Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 the saying is if you continue to do the same thing and expect different results...insanity. Anyway, I really think that you jumping into the dating pool right now would actually cause more damage than good. You are trying to replace like for like right now. You need to heal and learn. Then and only then should you try to bring in a new person. In AA they recommend you not date for the first year so you can develop new habits. Take your time, this is not a sprint. You are in this for the rest of your life. Breath. Satu's post was great. Print it and put it on your fridge. (Im thinking about doing it also) I will venture slowly with it. I am not desperate for a man. It will keep my mind off all the hurt. I have a lot to offer someone, so I need to be choosy. And they will either deal with my slow or not. The right person will. Deal with my slow is not a proper sentence. I cannot place thoughts properly today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 It was strange a week ago after we had a different argument about the lack of communication on his side, I received an email of him asking to be my friend on FB, which of course he rescinded, being he and his wife are of course friends. But it was at 3 in the am, so I can only think he must have found someone else who is easier than me. He came in from screwing her and compared us two and he figured I was not worthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 It was strange a week ago after we had a different argument about the lack of communication on his side, I received an email of him asking to be my friend on FB, which of course he rescinded, being he and his wife are of course friends. But it was at 3 in the am, *so I can only think he must have found someone else who is easier than me. He came in from screwing her and compared us two and he figured I was not worthy. *Thats very likely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 *Thats very likely. I think so. I was replaced. Good for them. I really hate this feeling of hurt. Thanks for hearing me out, my vent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Oh forgot, his last words were also this relationship is unsustainable. Such a great guy. I made such a mess for myself. I did this to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Bibizoe71 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 To tell someone without any emotion that they were just a f____ and that they never meant anything to you after years is quite a bomb. I deserve it not from him but deserve it for having an affair. You are right that all I have left is to go up. What kind of person would speak to someone and tell them that with absolutely no concern of their well-being? I feel the same way about my situation. I ended my affair 11 days ago and he just walked away without saying a word. After 3 years that's what I got. Nothing. The good news is you have this fabulous support system here. Try to do something special you haven't done in a long time. Be kind to yourself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 We had a huge argument 2-3 weeks ago and he fought for the relationship. He wrote me, Let's agree and be honest, we both want it. Then now, he dumps me so callously without any regards for my feelings or well-being. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I feel the same way about my situation. I ended my affair 11 days ago and he just walked away without saying a word. After 3 years that's what I got. Nothing. The good news is you have this fabulous support system here. Try to do something special you haven't done in a long time. Be kind to yourself I would love to sit across from another person over wine and dinner at a great restaurant and laugh together as corny as that sounds. Being amused at how much he is trying to be a gentleman and impress me. This seems nice and very much different than an affair and being told you meant nothing and were just a f____. I want to forget these words. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I don't understand. Why and what were you in the "relationship" with him at the first place? Did he treat you like a queen, otherwise why you were involved with him? It was strange a week ago after we had a different argument about the lack of communication on his side, I received an email of him asking to be my friend on FB, which of course he rescinded, being he and his wife are of course friends. But it was at 3 in the am, so I can only think he must have found someone else who is easier than me. He came in from screwing her and compared us two and he figured I was not worthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I don't understand. Why and what were you in the "relationship" with him at the first place? Did he treat you like a queen, otherwise why you were involved with him? No, he never did. I have to look within myself at why I cared for such a terrible character. Link to post Share on other sites
norudder Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I would love to sit across from another person over wine and dinner at a great restaurant and laugh together as corny as that sounds. Being amused at how much he is trying to be a gentleman and impress me. This seems nice and very much different than an affair and being told you meant nothing and were just a f____. I want to forget these words. There's a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt (I think) that people can only hurt you if you give them permission. Stop giving him permission. I was at a wedding and got hit on (crassly) by one of the groomsmen. He was drunk, I knew from a relative he has a drinking problem and has a gf. I turned him down and he called me stupid. Insult the woman you were just flattering after she won't do what you want. Real mature. Do you think I questioned my self worth or cried in the bathroom? No because I'm learning the way jerks think. Your mm may not be quite the loser in life this guy was and you've already invested in him but he's still a jerk. Focus thoughts on yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I did this to myself. I allowed for this. I wish we could re do life. Re do mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 There's a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt (I think) that people can only hurt you if you give them permission. Stop giving him permission. I was at a wedding and got hit on (crassly) by one of the groomsmen. He was drunk, I knew from a relative he has a drinking problem and has a gf. I turned him down and he called me stupid. Insult the woman you were just flattering after she won't do what you want. Real mature. Do you think I questioned my self worth or cried in the bathroom? No because I'm learning the way jerks think. Your mm may not be quite the loser in life this guy was and you've already invested in him but he's still a jerk. Focus thoughts on yourself. I believe you meant nothing to me ever and you were just a f____ qualifies for some form of jerk trophy. Link to post Share on other sites
norudder Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I believe you meant nothing to me ever and you were just a f____ qualifies for some form of jerk trophy. Definitely. I read Ditch that Jerk, Why Does He Do That, and 10 stupid things women do. And got something from them all about unhealthy relationship dynamics. Its so sad though because now that I see what that looks like I see jerks everywhere! I feel like the kid in sixth sense, I see jerk people... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Definitely. I read Ditch that Jerk, Why Does He Do That, and 10 stupid things women do. And got something from them all about unhealthy relationship dynamics. Its so sad though because now that I see what that looks like I see jerks everywhere! I feel like the kid in sixth sense, I see jerk people... I should have ditched this jerk many moons ago. I let another person treat me this way. The fact that I allowed it is haunting me. I cannot figure out what is wrong with me. I cannot figure anything out. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I feel like a, well I am a terrible person for venting my frustration in emails to him and being so hateful toward his wife. Why so much hatred towards the wife? Did you even meet her? How do you know anything about her other than what her cheater husband said? If anything she'd have more cause to hate you since you're the one trying to get her husband from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Why so much hatred towards the wife? Did you even meet her? How do you know anything about her other than what her cheater husband said? If anything she'd have more cause to hate you since you're the one trying to get her husband from her. It was completely wrong for me to do that. I was angry. I need to work on these issues. I accept that I am a low life loser who did this to myself. It is okay for you to think that to. I can learn from this. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 The fact that I allowed it is haunting me. I cannot figure out what is wrong with me. I cannot figure anything out. This. This right here is why I say no dating for awhile. Right now you are floundering, grasping at things, trying to right yourself. And you will grab the wrong thing. Take some time to work on why you made the mistakes you did. Then some time to work on how to not repeat them. Yes, you screwed up. Bad you. Are you going to learn from it? Are you going to use this to make yourself a better person? Or are you going to use this to flagellate yourself for the rest of your life. Right now I bet all you can hear is the screaming in your head. It is so loud that it is hard to concentrate. Its ok. Its normal. FORCE yourself to move past it. Hug someone, go to the shelter and pet some dogs/cats (they need it and so do you) hit the gym, try a recipe you never tried before. Try a food you never tried before. Take an action. Get off the floor. (use the time to sweep and mop because you will probably be there again and that is ok too) Forgive yourself, teach yourself, and move on. Therapy (and meds) helped me get over my divorce. She taught me that I had control over myself. I had power. How I reacted to the way people treated me was completely within me. Each step, no matter how small, how tentative is a step. Make sure they are in a forward direction. Where you go is entirely up to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 i'm confused... you say you were "replaced." do i take this to mean by another OW or his wife? i don't think you should rush into any other relationship any time soon. that'll just be a rebound. you need to get over what you've just been through. exactly how long was this affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Right now I bet all you can hear is the screaming in your head. It is so loud that it is hard to concentrate. Its ok. Its normal. FORCE yourself to move past it. Hug someone, go to the shelter and pet some dogs/cats (they need it and so do you) hit the gym, try a recipe you never tried before. Try a food you never tried before. This is spot on. I want it all to stop and go away. I understand this will take time. Here I am hurt and it is not crazy to believe and know he has no thoughts of it. He brushed it under the bed and is skipping and whistling about his day. I know this. My head is screaming. I need to feel the warm embrace and the tenderness from a good man. I really need this but will be cautious and take my time. Thank you for all your kind words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 i'm confused... you say you were "replaced." do i take this to mean by another OW or his wife? i don't think you should rush into any other relationship any time soon. that'll just be a rebound. you need to get over what you've just been through. exactly how long was this affair? It was 4 years give or take a few months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 It was 4 years give or take a few months. To your other question, it is probably another woman. It does not matter anymore. He said I never meant a thing to him and was just a f____ Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I need to feel the warm embrace and the tenderness from a good man. I really need this No you don't. Not right now. Right now you need to learn how to love and respect YOURSELF. "I need a good man" is like an alcoholic saying whisky was bad for me, I will switch to vodka. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherSadSong Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 No you don't. Not right now. Right now you need to learn how to love and respect YOURSELF. "I need a good man" is like an alcoholic saying whisky was bad for me, I will switch to vodka. I know. I am sounding crazy here. Not only was I dumped with the worst of words, I am now officially crazy. I feel it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I am still confused about your previous answers. YOu said he never treated you like a queen or treated you well, so what made you involving with him for over 4 years, what satisfaction you got from his treating you bad. Supposedly you do not enjoy being treated badly? It was 4 years give or take a few months. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts