Popsicle Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I also think it might have been him because I gave him my email and he blocked me on AM after that...fishy... Assuming it's true, not even a secret affair can exist on a diet of such subtleties. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Stop obsessing, block. NC. heal. Get over it. Start living again. Make this your highest priority and your future self will thank you for your efforts today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I also think it might have been him because I gave him my email and he blocked me on AM after that...fishy... No, it's not fishy. You contacted him on AM, and he blocked you right after. He's going one by one to block the methods you use to contact him. You're pretty close to getting handed a TRO, I bet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I also think it might have been him because I gave him my email and he blocked me on AM after that...fishy... Did it hurt you that he blocked you? If yes, then use your pain to see that he doesn't want to keep in touch. Letting go of him has to happen. Please go talk to a therapist to help you rid of the feelings. I've said this to you before in previous threads, 2 years is a long time to waste on someone who isn't into you anymore. Life is short and loving someone who doesn't love you back is hurting you and preventing you from finding a wonderful (single)man who will return your love. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Are you happy doing this? Do you get satisfaction when he tells you no, blocks you and all? How is this healthy for you? I get that you really really want this man, but for the love of god, maybe its time to change your strategy. Try blocking him instead of pursuing him. Being the pursuer becomes tiring after a while. Be kind to yourself, accept the reality that he is no longer interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 (edited) Did it hurt you that he blocked you? If yes, then use your pain to see that he doesn't want to keep in touch. Letting go of him has to happen. Please go talk to a therapist to help you rid of the feelings. I've said this to you before in previous threads, 2 years is a long time to waste on someone who isn't into you anymore. Life is short and loving someone who doesn't love you back is hurting you and preventing you from finding a wonderful (single)man who will return your love.[/QUOTE] This would be wonderful advice if she were single, but she's not. She's very married. The reason the AM hookup ended was because OPs husband threatened the OM, he dumped her, and well, two years later... Edited July 4, 2015 by Lurkeraspect 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 This would be wonderful advice if she were single, but she's not. She's very married. The reason the AM hookup ended was because OPs husband threatened the OM, he dumped her, and well, two years later... My mistake, I forgot. Mystery, does your husband know you still have these deep feelings for the (ex)MM? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 No, it's not fishy. You contacted him on AM, and he blocked you right after. He's going one by one to block the methods you use to contact him. You're pretty close to getting handed a TRO, I bet. The profile I thought was him blocked me. Sorry if that wasn't clear. He sent me another email this morning saying it wasn't him.To go for it. That he no longer had an active account. He has been known to lie I think. I'm just done!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 My mistake, I forgot. Mystery, does your husband know you still have these deep feelings for the (ex)MM? Not sure. He knows things are not the same. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I'm just done!! You say that in an exasperated way like he's continued to keep you around. He hasn't. You've done that 100% to yourself. There was no need to contact him at all. Period. You were fishing. You need to stop, full stop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 The profile I thought was him blocked me. Sorry if that wasn't clear. He sent me another email this morning saying it wasn't him.To go for it. That he no longer had an active account. He has been known to lie I think. I'm just done!! If you insist on continuing to cheat, well, you can test this by skyping or meeting this new mystery man in person right away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 If you insist on continuing to cheat, well, you can test this by skyping or meeting this new mystery man in person right away. The mystery man is no longer responding so it makes me wonder if it was him not knowing it was me due to a username he didn't know and disappearing when he found out it was. Or it could be someone else who just left the site or whatever. I will never know unless he cones back on. I have no desire to cheat unless it is with my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 The profile I thought was him blocked me. Sorry if that wasn't clear. He sent me another email this morning saying it wasn't him.To go for it. That he no longer had an active account. He has been known to lie I think. I'm just done!! You are building this man up in your head and he is not that guy. Even if he contacted and you continued with an affair, it will only make matters worse. If you are looking for a replacement for your husband, these types of men are not the men to do the job. They are cowards, they disrespect women, and they lack a conscious. What do you want from him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I have no desire to cheat unless it is with my ex. You still want him. It's been 2 years. This is obsessive. It is not healthy for you, at all. Your "ex" MM is not interested in contact from you, being with you, none of it. You HAVE to move on. You're not going to get what you want. I think in a prior post you mentioned therapy/counseling? Are you going? