Vercetti Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I say pose as your husband and setup a appointment and fish for what your usual is. Even the legit places have those that do things off the books / privately. As others have stated the timing is extremely suspect. If my wife was setting up helping hands everytime I was going away a few days...yeah. Could always tell husband your stressed and if could give you a reference to his person at helping hands and see the reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 I texted the number several times and got NO response from her. Funny...when husband texted those times when I was out of town there was a response right away. She probably knew that I was a wife and didn't respond. Or he may be identified in her contacts? Anyway... I want him off of my plan because it is agonizingly painful to snoop. It takes up a lot of free time that could otherwise be spent on doing something positive for myself. Also, if he is inclined to do this he will find away anyway. I don't want to see it happening right under my nose. And since he is technically everything, he can't tell me he will stop! He approached me yesterday saying we need to talk and that he is quite upset about all of this. He said it's not like he's out chasing women all the time. I said I don't care that he's upset. He said where do we go from here? I said repeated from the day before that he needs to get his phone of my plan and I'm no longer interested in sex, and that's about it. He said but he enjoys sex with me. And said well too bad. I don't want to be intimate with him, or work on trying to get back to intimacy, because I don't want to have sex with him. It's dead. Why would I? Ewwww. Oh by the way, when I did had sex with him upon my return from my trip I noticed he had given himself a serious trim! All tidy and short cut of his privates. You will probably say a lot of men do that. Well okay. But I am finally trying to wash away my naïveté. He did say she was legitimate and that he would be happy to introduce me to her. This tells me that what others have posted, she is a legit masseuse but does other things. I forgot to mention that yesterday upon search more online of her phone number I found and ad on a page of some magazine that had tons of personal services listed along with pictures of voluptuous young women? She didn't have a picture but the ad said Private. Personal. purrrrfect. Again, no address. So you tell me! From here...I will be a companion. Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 From here...I will be a companion. Well, that's an interesting way to go. How did your husband respond to the new arrangement? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Maybe he's using the name of some massage therapist to cover for other 'services'? And your husband offering to introduce her now, a day or two after you confronted him, is pointless. He can just pay some random massage therapist to pretend he's been a long-term customer. If he had been so focused on proving his innocence why didn't he take you to her during the confrontation? Next - you seem to be adamant about staying in this marriage, because I couldn't be a companion to someone who betrayed me. However, no intimacy will also drive him to find what he needs elsewhere, and I doubt you want to live by yourself. Again - is an open marriage an option for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 He says....Can't a guy get a massage? What's the big deal? He never goes for massages! (But there is a Massage Envy not far from our house hmmmm). He never mentioned getting these massages when I returned from my trip. He said he didn't mention it to me because getting a massage is really no big deal, he didn't think to mention it . The only times I saw texts of him contacting her is when I went out of town. This guy is SUCH a freakin' liar. He said it's not like he's out chasing women all the time. He doesn't HAVE to chase them (they probably wouldn't be interested in his sorry ass anyway) because he PAYS them, instead. Oh by the way, when I did had sex with him upon my return from my trip I noticed he had given himself a serious trim! All tidy and short cut of his privates. LOL. Yes, people ALWAYS trim their pubic areas right before getting a LEGIT massage. Since this obviously isn't something he does on a regular basis (or you wouldn't have mentioned it) that just cements the deal even more. I'm absolutely amazed that some posters actually think this guy got a legitimate massage. I wouldn't touch him, either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to respond I know many have much worse problems than this. I can only take it one day at a time. Regarding divorce I don't know. All I know is what I want today. To stay away from him. I am meeting my pastor tomorrow to talk. This may sound strange but I am struggling with whether or not this type of thing is something a wife should just accept? That it doesn't have anything to do with his love or commitment to me...is merely a physical need that he has an urge to get satisfied. What do you all think? I do know that I am not for sex with him or asking him ifs here are things I could do in the bedroom to prevent him wanting to go outside for it. I feel so weird about all of this. I also am having a sort of anxiety attack. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to respond I know many have much worse problems than this. I can only take it one day at a time. Regarding divorce I don't know. All I know is what I want today. To stay away from him. I am meeting my pastor tomorrow to talk. This may sound strange but I am struggling with whether or not this type of thing is something a wife should just accept? That it doesn't have anything to do with his love or commitment to me...is merely a physical need that he has an urge to get satisfied. What do you all think? I do know that I am not for sex with him or asking him ifs here are things I could do in the bedroom to prevent him wanting to go outside for it. I feel so weird about all of this. I also am having a sort of anxiety attack. It is perfectly alright if you take yourself the time before making a decision. And asking if you should accept his behavior is somethign we cannot answer - only you can decide that, it is your life and your choice, even if your husband was good at hiding this from you for a while. Physical responses are sadly also very common because of the massive stress overload. Maybe try to take the day off or go to a weekend trip yb yourself to clear your mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to respond I know many have much worse problems than this. I can only take it one day at a time. Regarding divorce I don't know. All I know is what I want today. To stay away from him. I am meeting my pastor tomorrow to talk. This may sound strange but I am struggling with whether or not this type of thing is something a wife should just accept? That it doesn't have anything to do with his love or commitment to me...is merely a physical need that he has an urge to get satisfied. What do you all think? I do know that I am not for sex with him or asking him ifs here are things I could do in the bedroom to prevent him wanting to go outside for it. I feel so weird about all of this. I also am having a sort of anxiety attack. The only thing that matters is whether or not you accept it. Every other wife in the universe could be fine with it, but if you're not, you're not. You get to decide what is acceptable. Period. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 You're convinced he's screwing around yet are staying with him and just gonna be his companion? How was your sex life before you found out about these texts? My massage therapist works the same way as your H's, and he's a man. I'm not convinced there are happy endings involved here... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I do know that I am not for sex with him or asking him ifs here are things I could do in the bedroom to prevent him wanting to go outside for it. Do you mean you were this way before these incidents came to light? And if so, why? Most strong and healthy marriages have an active sexual component that includes a reasonable willingness to please... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Sorry if I wasn't clear about our sex life. We have had a good one. We have both said that to each other. Only now that I know he's sought it elsewhere, whether a hand job or something more this changes things for me and I do t want to have sex with him. I wouldn't think that is a surprising reaction but maybe some of you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 P.S. And to add i case you guys missed it...Her ad on the personal pages among other erotic ads says...Private. Personal Purrrfect. Also he contacted her Only when I was out of town. I am naive but I am pretty sure my jumping to conclusions is unfounded. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 He did say she was legitimate and that he would be happy to introduce me to her. This tells me that what others have posted, she is a legit masseuse but does other things. I forgot to mention that yesterday upon search more online of her phone number I found and ad on a page of some magazine that had tons of personal services listed along with pictures of voluptuous young women? She didn't have a picture but the ad said Private. Personal. purrrrfect. Again, no address. So you tell me! From here...I will be a companion. First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to respond I know many have much worse problems than this. I can only take it one day at a time. Regarding divorce I don't know. All I know is what I want today. To stay away from him. I am meeting my pastor tomorrow to talk. This may sound strange but I am struggling with whether or not this type of thing is something a wife should just accept? That it doesn't have anything to do with his love or commitment to me...is merely a physical need that he has an urge to get satisfied. What do you all think? I do know that I am not for sex with him or asking him ifs here are things I could do in the bedroom to prevent him wanting to go outside for it. I feel so weird about all of this. I also am having a sort of anxiety attack. P.S. And to add i case you guys missed it...Her ad on the personal pages among other erotic ads says...Private. Personal Purrrfect. Also he contacted her Only when I was out of town. I am naive but I am pretty sure my jumping to conclusions is unfounded. I'd say the ad would be the kiss of death in my judgment. I mean, again it's possible she just gave him a massage and that's all he was after, but if that's the case he should get massages from a reputable vendor, not one who runs sleazy ads in shady magazines/websites. So in my view he's crossed too far into shady land to be given the benefit of the doubt at this point. Only you can decide if this is a dealbreaker for you and if a 'life-partner' type arrangement is acceptable. It wouldn't be for me, but everyone's different. I will say that I objectively disagree with the notion that as a wife you're somehow expected to live with this sort of thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Thank you jen and everyone. Thanks very much. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Reputable masseurs do not post ads in amongst erotic ads. Reputable masseurs make it very well known that they do not provide sexual services. I do not think you are jumping to conclusions and I am so sorry you have to face this. Most wives I guess would not accept it as part and parcel of their marriage, especially as your sex life was good up till now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Only now that I know he's sought it elsewhere, whether a hand job or something more this changes things for me and I do t want to have sex with him. Have you explained this to him? How long are you willing to live in a sexless marriage? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Most men cheat for variety. That's something a single woman will never be able to give him, so better don't waste your time thinking about what you could have done. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Sorry if I wasn't clear about our sex life. We have had a good one. We have both said that to each other. Only now that I know he's sought it elsewhere, whether a hand job or something more this changes things for me and I do t want to have sex with him. I wouldn't think that is a surprising reaction but maybe some of you do. Sadly, not having sex with him and burying your head in the sand will make him cheat more. Withholding sex and staying married is not good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 P.S. And to add i case you guys missed it...Her ad on the personal pages among other erotic ads says...Private. Personal Purrrfect. Also he contacted her Only when I was out of town. I am naive but I am pretty sure my jumping to conclusions is unfounded. So the massage girl does obviously do other things, but your husband doesn't want any of those other things, just a regular massage. That he doesn't tell you about.....and only gets them when you are out of town...... You're not crazy. You are being gaslighted. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 He admitted it and begs for forgiveness. He doesn't know why he did it, but it had nothing to do with me or his love for me. He said it was nothing premeditated or planned in advance. He knew it was wrong, felt some guilt but quickly put the guilt aside, after all a handjob wasn't really sex, and he isn't carrying on an affair. This last trip when it happened, He and I texted back and for a while when I arrived at my destination, and 15 minutes later there was texting to this woman...6 texts back and forth between them. And Voila, he gets a good rub up and down and all around and she has just the right touch and ways to give him what he needs! Good for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 PS I am So torn up I won't even ask him to answer the question of how long it's been going on. But what I do know is that I have been traveling for my job for the past 3 years! Wowie! I'm sure his answer would be a lie anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 And Voila, he gets a good rub up and down and all around and she has just the right touch and ways to give him what he needs! Good for her. You seem to want to stay married in order to punish him by withholding sex. I'd suggest it's a waste of your time, especially since he seems willing to go elsewhere... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EH6 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 You probably don't want to hear this, but it was probably more than a handjob. Oral at the very least I would think. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 You probably don't want to hear this, but it was probably more than a handjob. Oral at the very least I would think. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/530702-uh-oh-infatuated-young-masseur to consider too. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 P.S. And to add i case you guys missed it...Her ad on the personal pages among other erotic ads says...Private. Personal Purrrfect. Also he contacted her Only when I was out of town. I am naive but I am pretty sure my jumping to conclusions is unfounded. Meh, her ad doesn't surprise me. I was never in the camp here that kept saying he was getting a LEGIT massage. He 'ad' just proves what I've been saying since page #1. The guy is a sleaze and I wouldn't touch him, either. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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