mharom Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Not sure who/what to turn to. My husband recently saw an old ex- and worked 2-gether for about 2 months. They call and hang out.. 3 weeks ago we got into a fight and I went to my sis house to stay and spend the night....he never called to check on us or anything. Now I have learned that he had been calling ex (woman with two kids and divorced) up all that night that I was gone (until 5 AM calling over and over, almost desperate to get a hold of her). Was he trying to have a one night stand? He never called to check up on us, I'm hurt and confused. Am I being stupid, he says that he was drunk and he wanted someone to talk to --- then I think why did'nt you call me and even wonder to ask where I was at? He dismissed the entire thing...Should I call her and confront her? I'm hurt and mad. I have also been flirting with this hot married guy. I feel that I should sleep with him to get it over before my husband does it to me with his ex. Is this dumb? I'm confused, i believe in the sanctitiy of marriage but don't want to get hurt and miss my opportunity to be with this model looking guy (married) Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 How is sleeping with this guy going to help you with your anger? It won't, it'll just make things worse. Did your husband see his ex that night? Are they still having contact? If he was calling and got no answer until 5am I doubt he slept with her. Unless you got proof of him cheating then you can't go off like this. What was the fight about? I assume you two fight quite a bit? I'm confused, i believe in the sanctitiy of marriage but don't want to get hurt and miss my opportunity to be with this model looking guy (married) Somethings are better to just look at then to have. You two need marriage counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Ya know,.....sometimes I cannot believe that some people have to consult others on decisions like this. Blows my mind. NO,...NO,...a thousand times NO !!! Do you REALLY need us to tell you that sleeping with someone else would not only NOT HELP with this matter, but open up yet another can of worms that you will THEN begin posting in here for yet more advice on? Man oh man. First of all,...its painfully obvious that you WANT to sleep with this guy and just need someone to justify it for you. You know as well as anyone else that sleeping with this guy has NOTHING to do with this. NOTHING. Your husband,...by your own admission,...hasnt slept with this woman. So "scolding" him for something you "think" he "might" do is retarded. You need to get a divorce or go to counseling. This situation is clearly beyond working it out on your own. I dont think anyone should associate with an Ex once they are married. Just isnt right. I mean whats more important? A person whom a relationship didnt work with or your husband or wife to whom you've committed to the rest of your life in front of God and family? I am still friends with an ex. But I am not married. We let a friendship grow after we broke up. We didnt just break up and proclaim ourselves devoted close friends like alot of naive people do. I would continue my relationship with them too unless my spouse had a problem with it after I explained that we werent interested in eachother that way anymore. If they STILL had a problem with it,...then I would end my friendship. He obviously wanted to sleep with this girl or wanted you to THINK he did. Either way,.....your relationship with him is in turmoil. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by mharom I have also been flirting with this hot married guy. I feel that I should sleep with him to get it over before my husband does it to me with his ex. Is this dumb? I'm confused, i believe in the sanctitiy of marriage but don't want to get hurt and miss my opportunity to be with this model looking guy (married) say that again?. You believe in the sanctitiy of marriage, but you want to f*** other people.....OK lady. YES it is dumb...and yes you BOTH are confused. You both need to sit down and have heart to heart talk with eachother about where your feelings are. Cause its obvious to me that both of you have drifted apart......is this what you want you marriage relationship to be like?...if you f*** her, then I will f*** him?. That doesnt sound like something you want.......be truthful with yourself.....talk to your husband about what is bothering you......honesty and openess is the only way.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Not sure who/what to turn to. My husband recently saw an old ex- and worked 2-gether for about 2 months. They call and hang out.. 3 weeks ago we got into a fight and I went to my sis house to stay and spend the night....he never called to check on us or anything. Now I have learned that he had been calling ex (woman with two kids and divorced) up all that night that I was gone (until 5 AM calling over and over, almost desperate to get a hold of her). Was he trying to have a one night stand? He never called to check up on us, I'm hurt and confused. Am I being stupid, he says that he was drunk and he wanted someone to talk to --- then I think why did'nt you call me and even wonder to ask where I was at? He dismissed the entire thing...Should I call her and confront her? I'm hurt and mad. I have also been flirting with this hot married guy. I feel that I should sleep with him to get it over before my husband does it to me with his ex. Is this dumb? I'm confused, i believe in the sanctitiy of marriage but don't want to get hurt and miss my opportunity to be with this model looking guy (married) Two wrongs don't make a right. Do you love your husband? I mean you have children and are married...How can you say "miss my opportunity to be with model looking guy (Married)"??? Part of marriage and the vows and the responsibility is to leave those opportunities behind. Why bother getting married. Don't do it, even if your H has slipped up and been with his EX. Make it work, talk to him and go to councilling. Put your own needs aside and (him too!) focus on the marriage and the kids. I'm sure it's hard and it won't be easy to work through this stuff. With love, there's abit of pain and frustration at times - That is what life and marriage is sometimes. IT'S not always supposed to be all happy go lucky. Hope you both can work through the issues. Marriage councilling!!! Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 I have to agree, two wrong don't make a right. Don't do anything you will later regret. I am sorry that you are having this problem but you need to sit your H down and have a talk w/ him about this. I hope that he isn't having an A. I know how scared you must be thinking he is having an A, just keep your eyes open. There are a lot of threads here that you can read on infedility. I don't agree w/ your H having contact w/ his ex. I did that one time (he found me from an HS alumni site) and brought back our past. H didn't like it and I don't blame him. I ended all contacts w/ this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
mharom Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 thanks everyone for you comments. you are right, these two situations are two different things... I have often told him about how I feel when he is talking to his EX, but he doesn't stop talking to her, he has said he would if I asked him too. I haven't because I don't want to be the reason, I want him to not want to talk to her. I have no idea who she is... I'm afraid and insecure about us....we've been together 10 years (not married) and I have often told him that it's not him, it's me and my issues of insecurity... he is willing to go to counseling if I want.. he is willing to make it work... but how do I help with the trust isssues... about the hot model... that was just flattering, but after reading some of the comments, you all slapped me back to reality... I love my family, my life.... Link to post Share on other sites
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