Nearly 2 years on and a year since my last visit to LS

[maidai]

I remember 2 years ago when I first joined here a lot said that they never seemed to get updates and know how others journeys panned out and that knowing would be helpful and possibly positive reassurance to help them move forward with NC.

 

On 3rd August I will be 2 years NC. It has flown and he rarely ever crosses my mind. I spent the first 12 months staying a way from the dating pond, working on my career, my own mind and happiness and working out like a demon.

 

12 months ago last month I allowed myself to dip my toe back into the dating pond and was lucky enough to meet the most wonderful man. A single man! A man with no hang ups! A man with a child with a rational ex wife who I get along great with. A man who lived over an hours drive away from me yet still took the time to drive to see me even after a busy work day. A man who without fail buys me flowers every single Friday and tells me every single day how wonderful I am. On the same score that same man lets me be me. He lets me have my freedom, spread my wings, appreciates my busy work life, respects my friends and my need to be with them. A man who has now up rooted his life to join me here where I live and commutes every single day an hour plus to work and the same home in an evening. A man who supports me, holds me up and with whom I can laugh, cry and share everything. A man I appreciate and who appreciates me.

 

I look back now on where my life was at 2 years ago and shudder! I feel sad, stupid and wonder what on earth was going through my head those 18mnths I spent miserable, having my self confidence and more importantly my self worth ran into the ground by a man who did not respect me. It says more about me than him! I did not respect myself. A man who would not put himself out for me in anyway shape or form and wanted ME to be on tap for him and his massive ego. My situation was not classic. He had been seperated for 18months when we met, his wife was aware of us, it was a proper functioning relationship with no need to hide in public and no secrets. No secrets apart from the most important one....he was still controlled and in whatever it was with his wife.

 

2 years on they are still together! 2 years on they still face the same problems! The same bitter, twisted relationship where there is no trust and controlling behaviour from both sides. 2 years on there are not in that happy place that I am now blessed to find myself in.

 

For anyone who doubts that life is better when you live it, even more so when you live it with someone who actually wants to live it with you and will always put you as their number 1 trust me it is.

 

You can get out, you can be happier and you CAN more importantly heal and learn to love again! Only this is happier true love, not destruction, not pain, not hurt and not dirty, secret or not fully returned by a confused man who not only wants his cake and to eat it but has no clue of what their true feelings are for anyone other than themselves.

 

I really hope that this helps just one person.

[Alebo]

Thanks maidai for shareing your story. I am only 4 weeks NC, after 9 yr A. I am struggling every day, mostly with these feelings of despair... Your post gives me hope.

[Poppy47]

Thank you for posting.

 

It is very inspiring for those who are going NC and breaking free of an A.

 

Poppy.

[Josmatjes]

Wonderful post! I'm so happy for you!!

[lookingforclosure]

Thanks for the update...I'm only Day 6 NC but really want all of th epain behind me. There is Hope for a better life with xMM

[goodyblue]

I remember your story. Although I ended up on the other side of the equation (I ended up with MM) I understand your feelings. It feels good to be cherished and loved by the person who means the most to you.

 

I am so tickled for you! Keep it moving forward. <3

[TaraMaiden2]

we get so much despair, despondency and dysfunction on this forum...

 

This is just super.

 

Simply, wonderfully, superbly brilliant.

 

Love it.

 

As the last paragraph of the NC Guide states:

 

Every step forward you make is one step closer to meeting the person of your dreams. It will in all likelihood, happen as soon as you have decided you respect yourself enough to take back your personal power. The power you give to your Ex every moment you spend thinking about them, wishing they would call or clinging on to them. Take back control of your life by vowing to move on. To accept what has happened. To let go completely. And become whole, to love again.

 

She walked the talk.

[lookingforclosure]

Thanks for the update...I'm only Day 6 NC but really want all of th epain behind me. There is Hope for a better life with xMM

 

I meant to say there is Hope for a better life WITHOUT xMM...it wouldn't let me edit, lol

[the_artist_1970]

I remember 2 years ago when I first joined here a lot said that they never seemed to get updates and know how others journeys panned out and that knowing would be helpful and possibly positive reassurance to help them move forward with NC.

 

On 3rd August I will be 2 years NC. It has flown and he rarely ever crosses my mind. I spent the first 12 months staying a way from the dating pond, working on my career, my own mind and happiness and working out like a demon.

 

12 months ago last month I allowed myself to dip my toe back into the dating pond and was lucky enough to meet the most wonderful man. A single man! A man with no hang ups! A man with a child with a rational ex wife who I get along great with. A man who lived over an hours drive away from me yet still took the time to drive to see me even after a busy work day. A man who without fail buys me flowers every single Friday and tells me every single day how wonderful I am. On the same score that same man lets me be me. He lets me have my freedom, spread my wings, appreciates my busy work life, respects my friends and my need to be with them. A man who has now up rooted his life to join me here where I live and commutes every single day an hour plus to work and the same home in an evening. A man who supports me, holds me up and with whom I can laugh, cry and share everything. A man I appreciate and who appreciates me.

 

I look back now on where my life was at 2 years ago and shudder! I feel sad, stupid and wonder what on earth was going through my head those 18mnths I spent miserable, having my self confidence and more importantly my self worth ran into the ground by a man who did not respect me. It says more about me than him! I did not respect myself. A man who would not put himself out for me in anyway shape or form and wanted ME to be on tap for him and his massive ego. My situation was not classic. He had been seperated for 18months when we met, his wife was aware of us, it was a proper functioning relationship with no need to hide in public and no secrets. No secrets apart from the most important one....he was still controlled and in whatever it was with his wife.

 

2 years on they are still together! 2 years on they still face the same problems! The same bitter, twisted relationship where there is no trust and controlling behaviour from both sides. 2 years on there are not in that happy place that I am now blessed to find myself in.

 

For anyone who doubts that life is better when you live it, even more so when you live it with someone who actually wants to live it with you and will always put you as their number 1 trust me it is.

 

You can get out, you can be happier and you CAN more importantly heal and learn to love again! Only this is happier true love, not destruction, not pain, not hurt and not dirty, secret or not fully returned by a confused man who not only wants his cake and to eat it but has no clue of what their true feelings are for anyone other than themselves.

 

I really hope that this helps just one person.

 

Great post!!! So happy for you. It feels good to love yourself first.

[Bibizoe71]

First, I am so happy for you! I am 9 days no contact and your story has inspired me to keep going and start working on myself!

Wishing you many years of continued happiness.