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 You are using this man and this hope as a crutch to not deal with your real surroundings. You do not love this guy. You are looking for a temporary band aid for whatever is going on in your own marriage. Please start focusing on what the real problems are. Please address these problems. You are hanging on dearly to this hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 You are using this man and this hope as a crutch to not deal with your real surroundings. You do not love this guy. You are looking for a temporary band aid for whatever is going on in your own marriage. Please start focusing on what the real problems are. Please address these problems. You are hanging on dearly to this hope. I do care about him. We used to talk a lot and he was there for me emotionally over the past two years, in a way my husband could never be. I agree there are a lot of things that need to be fixed in my marriage. Thinking about him just complicates things. No I am not in therapy at the moment. I am not sure that will help. I am a spiritual person and i think praying, meditating helps me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Did it hurt you that he blocked you? If yes, then use your pain to see that he doesn't want to keep in touch. Letting go of him has to happen. Please go talk to a therapist to help you rid of the feelings. I've said this to you before in previous threads, 2 years is a long time to waste on someone who isn't into you anymore. Life is short and loving someone who doesn't love you back is hurting you and preventing you from finding a wonderful (single)man who will return your love.[/QUOTE] This would be wonderful advice if she were single, but she's not. She's very married. The reason the AM hookup ended was because OPs husband threatened the OM, he dumped her, and well, two years later... I don't know why you keep calling it a hookup,, it was much more than that. It is very biased thinking. If I never wrote I met him through an adult dating website, you wouldn't be saying that. I don't understand the seeming disrespect you seem to have towards me because that was the way I happened to meet him. It doesn't make either of us less human or a bad person by the way! Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I think you are seeing the two month affair as much more than it ever was. You are holding onto it because you felt happy while in it and because it didn't end on its own. It was forced by your husband. You keep thinking that it would have been different if your husband hadn't found out. If you go back and clearly look at the relationship and what has happened since then, I believe you will see things differently. You have said that it has always been you reaching out since d-day ,never the MM. Did he ever give you any hope in any of those contacts? Telling you he wanted it restarted, that he missed you, loved you? You can not get over someone when you won't let go. You have created this fantasy of a perfect man. The MM isn't really like that. Tell your husband you want a divorce . Then file and one of you move out. Then you could tell the MM you are free and your husband will not be coming after him. See if he is willing to restart the relationship. I'm sorry but I don't believe he would be even with your husband out of the picture. It has been over for him for a long time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Reading your posts and having other help me through my situation brought me to the song by the Rolling Stones (I just now listened to it and cried) Wild horses couldn't drag me away. A man will not let you slip if you are the one. He will if you are not. This does not directly reflect you and I hope you come to my realization that you are worth more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I think you are seeing the two month affair as much more than it ever was. You are holding onto it because you felt happy while in it and because it didn't end on its own. It was forced by your husband. You keep thinking that it would have been different if your husband hadn't found out. If you go back and clearly look at the relationship and what has happened since then, I believe you will see things differently. You have said that it has always been you reaching out since d-day ,never the MM. Did he ever give you any hope in any of those contacts? Telling you he wanted it restarted, that he missed you, loved you? You can not get over someone when you won't let go. You have created this fantasy of a perfect man. The MM isn't really like that. Tell your husband you want a divorce . Then file and one of you move out. Then you could tell the MM you are free and your husband will not be coming after him. See if he is willing to restart the relationship. I'm sorry but I don't