How to distinguish a recluse from an agoraphobic

[XNemesisX]

So I ended up staying up all night tonight because I have some strange sleeping patterns lately. I saw an old episode of Larry King Live with Macauley Culkin. Culkin was saying that he had battled agoraphobia and he figured out he had a problem because he was never going out at all. He said he would sit in his apartment alone day after day. So, he got a dog to help him get out. Larry King was saying "well do you know what a recluse is?" or something like that.

 

Now it has me thinking. Ever since my breakup last November it takes an act of God to get me to leave my apartment. Slowly but surely, I rarely go anywhere now. I also live alone, in an apartment, and I also got a dog to help me get out of my apartment (looks like me and Macauley have some similarities).

 

In fact, I would say I may have undergone a complete personality change since my break up. My friends all say that they don't like the "new Brooke" and that I'm becoming more and more isolated. I used to be EXTREMELY outgoing and energetic and sociable and now it looks like I am gradually becoming the complete opposite.

 

I should know exactly how to diagnose agoraphobia, I have a BS in psych for crying out loud, but we never really studied this much in any of the classes I took. Am I becoming an agoraphobic? Sometimes I feel extreme anxiety if I know I have to go out in public. Or, once I go out I just can't wait to get back to my apartment alone

 

this is so not like me. Do you think this is just depression, agoraphobia, or am I becoming a recluse?

 

I don't want to be a hermit! I know my neighbors talk about me too because I NEVER leave my apartment unless I have no choice these days. I'm also really low energy and I sleep sometimes 20 hours a day. HELP! I want to go back to the old me.

[moimeme]

Go talk to your doc. He's much better positioned to diagnose you properly than strangers on a board are. I'm betting on depression because of the sleeping, etc. but you also could have something physical going on.

[XNemesisX]

I have been diagnosed with MDD and I do take medication. I haven't been to great at taking it like I should lately though. The antidepressants I take haven't seemed to do any good at giving me more energy, giving me an appetite, or getting me to get out of my apartment. I guess I should go back to my doctor. I take 150mg a day of Effexor. It's not really helped me. I thought it was working for a little while, but nope. I feel like I am worse now than before I even started taking it.

 

I feel like I am really going downhill and I have no idea what to do about it.

[XNemesisX]

Also, I have a feeling that if I went back to my doctor and told her that I'm still not eating like I should, and still not getting energy then all she will do is raise my dosage up even higher. 150mg a day is already a really high dosage. Wonder what they would do for agoraphobia anyway...

 

Oh...and people are noticing this a LOT. My parents are too. They are begging me right now to move back home so someone can help "take care of me." it makes me feel like the biggest loser that everyone looks at me like I can't take care of myself properly. I also have a friend who has asked me if I want her to move in with me. (I live in a large 2 bedroom apartment, way more room than I need really..) and I start stressing out at the idea of anyone living with me or with me living wtih other people - even my family. Is this normal at all? I just want to be alone about 99% of the time now...

 

When I visit my family its like I can't wait to get out of there and come back here and be alone. I also can't stand it when people come over anymore, especially when they say it is to "check on me." At first, I thought it was sweet when people did this but now it just pisses me off and I stopped answering the door. For example, one of my friends (bless her heart I do love her to death) comes in and immediately starts straightening up my place and brings food with her for me and makes sure I eat it. Also, she makes these horrible faces when she walks in and sees the place. She will say things like, "OMG Brooke you used to be such a neat freak what the f--- happened here? I can't even walk through the garbage. "

 

I'm embarrassed for people to see how I'm living now and it makes me want to isolate myself even more. Can anyone at all relate to this?!?!?!!?

[XNemesisX]

Ok, I just took this test and got these results. I hope this is for entertainment purposes only because I really don't see how I could have this high of ratings on this junk.

 

 

Disorder | Rating

Paranoid: Moderate

Schizoid: Moderate

Schizotypal: High

Antisocial: Low

Borderline: Very High

Histrionic: Low

Narcissistic: Low

Avoidant: Moderate

Dependent: Very High

Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

 

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

[bleary]

Originally posted by XNemesisX

I take 150mg a day of Effexor. It's not really helped me. I thought it was working for a little while, but nope. I feel like I am worse now than before I even started taking it.

