The downside to being beautiful...

[Phoe]

I have watched this happen to every cute or non gorgeous girl I know. Their men who settled for them all left them when a woman who knocked their socks off came along.

 

Okay... so I've been there. More than once. Being "the settle girl"... having a guy not be terribly attracted to me, but he likes me and thinks I'm cool, so that'll do. Then comes along the "knocked their socks off" girl, and they cheat and leave.

 

That does not indicate something is wrong with me or the way I look. It indicates that something is VERY wrong with them. I simply made the mistake of sticking around despite the clear signs of them not being attracted. I should've told them to kick rocks. But hey, I'm naturally naive and have the totaled dating experience of today's average 16 year old (and let's be real, alot of them have the dating experience to blow me out of the water). I had to learn the hard way. But learn I did!

 

As far as instant sparks and whatnot? I'm actually much more a fan of that slow growth. Gradual, calm, stable... it seems more genuine to me and less likely to be based on some fleeting emotion or lust etc. More gentle and easy going. Then again, I was never one for rollercoaster rides.

[kilgore]

Okay... so I've been there. More than once. Being "the settle girl"... having a guy not be terribly attracted to me, but he likes me and thinks I'm cool, so that'll do. Then comes along the "knocked their socks off" girl, and they cheat and leave.

 

That does not indicate something is wrong with me or the way I look. It indicates that something is VERY wrong with them. I simply made the mistake of sticking around despite the clear signs of them not being attracted. I should've told them to kick rocks. But hey, I'm naturally naive and have the totaled dating experience of today's average 16 year old (and let's be real, alot of them have the dating experience to blow me out of the water). I had to learn the hard way. But learn I did!

 

As far as instant sparks and whatnot? I'm actually much more a fan of that slow growth. Gradual, calm, stable... it seems more genuine to me and less likely to be based on some fleeting emotion or lust etc. More gentle and easy going. Then again, I was never one for rollercoaster rides.

 

Thisthisthis

[Leigh 87]

I'm not sure that's generally true. Plus everyone has their own concept of what's beautiful.

 

Also, based on your pics I think you are selling yourself short

 

That is very kind. You and Katiegirl are my fave posters now lol lol........

 

But I dont even want to date because I just feel doomed because I know beautiful women have the capacity to make men truly feel the butterflies and limerence stage of a relationship to the fill potential....

 

I have a guy atm but cannot help but feel that if I were beautiful he would take me out and treat me to romantic dinners.

 

I can tell he is a sucker for a pretty face....

[kilgore]

That is very kind. You and Katiegirl are my fave posters now lol lol........

 

But I dont even want to date because I just feel doomed because I know beautiful women have the capacity to make men truly feel the butterflies and limerence stage of a relationship to the fill potential....

 

I have a guy atm but cannot help but feel that if I were beautiful he would take me out and treat me to romantic dinners.

 

I can tell he is a sucker for a pretty face....

 

Without knowing you I feel like you are making a lot of assumptions - like men don't find you attractive, that he doesn't like you as much as he says, etc. there is no reason to feel doomed. And leave the nose alone - it works

[Leigh 87]

Okay... so I've been there. More than once. Being "the settle girl"... having a guy not be terribly attracted to me, but he likes me and thinks I'm cool, so that'll do. Then comes along the "knocked their socks off" girl, and they cheat and leave.

 

That does not indicate something is wrong with me or the way I look. It indicates that something is VERY wrong with them. I simply made the mistake of sticking around despite the clear signs of them not being attracted. I should've told them to kick rocks. But hey, I'm naturally naive and have the totaled dating experience of today's average 16 year old (and let's be real, alot of them have the dating experience to blow me out of the water). I had to learn the hard way. But learn I did!

 

As far as instant sparks and whatnot? I'm actually much more a fan of that slow growth. Gradual, calm, stable... it seems more genuine to me and less likely to be based on some fleeting emotion or lust etc. More gentle and easy going. Then again, I was never one for rollercoaster rides.

 

The beautiful women I know don't have roller coaster ride of relationships.

 

The just had men who got their socks knocked off by these beautiful women.

 

They fell in love hard and fast for these women..there was no drama? No roller coasters.

 

In fact, those couples are still loved up and " make out " and hold hands years later. Because they felt intense chemistry to begin with.

[kilgore]

The beautiful women I know don't have roller coaster ride of relationships.

 

The just had men who got their socks knocked off by these beautiful women.

 

They fell in love hard and fast for these women..there was no drama? No roller coasters.

 

In fact, those couples are still loved up and " make out " and hold hands years later. Because they felt intense chemistry to begin with.