believe he would be even with your husband out of the picture. It has been over for him for a long time. I don't want to divorce my husband. I just want to forget I ever met this other man and that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 (edited) The mystery man is no longer responding so it makes me wonder if it was him not knowing it was me due to a username he didn't know and disappearing when he found out it was. Or it could be someone else who just left the site or whatever. I will never know unless he cones back on. I have no desire to cheat unless it is with my ex. Mystery, have you ever heard the term mental gymnastics? It's when one's brain spins the facts around and around to fit them into what one wants to see. I used to do this ALL THE TIME with xOM. He said he didn't want to be with me, he had another girlfriend, and I spun that around into his feelings were so strong for me that he decided to stay with his wife, but couldn't tell me that, so he said he had another GF. I know...WTF??? I see the mental gymnastics you are doing, trying to make it seem that somewhere in all these short words or AM accounts, there is a kernel of caring for you from your xMM. Look point blank at his actions...he no longer wants to be involved with you. Yes, it hurts. You made a bad investment. Bad investments happen often, with houses, people, jobs, cars...and sometimes the only way to recover is to walk away. You need to walk away. Turn your focus on other things in your life. Your job, your family, your house. Exercise. Start kntting. Anything! Just after my d-day, when I was trying to break my addiction from xOM, I started my thesis for graduate school. So I focused on that. Praying and meditating is great too. But I do think an IC will help, to offer healthier coping skill sets and a non-involved third party perspective. Plus...you will never know if it won't help if you don't try it, right? Good luck. Edited July 4, 2015 by Bittersweetie 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I don't know why you keep calling it a hookup,, it was much more than that. It is very biased thinking. If I never wrote I met him through an adult dating website, you wouldn't be saying that. I don't understand the seeming disrespect you seem to have towards me because that was the way I happened to meet him. It doesn't make either of us less human or a bad person by the way! Where did I say hook up? I said affair. Look, it's obvious that the affair was much more serious to you and you invested in it A LOT, your exMM may have but he has let go and moved on. No where in my posts have I been disrespectful to you. I'm sorry that you are taking my words and advice out of context. I'm trying to help you. Doing meditating, being spiritual won't help you get over him. You need professional help, someone to talk to and can advise you to handle this in a healthy way. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I don't want to divorce my husband. I just want to forget I ever met this other man and that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. But what you doing to be proactive about getting over him? You sit and allow thoughts of him to consume you. You reminisce about him, feeding your feelings. You fantasize and still want him like it all happened yesterday. This is not helping you get over him and get him out of your heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lftbehind Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I broke contact with my ex yesterday and he responded back. All the strong feelings of wanting him have come back. Remembering how he felt looked and how we made love. Somebody please save me from myself! I keep trying to forget and think some other man could replace him,but they never will live up to what he was to me both physically, intellectually, and emotionally. I know he doesn't want to start it again, he was very matter of fact in his response. No warmth, no humour like he used to have with me. Makes me sad. :-( If he started it up again I don't know what I would do, probably be shocked out of my mind .. And yes I would go back to him if he gave me an inkling of wanting to...miss him incredibly. Hi Mysterywoman, I know it's hard to get over someone that meant so much to you. He is only 1 man though and there are many men out there that could make you happy and be better for you than he is. It sounds like we are in similar situations and you saw him as sort of escape from your home life. I hope things are better for you there than they were. It hurts to feel indifference, when the AP used to be attentive and caring. Mine still contacts me, but I think it's for a FWB situation now. I want to let him go, but I can't end it. I have just had to detach, because I know it's going nowhere. I know it's hard to let that hope and those feelings go. You have to be strong. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 It's really sad to see you idolizing this loser. Why don't you focus on your husband and child, get off the cheating websites and stop stalking this man. This Ashley Madison hookup has been over for a year, and here you are, stuck in stalkerville. Have you started IC yet? You called it a hookup. One website not plural. If he was your lover you might idolize him too.He was stunning in every way. Link to post Share on other sites
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