Scared, Hopeless,Depressed MM

[sandylee1]

Time to confess, othetwise you'll become a nervous wreck looking over your shoulder forever. She might keep quiet for a week , a month , a year.......maybe longer, but you just don't know .

 

I don't recall anything about loving your wife in your posts, so why not end the marriage and co-parent together. Your children do not have to be traumatised by it, although they might be.

 

How old are your children?

 

What happens if your wife posts pictures on FB of the family all loving and happy and tags you in?. It's very common for the OW to stalk the wife's social media and it drives them crazy, seeing their MM all happy with the wife and family .

 

I suggest you block her and better still come off social media for a while.

 

It's been said before , but you can never predict how others behave . She feels it was more than sex, but you say you wouldn't even want her if you left your wife. That means one way or another, you haven't been fully honest with her. Plus , if you keep talking negatively about your wife and cheat on her for 4 years, what do you expect this OW to think.

 

Sometimes people look at actions and not words, especially when they want to believe something. That said, I totally agree that she knew you were married and she shouldn't expect honesty from you , as she knows you've lied for 4 years sneaking around with her.

 

BTW, you may not seek revenge if you get exposed, but your wife may well do against her. It's just another thing you'll have no control over. This OW clearly sees your wife as being in the way of getting her man..............the irony of it.

 

I think she'll do everything she can to hurt your wife , who is innocent in all this. She'll not hesitate to tell your wife all the things you've said about her over the years and that is what could be an even bigger problem for you. Protect your wife from this woman or all hell could break loose.

 

Your wife is her rival.............unknown to your wife that she's in a competition.

 

If you don't love your wife, have you thought of suggesting an open relationship until the kids grow up.

 

Do the right thing and tell your wife, or risk her being told by the OW and your wife will hate you more for not maning up and telling her yourself.

[Popsicle]

i have always been kind in fact too kind i have always dealt with her with kid gloves because i did not want to upset her

 

Well, being firm is important too (as well as kind). Kind but firm.

[HopelessMM]

Bs could immediately question this logic. It was 4 years and not 4 weeks. It would be very clear there was more just sex. Plus, it could make her feel even worse that he would never confess if he had a "normal " OW.

 

Thanks for your advice, ironicAlly it was only really about sex in the beginning. In the last two years it sex happened maybe 5 times. But we spoke everyday and saw each other every week twice a week.

[autumnnight]

Thanks for your advice, ironicAlly it was only really about sex in the beginning. In the last two years it sex happened maybe 5 times. But we spoke everyday and saw each other every week twice a week.

 

Not to mention the old "women don't care about the sex" shtick gets old after awhile, and is NOT true of many women.

[Cloudcuckoo]

This situation is frighteningly similar...the OW who inserted herself into my personal life and marriage without my knowledge at the invitation of my then errant husband was so determined to have my life she not only threatened to reveal all if he did not conform to her wishes ( oh poor MM....what to do?.. We'll grow some man hair for a start)!

 

She gained access to his computer and used the information she gathered clandestinely there without his permission or knowledge to engineer the relationship to her advantage.

 

The thought of her knowing everything about me and my four children, our lives, the correspondence between my husband while he was away at work and I makes me sick.

 

She was ballsy, I'll give her that. He was horrified when the love bubble burst and the **** hit the fan....

 

I agree with the majority. Get off the fence and offer your wife the opportunity to make her own choices by showing her a selfless side in you that has been in little evidence here so far.

 

Your OW believes that if she threatens and blackmails you into staying with her ( even though she logically knows that by exposing the A it is likely to be over anyway and she will end up on the scrap heap), she might just get you by foul means rather than fair. Crazy logic, but affairs are crazy making.

[mrs rubble]

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I know NC is the way to go but i am so concerned about my young children being hurt (mentally) or traumatized in any way.

If this was true, you wouldn't be hurting and betraying their mother.

Edited July 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[elaine567]

HopelessMM as no option here but to tell his wife everything. He has to prepare for reconciliation, remorse and regret, or he has to prepare for divorce, either scenario is possible here.

 

If he doesn't tell his wife, then the OW will, I have no doubt of that here - it is one of the consequences of fooling around with OW.

HopelessMM simply managed to choose one that is not going to roll over like a scared and sad puppy, like some OWs do, when the MM tells them it is over.

 

OW are human beings, not machines designed to give sex and comfort as per the MMs instructions.

They feel, they love, they hate, they get angry... they are always a loose cannon - some men apparently forget that in their haste to acquire a side piece.

[No Limit]

She knew what it was from the beginning.

 

Knowing and accepting are two different things. She had hoped to "seduce" her MM and get a family of her own with him - and now he's holding back. The rest we can agree on - she's no victim, just plain stupid.

[RainDown]

See, here's the thing. This is no longer about an affair. I might go ballistic when I find out my husband's having an affair, but I would be absolutely murderous if I found out there was a serious threat to me and my children that my husband was hiding from me. That's a whole other ballgame. Forgiving an affair - possible. Forgiving a complete lack of protection and concern for my children's safety and well-being - 100% complete dealbreaker.

 

Dude, you need to man up and protect your family from this threat you've brought into their lives. Do it. And do it now.

[elaine567]

See, here's the thing. This is no longer about an affair. I might go ballistic when I find out my husband's having an affair, but I would be absolutely murderous if I found out there was a serious threat to me and my children that my husband was hiding from me. That's a whole other ballgame. Forgiving an affair - possible. Forgiving a complete lack of protection and concern for my children's safety and well-being - 100% complete dealbreaker.

 

Dude, you need to man up and protect your family from this threat you've brought into their lives. Do it. And do it now.

 

She is only threatening him with exposure. Exposure is the key weapon in her artillery. It is his Achilles' heel and she is using it to her advantage.

 

He was the one that threatened his children's mental well-being and the sanctity of his family life, as soon as he decided to sleep with her, so it is not all on her.

 

She as a SW in love, obviously expected more from him, but he has dithered and strung her along. She is using the resources she has available to her to keep him on board and toe the line.

She has not slunk away into the shadows, like she was "supposed" to do and accepted the crumbs dished out, nor has she accepted the submissive role many mistresses adopt in the relationship.

She appears to be an active participant.

He just chose the wrong OW to mess around with.

 

The only power she has is due to the fact he is frightened of that exposure.

If he tells his wife and kids, her power is gone.

BUT he then has to deal with the consequences of HIS actions here.

[RainDown]

She is only threatening him with exposure. Exposure is the key weapon in her artillery. It is his Achilles' heel and she is using it to her advantage. That is an assumed risk of any affair.

 

He was the one that threatened his children's mental well-being and the sanctity of his family life, as soon as he decided to sleep with her, so it is not all on her. That's an assumed risk of any affair when children are involved.

 

She as a SW in love, obviously expected more from him, but he has dithered and strung her along. She is using the resources she has available to her to keep him on board and toe the line.

She has not slunk away into the shadows, like she was "supposed" to do and accepted the crumbs dished out, nor has she accepted the submissive role many mistresses adopt in the relationship.

She appears to be an active participant.

He just chose the wrong OW to mess around with. That's the problem right now.

 

The only power she has is due to the fact he is frightened of that exposure. Not so. While it's true that he's frightened of exposure, the real problem is that OW is threatening to actually SHOW UP at a family function and create a Dday in front of everyone, including the children. How would you like that memory of your 6th birthday party? How is his wife going to feel being completely blind-sided (in front of family and her children at a family function, no less) by a threat he knew about and did not tell her? Picking up the phone and calling the wife is one thing - this is way, way beyond that.

If he tells his wife and kids, her power is gone. Not completely. She can still show up anytime, anywhere and create chaos.

BUT he then has to deal with the consequences of HIS actions here. And he's choosing not to.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, but I don't really care about the consequences to him. He invited those consequences. He invited this trainwreck into his marriage and family and it's his responsibility to warn his wife of the threats his OW is making. She (the wife) has a right to be warned in advance. She has a right to know exactly who this woman is, what she looks like, and the exact nature of what she is threatening to do, so that she can step up and provide the protection to her children that her husband is not. If the children are old enough they should also be warned in advance of who this crazy person is and why she is doing what she's doing when/if she shows up.

 

MM in this case is just sitting back doing nothing but living on a hope and a prayer that OW does not follow through and show up at the family barbeque, or kid's soccer game, or church or whatever.

 

He needs to tell his wife and together they need to go get a restraining order keeping her away from their children, their house, and their family functions. THAT is how you protect your family and children.

[Cloudcuckoo]

She is only threatening him with exposure. Exposure is the key weapon in her artillery. It is his Achilles' heel and she is using it to her advantage.

 

He was the one that threatened his children's mental well-being and the sanctity of his family life, as soon as he decided to sleep with her, so it is not all on her.

 

She as a SW in love, obviously expected more from him, but he has dithered and strung her along. She is using the resources she has available to her to keep him on board and toe the line.

She has not slunk away into the shadows, like she was "supposed" to do and accepted the crumbs dished out, nor has she accepted the submissive role many mistresses adopt in the relationship.

She appears to be an active participant.

He just chose the wrong OW to mess around with.

 

The only power she has is due to the fact he is frightened of that exposure.

If he tells his wife and kids, her power is gone.

BUT he then has to deal with the consequences of HIS actions here.

 

 

This: it actually made my skin crawl the similarity in circumstance is so accurately highlighted by Elaine.

 

This woman is single. Nothing to lose by turning the screws tighter except her sanity.

She knows, just as the woman my husband was entertaining did, that he's weak and terrified of exposure and the ensuing fallout, so as long as she has him by the balls, she knows he will continue to dance to her tune.

 

He's her puppet....