 

 

I don't know why doctors are so intent on prescribing that s*** to everyone. I was on only 75mg per day and it still caused me all sorts of problems. Although it eased the depression, I'd often get days when I had a continuous feeling of intense dizziness and tiredness (I ended up getting fired from my job because of mistakes I made on those days). I came off it, contrary to my doctor's instructions, because I didn't want it to wreck my life any more than it had done already. I'd say it took about 2 months before the horrific withdrawal symptoms stopped. I'm willing to bet that the times you're sleeping up to 20 hours a day are times when you've delayed taking the Effexor.

 

I certainly found it wasn't worth the slight improvement in mood it caused when I was on it. I take good old St Johns Wort now, and am doing much better. The depression was situational rather than organic anyway - but doctors seem happy to just throw out pills like their M&Ms. Always have done, I suppose (wasn't valium the "mother's little helper" of the 70s?).

[faux]

A recluse is a person who chooses to isolate himself from society, for whatever reasons. An agoraphobic is a recluse who uses a mental disorder to justify his strange behavior, putting forth the idea that he has a problem of some sort.

 

Do you experience severe anxiety when you have to go outside? If not, stop worrying.

 

Don't diagnose yourself; that is silly. Don't take online tests to diagnose yourself; that is silly.

 

Just try getting out more. Go for walks or something. That, or go pay a lot of money for a diagnosis. You can get diagnosed for anything you want these days, usually.

[blind_otter]

Try talk therapy. Helps more. Actually talk therapy in combination with medication therapy is MUCH more effective than popping pills.

 

Maybe you are in flux. People change. What would be more indicative of mental illness is if you were static. Also a huge component of mental illness, as you probably know, is a lack of INSIGHT into their personal issues of difficulty. If you can sit there and identify exactly what your issues are, more likely than not you are simply going through a period of situational depression. That's not really something that, as you know, can be treated by drugs. It passes with time.

 

You can't medicate the process of dealing with a loss, and breakups from longterm relationships, however emotionally sick those relationships were, is dealing with a loss. Allow yourself room to grieve. It takes time.

 

hugs

[BrotherAaron]

If you were staying inside because you had a disorder, you'd be justifying your choice and not arguing with it. It doesn't sound like you want to be locked in your apartment 24/7, so you need a plan to get yourself out.

[moimeme]

If you are not eating properly or taking proper care of yourself, you are exacerbating your problems. You deserve better treatment than that. Whatever's wrong will only get worse as you compound it by failing to eat or take care of yourself.

 

You're probably throwing your chemistry totally off balance. It's not the fault of the drugs, nor it a flaw, but it is highly unwise to neglect your own nutrition. Number one is to be sure you eat enough of the right foods every single day. Number two is to get yourself outside for a walk around the block every single day. Sunshine and fresh air do people a world of good and any exercise increases the blood flow and oxygen to the brain. The more you sit in, don't move, and take poor care of yourself, the deeper into the pit you'll fall.

[Merin]

Brooke..

 

Don't be to afraid to tell your Doctor whats going on with you... IF for any reason you do feel that way then find another Doc you feel comfortable with..

 

I wonder if in your last relationship you were or felt dependant so to speak on your BF.. the reason I ask is this... When I was married My EXH was controlling in a passive/aggressive way... he did things that seemed "Nice" or that he was just being a "Good Guy" but in reality he was making me dependant on him.

 

When I went to work he drove me.. because I didn't have a car... he drove me and picked me up... although the car we had was suppose to be OURS.. when he went to work he didn't want me to take him or pick him up instead I was left isolated without a means to go anywhere while he worked...

 

He also made all appointments and schedules.. this included hair appointments and doctors appointments... AND he insisted on coming to all of them.. he actually got into an argument with my Doc when he picked up my medical record and started reading it without asking me or the Doc if that was okay...

 

He filled up the gas tank to the car... If I went to the grocery store he knew how much gasoline approx I should have used and if I had used more he questioned where else I had gone...

 

After I divorced him and during our seperation I was terrified to do the smallest of things on my own for awhile.. like getting gasoline or making a appointment... I know that sounds stupid, but for real it was scary for me.

 

Again I don't know the details of your relationship...

 

Talk to your Doc honey...

[Weird]

damn...sorry you are different than you were and want to go back to that.

 

I used to be a lot more social and stuff when I was a teenager (I'm 26.5 right now) but over the years I have just become less and less into being out in public and around people. I don't have an anxiety issue with it although I don't feel all that comfortable if I am out in a store or place and it is busy....too many people invading my space.

