The downside to being beautiful...

[jen1447]

of course there's leagues. they aren't neat or exact. im overweight and given up on working out. ive approached average girls and have been told they were out of my league. cant get more direct than that. wont even think of approaching above average looking girls. that would be crazy.

 

 

for every downside of the beautiful and good looking theres a downside of the below average

no one looks at me, im ignored

people assume im a loser at life

girls tell me their out of my league

romantically no one desires me at all

im not a trophy, more a booby prize of a joke

people treat me differently and its never good

people are superficial to me and wont get to know me

people arent surprised im single and mock me on the rare occasion im not ignored

people harass me too calling me vulgar names

 

 

poor poor beautiful people who mock me

I find it curious that so many people view this as some sort of competition. I'm pretty sure OP wasn't saying she has it worse than everybody else, she was saying there are downsides for attractive people too. If you have it worse, that doesn't mean she doesn't have any problems at all. Bad problems don't invalidate all lesser problems. If that were true, none of us would have any reason to gripe since we're not actively starving to death.

 

Haha! I imagine many men build up to be as intimidating as a swat team bust, so perhaps it's fitting

Especially if they use wingmen!

[Phoe]

I find it curious that so many people view this as some sort of competition. I'm pretty sure OP wasn't saying she has it worse than everybody else, she was saying there are downsides for attractive people too. If you have it worse, that doesn't mean she doesn't have any problems at all. Bad problems don't invalidate all lesser problems. If that were true, none of us would have any reason to gripe since we're not actively starving to death.

 

Indeed, the desire so many people have to completely invalidate the negative experiences others have, just because it might not be as negative as their own, is quite silly.

 

I was the weird awkward bullied child, so I've experienced that lower end of the spectrum and the unpleasant ways people can behave. I don't invalidate what KatZee and other attractive women experience because of it.

 

It gives me an appreciation for being in the middle. I wouldn't want to be on either end of the spectrum.

[norajane]

I find it curious that so many people view this as some sort of competition. I'm pretty sure OP wasn't saying she has it worse than everybody else, she was saying there are downsides for attractive people too. If you have it worse, that doesn't mean she doesn't have any problems at all. Bad problems don't invalidate all lesser problems. If that were true, none of us would have any reason to gripe since we're not actively starving to death.

 

But if you are starving to death, and you're being asked to feel sympathy for someone who didn't get dessert after a full dinner, it might be pretty hard to find any sympathy to give.

[writergal]

But if you are starving to death, and you're being asked to feel sympathy for someone who didn't get dessert after a full dinner, it might be pretty hard to find any sympathy to give.

 

+1 for your post. For an attractive person to complain about their attractiveness seems pointless to me, because it's not as serious a problem as homelessness, or having cancer. It just seems like a shallow concern, to complain that gorgeous people have problems due to their gorgeous looks. As though Paris Hilton were complaining. That's why I can't empathize. It's not a legitimate worry because there aren't serious consequences to being attractive. Are there?

[katiegrl]

Indeed, the desire so many people have to completely invalidate the negative experiences others have, just because it might not be as negative as their own, is quite silly.

 

I was the weird awkward bullied child, so I've experienced that lower end of the spectrum and the unpleasant ways people can behave. I don't invalidate what KatZee and other attractive women experience because of it.

 

It gives me an appreciation for being in the middle. I wouldn't want to be on either end of the spectrum.

 

I'm not here to "invalidate" anyone's experiences either....only to point out that there may be other factors, besides one's good looks, that might be at play here..

 

It's worth exploring within one's self, don't you think?

 

And I am speaking from experience. In my late teens, early 20's, I used to be super shy and as such, I unknowingly came across to people as stuck-up and standoffish.

 

Many women I encountered did NOT like me... talked behind my back calling me "stuck up" "full of myself," "thinks she's hot ****," etc.

 

It was NOT until I was made aware of how I come across to people that I started to look within....and discovered that I was, in fact, behaving in a standoffish way, although it was NOT my intention to do so.

 

So I changed my attitude! I made an effort to smile, chat more with people, be more open and engaging with people, more "approachable", warmer.... NICER.

 

I STILL looked the same as I did BEFORE my new attitude, but what a difference!

 

Now... as I said, with this new positive attitude, I attract people TO me, both men AND women!

 

If what you put out there is negative (whether one is aware of it or not) you will attract negative experiences.

 

If what you put out there is positive, you will attract positive experiences.

 

Do I still encounter crappy people who have a bug up their ass because of my hair, body or face? Sure. But those encounters are so few and far between, they are not even a blip on my radar anymore!