 

But the spark years later also depends on a deeper bond, not just superficial beauty

[Leigh 87]

But the spark years later also depends on a deeper bond, not just superficial beauty

 

Or course.

 

But what I would not give to have the thing beautiful women get - they get the spark to begin with. They get to go through the strong intense limerence phase. They get the guys that fall for them right away and are super into them.

 

Every beautiful woman I know got the special treatment at the beginning of their relationships.

 

Not a single cute or average girl got taken out for weekly dinner dates that the men wanted to treat them to.... It was the beauties that got more special treatment

 

I personally cannot stand when beautiful women bemoan their good looks. First world problems!

[kilgore]

Or course.

 

But what I would not give to have the thing beautiful women get - they get the spark to begin with. They get to go through the strong intense limerence phase. They get the guys that fall for them right away and are super into them.

 

Every beautiful woman I know got the special treatment at the beginning of their relationships.

 

Not a single cute or average girl got taken out for weekly dinner dates that the men wanted to treat them to.... It was the beauties that got more special treatment

 

I personally cannot stand when beautiful women bemoan their good looks. First world problems!

I agree that complaining about being good looking is gross. But I don't know, I am quirky looking (see above) and was able to have those things with the right person. I don't there is a reason to feel doom (though I guess I did at times)

[MidwestUSA]

What about a gorgeous woman who isn't vapid but of average substance and intelligence vs. a brilliant, charming average/plain looking woman. Which do you think will entice a guy more?

 

It depends on what type of guy you're looking to attract, I suppose. Looks fade. If you want to lead with that, great.

 

If I were to consider myself average/plain (and some here might argue that), I'd hope a guy would be attracted to intelligence, independence, common sense, assertiveness, confidence, financially stability, high self esteem, selflessness, a wicked sense of humor, love of animals, and, oh, a lot more.

 

I'd want a guy who has those qualities as well.

 

My dating history speaks for itself.

[Leigh 87]

It depends on what type of guy you're looking to attract, I suppose. Looks fade. If you want to lead with that, great.

 

If I were to consider myself average/plain (and some here might argue that), I'd hope a guy would be attracted to intelligence, independence, common sense, assertiveness, confidence, financially stability, high self esteem, selflessness, a wicked sense of humor, love of animals, and, oh, a lot more.

 

I'd want a guy who has those qualities as well.

 

My dating history speaks for itself.

 

That is all well and good.

 

Except some women want to experience limerence and a strong spark and passion from their man.

 

My beautiful friends with nice personalities have partners that lust after them in a way their plain Jane sisters don't.

 

Plus the beautiful women's got their men to wine and dine them. The men even admitted that they had not previously taken their exes out because they " werent enamoured " with their exes plus I know men who did love their average looking wives and yet even THEY admitted to going all out and spoiling beautiful women of their past more than they do their own wives........ Because " lust makes you do some crazy things ":sick:

 

I prefer being single. I don't want to be the kind girl with a nice personality they settle down with, knowing they once had a great beauty they spoilt and pampered.

[Haydn]

I`m surrounded by beauty at work. (Boys and Girls) It tends to become pretty secondary when finding someone remotely interesting.

[MidwestUSA]

That is all well and good.

 

Except some women want to experience limerence and a strong spark and passion from their man.

 

My beautiful friends with nice personalities have partners that lust after them in a way their plain Jane sisters don't.

 

Plus the beautiful women's got their men to wine and dine them. The men even admitted that they had not previously taken their exes out because they " werent enamoured " with their exes plus I know men who did love their average looking wives and yet even THEY admitted to going all out and spoiling beautiful women of their past more than they do their own wives........ Because " lust makes you do some crazy things ":sick:

 

I prefer being single. I don't want to be the kind girl with a nice personality they settle down with, knowing they once had a great beauty they spoilt and pampered.

 

Oddly enough, I've had this: "limerence and a strong spark and passion from their man".

 

You're of the belief that you can't have it all. I've had it all, more than once.

[Leigh 87]

Oddly enough, I've had this: "limerence and a strong spark and passion from their man".

 

You're of the belief that you can't have it all. I've had it all, more than once.

 

I've also had men fall hard for me.

 

But I don't believe I will find a decent kind man who I am also attracted to, feel the " spark " head never heels for me....

[MidwestUSA]

I've also had men fall hard for me.

 

But I don't believe I will find a decent kind man who I am also attracted to, feel the " spark " head never heels for me....

 

You stated upthread that you lack confidence. Maybe that's something you need to work on?

[yxalitis]

That is all well and good.

 

Except some women want to experience limerence and a strong spark and passion from their man.

 

My beautiful friends with nice personalities have partners that lust after them in a way their plain Jane sisters don't.

 

Plus the beautiful women's got their men to wine and dine them. The men even admitted that they had not previously taken their exes out because they " werent enamoured " with their exes plus I know men who did love their average looking wives and yet even THEY admitted to going all out and spoiling beautiful women of their past more than they do their own wives........ Because " lust makes you do some crazy things ":sick:

 

I prefer being single. I don't want to be the kind girl with a nice personality they settle down with, knowing they once had a great beauty they spoilt and pampered.

Leigh, I agree that beautiful people whining about their beauty is akin to rich people whining about their money...the positives FAR outweigh the negatives…which is why I left this thread a long time ago.

 

What I think the point of this thread is: if you attract people because of your superior, striking beauty, how do you know that the person is genuinely interested in YOU as a person, and not just as a fashion accessory, or conquest?

This would be annoying, being pursued SOLELY based on your looks means you get the attention of vapid, shallow morons who couldn’t give two hoots about your personality, intelligence, values, etc.

 

If a man is interested in a “plain Jane” as you put it, it’s more likely he is interested in them as a person.

 

But I think YOUR impressions of what it's like to be beautiful are a tad off course.

 

Go to a restaurant on Saturday night, or, heck Valentine's Day...is EVERY woman their beautiful?

No, of course not, all types of men and women will be present.

Heck I bet you find an ugly couple, maybe even two!

 

Your idea that men spoil beautiful woman MORE is well, frankly I find it ridiculous!

 

ROMANTIC men take their woman out, buy them flowers., etc, because they love them, want to woo them, or whatever. What the woman LOOKS like is irrelevant. It’s what the man FEELS for them that counts.

 

As I stated here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/543717-sex-easy-love-hard

I give a longer time to get to know someone, if they are willing, precisely because I don’t want to be attracted to the surface appeal of looks, body shape etc.

 

A direct example, I went to HK, met two woman there.

One was super hot, sizzling! Sexy, face of an angel, body you would die for. She was also incredible in bed.

The other was older, less attractive, body not as good…

Which one am I flying back to spend a week with?

[tuxedo cat]

I'm not even pretty but since I'm not overweight the men just laugh, flirt, joke around me. Sometimes I just wanna be invisible. Tired of being smiley and happy, it's not me! Okay, I feel better

 

You look pretty to me!

[tuxedo cat]

Like Hadyn I've worked in fashion and see models all the time. They're nice people and they do struggle with their relationships like regular folks, but I almost feel like women that attractive don't get an easy life either, because they have to vet out so many creepers and if they don't have good judgment they can end up in relationships with terrible people. A lot of female models I've met will date either male models or sleazy businessmen...not sure why this is -- maybe it's because those are the only guys who have the bravado to approach them. To generalize the women I've met who seem to have the ideal balance of beauty and approachability clean up the most, especially if they have a dash of exotic in their looks to set them apart from other women. Off the top of my head, somebody like Hailee Steinfeld.

[guest569]

That is very kind. You and Katiegirl are my fave posters now lol lol........

 

But I dont even want to date because I just feel doomed because I know beautiful women have the capacity to make men truly feel the butterflies and limerence stage of a relationship to the fill potential....

 

I have a guy atm but cannot help but feel that if I were beautiful he would take me out and treat me to romantic dinners.

 

I can tell he is a sucker for a pretty face....

 

For me' chemistry and spark has nothing to do with appearance.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I agree that beautiful people whining about their beauty is akin to rich people whining about their money...the positives FAR outweigh the negatives…which is why I left this thread a long time ago.

 

What I think the point of this thread is: if you attract people because of your superior, striking beauty, how do you know that the person is genuinely interested in YOU as a person, and not just as a fashion accessory, or conquest?

This would be annoying, being pursued SOLELY based on your looks means you get the attention of vapid, shallow morons who couldn’t give two hoots about your personality, intelligence, values, etc.

 

If a man is interested in a “plain Jane” as you put it, it’s more likely he is interested in them as a person.

 

But I think YOUR impressions of what it's like to be beautiful are a tad off course.

 

Go to a restaurant on Saturday night, or, heck Valentine's Day...is EVERY woman their beautiful?

No, of course not, all types of men and women will be present.

Heck I bet you find an ugly couple, maybe even two!

 

Your idea that men spoil beautiful woman MORE is well, frankly I find it ridiculous!

 

ROMANTIC men take their woman out, buy them flowers., etc, because they love them, want to woo them, or whatever. What the woman LOOKS like is irrelevant. It’s what the man FEELS for them that counts.