 

The main reason why I don't like being out and about in social areas is cuz I basically don't like people as a whole and as more time goes by the dumber I think people are getting. I think what opened my eyes to the stupidity of the world is when I started working and got to see how people are (I work in the investment industry so I see how people react when it comes to money and also their general intelligence) on a daily basis....I went from being naive and thinking people in general were intelligent to realizing 90% of humans out there are flat out dumb and most of the other 10% are not that intelligent as well.

 

As it is now I enjoy staying at home (I live with my bro and also my best friend who is like my brother) and just relaxing and I do enjoy when I can be alone here. I do enjoy some outdoor activities like boating and playing football and stuff like that but all in all, relaxing in my home is far better than being "out & about" around inconsiderate and stupid people. hehe

 

Not that you will take me up on it or that you would be interested but if you ever just wanna chat with someone online and vent feel free to PM me or whatever...I promise I am not depressing and stuff and I won't make you feel worse.

 

I doubt you are agoraphobic. You probably just are jaded about things (I dont know the specifics of your Nov breakup but I'd guess it hit you hard) and that has left you depressed and as stated above me are compounding the problem by not eating properly and stuff which messes up the chemical balance. Also like moimeme said, you need to get some exercise going so walks would do wonders.

 

I hope you start to feel better soon and if I could snap my fingers to make you feel better I would do it in a second.

[XNemesisX]

Thanks so much all of you for replying

 

Blind Otter~

You can't medicate the process of dealing with a loss, and breakups from longterm relationships, however emotionally sick those relationships were, is dealing with a loss. Allow yourself room to grieve. It takes time.

 

I think you are right. The fact that the meds are not doing a whole lot for me, do you think this could mean my depression is simply situational and not really a biological problem? I feel like I am taking SO long to get over this. I mean, my break up was 6 months ago and it still feels like it was yesterday. It really is affecting my everyday life. I think I know what my problems are and what I need to do to fix them but it is still hard. Even the most simple every day tasks exhaust me. Going to Wal-Mart to buy groceries will leave me wanting to take a nap when I come home. It's kind of ridiculous. I did try to get my doc to prescribe me Ritalin or some sort of strictly stimulant medication but she said no. I know this sounds terrible, but the only times that I feel "normal" now is the few times over the past 6 months that I have been able to buy some cocaine so I'm pretty sure a stimulant Rx could help me. Do you think this might be a better solution than the antideps? I don't think I could hold down a job the way I am right now and it's sickening me. I feel useless right now.

 

Merin~

 

Yes, I have often times wondered about this. My ex did do a lot of things to "take care of me" I guess. Not to the extreme that your ex did, but it was so nice to have that social support. I feel like I don't have any real support now, or not the kind that I want. I mean, I have plenty of friends but it's just not the same as a relationship. I wonder if I don't like going out at all now because when I am out with people all I can think of is how much fun I would be having if I was with my ex. It's so stupid! I don't know how to stop this thinking! I think that now I don't feel so accepted, or validated even. My ex was very abusive and controlling, and I hated it at the time but now I feel like I am not special at all because no one cares about me like he did. I know it sounds crazy but he made me feel special even though he was terribly emotionally/physically abusive and controlling. On the bright side, he did ask me how I was, wanted to know all about my life...at least up until the end. I could vent my frustrations and stress to him and now I don't have anyone to talk to about how I'm feeling. Or well I do, but I don't want to sound like a whiner to everybody and I'm sure nobody wants to hear about my stress and problems when they have problems of their own to deal with. This is so hard for me to be alone but I refuse to get in another relationship because nobody is him! Please tell me this won't last much longer!!!

 

Weird~

 

I have noticed that as I have gotten older I don't feel like going out in the sense of clubbing, partying, and things like that. But now I can't even stand to go out to a restaurant or to the mall or stores, or anything! It's becoming so extreme. Maybe this is just me changing as I get older, I don't know. I don't feel terribly anxious when I'm out in public but I do feel like I will literally croak if I don't get back to my apartment asap. Also, it's embarrassing because of how disoriented I feel these days. I get nervous and embarrassed when I see someone I know out because when they talk to me sometimes its hard for me to concentrate or act normal even. I just feel like I am so disoriented that people think I am high (and yes, some of my friends have also thought that I smoke weed a lot because of how I act sometimes, but I really haven't...it's just how I am now!) I hate it. I'm glad you understand how I feel, it means a lot. I have been starting to think that I am literally going crazy or something.

 

Faux & Moi~

 

I got a dog to help me get out..to force me to get out. I know you have seen my other thread about my puppy, moi but if you haven't faux...my mother won't give me my puppy back right now. Should I tell her that I NEED that dog to help me get out? She can be incredibly selfish...

 

[XNemesisX]

Also, do you all think I don't like to go out in public because literally everywhere I go are places that me and my ex used to go together? Even wal-mart brings back memories for crying out loud. Maybe I am subconsciously just not wanting to go to those places because I used to go everywhere with him? The last time I went somewhere was to this Chinese restaurant a few days ago. I ate alone. The workers in there recognized me when I walked in and took me straight to the table that me and my ex used to ALWAYS want. We ate at this Chinese restaurant so much that they all knew us there and knew just where we liked to sit. Needless to say, I left the place bawling my eyes out.

[lindya]

Originally posted by XNemesisX

Also, do you all think I don't like to go out in public because literally everywhere I go are places that me and my ex used to go together?

 

That could well be. After I split up from my ex, it was months before I could see a couple canoodling on the metro and not feel like bursting into tears. I would drift around town, lip wobbling as I encountered old romantic haunts - and generally feeling like some embittered, ancient old ghost of a spinster who lost her one true love in the first world war.

 

Now you're trained in psychology, so you know the stuff you need to do. It's a question of putting it into practice - and that's the difficult bit. A famous old man (can't remember who) said something along the lines of "the only real purpose in going out is so that you can return home and appreciate the luxury of solitude." Even if going out just now is only about shopping for little luxury items that make your safe haven an even nicer place to be, it's a start. Or going out to buy some fancy cooking ingredients. Then you can branch out and invite friends round for something to eat. Take it slow. Keep off the cocaine too. It might make you feel more bubbly for a while, but it doesn't sound as if your current state is conducive to taking drugs on a purely recreational basis.

 

Good luck. Keep posting - and don't worry about off-loading. Last time I looked, that's what this site is for. x

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by XNemesisX

Also, do you all think I don't like to go out in public because literally everywhere I go are places that me and my ex used to go together? Even wal-mart brings back memories for crying out loud. Maybe I am subconsciously just not wanting to go to those places because I used to go everywhere with him? The last time I went somewhere was to this Chinese restaurant a few days ago. I ate alone. The workers in there recognized me when I walked in and took me straight to the table that me and my ex used to ALWAYS want. We ate at this Chinese restaurant so much that they all knew us there and knew just where we liked to sit. Needless to say, I left the place bawling my eyes out.

 

Yes.

 

I don't think stimulant medications are the answer, either. It just takes plain old time, and the length of the grieving process varies depending on a lot of factors. Attachment, circumstances of breakup, pre-existing relationship issues, self-esteem issues. When I miscarried my first baby, I grieved for literally over a YEAR, and I was only pregnant 11 weeks. After my second miscarriage my grieving process was much more abbreviated, and I was 13 1/2 weeks along, and actually delivered the fetus and went through labor, which was much more traumatic. So there's no telling.

 

A change of scenery, a vacation, time away from the places that remind you of the relationship, might be just what the doctor ordered.

[tokyo]

I thought agoraphobia is a mental problem that forces people to stay at home (I find it a bit arrogante to say that it's an excuse that people impose on others), while a recluse is simply someone who enjoys solitude?

 

I think this is a phase and it will pass. 6 months is not that much and everybody should take the time that he needs to heal. Your difficulties to get over the break up are very likely related to your childhood and it's just a symptom of something much deeper. It's not only about the end of a relationship, but about your insecurities and about your mother who wasn't able to give you the feeling that there was someone whom you could trust and who cared for you. With all this abuse it's no wonder you feel so low now.

 

You might also consider another doctor about your medication to see if it's really necessary. I have no clue about the treatments of depression, but I'd always try to avoid medication as much as possible. Also the side effects of your medication that you mentioned in another post are scary. Didn't you say you were not even sure if this was a situational or organic depression? Well, I'd change my doctor and ask him for alternative therapies. I think I'm starting to sound like the esoteric guru on this message board, but I've heard that yoga and meditation really helps people.

[ConfusedInOC]

Agoraphobics fear the outside.

Recluses don't fear it, they just don't LIKE to socialize.

[glow2]

XNemesisX...listen to me.

 

You've hit rock-bottom.

 

I know about major depression and agoraphobia.

 

Mental health authorities are often called in to intervene by concerned friends/relatives...and what they see when they go to the sick person's home is your exact scenario...and they usually hospitalize the person. This is what is going to happen to you...UNLESS you get out and see a doctor pronto! and I mean TODAY.

 

Your condition is serious, and not something that anyone on a message board can help you with.