[Phoe]

I'm not here to "invalidate" anyone's experiences either....only to point out that there may be other factors, besides one's good looks, that might be at play here..

 

It's worth exploring within one's self, don't you think?

 

And I am speaking from experience. In my late teens, early 20's, I used to be super shy and as such, I unknowingly came across to people as stuck-up and standoffish.

 

Many women I encountered did NOT like me... talked behind my back calling me "stuck up" "full of myself," "thinks she's hot ****," etc.

 

It was NOT until I was made aware of how I come across to people that I started to look within....and discovered that I was, in fact, behaving in a standoffish way, although it was NOT my intention to do so.

 

So I changed my attitude! I made an effort to smile, chat more with people, be more open and engaging with people, more "approachable", warmer.... NICER.

 

I STILL looked the same as I did BEFORE my new attitude, but what a difference!

 

Now... as I said, with this new positive attitude, I attract people TO me, both men AND women!

 

If what you put out there is negative (whether one is aware of it or not) you will attract negative experiences.

 

If what you put out there is positive, you will attract positive experiences.

 

Do I still encounter crappy people who have a bug up their ass because of my hair, body or face? Sure. But those encounters are so few and far between, they are not even a blip on my radar anymore!

 

Oh, Katie, my comment wasn't directed at you at all! It was towards those who gave the "tough ****, suck it up" response to those who have spoken about their negative experiences.

 

Totally agreed with your viewpoint Katie!

[katiegrl]

Oh, Katie, my comment wasn't directed at you at all! It was towards those who gave the "tough ****, suck it up" response to those who have spoken about their negative experiences.

 

Totally agreed with your viewpoint Katie!

 

 

Thanks for posting that Phoe ....I didn't sleep well last night, and am so tired, I am probably not interpreting things correctly today...

[jen1447]

But if you are starving to death, and you're being asked to feel sympathy for someone who didn't get dessert after a full dinner, it might be pretty hard to find any sympathy to give.

 

And yet this isn't the Starvation Community Forums. It's a dating subforum on a dating/romance website, and attractive people haven't been barred from chatting about attractive people issues.

[norajane]

And yet this isn't the Starvation Community Forums. It's a dating subforum on a dating/romance website, and attractive people haven't been barred from chatting about attractive people issues.

 

They can chat all they want. It's just they aren't going to get much sympathy if that's the goal.

[jen1447]

They can chat all they want. It's just they aren't going to get much sympathy if that's the goal.

 

Actually they have gotten some sympathy, just not from people who are playing the competition game. Which I don't think OP was even asking for to begin with.

[deadelvis]

I don't think anyone's mentioned how difficult it can be on a relationship. My SO is extremely attractive and it creates a lot of problems. Countless men hitting on her, pretending to be her "friends", blowing up her facebook, sending her messages, asking for her number when she's at work etc. I've never been a jealous person, but this relationship is really putting me to the test. I feel like I need to buy her a t-shirt that say's "stay the f*** away from me, I have a boyfriend". It puts a lot of extra stress on the relationship. I know she's faithful to me, but it's just really tiresome when she can't even get a cup of coffee with out five guys gawking at her or trying to flirt. Sometimes guys will obviously check her out when I'm standing right beside her. It's taken all my self control not to just punch her gawkers in the face.

[VengeanceGuidesMe]

Oh my gawd, we have it so rough.

 

 

 

 

Everyone does, let's sit here and argue about who has it worse.

Because no one else has it worse than you. Trust me. Except for me. I have it worse.

 

 

Life is ****, someone always wants what you have, people always try to knock you down below them, and in the end, you ****ing get colon cancer, spend the last 3 months ****ting in a bag, and then you die. You die an alone and ugly bastard like everyone else. Can't we all just find a bonding in that aspect we all will share?

[writergal]

Actually they have gotten some sympathy, just not from people who are playing the competition game. Which I don't think OP was even asking for to begin with.

 

Only defensive people would call legitimate criticism by another name, i.e. the competition game? Maybe?

 

 

No one is telling attractive people they can't gripe about their attractiveness. But it's just not something most people pay much attention to, because it's not viewed as having a large impact on societal issues.

 

Attractive people whining about their relationship problems and the way people approach or socialize with them because of their appearance seems kind of shallow.

 

If an ugly person started a thread, do you think people would be less empathetic because they are ugly? I think so. I think the attractive people would mock and belittle the ugly people for sharing their anxieties about not being considered attractive.

 

You have to understand something about the way our society is set up. It's set up to give privileges to the more attractive person, not only because humans are genetically programmed to prefer attractive faces over perceived less attractive faces, but America's pop culture, music, art, theater and philosophy all centers around propping up the physically attractive on an altar to worship and cater to.

