Biscous Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Let's settle a debate. We are all on this forum, there are more mature sections of this forum that people have known each other for years and probably have some history. A LOT of people of the opposite sex on here. What would cross the line of cheating on your partner? Is non sexual flirting cheating? As in saying someone has a pretty smile or are gorgeous but not saying anything sexual..is that cheating? Would you be pissed if your bf/gf did that? Would you think this would lead to physical cheating? I have friends that I have no intention of being sexual with but we have light friendly banter that is semi flirty. Ones that I've known for years Is that crossing relationship boundaries? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 If your girlfriend was doing what you're doing, would it upset you? "Cheating" in my opinion is anything that you would not do openly in front of your significant other with a member of the opposite sex. Just because you didn't hook up with someone doesn't mean you didn't disrespect your relationship. Even if you have no intention of hooking up with the person... If your girlfriend is upset or embarrassed by your actions/words/comments etc then you should have enough class to cease doing those things. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I think you already know that you've crossed a line or are very close to doing so. Step back a bit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Flirting and light banter is the gateway to most EA affairs that then lead to full blown PA, If you are in a committed relationship that includes exclusivity, you should not be having any conversdation with members of the opposite sex that you would not have if your partner was standing right there. This crap that its only a little harmless flirting is usually the first statement a WS makes when caught doing something more blatant because what the slippery slope of what is harmless keeps moving to more and more sexual undertones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 To me cheating is ONLY having sex or kissing somebody else. Flirting is just that flirting. As long as I am secure that my partner is going home with me & I'm Queen Bee, I don't get all that bent about flirting. One of my EXs was such a flirt, some people thought we had an open relationship. My GFs used to get upset with me for not shutting it down. I didn't need to shut it down because it never went beyond public. I was always First, with a capital F. Early on in our marriage my husband got flirty with some girl but didn't make me feel like I was his most important relationship. To her credit the girl (15 years younger then me & a co-worker of DH's from an office across the country) was quite uncomfortable with his behavior. DH & I had the worst fight of our marriage over her. Now that he has a better sense of where the lines are drawn and always makes me feel special I'm good. He can flirt with whomever. About me DH says I could no more stop flirting then I could stop breathing. We have a group of friends where this is a routine interaction. People trade compliments all the time. Spouses & SOs are right there. Nothing goes on behind people's backs & everybody knows where the lines are drawn. When it's clear that your primary relationship is just that, being a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on for somebody else once in a while is simply being a good friend. It's not an EA. EAs are when those conversations could not include a spouse. If a male friend is pouring his heart out to me, I do not expect that the conversation would change much if my husband walked in (even though I understand it's not always easy for men to open up to other men). Sometimes I will seek comfort from other friends once DH gets to a point where he is fed up with my obsession with something & doesn't want to hear it any more. (If you look back at my posts I have threads about 2 friendships that went sideways. DH only had so much patience while I worked through those dilemmas so I sought other outlets) To a large extent its about respect and transparency. Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 To me cheating is ONLY having sex or kissing somebody else. Flirting is just that flirting. As long as I am secure that my partner is going home with me & I'm Queen Bee, I don't get all that bent about flirting. One of my EXs was such a flirt, some people thought we had an open relationship. My GFs used to get upset with me for not shutting it down. I didn't need to shut it down because it never went beyond public. I was always First, with a capital F. Early on in our marriage my husband got flirty with some girl but didn't make me feel like I was his most important relationship. To her credit the girl (15 years younger then me & a co-worker of DH's from an office across the country) was quite uncomfortable with his behavior. DH & I had the worst fight of our marriage over her. Now that he has a better sense of where the lines are drawn and always makes me feel special I'm good. He can flirt with whomever. About me DH says I could no more stop flirting then I could stop breathing. We have a group of friends where this is a routine interaction. People trade compliments all the time. Spouses & SOs are right there. Nothing goes on behind people's backs & everybody knows where the lines are drawn. When it's clear that your primary relationship is just that, being a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on for somebody else once in a while is simply being a good friend. It's not an EA. EAs are when those conversations could not include a spouse. If a male friend is pouring his heart out to me, I do not expect that the conversation would change much if my husband walked in (even though I understand it's not always easy for men to open up to other men). Sometimes I will seek comfort from other friends once DH gets to a point where he is fed up with my obsession with something & doesn't want to hear it any more. (If you look back at my posts I have threads about 2 friendships that went sideways. DH only had so much patience while I worked through those dilemmas so I sought other outlets) To a large extent its about respect and transparency. That's very interesting. I'd rather my partner had sex with a random than make an emotional connection. The former, I could probably get over. The latter, to me, is much more serious. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Can you show the messages and text history to your partner without worry? If not, then you've crossed a line. It's simple as that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 TL;DR all the responses. To me, cheating is something you do that you would not do if you partner was aware of it. The end (minus sneaking some cookies). If you talk to a girl in a way that you wouldn't in front of her, that's cheating. Whether it is by text or in person. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Sharing intimate deep conversations or very personal details about your life, high frequency texting, sexual innuendo, late night texting, sending personal photos or anything else you would do similar to a new dating relationship is cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts