Missing and Hurt

[AlanS]

My girlfriend is down in the Carribean visiting an old friend of hers from High School. He's a he, and I've always been uncomfortable with their friendship, mainly because I don't trust his intentions. He's told her in the past that he liked her, even loved her, but she never felt the same. It's no surprise that girls even after that, can still be friends with guys. It's something I can't fathom but I've learned to accept that girls see the "girl-guy" friendship in a strictly platonic way, whereas guys usually will say that one will always like the other a bit more. (that's where I stand obviously)

 

My dilemma isn't that she went down there (even though it still kind of bugs me) but rather that she said she'd write everyday and has already missed two of them (today being the second) She comes home tomorrow and I'll see her on Wednesday. I felt like writing her an email and telling her that it bothered me she didn't write everyday, given the background to the trip, who she was visiting, etc.

 

But I felt it better to wait and at least hear why she didn't write. Obviously I'm jealous of the guy, can't deny that, but it goes beyond that. I generally feel that she should be sensitive to my sensitivity to the situation and have tried to write everyday, or apologize for not, which by the way, she didn't when she skipped a day. Am I being a baby? overreacting? Or is this somewhat justified? Past similar experiences anyone?

 

I don't want to make her mad by getting bothered by something that on the surface can seem really trivial, but those emails were really important to me, they're our only contact right now.

 

Any comments would be great.

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

If she said she would write everyday, unless there is a very important reason why she did not, I wouldn't go ballistic but I would ask her why she didn't keep her promise. There's probably a pretty good reason...most likely she was just way too busy having fun to think about Email...and you can hardly blame her.

 

I also don't feel that, as a practical matter, it is proper for a female to have this close of a male "buddy." She certainly shouldn't forsake any of her friends but I would not feel good having my lady travel a great distance to visit one of her guy friends.

 

There's no point in getting all upset about this. She's a free person and she'll do whatever she wants. These days, people promise to do things all the time but don't. If you plan to get serious with this gal, you may as well understand that she's going to do what she wants...including continuing her friendship with this guy.

 

And I wouldn't be so sure there isn't just a trickle of flame on her part as well as his. Some ladies just like to nurture a reserve when they're in a relationship just in case things don't work out.

 

I think in most cases, females know just how to manage opposte sex platonic friendships. But your girlfriend's has gone a bit too far, in my opinion.

 

The only thing you can do is...if you don't like it...move on.