Rules for texting when people don't reply back?

[utilisateur]

One problem I have, which I'm sure everyone experiences, is that sometimes you text people to hang out, and they NEVER get back to you. Back when my self-esteem was even lower than it is now, I would assume that they were pushing me away. Now I know that sometimes they're simply too busy or aren't good with texting.

 

When and how should I text them again to remind them about my offer to hang out?

[darkbloom]

A telephone call.

[jen1447]

If you get absolutely no reply to a text, I'd leave it to them to contact you next. I'm assuming this isn't some lifelong friend from childhood but a sort of casual friend?

[preraph]

If someone doesn't text you back, that's a "no." Leave them alone and see if they ever contact you. If not, blow them off too.

[acrosstheuniverse]

If they don't text back, just leave it for a while. If it's been a few weeks, you can text again but I wouldn't be all 'hey why didn't you reply?' just text as though it's your first message.

 

I wouldn't take it personally... regarding my closest friends I'll generally reply to them within a couple of days, but general friends, even close friends, I can take days or weeks to reply... once it hits weeks usually I've forgotten I was going to reply in the first place and then I end up either messaging them to see if they wanna hang out or they ask me again! I'm talking about friends I only see if we arrange it specifically, not the kind of friends that I see regularly enough for it to be affected by the slowness of contact.

 

Friendships shouldn't have to rely on constant contact and getting butt hurt if someone doesn't reply to a text, they should be like rivers which meander over the years, sometimes you speak more, sometimes less, some people are closer than others... but it's really not a big deal to not get a reply to a text.

[ASG]

I have friends who are absolutely **** at replying to texts. I'll text them, asking to hang out soon and won't hear a peep. A few weeks go by and I either text again or call and we manage to get together. They didn't mean anything by not replying, simply forgot about it.

 

Sometimes even I forget to reply.. I'll read a text, think up what I would reply, but don't actually type it and send it right there and then... and then forget all about it. It happens and it's not necessarily a blow off!

[juststarry6443]

Generally, I don't ever make the effort to give them another text. I already made the effort to make plans with you...

I don't believe people can forget for more than 3 days to respond to a text. I don't think anyone is just "busy". If giving them your time is of any significance to them they can respond to a text while they're on break or even while they're sitting on the toilet.

There's a few reasons why I wouldn't respond back/forget to respond back: the conversation wasn't interesting, only consider the person as an acquaintance so conversations are easily forgotten, I fell asleep & the conversation wasn't extremely important for a continuation when I woke up, I opened the text without even realizing it so it looks like a read text, I responded in my mind, or I forgot to hit send.

[nouedis]

Honestly, it's not the fact that they suck at texting, it's the fact that they just don't care. Or that's just how I see it.

[angelfire138]

I've been on both sides of this coin; being the one not responding, and not getting a response. Normally, my friends/bf/family have usually been pretty good about saying yes or no, or at the very least "I'll let you know"

 

When I don't get a response, it depends on how much I want to hang out with them. If I really want to see the person, I'll give them a "nudge", so to speak, a day or two before and ask them if they had gotten my text (sometimes, texts do get lost...). If still no reply, then I'll just leave it and let them come to me if they want to do something.

 

I really can be a bad texter, depending on what I'm doing. And I have a short attention span. Sometimes, I'll see a text from someone, but then I don't have time to answer because I have to rush out somewhere, attend to a patient (if I'm at work), or I've fallen asleep on my bus ride home, and I'll mean to reply, but then I'll completely forget about it. It was actually an issue with my boyfriend when I first started dating him, I would forget to reply to his texts even though I liked him.

 

I've had cases where I met other people who were bad texters...and we'd make plans but forget to follow through (since no one had set a concrete plan in the first place), and we wouldn't see each other for weeks, or even months. But then we'd text each other again and arrange a get-together, and it would be like no time had even passed since we last saw each other.

 

So like a PP said, it's not necessarily a blow off! I know I'm not the only one who has a lot going on (usually I have multiple things going on at once!) and we just can't get back to everyone as quickly as we'd like.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Honestly, it's not the fact that they suck at texting, it's the fact that they just don't care. Or that's just how I see it.

 

I'm going to have to agree with this.

 

These days, there isn't a person on the planet with any decent smartphone who isn't on it like white on rice. Unless it's your mother or grandmother or their generation where "texting" is somewhat of a foreign concept that's still difficult to grasp, any excuse for not responding in a timely manner even if it's to say "Let me think about it" is a poor one at best.

 

Yes, there are SOME occasions where responding immediately might be challenging BUT to go for days or weeks without ANY kind of response is just plain rude if you ask me. Particularly if it's someone that you call a friend and engage with regularly.

 

I'll bet you if some guy/girl they're trying to get with was texting them, they'd be hanging on every character!

 

I guess the best answer is that it depends on the friend. If you know they're the kind that lives on their phone yet can't seem to string together an abbreviated text response in a timely manner then it means you're just not a priority to them.

