spiderowl Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 (edited) I've got a friend - not a close friend - who was with a guy who beat her up. His beating was more than lashing out in anger, it was sadistic, with burns involved. He ended up in jail for some time. She got her life back together and moved to a safer place. But I know she was still in love with him (hard to understand I know). I was very worried about her before he was in jail. Now he's out again. I'm 95% sure she has been in touch with him again and that he's back in her life. She seems to have changed as a result. She is not complaining though and appears happy, but then she never did complain, almost accepting injuries as par for the course and giving excuses as to how she got them. The problem is that I feel sure this guy is going to kill her. It might sound dramatic but I can see that this is more than someone who can't control their temper. There is more to it. Sadism is involved. She might even be into that, though I can't believe someone would deliberately put themselves through everything she's been through. She's always been in a denial from the start of this relationship. Others have been supportive in helping her to get somewhere safe and move and so on. Now, she seems to have chosen to throw her life into chaos again. What can anyone do in this situation. Has anyone known or experienced anything like this? To most normal people, this kind of risk-taking would not make sense at all. Edited July 5, 2015 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 What's her support structure like - friends, family, institutions, etc.? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 I don't know as we are more of acquaintance type friends. People did help her to move and she seems to have people text her and phone and things. I should think they despair in this situation after the trouble they've gone to to help her. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Well if you knew her better you could approach those with some ability to intervene with your concerns, but absent that there's not a lot you can do, and it may have to just be one of those can't-save-the-world moments. Unfortunately ppl are free to ruin themselves in this life. I have had this happen incidentally, but with ppl I was reasonably close to.. I um handled it 'my way,' lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Thanks Jen, it is really difficult. If someone wanted help to get out it would be one thing but this is twice (that I know of) that she's put herself in harm's way. I don't think he is coercing her into this. I have to conclude that she's besotted with him and prefers to remain in denial or that there is some compulsion of some sort. The only other possibility that makes sense is that she enjoys this at some level. I find this all hard to comprehend but you only need to read these forums to see that some people enjoy pain. If I don't see her, I'm worried. I feel guilty that I'm not helping but honestly I don't think she wants help to get away from him. I'm beginning to realise I know nothing about this person who I have often talked to socially and who seems very nice. We haven't talked too personally. I do know she's moved around a lot. If an intelligent person is capable of going back into this kind of situation wilfully, what else has been going on in their past? I feel as if I should be doing something. If I don't see her at the usual places I wonder if she's still alive. I am seriously concerned. Whenever I see her and talk to her, she seems smiling and happy, if rather ditsy. It's as if she's on drugs! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 There is a lot of dysfunction in the world, with a wide variety of causes and explanations, and much of it utterly perplexing I agree. So yeah, it's entirely possible she feeds off of her own brand in some unhealthy way. Maybe next time you see her just 'confront' her w/your concerns? You'd have to be prepared for her to turn her back on you in reaction, but personally I'd feel better that way from at least trying to do something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Let her know she can reach out to you if she needs help. Be prepared to contact the authorities if you see abuse or serious signs of abuse. I'm not sure there's much else you can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) Let her know she can reach out to you if she needs help. Be prepared to contact the authorities if you see abuse or serious signs of abuse. I'm not sure there's much else you can do. I have already done this MidKnight and she has my number. I have said I am concerned about her. I believe she knows why I gave her my number and she did write it down without comment. I have thought about contacting authorities, but what authorities? It's not like she's a child who needs taking into social services care. If she has put herself back into this situation, my interference is not going to be appreciated by anyone - her or the authorities. I really think she is risking her life. Edited July 6, 2015 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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