 

All you have to do is look at magazine covers. See any ugly people? No. Why? That doesn't sell magazines unless the person is being spotlighted for overcoming something.

 

Ugly people aren't celebrated or catered to the way that beautiful people are. Ugly people don't have the same advantages that beautiful people do, socially, or professionally speaking. They can't use their looks to get a job promotion the way a beautiful person will as just one example that comes to mind.

 

Eh, nevermind. I guess my criticism could be perceived as me being defensive about not being considered beautiful by others whose opinions don't really matter at the end of the day.

[katiegrl]

I don't think anyone's mentioned how difficult it can be on a relationship. My SO is extremely attractive and it creates a lot of problems. Countless men hitting on her, pretending to be her "friends", blowing up her facebook, sending her messages, asking for her number when she's at work etc. I've never been a jealous person, but this relationship is really putting me to the test. I feel like I need to buy her a t-shirt that say's "stay the f*** away from me, I have a boyfriend". It puts a lot of extra stress on the relationship. I know she's faithful to me, but it's just really tiresome when she can't even get a cup of coffee with out five guys gawking at her or trying to flirt. Sometimes guys will obviously check her out when I'm standing right beside her. It's taken all my self control not to just punch her gawkers in the face.

 

Isn't that interesting. The exact OPPOSITE of what some other attractive female posters have asserted they experience...blaming their looks on why no one approaches or wants to talk or get to know them..

 

 

But I hear ya!!!

[VengeanceGuidesMe]

All you have to do is look at magazine covers. See any ugly people?

 

Steve f... Buscemi. He's pretty ugly. I see a lotta ugly people by my standard, but eh, society is different.

 

 

I agree with you writergal. It is a statistically observed fact that attractiveness decides salary and promotion- in a positive way. Although for some reason, fat dudes tend to get paid a little more than their skinny counter parts. Hahahahaha.. haha. I have it so rough being fat and beautiful.

[jen1447]

I don't think anyone's mentioned how difficult it can be on a relationship. My SO is extremely attractive and it creates a lot of problems. Countless men hitting on her, pretending to be her "friends", blowing up her facebook, sending her messages, asking for her number when she's at work etc. I've never been a jealous person, but this relationship is really putting me to the test. I feel like I need to buy her a t-shirt that say's "stay the f*** away from me, I have a boyfriend". It puts a lot of extra stress on the relationship. I know she's faithful to me, but it's just really tiresome when she can't even get a cup of coffee with out five guys gawking at her or trying to flirt. Sometimes guys will obviously check her out when I'm standing right beside her. It's taken all my self control not to just punch her gawkers in the face.

 

You should take a page out of S_A's book. Relax and enjoy the fact that your girl's hot and she's with you.

[Diezel]

The downside to being rich.

 

That's the next thread.

[VengeanceGuidesMe]

The downside to being rich.

 

That's the next thread.

 

Rich people don't understand the consequences of their actions.

 

 

Couch suffers from “affluenza,” according to his lawyers, a term which means that his wealthy parents pretty much let him get away with everything. The defense saved him from a 20-year sentence; State District Judge Jean Boyd bought it at his sentencing on Tuesday and gave Couch probation instead.

“He never learned that sometimes you don’t get your way,” Gary Miller, a psychologist assigned to Couch said in court. “He had the cars and he had the money. He had freedoms that no young man would be able to handle.”

 

The irony.

[Hopeful30]

+1 for your post. For an attractive person to complain about their attractiveness seems pointless to me, because it's not as serious a problem as homelessness, or having cancer.

 

Therefore you can invalidate how someone struggles just because there is worse out there?

 

By that logic we should tell a homeless man to stop asking for money because there is a rich person actually dying of cancer. And since that's worse, he's not allowed to feel bad about his financial circumstances.

 

 

If an ugly person started a thread, do you think people would be less empathetic because they are ugly? I think so. I think the attractive people would mock and belittle the ugly people for sharing their anxieties about not being considered attractive.

 

.

 

You just proved something I mentioned in my list: people assume you don't care about others or will feel superior to them just because you're more beautiful.

Edited July 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Revolver]

I don't think anyone's mentioned how difficult it can be on a relationship. My SO is extremely attractive and it creates a lot of problems. Countless men hitting on her, pretending to be her "friends", blowing up her facebook, sending her messages, asking for her number when she's at work etc. I've never been a jealous person, but this relationship is really putting me to the test. I feel like I need to buy her a t-shirt that say's "stay the f*** away from me, I have a boyfriend". It puts a lot of extra stress on the relationship. I know she's faithful to me, but it's just really tiresome when she can't even get a cup of coffee with out five guys gawking at her or trying to flirt. Sometimes guys will obviously check her out when I'm standing right beside her. It's taken all my self control not to just punch her gawkers in the face.

