Was a NC break a step in the wrong direction?

[Midknight]

Right now, I want to talk to her. This very second she's a click away. Why is it a bad idea? MSN can torment sometimes. Just seeing her online. Could I just call to say good night? I'm doubting my reasons for making it a NC break. I blocked her not to "temp" her to talk to me but I almost wish she'd done the same.

 

I've been told that a break can really HELP a relationship though. What about married couples who take separate vacations?

 

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and she wants out of the relationship because being in a long-term-relations cause her to lose a sense of herself. She wants to break up with me because she does not know "who she is" as an independent young woman. Is it possible she will change her mind? Does she really need to be so drastic and cut-off something she herself is in love with?!

 

In a last-minute attempt to save our relationship, I sprung on the idea of a two-week break. I was really starting to smother her and didn't give her enough of her own space. I am SO very willing to try to fix that! I believe she got scared when our relationship hit an emotional peak. She feels that she is not ready for something so deep.

 

So what can I do? I don't want to lose her!

I get worried when she says her feelings for me are not the same as they used to be. Could she have lost her love for me in the few shorts days after she wrote an email, which read, “But don't worry ____; my wonderful man. I do love you...more than I can ever really tell you to your face. I'm so sorry about all of this.”

 

I asked her for this break to be totally NC. Was that a mistake? She has already talked to me in the first two days of it. However, she went out of her way to say it was “only as friends”. Now I feel like I've cut her off from a promise I made to her that I'd always be there for her. But if we talk we might start to fight about what's been going on. At the saem time, I don't want her to just cut the string there and then.

 

I don’t want to be “just friends”. It would be too painful. It already is too painful. I want to make love to her again. I want my wonderful girlfriend back. *cries*

 

Is my love life with her salvageable?

[LucreziaBorgia]

She wants to break up with me because she does not know "who she is" as an independent young woman. Is it possible she will change her mind? Does she really need to be so drastic and cut-off something she herself is in love with?!

 

Think about this logically. Imagine how much you love this girl. Do you honestly think, that feeling the way that you do that you would be able to call her up and tell her something like this while you are so deeply in love with her? Neither would she! If her feelings were mutual, she wouldn't be feeding you these excuses. They sound valid, and I'm sure she has you believing them, but sometimes it just takes a moment of cold logic to cut through the excuses and BS.

 

She's telling you this not because she doesn't know 'who she is'. She's telling you this because she can't find an easy way to tell you that she doesn't love you anymore, and she doesn't want you to hate her. She found a pretty convenient excuse to make it look like it was her fault - an excuse that makes it look like it was 'out of her control' and that she can't be held accountable for something like that.

 

People make these grand "I need to find myself" statements, and its amazing how quickly they find themselves and 'resolve their issues' when they find someone else they like and want more than they like and want you.

 

she says her feelings for me are not the same as they used to be.

 

This is the only thing that you will want to pay attention to. Ignore her excuses and her 'finding herself' stuff and concentrate on this. She is telling you that she doesn't love you anymore, and she is surrounding it with legit-sounding excuses to make the blow softer.

 

However, she went out of her way to say it was “only as friends”.

 

She is offering you 'just friends'. If it is love you want, refuse to settle for 'just friends'. Friendship under false pretenses isn't fair to either of you, and you need to let her know that before you go to full 'no contact'. This 'no contact' will be for you: to help you start the painful process of getting your heart back together. Right now she's an infection in your heart, and as long as she is there - you cannot move on and heal. Wounds only heal when the infection is gone, and 'no contact' will help get that process started. The more contact you have with her, the more its going to hurt you on a daily basis.

[Phishtails]

I disagree. I think people CAN want to take breaks, and CAN want to find themselves, and have it not be excuses. My boyfriend felt I was smothering him (about a year ago) because I was always calling him and always wanting to spend so much time with him. He needed some time to himself. He needed some time away. However, he did still love me. Once he was away from me and could breathe again, things got better. I don't smother him anymore. At least, I try not to.

 

However, NC should still be used as a way to reclaim yourself and help yourself heal. I don't like manipulation. It may bring her back, it may not. I suggest getting out of the house and doing something.

[loveisallaround]

I'm in a very similar situation.

 

I agree with LucreziaBorgia, it could be an excuse; but I also agree with Phishtails, it may be legit. Nothing in life is black and white.

 

My boyfriend recently broke up with me (it was actually more mutual than anything) saying that he wanted to get back in touch with himself. He said he really cared for me though. And due to our great chemistry he wanted to remain friends, be creative together still, help eachother through it, etc etc.

 

The day of the breakup I was extremly optimistic about things but since then (it's been three weeks or so) I've changed my mind. We're extremly good for eachother and it'd be way too painful (atleast in the meantime) to be "just friends". I've intiated NC and it's getting easier to stick by my guns. He's blocked on MSN. I won't return his calls. I won't call him. I won't pick up when he calls. I feel cruel because he's trying really hard to be friends (to the point of sounding really rude/insensitive sometimes) but I'm number one and he has to respect the fact that I have to heal.

 

Perhaps in a way he'll realize what he's missing. He might not. Thats the same in your scenario too. If she realizes that what you have is truly great - she'll come back to you. And if she doesn't, you'll be well on your road to recovery. NC works terrifically!

 

Good luck! Keep us updated please!