last_remaining_light Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 First of all, let me say that this is my first post. Have been reading for a few months now, but just recently decided to speak up. I'll try and keep it as short, but as detailed as possible. Hopefully someone can offer some words of advice. A good friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend a few months back. From what I understand they had been dating for a few years. She's been taking it pretty hard. Her and I started talking not too long ago, and in the midst of conversation, decided to get together for dinner. At first, I was a little nervous about the situation. I've read quite a few posts about how the best friends ex is off limits. I did mention it to him, and to my suprise, he was very supportive. Encouraging even. Over the following weeks, we called, emailed, pretty frequently. We talk almost every day even though we don't really just talk about much. She calls me, I call her, etc. So in the past little while, we've been out countless times...a few times a week almost. She's introduced me to some of her friends. We seem to have a good time, but the "wierdness" seems to always be there. Me being her ex's best friend, her dealing with all of her own feelings, and then the two of us hanging out quite often. I can say for sure that I do care about her and I hope that she does get over everything eventually. I'd offer support in what ever way I could. I think she's great...smart, funny, makes me want to be the kind of person I always knew I could be. I'm not sure exactly how she feels about me, or if she would even consider romantic feelings towards me. She has told me that she would never think less of me just because I was her ex's friend. You see, my problem is that I've only really cared this way about one person before in my life, never really had the guts to tell her how I felt. Thoughts of what could have happend took over my head for quite a while, and it's only been the last year or so that I've finally let go and moved on...but have still never been involved with anyone. I don't want to put myself through that again, and at the same time, don't want to impose my feelings on someone who doesn't seem to be ready. Any thoughts would be most appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
deemanct Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Hi there. Sounds like you might be onto something nice. If it's not broke, don't fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 My sister married her ex's roomate and best friend! I don't think there are any problems, this is just normal beginning-of-a-relationship weirdness. So.... I can't tell if you are dating or not. if not, I think you should. Link to post Share on other sites
Author last_remaining_light Posted May 3, 2005 Author Share Posted May 3, 2005 Alright...I appreciate the encouraging words. Thank you. Any advice on how to bring up the subject? Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Which subject? and to whom? Link to post Share on other sites
deemanct Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 I've found that what I call "transparent" works best for me. For example, if you want to tell her how you feel, start by putting the fact that you feel wierd at times right out front...say something like: "Sometimes I feel a little awkward and wierd about this friendship we have...I find my feelings changing, where I'm liking you more than just a 'friend', and I really wnat you to know that, but the wierdness kind of gets in the way sometimes. Do you know what I mean?" Then just listen to what she says in response. You don't have to have your feelings "together" before you let her know what they are, just be honest about wierdness, awkwardness, shyness, or whatever and I bet she'll appreciate your being honest. Let me know what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 You want to date her "officially"? or something? ask her out. in advance. pay for it. It's the only way. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn You want to date her "officially"? or something? ask her out. in advance. pay for it. It's the only way. No; it's not. He could easily explain to this woman how he feels without having to pay to take her somewhere. One would think it would be better to do this in a familiar place than to risk this woman not reciprocating; having to pay to remain in that situation until it is over would be extremely uncomfortable. It would seem more prudent to plan another date after the feelings and intentions of this woman are discovered. Link to post Share on other sites
Author last_remaining_light Posted May 4, 2005 Author Share Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by faux No; it's not. He could easily explain to this woman how he feels without having to pay to take her somewhere. One would think it would be better to do this in a familiar place than to risk this woman not reciprocating; having to pay to remain in that situation until it is over would be extremely uncomfortable. It would seem more prudent to plan another date after the feelings and intentions of this woman are discovered. good advice. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Getting turned down is part of life. She can say no before the date even occurs if she doesn't want to date him. You won't have to waste your precious money then. Do you want a dating relationship? OR a wishy-washy are-we-friends-or-are-we-dating kinda sorta relationship? Cowboy up and ask her out. Link to post Share on other sites
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