Bibizoe71 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I am the fOW who broke off a three year affair (1 week no contact). As soon as I sent the message I had a panic attack. All last week and this week I have been having a range of emotions from sadness, missing him, to angry, and today I just feel numb. I would like to hear how other fOW dealt with the No Contact. I am also worried he may try to reach out, we work together ( not closely) I will have to see him at some point and don't want to fall back into old habits. Any suggestions are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 One week is a good start. NC is tough but usually necessary to kill the obsessive element of an affair. For me, it took more than one attempt. I'd start NC then break it or he'd break it. Back and forth for a while and then I told the wife. That made NC easier as he was being "watched" on his end. I've moved on some time ago. I couldn't have gotten over the ordeal keeping up any form on contact. I blocked him on my cellphone and home phone. Recently he has started trying to contact me again after many months of silence. He uses other phone numbers...even called me once from his lawyer's office. My feelings for him are dead. His attempts trigger nothing. It feels awesome. You'll get there if you stay busy, stay committed to ending this, and let time heal your wounds. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bibizoe71 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Thank you, it's good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I too have ended many times only for one of us to read out to the other. I have blocked any means l can but I dread when I have to finally see him again for work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Hi, One week NC is good. You should be starting to calm down. Perhaps you are calm and not numb. You will continue to have a wide range of emotions for quite a while. I felt nausea and panic for quite a few weeks. After a long time of NC I started bargaining with myself... if I just sent him a birthday greeting, it wouldn't matter I told myself. It did matter because I left myself wide open to contact with him and the A started all over. My A was 7 years on and off . I think any length of time after a year in an affair makes it really difficult to forget. My A partner was part of my life and it isn't possible to ever forget being involved with somebody for so long. Everybody here is supportive of NC. If you want to contact him, post here instead. If he reaches out to you, you must be strong enough to resist the temptation to give in. Easier said than done. Big girl pants on, deep breaths and one minute at a time.... Warm wishes, Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Thank you, it's good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I too have ended many times only for one of us to read out to the other. I have blocked any means l can but I dread when I have to finally see him again for work. You did the right thing by ending. 1st step of loving yourself most even though it hurt you. At work, keep things professional. NO personal talks, only speak of work related issues. Ignore and walk away if he tries to woo you... Set strong boundaries and stick to them. Keep busy! Be around good friends and family who make you laugh and feel good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 (edited) There really is light at the end of the tunnel. For the first couple months it will be hard. it is hard to resist slipping back into contact. it is also hard to no longer be able to turn to him for emotional needs. But the key point here is that all is temporary and the better you stick to NC, the faster you will be able to heal. After awhile you'll realize that you can actually live without him. We are stronger than we think we are. Those few contacts I had with xMM during NC was extremely unhealthy. I was in pain, but I was healing. Then he attempts contact and suddenly all the progress i made just goes back to square one. I highly advise you to block his numbers and on all messaging apps/social media sites. I have bad anxiety and panic attacks too and was hyperventilating at every little thing. That's not the way to live. Life is short. It is still a work in progress but I do feel lighter and happier now, and you can too. so i really hope you can be resolved and come here if you are sad or have the impulse to contact him. you will get through this along with all of us here. good luck! Edited July 1, 2015 by m4p add content 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Congratulations on your first week of NC. From my experience of going NC, I never did it properly. Never blocked and he always came back. This time, I blocked his numbers with the phone company, deactivated my Facebook and deleted my Gmail account. I'm almost 9 weeks NC now. You have to make it impossible for him to contact you. (Of course, he can come to my house, but he knows better then that). Because like most men, he will come back and nothing will change. You will go through so many different emotions. Some will be more difficult to fight. But you have to remember to push through the pain because giving up will only hurt more. I was stuck in the anger stage for a long time. And it was not a good place to be. But I worked through it. If you bury your emotions, you will never get past this. Good luck! ! You can do it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bibizoe71 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 I want to thank all of you for responding, I'm so thankful to have found this website. It gives me the strength to continue this life changing journey. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bibizoe71 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hi, Rather than reach out.to him I thought I would come here. Day 11 and I miss him, I try to remember all the loneliness and anger I felt when being ignored but happy times flood back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hi, Rather than reach out.to him I thought I would come here. Day 11 and I miss him, I try to remember all the loneliness and anger I felt when being ignored but happy times flood back. Yes I can understand the anger and loneliness. I am in a terrible way today but think about this. He did not fight for you. A man who cares will. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kieraglass Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'm terrified that I don't have the strength. I have kept going back despite so much awfulness, and i don't trust myself. I want to heal. It can't keep going. None of them can, really. They are destructive, life altering things, these affairs. We deserve so much more. I wish you the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TerraIncognita Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hi - and hang in there. I am 6 weeks into NC, a little over 4 months since I ended the affair. He did reach out now and then, but I was prepared for it and didn't engage. It's much easier now that I am no longer limerent over him. I still think of him every day, but not obsessively, more in passing. And I am no longer in that all encompassing pain. So, stay strong... It will definitely get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TerraIncognita Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Don't give up, gals. It's not easy to walk away from someone you love. But staying with them is so toxic... And you have your entire life ahead of you where normal love and care is possible, not just crumbs and stolen moments. Think about Thanksgiving when he is not at your table. Christmas when he's not waking up in your bed to unwrap presents together. New Years when he is not kissing you at midnight. Your birthday, Valentine's Day. Alone, alone, alone. Maybe with family, maybe with friends. But always without him. Being ow is so lonely.. You don't want your life wasted on that. You deserve so much more. Trust me, the affair fog will start lifting soon and you will see him and your relationship for what it was - not real. Allow time to do its job and heal you. Stay strong. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 It's very hard in the beginning. It does get easier. I blocked my xmm but every couple of months he finds a way to say hello.... But I'm noticing that I'm just not drawn to him like I'm used to and I don't care anymore. It did take me a year but you'll get there!! Good luck!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
shermanator Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Don't give up, gals. It's not easy to walk away from someone you love. But staying with them is so toxic... And you have your entire life ahead of you where normal love and care is possible, not just crumbs and stolen moments. Think about Thanksgiving when he is not at your table. Christmas when he's not waking up in your bed to unwrap presents together. New Years when he is not kissing you at midnight. Your birthday, Valentine's Day. Alone, alone, alone. Maybe with family, maybe with friends. But always without him. Being ow is so lonely.. You don't want your life wasted on that. You deserve so much more. Trust me, the affair fog will start lifting soon and you will see him and your relationship for what it was - not real. Allow time to do its job and heal you. Stay strong. As a WS, this post helped me see the pain that I caused my xOW. The xOW deserves more than what I could give. It's so hard to say Goodbye, though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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