're really just playing games. You claim you found the Alpha annoying, yet you lapped up the attention he gave you. Then you post about how you dislike beta guys & only value Alphas. Do you only engage beta guys to confirm that you only want Alphas or are you confused or conflicted about what you want? Have you heard the terms: take the good with the bad or you can't have your cake & eat it. Do you really know what you want in a guy?

[fitnessfan365]

You would've told him she was with you and leaned in to kiss her after just meeting her? Not even knowing for sure if she's into you, him, or neither one of you.

 

Here is what cracks me up. The guys in the thread are shooting down my scenario. But the OP herself said that she would have really liked it. In the end, fortune favors the bold guys.

 

But look at it this way. What do many first dates entail? Meeting for a drink and conversation. She was receptive to the drink offer and then spent all night talking to him. Do you really think she'd do that if she wasn't interested? So I'd see it as an on the spot first date. Also, she stresses she was very into him. So her body language would have been showing this. Any guy with experience knows how to read it. With all of that said, I kiss a woman at the end of a great first date.

 

Now we can get caught up in semantics here about what "She's with me" means. But in my mind, it simply implies that she's with me in the moment enjoying my company. Not in the grand scheme of things.

[d0nnivain]

Cupid's Puppet

 

You were the one in control here & you blew it. I'm not buying into this Alpha Beta BS so I'm going to change it up a bit.

 

You were talking to guy # 1. You liked guy # 1. Some interloper, guy #2, butted into the conversation. Instead of politely acknowledging #2's presence then turning your attention back to #1, you acted like some leaf adrift on a pond & went where ever the wind blew you -- where #2 wanted you to go rather than making your own choices. Of course #1 walked away. He felt like you were blowing him off.

 

Until you can stand up for yourself, you will find yourself at the whims of others.

[loveweary11]

But that's not really what I meant. It is the opposite extreme of what fitnessguy said to do but the purpose is basically the same - Which is reacting in a way to try to "force" the girl to choose you.

 

What I'm saying is why do you have to react at all to "force" the situation ? I find simply acting like a human being normally would in a group setting works best. Actually introduce yourself to the guy in a relaxed, friendly manner and ask him how he is doing and how his night has been. If you already have a connection with the girl don't be so defensive. Just be in the moment and have some fun. Let it happen instead of forcing it to happen. Most guys feel they have to "react" as soon as another guy shows up ..... so let him be the one to do the reacting and try the crazy alpha antics of grabbing her kissing her after 5mins or telling her he is going to leave and go to another part of the bar. See how that works out for him.

 

 

I hear what you're saying.

 

I meet guys like you out and about. Everyone loves you guys. Fun, chatty, funny, etc....

 

Im not that kind of guy.

 

I'm only kind of fun and chatty, not really very funny. Don't even enjoy conversations with guts to be honest. Different dynamic.

 

If I'm at a place with a girl these days, it's because I brought her, usually. So... I expect we are there together and we do things together.

 

If things go differently, I'm looking to dump her and not waste my time. So... I make them choose.

 

It's a little more complex than this particular situation. ,

[Justanaverageguy]

Here is what cracks me up. The guys in the thread are shooting down my scenario. But the OP herself said that she would have really liked it. In the end, fortune favors the bold guys.

 

I don't think she actually said she really liked your approach. She said she didn't like the fact that he simply walked away and gave up when the other guy approached her. The other girls on this thread all directly said they wouldn't appreciate your approach. See PrettyEmily and Smileys responses.

 

But I'm not going to tell you how to pick up girls. If it works for you then hey who cares what I say just keep doing it. I don't consider myself an Alpha a Beta or a Ceta. I am just an average guy who likes to observe how people behave. And from my observations when a guy throws himself at a girl he just started chatting with only because another guy approaches her .... it comes off as completely insecure and desperate.

 

If however you did something similar without the other guy approaching her. Where it was an action taken of your own free will because you actually liked her and wanted to make a move ...... not just an insecure knee jerk reaction to her talking with another man. Then I might agree it could be seen as bold and confident.

Edited July 1, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[alphamale]

People on this website are so obsessed with the alpha male/beta male thing, lol.

 

tell me about it

[jay1983]

People on this website are so obsessed with the alpha male/beta male thing, lol.

I think you're confusing LS with body builder or red pill. I think a lot of those guys are virgins and socially awkward who struggle.

 

Here is what cracks me up. The guys in the thread are shooting down my scenario. But the OP herself said that she would have really liked it. In the end, fortune favors the bold guys.

 

But look at it this way. What do many first dates entail? Meeting for a drink and conversation. She was receptive to the drink offer and then spent all night talking to him. Do you really think she'd do that if she wasn't interested? So I'd see it as an on the spot first date. Also, she stresses she was very into him. So her body language would have been showing this. Any guy with experience knows how to read it. With all of that said, I kiss a woman at the end of a great first date.

 

Now we can get caught up in semantics here about what "She's with me" means. But in my mind, it simply implies that she's with me in the moment enjoying my company. Not in the grand scheme of things.

 

Cool man, well I hope that all works out for you.

[fitnessfan365]

I don't think she actually said she really liked your approach.

 

At the end of my original post I said "Something tells me you would have enjoyed that. Am I right?"

 

Her response - Yep. And things like what you said is what makes me think that this guy just was not that into me. Men talk that shy crap all day. There is a handsome guy at work that claims he is shy, but he has a child. So I see he was bold when he wanted to be. A man will break his shyness if he likes what he sees. My belief...this guy didn't like what he saw. So I am moving on.

And from my observations when a guy throws himself at a girl he just started chatting with only because another guy approaches her .... it comes off as completely insecure and desperate.

 

It would be one thing if the original guy bought her a drink and they talked for 10-20 minutes. Then of course it's way too soon. Or if she and original guy parted ways after a brief exchange. Then she obviously wouldn't be interested. However, according to her they talked all night before douchebag came over. A lot of first dates these days involve grabbing a drink and having conversation. So if you combine the amount of time they spent together, with her very interested body language, I think treating it as if it was a spontaneous first date is perfectly fine. But once again, this is completely based on them spending awhile talking all night and connecting over drinks just like they would on a date. Not if they had literally just met/started chatting a few minutes prior. Big difference.

 

Change the scenario a little bit. Let's say the douchebag approaches. The original guy completely ignores him, remains calm, and says "I'll walk you to your car. Where are you parked?". Then he takes her by the hand and they leave. Then at the car, they both say what a great time hey had, he initiates a first kiss, and there is the number exchange, etc.. I really don't think there is anything weird or wrong about that based on how much time they spent together that night.

Edited July 1, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[preraph]

I am starting to think the other guy probably just didn't like me like that. And you're right' date=' all interlopers are not alpha males. Maybe I should have said jerks versus shy guys. I would love to know how to get a shy guy to ask you out when you feel like he's interested in you. They too often let the other guy beat them to the punch.[/quote']

 

See if you'd brushed off the interloper and gone right back to the guy you liked, if he was the least bit interested, even if he was shy, this would have given him the encouragement to call or ask you out. In fact, if it was me, I'd tell him, "Sorry that guy interrupted. I was enjoying our talk, so I made an excuse and left him." That way, he can't not get the message.

[Cupid's Puppet]

At the end of my original post I said "Something tells me you would have enjoyed that. Am I right?"

 

Her response - Yep. And things like what you said is what makes me think that this guy just was not that into me. Men talk that shy crap all day. There is a handsome guy at work that claims he is shy, but he has a child. So I see he was bold when he wanted to be. A man will break his shyness if he likes what he sees. My belief...this guy didn't like what he saw. So I am moving on.

 

 

It would be one thing if the original guy bought her a drink and they talked for 10-20 minutes. Then of course it's way too soon. Or if she and original guy parted ways after a brief exchange. Then she obviously wouldn't be interested. However, according to her they talked all night before douchebag came over. A lot of first dates these days involve grabbing a drink and having conversation. So if you combine the amount of time they spent together, with her very interested body language, I think treating it as if it was a spontaneous first date is perfectly fine. But once again, this is completely based on them spending awhile talking all night and connecting over drinks just like they would on a date. Not if they had literally just met/started chatting a few minutes prior. Big difference.

 

Change the scenario a little bit. Let's say the douchebag approaches. The original guy completely ignores him, remains calm, and says "I'll walk you to your car. Where are you parked?". Then he takes her by the hand and they leave. Then at the car, they both say what a great time hey had, he initiates a first kiss, and there is the number exchange, etc.. I really don't think there is anything weird or wrong about that based on how much time they spent together that night.

 

I would not like a guy I just met kissing all over me. That actually happened to me Saturday night at a different party and I wanted to run for the hills. The part I agreed with in your post was just the idea that you would not let another guy get in the way of you taking out a girl you liked some time. A hug would have been acceptable to me not a kiss, and definitely not a kiss on the lips.

 

Anyway, I think people are creating their own narrative in this thread. Apparently I am supposed to chase down this guy who freely walked away with no one asking him to. But because I didn't do so, I am ONS material. Major eye roll. Now I bet if I had done that and came on here making a thread about the guy rejecting me after I talked to him and no one else at the party, people would have said I was acting desperate and I shouldn't have turned away other guys...like the annoying one.

[Cupid's Puppet]

 

Also, why aren't such labels ever used on females?

 

Because so many other dumb labels are used on women such as bitch, witch, spinster, old maid, cat lady, whore, slut, on the shelf, cougar, chick, thot, etc.

[Imported]

OP, I will compete with other guys for a girl. That's just part of life. I will present myself as well as I can. Be the best person I can be. And stand to be around. Show her a little something. I may even jump through a hoop or two. On a good day. And you better be ridiculously unusually attractive in some kinda ridiculous unusual way. No I am not talking about big boobs, gym body and lots of make-up.

 

 

But I do not stay around a girl that seems to be pitting one guy against the other or using one guy to make the other guy jealous. I will never "compete" that way. That is just ****ing stupid and disrespectful. I'd have to be an idiot or just looking for a **** to put up with **** like that.

 

 

Did you get to know the guy? Did you like him? Then why did you let the other guy get in the way? Or dare I say it, encourage the other guy to get in the way.

Edited July 2, 2015 by Imported

[Cupid's Puppet]

You guys are projecting or something. I did not pit one guy against another.

 

Anyways, I have an update. I did get a text from him tonight

And I responded just in case you're wondering.

[Revolver]

8 times out of ten it's not so much not wanting the "alpha male" it's knowing you can't tie him down and will only be a sex toy so you lie to yourself "nah I don't really want him"