 

Whether or not that's acceptable is up to you.

[jen1447]

I'm going to have to agree with this.

 

These days, there isn't a person on the planet with any decent smartphone who isn't on it like white on rice. Unless it's your mother or grandmother or their generation where "texting" is somewhat of a foreign concept that's still difficult to grasp, any excuse for not responding in a timely manner even if it's to say "Let me think about it" is a poor one at best.

 

Yes, there are SOME occasions where responding immediately might be challenging BUT to go for days or weeks without ANY kind of response is just plain rude if you ask me. Particularly if it's someone that you call a friend and engage with regularly.

 

I'll bet you if some guy/girl they're trying to get with was texting them, they'd be hanging on every character!

 

I guess the best answer is that it depends on the friend. If you know they're the kind that lives on their phone yet can't seem to string together an abbreviated text response in a timely manner then it means you're just not a priority to them.

 

Whether or not that's acceptable is up to you.

 

I agree, the "no time" thing just isn't feasible to me, not to mention it's a convenient excuse bc there's really no way to prove they didn't have time, etc. But reading between the lines tells you all you need to know. The same person who 'doesn't have time' to respond to sth they're not interested in will return texts seconds later for sth they are interested in.

[AppleKakes]

I think it's rude not to respond - even if you're not interested.

 

I always respond to texts. Now, if it is coming from someone I'm trying to avoid - there may be a delayed response - but a response nonetheless.

 

My fav podcaster and I disagree on this subject. She thinks since texts aren't "real" communication - they do not warrant a response. I disagree.

 

I have a relative who is weird like this. She'll initiate a text, you do some back and forth, then ask her something and never hear from her But, she's weird like that. You'll be talking to her she'll just stare at you. One time her mum got worried and drove to her home after not hearing from her for a few days, and she opened the door (reluctantly) and was like "What?!?":confused:

 

But yes, I get pissy when someone doesn't take the time to respond to a text. Hello, that's why texts were created - fast and easy communication. I initially hated texting cuz I thought it was for pretentious people. But, now I've grown to appreciate it cuz I sometimes have like 10 things going on and texting allows me to say a quick "hey" w/o having to pick up a phone.

 

Something to also consider? Their phone carrier. Sometimes mine acts up and I won't get people's text till almost a day after and/or if I restart my phone. Worst when it's like NYE or some big holiday where people seem to be messaging a lot and weighing down the system.

[Lois_Griffin]

Honestly, it's not the fact that they suck at texting, it's the fact that they just don't care. Or that's just how I see it.

Very true.

 

You can't go anywhere without seeing everyone with their stupid noses in their phones like it's a life-line or something. Most people can't go 20 minutes without looking at their phones. It's actually pitiful.

 

So it's not that they didn't find your text - because they did. They've chosen not to respond.

[TunaCat]

I think "busy" is a BS excuse. If you are important to someone, then they will make you a priority.

 

This was something I learned abruptly when I was trying to arrange lunch with a friend of mine. I had considered her a best friend, but she kept not responding to my texts. Then I would see her online talking about her FaceTime date with her girlfriend (they're in a LTR)

 

It was utterly infuriating.

 

Several months later, we were at a birthday dinner for the aformentioned friend and she spent the ENTIRE night texting her girlfriend and ignoring all of her friends who were RIGHT THERE with her!

[Magnumcyclonex]

If you know some friends who are notorious for not getting back to you, then it's probably best to keep your distance or work around it by calling or not getting too invested in them.

 

One of the worst things people can do is when you are in a great friendship with someone (or thought you were), and then all of a sudden something you said/did triggered them to dislike you and they go cold turkey without any explanation.

 

Everyone has different opinions and perspectives on things, so in any relationship, there are bound to be disagreements, conflict etc. The problem is that people don't act maturely when it comes to conflict resolution. They ignore the problem, they don't communicate their issues clearly, or they don't reciprocate any efforts made by the other person to resolve the conflict.

 

The offended person remains hurt and upset, and the other person is left wondering how the bond between them was so quickly and easily broken. The world would be a better place if people took the time to be direct with each other and work out their differences instead of hiding behind their tiny screens or using their devices for what they were really meant for: communication

Edited July 18, 2015 by Magnumcyclonex

[SolG]

Okay. I admit it. I'm a recalcitrant text and call returner.

 

I'm an introvert who works in a heavy people environment. And it's not uncommon for me to work 12+ hour days. And I travel a lot. It's fantastically rewarding work, but frankly it's also exhausting!

 

So during the week I don't generally give any attention to anything social at all. Texting, phone calls, etc. (There's only about four people in the whole entire world I want to talk to on the phone in a social way anyway.)

 

It's not that I don't care. And it's not that I don't have the time. It's that I don't have the energy or desire for social contact at all during the week. I'll get back to you Saturday. And yes, sometimes I may have missed some messages or texts, or forgotten, so you may have to remind me.

 

All those close to me know this and cut me slack.