 

As I stated here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/543717-sex-easy-love-hard

I give a longer time to get to know someone, if they are willing, precisely because I don’t want to be attracted to the surface appeal of looks, body shape etc.

 

A direct example, I went to HK, met two woman there.

One was super hot, sizzling! Sexy, face of an angel, body you would die for. She was also incredible in bed.

The other was older, less attractive, body not as good…

Which one am I flying back to spend a week with?

 

Except I want sizzling chemistry and for a guy to think I am gorgeous in addition to falling for my personality.

 

The way gorgeous women are looked at by their partners in the early stages and the level of lust a man feels for a beautiful woman is sometimes I want.

[Kamille]

Limerence is about connection. Connection is about personality.

 

Do you want any man to fall head over heels for you or do you want to fall mutually head over heel in love with someone, because you have a connection?

 

I've experience limerence and had men fall head over heels for me. I know for a fact looks are only step one: it gets you attention. After that, it's your personality, how you interact with the man, how you carry yourself, that makes him fall head over heels.

 

Leigh, you can get closer to your goal of having a man fall head over heels for you. To do this, you need to spend half the energy you spend worrying about looks on thinking about how you can improve your personality and your self-esteem.

[martaldn]

the only downside of being beautiful is if you are brainless along being beautiful.

but this would be downside for an ugly one too so i think that

when U have grey matter in the box nothing else really matter does it

[xxoo]

Reading the past few pages, I've concluded that a possible downside of being beautiful is that you become too focused on physical appearance, and grow to believe it is Very Important, to the point that the most important personal development must be becoming more beautiful.

 

That's a true handicap, because above a threshold of beauty, more beauty isn't going to significantly help with life and relationships. It's certainly not going to make men more likely to fall head over heels in love with you.

[regine_phalange]

That is all well and good.

 

Except some women want to experience limerence and a strong spark and passion from their man.

 

My beautiful friends with nice personalities have partners that lust after them in a way their plain Jane sisters don't.

 

Plus the beautiful women's got their men to wine and dine them. The men even admitted that they had not previously taken their exes out because they " werent enamoured " with their exes plus I know men who did love their average looking wives and yet even THEY admitted to going all out and spoiling beautiful women of their past more than they do their own wives........ Because " lust makes you do some crazy things ":sick:

 

I prefer being single. I don't want to be the kind girl with a nice personality they settle down with, knowing they once had a great beauty they spoilt and pampered.

 

Yes, I have witnessed this too. And I also prefer to be single a thousand times than feel like a second citizen within a relationship. Maybe it's correlated with the fact that my father figure was very generous (with affection, quality time, resources). So I'm uneasy if I don't feel like "the best". Call me spoiled, I don't mind. But that's how it is.

 

I also think men usually have a bias that a plain looking woman will be low maintenance and easy to keep around because she won't have many options. I know, I've been there. But you don't have to give a free ride to anybody because you're less beautiful. Yes, you'll have less options than the gorgeous woman, but who said that her options are all interesting or fun? I want a special kind of man with a unique taste in beauty, things and life. Don't you think that a man who is genuinely attracted and enamoured with a plain woman is more interesting? His thought processes must have something unique. Because his taste is out of the box and surprising... Isn't that fascinating?

[MrNate 2.0]

It's a shame a lot of people don't understand that beauty is relative.

 

 

I find a lot of beautiful things in a lot of different women.

 

It's sad when a woman thinks men find one set thing as attractive, because they spend so much time chasing that ideal instead of just embracing who they are.

 

The funny part is, that's the most attractive thing a woman could do.

 

No amount of exercise, etc holds a candle to that.

[kilgore]

Yes, I have witnessed this too. And I also prefer to be single a thousand times than feel like a second citizen within a relationship. Maybe it's correlated with the fact that my father figure was very generous (with affection, quality time, resources). So I'm uneasy if I don't feel like "the best". Call me spoiled, I don't mind. But that's how it is.

 

I also think men usually have a bias that a plain looking woman will be low maintenance and easy to keep around because she won't have many options. I know, I've been there. But you don't have to give a free ride to anybody because you're less beautiful. Yes, you'll have less options than the gorgeous woman, but who said that her options are all interesting or fun? I want a special kind of man with a unique taste in beauty, things and life. Don't you think that a man who is genuinely attracted and enamoured with a plain woman is more interesting? His thought processes must have something unique. Because his taste is out of the box and surprising... Isn't that fascinating?

 

But beauty is not what guarantees the spark. It is the connection, the chemistry. Attraction is not a math problem