Cold war with ex GF... Or all in my head?

[JeffFink]

3 months ago my GF of 5 years (whom I've known for 12.5 years- we were friends w benefits throughout college) told me that if we didn't advance our relationship (e.g. work toward marriage/family) that she would leave. I was dealing w a lot of personal stuff at the time and felt I could not give her what she wanted, and I loved her, so I went with my gut and declined. It ended amicably.

 

2 months NC went by and I'd dated and hooked up with several women when I break by texting her. She agrees to talk that week and we talk on the phone for 2 hours. Awkward catching up at first then she brings up the relationship, what went wrong, etc. The general vibe is that it 'had to happen regardless of the outcome/what happens next.' Then we talk for another 45 mins or so like nothing ever happened.

 

We have some very short text interactions over the next couple weeks, both of us initiate a couple times; then finally she texts me more aggressively one day about 2.5 weeks ago trying to get me to come to this party. I politely decline as I had plans for that night but tell her i want to meet soon.

 

A few days later we meet for a drink. I look fit as i dropped about 10 lbs fat since I last saw her and she notices right away. She seems nervous. It goes similar to our phone convo, a little awkward but casual and friendly at first. Then we get a little tipsy and I tell her that I had been thinking about her since she tried to get me to come to that party (she said she was glad I didnt text her that earlier because that would have been 'farking with her'). I also told her I wanted to make sure that we were on the same page of honesty and having no expectations about our interactions. I never actually say that I want to try again or work things out. We both play it very cool.

 

At one point she starts getting stern and talks about a time I really pissed her off (years ago but i really acted like an ass). I get choked up and she's rubbing my arm, holding my hand. I know.. At this point she feels bad and says shes not trying to place blame and it takes 2 to tango. We agree that it feels good to let out all the **** from the past.

 

Even though her body language/demeanor indicate high interest, she says how its nice to meet 'as friends' and keeps reiterating how her life is good (this seems like an act to me) and the 'old' relationship needed to end and 'who knows what will happen'. We end on a positive note saying we both had a great time and I say 'we should do it again' and she agrees.

 

The next morning I coincidentally run into her in passing on our commute to work and we wave at each other. I get a text from her about it an hour later to which i joked w her then ultimately complimented her about her outfit when she said she was going out that evening. She said thanks and thats the last we talked (about 2 weeks ago).

 

Since then she liked my instagram photos, including one of me on the beach with a friend. One of her friends asked my buddy if I was seeing anyone. I know through friends that she is not seeing anyone.

 

I feel like she's got me in her back pocket at this point, and she knows I'm receiving some important tickets in the mail soon that i'll have to give to her. I know she's assuming I'll contact her at that point but I myself know that I wont necessarily have to.

 

Not sure what to do next, if the ball is in my court or hers. We have not had real contact in 2 weeks.

 

I miss her and def want to keep seeing her (not as friends). Should I tell her how I really feel?

Edited July 1, 2015 by JeffFink

[d0nnivain]

Yes you should actually tell her how you feel. She wanted more from you & when you didn't give it to her she left. If you now truly realize that was a mistake & you are ready to take this to the next level & work toward marriage by all means tell her. If you just want to go back the way you were BF/GF leave her alone.

[GoBlue]

Have you changed your stance regarding the defining of your relationship? You guys have been together for five years and you have made no commitment to this woman as far as a future goes. She clearly ended the relationship for that very reason. If you are not ready to jump in with both feet and make the commitment why do you want to go back?

[aloneinaz]

If you don't want to get married to her in the near future, leave her alone so she can move on. If the time away from her as made you realize what you lost and you can commit to her, then hell yea, contact her and ask to meet for dinner. Open up and tell her how you feel and now are willing to see that long term relationship that includes marriage.