winmac3d Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 So basically It's been about 2 months since I've been dumped from a 2 year long relationship. Some of the reasons she dumped me was basically she said she couldn't see me being a serious commitment because I still live at home and don't have a job. I thought she was ridiculous because my argument to that was I'm a full time student working on my biology degree. She had other reasons but I'm pretty sure most of them involve lot of those insecurites that an 18 year old girl has. (By the way I'm 21.) She also had a problem with forgiving and not once did she forgive me for any mistake, no matter how small it was, this I couldn't understand. It was as if she had a memorized list of every wrong thing I did. Overall I know she and I loved each other very much. Anyway since we go to the same school I've been doing NC. Even though she's in my classes I give her no more than a smile or hello. In one of our classes we sit near each other and even though I avoid any conversation, she on the other hand chooses occasioanlly to talk to me and tell me about the cool little things that have hapenned in her life. Stuff I would care if I was dating her. I just pretend to listen and give short unenthusiastic responses. Don't get me wrong. Having to see her everyday is extremely painful. I love her so much and it hurts to not have her a part of my life. I just have to do this to protect myself. Especially since she got a rebound bf one week after she dumped me. (This guy is a total nerd. Candidate for the chess team.) So lately I decided to enlist in the army reserves. Mostly because I did ponder the thought while I was dating her but at the time I couldn't bare to be without her for 9 weeks while I was away at boot camp. So now since I'm single I figured I'd have nothing to lose, and besides the money I'd be getting to go towards school is very good. So I planned that after boot camp I'd move with a friend out a little closer to college with some of the money I made from boot camp. I talked this over with some of my friends and of course she got word of my plans. I'll admit some of my decison was persuaded by me wanting to show her that I could be a man and be responsible and that I didn't need her but I did to this mostly for myslef because I am at the point where I want to go out on my own. Well it happened that one day she said she had something to tell me. She started to tell me that I was moving to fast and that maybe I should look at the other options out there because the army isn't the only way out. I also stopped taking my medication for my ADD to avoid any enlistment complications and she was concerned about my grades dropping. Then she proceeded to cry. I was in an emotional turmoil. I was overjoyed that she still cared about me that much, and yet it brought back some painful emotions knowing that she dumped me and was dating someone else now. I just stood there and looked at her confused. Finally I caved in and gave her a hug and she genuinely hugged me back. I told her I care about her too and that I appreciate her concerns for me, but even now or maybe forever I just can't be only friends with her, and I have to avoid all contact with her because it would be to easy to fall back and do some of the things we used to do like snuggle on the couch with her in the student center and she agreed. Then I left with all these questions and confusion. I guess what I'm wondering is how is it that if someone dumps you that they still care about you that much. Is she full of it? I was assuming she had moved on or was trying to move on. I know I'm doing my best to move on to protect myself for now, but this situation just set me back a bit. Can someone help me out here? What are her intentions of her sharing this with me? I don't want to get my hopes up because I know I can't go back to her until she learns how to forgive and not hold on to everything but this kinda sparked a little hope. All I know is that I'm trying to be strong here and not let her know how I really feel. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 I guess what I'm wondering is how is it that if someone dumps you that they still care about you that much. Is she full of it? I was assuming she had moved on or was trying to move on. It is possible to care about someone, and not want to be involved in a relationship with them. I'm sure there are many things she still loves about you, but not enough of them for her to want to make a relationship out of. She probably was genuine in her concern - as she would be for any person she cares about. As for moving on, it is wholly possible to move on and still care about the person you left behind. The exceptions are when someone breaks up with you and dislikes pretty much everything about you - generally happens when a breakup drags on for a long time and the person ends up staying out of pure obligation. It sounds like she left when she still had positive feelings for you. Not enough to keep her there, mind you - but enough for her to be concerned for your welfare. It is hard for someone to see the 'almost but not quite' quality of how the dumper cares for the dumpee after the fact. Our hope wants to make it so much more than it really is. I also stopped taking my medication for my ADD Have you talked with your doctor about this? Are there any effects from abruptly stopping your medication? Link to post Share on other sites
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