oldshirt Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Dude you sound just like a naive single chick in love with her married, boarish boss LOL Just get a life outside of her, start dating some single women and if she wants to stop by for a booty call, give it to her like the whore she is. WTH man, either go on about your business and leave her in the dust if you don't like your arrangement or just treat her like the booty call she sees you as. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 she has told one of her girlfriends about that is in the circle. This one has "supposedly" told her that i'm the best thing that could happen to her. Which just adds to my confusion. It sounds like you are going to be subjected to the "push - pull." It is when an affair partner alternately wants you and then rejects you. Not necessarily as a ploy. However the effect on you will be to keep you constantly at her beck and call. People that do this knowingly can manipulate the target victim very well with it. But even those that are doing it instinctively and without premeditation, end up with the target at their feet. From your other posts you sound like a person who formerly had a sense of integrity and morals. Draw on that now. These values may yet save you from worse pain than you have already set yourself up for. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Thanks for all the input. It feels good to be able mention this to someone. I gotta say, though we had a lot of incredible times together, this A left me with some of the most lonely times I have ever experienced in my life. I've alienated friends, withdrawn from so many things I enjoy for those stolen moments. The constant lies to friends and family, the solo holidays, It's pretty much worn me down. Funny thing is, I really don't have any trouble meeting other women, but for right now that's not a priority.. Think I need some time to figure some things out for myself. Question is, do we stay friends? Does the AP usually try to come back? Do I banish her from my life? Part of the problem that remains is we share part of a circle of friends. Let's look at the facts. 1. She's selfish. 2. She's using you 3. She's cheating and living a lie. 4. You are emotionally and mentally in a prison. 5. She's keep this nasty secret from her husband. 6. You're hurting. 7. You're being a bad person doing this to her husband. If you look at all of this, why would you want anything to do with her? Look through all the smoke and mirrors, don't live a lie. Live and Love authentically. The only way to recover from your position is immediate and firm NC (no contact.) It takes courage to do NC and stick to it. If you don't, you will be riding the roller coaster and you are going to be full of regret later on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mountain King Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Thanks for the replies. Spoke to her tonight, said what needed to be said, and it's time we move on and leave it where it's at. Tomorrow's a new day.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Thanks for the replies. Spoke to her tonight, said what needed to be said, and it's time we move on and leave it where it's at. Tomorrow's a new day.. You've done the right thing. Think of the relief and the prospect of: being with a woman who doesn't sneak to see you Being able to go to a bar/dinner and not some place way out of town Having someone you can eventually introduce to friends and family You'll feel liberated and think about this - there's no point in loving someone who can't love you back and be with you exclusively, as it's selling yourself short. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 The most recent Twitter post by Esther Perel reads, "Most affairs will die a natural death if left alone." I'm sure that's true but why wait until then? End it now and take back your dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
kieraglass Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Mountain king, I'm so sorry you've been through this. Your words and emotional responses strike a chord with me...they're very similar to my own. She, and my mm, selfish. They future fake, unintentionally perhaps, but no matter if they mean it or not, it keeps us dangling. My affair appears to have ended as well, but I don't feel as strong as you and many others ending it here. I'm pretty devastated and unhopeful about the future. Scared. Broken down. It's been a terrible year. I can't see myself dating another man ever again. You appear to have hope, and see light. This is a great positive sign. We are all worth so much more than two hours here and there. But it's hard to see that when you're in love, and so desperate for more crumbs. I've been trying to make a loaf with my crumbs for three years now, but particularly the past year. You can't make a loaf with crumbs. You just end up starving. And we have been. And they have everything, and everybody, and they don't care. They're pigs. And we allow it. For love? What's to love? Such sadness here on this forum. It's a very unique place. I'm glad you found it, and i am so glad you did the right thing. I've had people here telling me to run since shortly after I lost a child with the MM. I didn't listen, and all these months later, I'm in deeper and hurt even more by him. It's good you reached out, and took heed. You are a smart cookie. You're going to be okay. It might not feel like it now. Lord knows I know this deep hole you are in, but I can tell. You are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mountain King Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 The most recent Twitter post by Esther Perel reads, "Most affairs will die a natural death if left alone." I'm sure that's true but why wait until then? End it now and take back your dignity. I'm gonna have to agree, time to move on, learn a little from all of this. I Have nothing to lose... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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