 

 

No offense This means they don't respect you.

[Woggle]

No offense This means they don't respect you.

 

Yup My wife gets hit on when she is not with me but when I am with her they stay away. Men who won't tolerate that kind of disrespect just put out an aura that others guys pick up on.

[Revolver]

^^^ Yeah I don't know if anyone watched that 70's show but one of the running gags was guys contantly hitting on/asking out Donna even though she was in a committed relationship with Eric, often times right in his face.

 

Why? Because they didn't respect him("he's not going to do anything")or their relationship. This tends to happen when their is a big looks imbalance Between the 2 people

[lollipopspot]

Can't read all 7 pages, but I don't have a lot of sympathy for this problem.

 

A beautiful person can "ugly" themselves up a bit, the same way that ugly and average people take time to beautify themselves.

 

Wear baggier and less fashionable clothes, wear glasses, don't have a good hairstyle, if you're a woman don't wear makeup (or even create some dark circles and such, if you really don't want people to find you attractive), etc.

 

If you beautify yourself, and then complain that people find you beautiful...well...?

 

It's true that some of it can't be hidden (especially a woman with a curvy figure), but you can probably take yourself down a notch a two.

Edited July 3, 2015 by lollipopspot

[CrystalCastles]

Only defensive people would call legitimate criticism by another name, i.e. the competition game? Maybe?

 

 

No one is telling attractive people they can't gripe about their attractiveness. But it's just not something most people pay much attention to, because it's not viewed as having a large impact on societal issues.

 

Attractive people whining about their relationship problems and the way people approach or socialize with them because of their appearance seems kind of shallow.

 

If an ugly person started a thread, do you think people would be less empathetic because they are ugly? I think so. I think the attractive people would mock and belittle the ugly people for sharing their anxieties about not being considered attractive.

 

Brilliant post, writergal.

 

Of all the things to complain about, attractiveness is probably not at the top of most people's lists. I also perceive complaints about attractiveness as akin to humblebragging. "Woe is me, I'm so beautiful, life is unfair". Its a way to draw attention to oneself so that you can get sympathy, and someone will come tell you, don't worry you're a stunner, the rest of those meanies are just jealous because they are so much uglier than you are. I really don't like people with victim mentalities.

 

IME, people who are rude and unapproachable get rudeness in return. My best friend is a total stunner. She's one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, probably IS the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She's got men clinging to her all the time. Yet I've never seen anyone be mean to her. She's very open, friendly and inviting. Nobody wants to be mean to a person like that. I cannot even fathom being nasty to her, she just wouldn't deserve it. There are a few others I know who are very attractive and I've never seen or heard of anyone be mean to them. I find it unbelievably irritating when an attractive person thinks the world is out to get them because they are just soooooo beyond beautiful that the world is jealous of them.

 

Apparently disagreeing with the supposed "woes" of attractive people means you're in competition or something. LOL.

[writergal]

Brilliant post, writergal.

 

Of all the things to complain about, attractiveness is probably not at the top of most people's lists. I also perceive complaints about attractiveness as akin to humblebragging. "Woe is me, I'm so beautiful, life is unfair". Its a way to draw attention to oneself so that you can get sympathy, and someone will come tell you, don't worry you're a stunner, the rest of those meanies are just jealous because they are so much uglier than you are. I really don't like people with victim mentalities.

 

IME, people who are rude and unapproachable get rudeness in return. My best friend is a total stunner. She's one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, probably IS the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She's got men clinging to her all the time. Yet I've never seen anyone be mean to her. She's very open, friendly and inviting. Nobody wants to be mean to a person like that. I cannot even fathom being nasty to her, she just wouldn't deserve it. There are a few others I know who are very attractive and I've never seen or heard of anyone be mean to them. I find it unbelievably irritating when an attractive person thinks the world is out to get them because they are just soooooo beyond beautiful that the world is jealous of them.

 

Apparently disagreeing with the supposed "woes" of attractive people means you're in competition or something. LOL.

 

Why thank you CC! You're a stunner!! ;D

 

I'm off to have tea with my gal pal Bridget Jones. We're going to discuss her quitting her awful job b/c of that idiot boss of hers, Daniel Cleaver. Then after lunch (where we compare our mother's ugly sweater needlework), we're going to meet up with Bridget's new boyfriend Mark Darcy because he likes her, just the way she is. (I'm hoping he fixes me up with one of his law coworkers.)

 

Do you know who the most beautiful people are?

 

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross