After one year seperated do know

[DRB76]

I been seperated for a year now and I feel in limbo. A year ago I got a really bad urgument with my husband and I ask him to leave. I never thougth he was actually was going to leave me. I met him on a on dating site, we dated for a year and then got married, this was his second marriage for him and mine too, my first husbsnd pass away a few year back. Well after one year of dating we decided to get married, four months after we got married I was diagnosed with Cancer. I had surgery and started chemotherapy and from there on everything went down hill. I was not the same person he married, chemotherapy made me so tired and my mood swings were everywhere. Four months after been dignosed he left me, that was so hard on me. The urgument that we had when I ask him to leave was because he did not came home the night before and when he got home I was so upset. Well after he left we will still talk to each other daily and I thougth every was heading toward a reconcilliation, but just two months ago everything change. He started to become distant, he would not answer my call or text only when he wanted to see me. It was when I decided that I was tired of waiting for him to decided if he wanted to come back. I decided to have no contact with him and actually I felt much better, I did not had the enxity any more. But just two weeks ago I decided to sell my home and move to another state and start the divorce. He found out I was planning to travel out of state to see what kind of opportunities I would have if I move. That same night he found out this he was texting me like crazy and calling me. When I decided to answer to take his call he ask me we needed to talk and I thougth he wanted to talk about the marriage. I agree to see him and when I brought up the relationship he got mad, he was mad because I am planning to move after the divorce. I ask him why he was upset and he say that he was planning to try to work our relationship ship after the divorce, I say WHAT. I am now confuse why would he wants to work on our relationship after the divorce. I told him that I was going give him space and by the end of the month I was planning to file for a divorce. I do love my husband, but after one year of us been seperated and me been trying I just feel drain. Sometime I ask myself why do I want him back if he was not with me when I needed him the most. I went through surgeries, numerous hospital staying and do not forget chemotherapy that there were days where I could not even get up from bed to the bathroom without help. This year I went through hell fighting for my life and in top of that trying to save my marriage. At this point I am so tired trying. I am currently Cancer free and I just want to enjoy this second chance that God has giving me. I guess my question here is if I should go ahead with the divorce and forget about this chapter of my life.

[Mr. Lucky]

I guess my question here is if I should go ahead with the divorce and forget about this chapter of my life.

 

As opposed to staying with a man who deserted you in your hour of need and thinks he can salvage your relationship by divorcing you :eek:???

 

Yes, you should move ahead with out him...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sandylee1]

First of all I'd like to say well done on beating cancer. Having had two close relatives with cancer , I know how bad the side effects from chemo can be. To deal with this on your own, you are a very strong woman.

 

I suggest you carry on with your plans to divorce and move away. No decent husband would abandon you when you were so ill, at least not without one hell of an explanation. In 'sickness and in health' clearly means NOTHING to him and he doesn't deserve a second chance.

 

What use is a husband that can't support his wife in her time of need......You've kicked cancer, so don't let him back in your life talking about reconciliation after divorce...What happens if you get ill again? Of course he'll run off, but much quicker next time.

[Yasuandio]

I thought I stated to another poster yesterday that having a baby outside the marriage was probably THE WORST messed-up thing a husband could do.

 

I have now revised my opinion. Your husband leaving you when you had this terrible, debilitating (and frightening) illness, is absolutely heartless - completely unforgivable. He would leave you again at any moment of discomfort - he is a selfish ______. I'm sorry, I gotta call it as I see it - that is who I am.

 

I spent most of my life with a person like this. He didn't even follow the ambulance to the hospital, when I severely panicked, with chest pressure - that led me to a week in the Cardiac Unit. He showed up 2 days later. However, he was not there, like other families, when I had the tube shoved up my inner thigh, into my heart. The waiting room was empty when the doctor asked for family after she completed her procedure on me.

 

My case is no where near as severe as yours - but I get it. And that was my sign that he will never be there for me. And I was his gentle caregiver and outstanding wife all those years and asked nothing in return - AND GOT NOTHING.

 

You are a strong woman to have gotten through this cancer - and beat it. You do not need him. Cut your losses. It takes awhile, but the day comes when you realize you are MUCH better off without such a person in your life.

 

These are the type off people that can actually have a role in bringing on a person's illness. I never had high blood pressure in my entire life - very low in fact. And it is not in my family history. Yet, without an enormous amount of BP med, my Blood Pressure ran as high as 180/100, when I lived with him. It is better now - but I must be on BP med the rest of my life.

 

Stay smart. Yas

[Apaige]

I been seperated for a year now and I feel in limbo. A year ago I got a really bad urgument with my husband and I ask him to leave. I never thougth he was actually was going to leave me. I met him on a on dating site, we dated for a year and then got married, this was his second marriage for him and mine too, my first husbsnd pass away a few year back. Well after one year of dating we decided to get married, four months after we got married I was diagnosed with Cancer. I had surgery and started chemotherapy and from there on everything went down hill. I was not the same person he married, chemotherapy made me so tired and my mood swings were everywhere. Four months after been dignosed he left me, that was so hard on me. The urgument that we had when I ask him to leave was because he did not came home the night before and when he got home I was so upset. Well after he left we will still talk to each other daily and I thougth every was heading toward a reconcilliation, but just two months ago everything change. He started to become distant, he would not answer my call or text only when he wanted to see me. It was when I decided that I was tired of waiting for him to decided if he wanted to come back. I decided to have no contact with him and actually I felt much better, I did not had the enxity any more. But just two weeks ago I decided to sell my home and move to another state and start the divorce. He found out I was planning to travel out of state to see what kind of opportunities I would have if I move. That same night he found out this he was texting me like crazy and calling me. When I decided to answer to take his call he ask me we needed to talk and I thougth he wanted to talk about the marriage. I agree to see him and when I brought up the relationship he got mad, he was mad because I am planning to move after the divorce. I ask him why he was upset and he say that he was planning to try to work our relationship ship after the divorce, I say WHAT. I am now confuse why would he wants to work on our relationship after the divorce. I told him that I was going give him space and by the end of the month I was planning to file for a divorce. I do love my husband, but after one year of us been seperated and me been trying I just feel drain. Sometime I ask myself why do I want him back if he was not with me when I needed him the most. I went through surgeries, numerous hospital staying and do not forget chemotherapy that there were days where I could not even get up from bed to the bathroom without help. This year I went through hell fighting for my life and in top of that trying to save my marriage. At this point I am so tired trying. I am currently Cancer free and I just want to enjoy this second chance that God has giving me. I guess my question here is if I should go ahead with the divorce and forget about this chapter of my life.

 

My Ex left me one month after my mother died of cancer... She was diagnosed on 10/28/11, and died just 1.5 months later. In that 1.5 months he did nothing but fight me on everything. Basically, he did not support me AT ALL...He moved out that January...and filed for divorce from me in April (on my bday mind you)...He did not support me in any way, and for that I allowed (after 13 year of marriage-and two children later) him to go ahead with the divorce proceedings. I figured if he couldn't support me in my most absolute time of need he never would...It was time. Good luck...You need someone that is going to be supportive with everything; little things and big life altering things alike.