I want actually try but what about him??

[Fabi]

My husband and I legally married in 2014 but we've been together since 09 ,we have a son and we separated 8months ago after a huge argument. More like argued and he took off and I didn't bother stopping him.(I've asked him leave before after i found him talking to somebody,when he returned, I told him it was for our son)At some point he kept asking to give him a try ,but like try for us but I felt I had enough lying .We still would go out sometimes as family but we never were intimate in anyway , just kept a friendly relationship for our son. A month ago I discovered he is seeing someone.At first I was angry because I felt like "oh noo he's been letting her take time away from my baby".I calmed down and we spoke, he told me he didnt want to tell me because it was fairly new.I thought that's what I wanted but now idk. It scares me to know he's moved on and that's brings a possibility of a fam(I know I'm thinking way ahead but I can't help it) During the relationship I grew tired of not feeling like he actually loves me. We were high school sweet hearts and at some point he cheated and I honestly never let it go, not even after our son. I know I pushed him away,made myself cold . It's like that was self defense because I felt like he never really fixed his mistakes and if he did ,he'd, just would do more . I do miss us,I miss our family. I've let him know , how I was rough with him because I was hoping he'll see what he needs to do differently . I even told him I want to try,like actually let myself love him but only if he does too.He told me how he feels like he needs to fix himself and he doesn't know, he doesn't want to tell me no but he doesn't want to say yes either. That drives me crazy because I take it as "I'm happy with her". how can you fix yourself if you're in another relationship. It stings too because I'm giving him a chance even though he hurt me but somehow he has to think about it. I can't read him, sometimes i feel he's honest but then other times I feel like he wants the best of both world s. Do i give him space, do i let it go.??

Edited July 1, 2015 by Fabi

[davidromero43]

So you chased him away, emotionally left the relationship, and you want him to get help. Ask him if it is too late. If he wants to work on it, he needs to agree to couples therapy, and remove the other woman. That is asking a lot from him. Right now you have removed yourself. This other woman has replaced your emotional contact, that he needs. So this will be like cutting the anchor and hope everything works.

 

It might be easier to follow what you really want. Do you really want to continue this relationship? Or is this what you have been taught about marriage? Don't think about what anyone else thinks. Do you want this relationship with this man. Figure that answer out first.